Support and friendship For Those Estranged

Morning all

Cooler today

Sorry to hear about your back Smiles Volturo is really good.

I've decided to get rid of my 'journal' taken from my first visit here on GN. It's a folder and a half full of my estrangement journey from the very beginning. It's bigger than 'World & peace', so it's going, along with all the court papers and docs. & emails.

I remember my first post saying; I'm in a black hole of despair I can't read it again, as I don't want to go back to that time where I was suicidal, didn't eat, didn't sleep. It's so big, no one could read through it all, it would take them a whole year to do so. Glad it's going. I am going to keep the b/d & Xmas cards though, they have a short 'note' written inside, updating on family matters and saying how much I love them, so think they are ok to pass on to the GC when they are older.

Allsorts

We battle on getting support from those that understand as they are experiencing it to. Others that don't support I've found best not to read their posts as I feel sometimes they want to just add to our inner feeling of insecurity that raises its head sometimes. We do our best, we must hope our children are well and happy because we don't know. Concentrate on those that do care and if you're lucky other family, realise if course that for some it's their only child. Some people should learn, best to be kind than have to be right.

Agree.
Unlike other forums this is dealing with people trying to heal and hoping to find support and kindness.
Most are vulnerable and feelings run close to the surface.
Obviously opinions are inevitable but should not become a battleground.
I don’t think many come on here to fight their corner, we have been doing that for far too long already.

We battle on getting support from those that understand as they are experiencing it to. Others that don't support I've found best not to read their posts as I feel sometimes they want to just add to our inner feeling of insecurity that raises its head sometimes. We do our best, we must hope our children are well and happy because we don't know. Concentrate on those that do care and if you're lucky other family, realise if course that for some it's their only child. Some people should learn, best to be kind than have to be right.

Good evening everyone.

Well today went very well. I don't know why but we were both dreading it, maybe because so much of our past in terms of our things has gone now, and it still feels surreal to be leaving this amazing house. Only two months since we made the decision and we should be out of here by next weekend.

My back's better than yesterday but still not good so Mr. S. had to finish the supermarket shopping this afternoon as I couldn't walk any further.

I think we often feel potentially under attack Babs because we so often are with as Spring's posted those implied attacks.

As you say DL we just need to bat on^; there's something to said for being ^a tough old trout isn't there .

You’re not the only one Babs - the implied attacks on EPs can be hard, especially when we often beat ourselves up enough anyway. But of course EACs are only speaking of their personal experience with their own EPs. How can they or anyone else possibly know the complexities of others relationships. I’ve always found the maxim to not judge a good one.
Glad the move continues apace Smiles, and hope the back eases fairly quickly. No longer keeping a memory box sounds a good step. We never did. We will leave something to gc in our will though, which I hope will communicate they were not forgotten. Can’t say loved, because is difficult to love those you have never met.
I too love the analogy Onwards - the river flows on regardless, and will always be lovely new and fresh things to discover. We can’t remain stuck, as so many on here have demonstrated. Be brave everyone. E is a big part of our lives, but not all of it.

Babs03

Thanx for kind words, a bit silly really, I can be a bit paranoid when adult children estranged from their parents come on a thread, I just automatically feel potentially under attack. I credit myself with being a tough old trout, able to stand my own ground in any debate, but some wounds run deep. Am still work in progress.

Forums are funny things at times. You get all sorts of people, slinging in responses - some with their own agendas.🙄

From one tough old trout to another - we just need to bat on lol 😉

Hope your back is better smileless, it really can be a bug bear.
Try a plug in massage belt, I got one for Xmas and it really helps x

Thanx for kind words, a bit silly really, I can be a bit paranoid when adult children estranged from their parents come on a thread, I just automatically feel potentially under attack. I credit myself with being a tough old trout, able to stand my own ground in any debate, but some wounds run deep. Am still work in progress.

Morning all,

Yes, Smiles - these threads come and go. I can’t be bothered with most of it. 🙄

Sorry to read of your injured back - not a good time to be hobbling around!💐. You’re probably right to get rid of the memory box, sometimes it’s best to look to the future and let the past go a bit. It’s hard, but if something can’t be changed, there’s no point in continuing to fret and fume over it. I did a massive de-clutter here when DH died, and although I did a lot of sobbing, getting rid of so much of his stuff, I knew it had to be done.

Anyway, other than that, hope everyone has a nice day. 🙂

Morning everyone.

Waiting for the auctioneers to come this morning. My back isn't good so I'll stay in the living room with the dogs and leave it to Mr. S.

I don't know why some seem to have to disparage the EP's on here and create arguments either DL but it is what it is and as you say it's their issue.

We decided not to take the memory box with us Babs. We could have made room for it but there didn't seem any point in keeping hold of it any longer and it felt good being able to let it go.

Babs03

Felt a tad vulnerable today, sometimes is hard to come out from behind defences I have spent years erecting around myself.
On threads today I felt somehow under attack and judged. Nothing specific just a general feeling.
Am a robust debater on every other subject but estrangement hits a very raw nerve and my antenna is ultra sensitive to any poster who seems too aggressive, particularly adult children estranged from their parents.
Might need a break, but will be back.

There can be an ethos on here of disparaging estranged older people, and trying to start nonsensical arguments about nothing.

I don’t know why, but I guess it’s their issue. We all do the best we can. 😉

Forums are what they are, at times. If a subject starts getting aggressive for no reason, I go off and do something else. They can shout at their own toe nails lol 😷 Life’s too short - especially at the moment, it is so hot and horrible down here at the moment.🌞

Hope your move goes without hassle, and you enjoy your new home.💐

Oh no, so sorry about your back Smileless I really hope it's soothed with some painkillers and a rest.

So you're not keeping a memory box for them? I haven't done anything for mine yet.

Well the man who wanted the shed with missing parts has changed his mind but someone else does, so fingers crossed that he turns up this afternoon.

I opened what was the memory chest for our EGC to make sure it's empty, bent down to take out a book left inside and pulled my back. Now I'm hobbling around like an old woman in pain!!! Just what we need.

Aww it's so lovely you have lovely neighbours Smileless and to be like a Mum to someone is rewarding. I never had daughters and would actually love to be "like a Mum" to someone one day.

Glad everything is going so well for you with all your moving!

Wishing everyone a good day. I'm happy it's so much cooler here and I can actually get things done in comfort, not sweating my head off!

That's a great analogy Onward .

Two pieces of good news this morning. Someone came to collect the large packing boxes we don't need yesterday, and asked Mr. S. about the shed.

The supplier has told us they wont collect and Mr. S. explained about this missing parts and he could have it for nothing, so he's going to take it off our hands .

Had a 'phone call from our buyers who want to come on Saturday to take some measurements and told us the damp report is in and there are no issues.

Our lovely girls, our neighbours were a breath of fresh air when we moved here. They brought love and laughter into our lives. Always remembered our birthdays, as we did theirs and even bought us cards and little pressies for mothers and fathers day, knowing that DS in Aus. always forgets and of course we wouldn't get anything from ES.

This year's card from K had on the front 'You're like a mum to me'; made me cry.

K took the news of our move very badly but we'll only be an hour away when she's here and our constant reassurance of our love for her, does seem to be helping.

Her new partner is lovely and it's reassuring for us to know she has her in her life.

They were the daughters we never had and K always will be.

Smileless I hope you will be able to sleep in your new bed ok and not miss the four poster too much.

Sorry for your loss of the dear girl you mentioned. In all our conversations I think this is the first time I've heard you mention her.

It's true, none of us would choose estrangement but it does alter the course of our life as we expected it to be.

Reading your message I had a mental picture of a large river flowing and then a small part not being able to go further because it was blocked, but then being water it continued to flow and went another way but kept moving. I think it's great you're keeping moving on because life does flow and nothing really stays the same, so why should we?

Ignore that, it still makes sense sort of

oops the last paragraph should have been the 5th where I was responding to Babs.

Morning everyone.

So far it's taken us 7.5 weeks and we're almost there Babs and it's been a lot easier in terms of getting rid, then I thought.

What we have kept which is now at the new lodge or been moved to the flat, we are really appreciating. Having such a big house, paintings and ornaments that we had in the basement living room we seldom used were seldom seen. Now they will be on a daily basis.

Once your DH is on a role he'll find it easier I'm sure.

Take a break if you need one . I had that general feeling of being judged and attacked too and TBH this is the only thread where I know it's very unlikely to happen and if it does, it is dealt with and those responsible don't stay.

York is lovely Whiff with the Minster, cobbled pathways and narrow streets like the Shambles. The Castle Museum is good, especially with the reconstructed street with shops. You can step into a cell in the old prison, just make sure you don't get locked in .

Yes Onward, it's really happening and feels like it's really happening. The 4 poster will be dismantled today and I'm hoping that being in a different bed in a different room, wont be too unsettling.

The damp inspection seemed to go well, he said he wouldn't have much to report. He used a small drone to look at the roof and noticed that a tile had slipped, but by going on our dear girl's flat roof Mr. S. was able to put it back.

Yesterday was the first anniversary of our other dear girl's death. It's still hard to believe she's gone. Even now if I see someone small wearing a cap back to front in the town, I momentarily think it's her especially if it's a street she always walked .

I was thinking about her yesterday and how much has changed. Would we be moving if she were still here and our other dear girl was here as much as she used to be? I honestly don't know, but it is different now and we are.

Life is strange isn't it. Something happens which is outside of our control all of our estrangements being a huge one, and when we look back we see that the wheels were set in motion to give us a life we'd never have expected, sometimes in a place we never thought we'd be.

Despite estrangement being openly discussed here on GN for years, there's still a lack of understanding and an inability to accept that not all EP's deserve to be estranged.

Even when a mother/m.i.l./GM posts about a worrying and/or upsetting family situation with an AC or son or d.i.l., there are always some who automatically assume that she is the one at fault, who 'must have done something'.

Felt a tad vulnerable today, sometimes is hard to come out from behind defences I have spent years erecting around myself.
On threads today I felt somehow under attack and judged. Nothing specific just a general feeling.
Am a robust debater on every other subject but estrangement hits a very raw nerve and my antenna is ultra sensitive to any poster who seems too aggressive, particularly adult children estranged from their parents.
Might need a break, but will be back.

Ooh exciting about your holiday Whiff! I hope you have a lovely time there. So true. I only write how I feel and what has happened too. No secrets really. I used to worry he would read, but I'm in a better place now.

It's really happening Smileless ! Excited for you. You're doing so well with the downsizing!

Smileless2012

Morning everyone.

Came back yesterday, can't think of it as home anymore because it's so bare now and will be even worse when the auctioneers have been on Thursday.

Busy week for us, the damp specialist is here at the moment and a charity is coming for a large coffee table. Surveyor for the furniture storage company coming tomorrow to give a price for collecting and storing the furniture and white goods we're giving to my friend's brother.

One more wardrobe and the 4 poster bed to dismantle tomorrow, so tonight will be the last night we'll use our lovely bed. Betty Boop wine holder unscrew from the floor and stabalize.

Lovely large display case/cocktail cabinet to 'destroy' over the weekend so it can be disposed of next week and despite this I am still using coasters to protect the wood!!!

Mr. S. took another car load to the tip yesterday; where does it all come from?

Still hoping to be done by the bank holiday weekend .

All the best.
As you know we will be moving too soon. And we have so much stuff, have already started giving some to charity and listing on gumtree. We will be downsizing so is loads to get rid of.
My husband is a hoarder though so this is so hard for him but he is trying to put a brave face on it.

Morning everyone.

Came back yesterday, can't think of it as home anymore because it's so bare now and will be even worse when the auctioneers have been on Thursday.

Busy week for us, the damp specialist is here at the moment and a charity is coming for a large coffee table. Surveyor for the furniture storage company coming tomorrow to give a price for collecting and storing the furniture and white goods we're giving to my friend's brother.

One more wardrobe and the 4 poster bed to dismantle tomorrow, so tonight will be the last night we'll use our lovely bed. Betty Boop wine holder unscrew from the floor and stabalize.

Lovely large display case/cocktail cabinet to 'destroy' over the weekend so it can be disposed of next week and despite this I am still using coasters to protect the wood!!!

Mr. S. took another car load to the tip yesterday; where does it all come from?

Still hoping to be done by the bank holiday weekend .

OnwardandUpward if my son or daughter in law monitor me online hope they enjoy my ramblings as I am beyond caring anymore what they think. So I will just carry on writing what I want but what I write is the truth and only about things I have experienced myself.

Realised it's 4 weeks tomorrow I go to York for a holiday . Really looking forward to it. Will be phoning to get GP appointment first thing as I want something to sort my swelling legs out . Can't remember if I said on the previous page as I am on mobile site and will loose what I have wrote if I look. My blood test results where on NHS app when I looked Friday night they are double what they should be so decided to phone GP then yesterday had letter asking me to book an appointment.

I am on health unlocked for heart problems and someone explained what the result meant so put my mind at rest . But I don't worry about things until I need to worry. It just so annoying my legs swelling and my weight shoots up when I am still battling to lose more.

Anyway going to have a potter in the garden at least I don't have to weed . Hope you are enjoying the sunshine .

Morning Smileless and everyone.

Yes and they do monitor us online. No one gives my ES info, they just hover online and try to pick up bits, but I don't post much personal stuff.