Estranged daughter and my will

Just use the money and have a fantastic time, it's yours... Do your bucket list... Be happy

Hilltop

So with much regret I'm leaving him out

I don’t blame you. 🙂

So with much regret I'm leaving him out

VioletSky

"There is no stress like being estranged except bereavement"

It's been said twice now

Others disagree

Mourning the childhood every child should be entitled too and walking away from the person you are programmed to love despite their toxic behaviour is also incredibly hard

It is not a competition, stress is stress, pain is pain

It would be a shame to go in circles again really

My late husband made a Will and then changed it. He didn’t believe in rewarding bad behaviour, and his ACs got nothing.

I agree with him, and will do the same, if the situation arises.

Inheritances are a gift - not a right. 🙂

I believe my DIL to be responsible for my estrangement from my ES. I do not want her to benefit from money l would have left to my ES. Some of it may then end up with her children who l don't even know.

I agree with Bluebelle. In your situation I would help the younger daughter now if you are in a position to do that. Don't think I would leave one AC out of my will . The repercussions after your death will not be nice - although you won't be around to see the fall out!! We are all different and have no idea about why the estrangement happened, so not really in a position to judge. I am just thankful I am not in your situation, but if I were I imagine my will would recognize my AC equally.

VioletSky

Glad people have been able to agree on that

It's so disheartening to see comments where people believe their pain above others

The worst thing someone has experienced is simply the worst thing they have experienced and that really is that

I think most had agreed, and I haven’t seen comments where anyone thought their pain was worse.

As I said, I’ve been through various things, and I know where my pain was worse, but I wouldn’t dream of talking for others.

Their pain is theirs.

Unless you’ve been through all scenarios, it’s impossible to say what is worse.🤷‍♀️

Pain is pain.

No one has made comments about their pain being greater than someone else's VS. Where have you seen someone post 'my pain is greater than .......'?

The post you referred to on the previous page isn't doing so. It's comparing the pain of estrangement to the pain of bereavement, not one person's pain in comparison to someone else's.

The worst thing someone has experienced is simply the worse thing they have experienced ... exactly and who has said otherwise?

Glad people have been able to agree on that

It's so disheartening to see comments where people believe their pain above others

The worst thing someone has experienced is simply the worst thing they have experienced and that really is that

Excellent post DL .

It’s always going to be about what the relationships have been like.

Estranging someone who you feel treats you badly, for whatever reason, provides a solution for the estranger. But, often, not for the estranged.

If you’ve got a bad marriage, losing your partner won’t have the same impact as losing the love of your life.

But, it’s impossible to compare - my estrangements were one step removed from me - they weren’t my birth children. I know how it hurt DH, and I was angry on his behalf, but it didn’t have the emotional wallop that parents obviously feel when their own children estrange them. Especially when they don’t really understand the reasoning behind it.

I’ve now estranged my adult step-kids and their adult kids, and it hasn’t caused me any stress. I just didn’t want to deal with them any more.

No one really knows how anything feels until they experience it. All others can do, which happens on here, is to offer support.

it's not a competition no it isn't Iam. Posters are talking about what they have experienced. I have experienced both and said for me, that our estrangement has been the hardest to deal with.

Has anyone posted that their pain and suffering is greater than anyone else who has posted? No, they haven't.

this forum isn't about a race to the bottom, it's about offering support, whatever the pain precisely DL.

mourning the childhood every child should be entitled too and walking away from the person you are programmed to love despite their toxic behaviour is also incredibly hard

I agree Violet, it’s not a competition, estrangement from parents, or from adult children much loved is stress, pain is pain

Well, perhaps it’s about opinions. I had a difficult childhood, to say the least, I’ve done estrangement, but never with my own ACs, so I can’t comment on that. And, I’ve had to estrange a couple of people.

Losing my husband, though, knocked it all into a cocked hat.

I have seriously never known pain like it.

But, this forum isn’t supposed to be about a race to the bottom, it’s about offering support, whatever the pain.🙂

Allsorts

There’s no stress like being estranged except bereavement.

As someone who was estranged for decades I assure you - it was incredibly less stress than having a relationship with my husbands parents. There’s no stress like toxic, abusive , manipulative relationships

"There is no stress like being estranged except bereavement"

It's been said twice now

Others disagree

Mourning the childhood every child should be entitled too and walking away from the person you are programmed to love despite their toxic behaviour is also incredibly hard

It is not a competition, stress is stress, pain is pain

That's my impression too Iam. I certainly haven't seen anyone say in any way, that their experience has been worse than someone else's.

Once you and your sister received your inheritance from your mum Bumface, it was up to you what you did with it.

Bumface

When my mother died (relatively young) I had one child and my brother and sister were both unmarried and childless.

For reasons I never found out, my mother left her money
(it was not a huge amount) to be split 50/50 between me and my sister. To avoid any unpleasantness and resentment from our brother we simply arranged to split the money three ways. As my brother never mentioned this again, let alone felt the need to thank us, I don't know how it affected him.

Were we wrong to go against our mother's wishes?

I actually think that is a lovely thing to do... Sorry it was not acknowledged but still lovely

Iam64

I may have missed something VioletSky. Has someone said their experience was worse than someone else’s?
My impression is of posters acknowledging each others pain

Not in those words

you are welcome to read back, I don't really want to single anyone out

When my mother died (relatively young) I had one child and my brother and sister were both unmarried and childless.

For reasons I never found out, my mother left her money
(it was not a huge amount) to be split 50/50 between me and my sister. To avoid any unpleasantness and resentment from our brother we simply arranged to split the money three ways. As my brother never mentioned this again, let alone felt the need to thank us, I don't know how it affected him.

Were we wrong to go against our mother's wishes?

I may have missed something VioletSky. Has someone said their experience was worse than someone else’s?
My impression is of posters acknowledging each others pain

The issue you and I have Smileless is that the abusive childhood happened first and neither of us know what impact that had on dealing with later relationships/breakdowns

It is besides the point really though, whatever someone's worst experience was, that is what it was. We are all different and for anyone to say in any way that their experience was worse than someone else's is entirely lacking in sense or empathy

I have experienced childhood abuse and being estranged by my son. For me the estrangement has been harder and although we've come a long way, I can't say either of us have recovered from, or even come to terms with our estrangement.

It's a work in progress but I have came to terms with the abuse and thankfully managed to do so some time ago.