Support and friendship For Those Estranged

The thread is still active as it hasn’t reached 1000 posts.

Sorry just ignore I had obviously got it wrong. See original post.

I seem to have filled the last spot on the previous support thread.🙂

Morning everyone.

So here we are with another thread for support and friendship for anyone who has experienced the pain and trauma of estrangement, or may be worried that this is going to happen.

I hope you find us here Bluesky. It really does make all the difference knowing that you are not alone and that those who chat too know precisely what you're going through, because we've all experienced it too.

I read this from Kristin Kory the other day and kept it for our new thread, because it says all that needs to be said about the lovely ladies on this thread.

Some people just make you feel better when you are around them. They are like sunshine for your soul and medicine for your mind.

So good to read about your holiday Whiff . It sounds as if you had a great time and weren't you lucky with the weather.

Another lovely morning here and it's looking like a good evening for Mr. S.'s bowls match which after last week's decidedly chilly experiences is a welcome relief.

Good morning.

Cloudy and slightly cooler here, I managed to get sunburnt (again!), yesterday, so am a bit red and sore lol. Serves me right.

That’s a nice expression about other people - some people, unquestionably, improve my life no end.🙂

Sulking and dramas, from others, suck the life out of me.🙄

Getting ready for the American invasion tomorrow - I’m exhausted in advance….🤐

Hope everyone has a good day. x

Morning all, and thank you for your lovely messages on the previous thread.
It’s a lovely day here, am in work so keeps me distracted.

Really struggling at the moment and was considering taking some time out from work but it won’t alter anything.

Hope you all have good days today.

Good morning Bluesky - if you feel up to working, then it’s probably the best thing.

It won’t change anything, but sometimes we all need time out (for various reasons), to look after ourselves.

Have a nice day though.🙂

Hello everyone. Just checking into the new thread. It's five years now that I've been estranged from my son and l think that l still think about him too much. As it was DIL who caused the estrangement l realise l have been seeing him as a victim too.
I suppose he is, if he wanted to stay with her, he had to go along with what she said and did, and start to believe in it. I have always felt sorry for him.
But at last, l am starting to feel differently about it .
Thank you Smileless, Whiff and all who keep this going, and Best Wishes to all who have a need of this thread

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The best thing you can do is keep busy Bluesky, not always easy to summon up the energy but much better if you can. If you decide to take some time away from work, could you book a holiday? A change of scene can really lift one's spirits, even if it's just for a few days.

Is it really 5 years Hilltop?. Sometimes for me it's like it was just yesterday but mostly it feels like a life time ago, but then it feels like it was another life, when we had two sons and now we just have one.

I've reported the spam post.

Pleased to see you are safely home Whiff and that you had a lovely holiday.

I would like to share the following with those grandparents recently estranged or fearing it, Compass, it’s Australian but has heaps of information on all aspects of it, the other a video, Primal Response, this video is from Canada, a Professor has conducted in depth information on the increasing number of Adult children who decide their children will never see grandparents. It’s very common apparently if they as a child witnessed estrangement from a family member or who had suffered parents divorce resulting in not seeing one of the parents as it was in my case as I divorced. I had no choice.
I always felt in my case they were the victims in all of it and did my best.

Bluesky, I think it a good idea to work and keep busy, to focus on something else.
Hilltop, Five years is a long time, at first you hope to reconcile then eventually it dawns it’s not going to happen and you kind of accept it.
Diamond Lil, I remember Joan Collins saying people were like vacuums, they suck the life out of you. Mix with people that enhance life.

Good morning, everyone.

My Son and co are due from the US, at Heathrow later, and I’m so “sad” I’ve been up early tracking the flight lol - and, yes, I know it’s daft.😉

Raining here again - what happened to last week’s weather?

Oh well, I did have a smile on here, yesterday, at someone who was in a hole, but kept digging..😷

Allsorts - yes, constantly negative, dreary people tend to drag the air out of the room. You could be right about parents that divorce when the children are young. I did get a divorce, but both of my ACs were married by then. Their Dad did estrange them for years, but it was about other issues, and it is getting back on track.

But, I also think, and this could be due to more being online, that many people have lost the ability to talk to each other - younger people tend to walk away much more easily than previous generations were inclined to. Sometimes, it’s for valid reasons, sometimes not..

Anyway, have a nice day.💐

Well done Allsorts hope you're OK xx

Posting from the closed thread before I forget what everyone has said

DL well done on marching on, the first year must be very hard for you, perhaps you will turn a corner after your visit from your USA family, it should perk you up, take your mind of the sadness and with meals out maybe you will put on a little weight too.

My neighbour passed away 1yr today His D has been doing his flat up, that is above mine, for the last year, ready to sell, the noise and mess has been bad! They are on the last hurdle, painting the front door and all around the front. Suprise, suprise, they have done mine as well I was so pleased with it, it looks lovely.

Welcome Bluesky so sorry to hear your D has cut you out. 1 year is still in the very painful zone, but also maybe a chance of reconciling. The longer it goes on the harder it will be to reconnect.

Smiles yes, the scares will always remain. Sometimes I go into a zone of thinking about my estD, missing her & wishing she was back with us that loved her so.

Well there will be no BBQ today Smiles my little dog won't even go out for a wee in the garden as it's been raining so heavy! Tried giving his little bottom a push out, but not going.

Whiff I will go back to read about your holiday adventures, hope you had a really good holiday.

Hello Hilltop 5yrs is a long time to not see your DS, so sorry xx

Hi, Yogin - yes, not been the easiest of years, but, as they say, “what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.”😉

Life can be all stress and upset, at times, but I guess we all find a way through it, whatever it is - as so many show on here, with their estrangements. The pain doesn’t go, you just adapt to it.🙂

Afternoon everyone.

Thanks for sharing that information Allsorts. Our ES's wife's parents were consistently estranging family members, especially her mother, and then re engaging with them at a later date. She estranged her own parents, resumed contact and then estranged them again so there was clearly a pattern there, although it never entered our minds that it would eventually include us too.

Yes that was rather amusing wasn't it DL, it made me too. I got caught out this morning with the weather. Had literally just arrived at my singing lesson and the heavens opened. No coat or umbrella and open toe fabric sandals so had to get Mr. S. to pick me up.

Not sad at all, I always track DS's flight if he's coming back from Aus., counting the hours until he arrives but that hasn't happened for a few years now.

Good grief, has it been a year already Yogin . That was so sad wasn't it as well as upsetting for you. I remember his D sending you flowers; such a thoughtful thing to do.

I do that too Yogin but not as often or for as long as I used too which I think is a good thing.

Glad you found the new thread Bluesky .

Choir practice tonight which will include the anthem we're singing at St Peter's Catholic church on Sunday evening. We're already well rehearsed so it should go well.

It's brightening up here now and stopped raining so maybe we've had our share for the day.

Smiles - oh, glad it’s not just me that flaps with long haul flights lol - It is daft, as DH used to point out, they’re probably at more risk on the M25 than with the plane falling out of the sky…still, parental worries know little logic. 🤐

But, they’ve just landed, so I feel more relaxed. It’ll probably take them a while to get through security, as although DS still has his English passport, and can use fast-track, the others obviously don’t.

But, I’m sure they’ll phone when they get to the hotel.🙂

Great news that they've landed safely DL. I'm getting excited for you .

Hello all, thank you for your replies and advice.
I had a chat with my manager yesterday at work and I’m taking some time out. I can’t keep it together and I need to be professional at work. It’s emotionally demanding as well as needing my brain to be able to function and that is not happening.

I know it’s the right thing but feel, well I don’t really know how I feel about taking some time. But I can’t dig myself out of feeling so down.

I’m going to self cert for a week and see how I am after that.

@Yoginimeisje that’s what I worry about. Contact is so limited now.

When she stopped speaking I said that I would continue to message to say morning and night, I feel it’s important to keep that communication open so that if she ever does come back she feels that she can.

Also I still have her pet at my house and when I’m away overnight I message her and she goes and sorts the cat out. That is generally once a week.

FWIW I think you've done the right thing Bluesky. If you feel you can't perform as well as you should be at work, that will only increase your levels of stress and anxiety.

Try not to see this as a failure to cope on your part. Estrangement is both physically and emotionally exhausting so hopefully you'll be able to re charge those batteries to some extent.

But I can't dig myself out of feeling so down please stop trying too, because you can't. Accept that this is how you feel and more importantly that it's OK and perfectly natural to feel this way.

Your D may not be responding, but the fact she continues to receive these messages is a positive. It is as you say important; important that you send the daily messages and important that she hasn't blocked you from doing so.

Take this time to be kind to yourself .

Bluesky - sometimes we just need to indulge in a bit of “self care” - be gentle with yourself, and just try to find some distractions.

Best wishes 💐