Support and friendship For Those Estranged

Wednesday Jaffa

Lovely to hear you had a good holiday with your friend Jaffa.
I wish you the best of luck with your hospital consultation today xx

Jaffa, thoughts are with you. Don’t what to make of your daughter, just concentrate on yourself and those that do care for you. Good Luck tomorrow and of course Whiff.💐

Whiff thank you for your kind thoughts and support at a very difficult time. I am sorry that you have had to deal with your sons unkind actions especially after having been bereaved of your husband.
It's almost like they cannot cope with the enormity of loss and it just spews out in anger. I am sure that my daughter sees me as an inconvenient burden in her life although I have never asked her for any help.
When her husband left her the grand children were tiny,only 2 and 1 year olds. She had a breakdown and as I had just retired I went to her house every day to care for them. Then she recovered and tried new relationships and I often looked after the children when she went away.
Last November my foot went numb and I couldn't drive . She had asked me to have the children for an evening but I couldn't get to her. From then she has been off with me saying I don't support her. Meanwhile the numb foot has progressed to the whole of my right side plus intermittent loss of speech. Hopefully next Wednesday appointment will offer some treatment.
Take care.

Jaffacake just realised it's Wednesday not Tuesday . I have Tuesday on the brian as I have blood tests for my heart that day . 🤦🤦🤦🤦

Jaffacake glad you had a good holiday with your friend from Ireland. The last thing you need is anymore stress in your life. Hope Tuesday at St George's goes well for you and your Irish friend will be going with you for support. What I will say whatever the the out come don't tell your daughter . She has shown she doesn't care.

When my son sent me the email May 2020 dumping me as his mom he knew I was waiting for a bubble echocardiogram as an echocardiogram had shown at problem with me heart. He just didn't care . When I sent their birthday cards his and second sons plus birth presents and card for my new grandson. I had put a friendly letter in with his card telling him they found a hole in my heart. The day after their birthdays everything was sent back unopened and the babies presents crushed like someone had a hissy fit and crushed them . He said he didn't want my vindictive and manipulative behaviour anywhere near him or his family ever again. Zero contact. I have never been vindictive or manipulative in my life.

When I finally had the neurological condition I was born with diagnosised in April 2022. And only because my new neurologist had my whole genome genetically tested. I sent him a text saying I was sending a copy of the report and how to get tested if he wanted to and not to send the letter back unopened. I never had a reply. My children have grown up with a disabled mom . He didn't care to send me a text well at least you know or glad you found out. It showed me even though in his email he said he loved me but didn't like me . It showed me that he didn't love me or cared whether I lived or died.

Since May 2020 only sent him 3 texts the last in the autumn just asking how everyone was I had abuse back so I am done. I will never contact him again and when I do die he will never know as there is no need and anyway my daughter will never tell him .

The 2 grandson's I know where 4 and 2 last time I saw them . They will be 8,6 this year and thier brother is 4 now . They have probably told them I don't care or I am dead. But he had better tell them about his dad as my husband always wanted to be a granddad and it wasn't his choice to die.

You have to put yourself first and concentrate on your health physical and mental. Your daughter has shown she doesn't care . If you contact her she will only hurt you more and that's the last thing you need now. Sorry please don't contact her and if she does contact you and is hateful don't reply if it's a text or if she phones put the phone down . You haven't caused this situation she has and do not deserve to be treated this way. I know how hard it is to let go of hope but for your own piece of mind you have to.

I miss my son very much but the loving caring son I had for 32 years not who he is now he is a stranger. I miss my grandsons even the one I have never meet or know his name. They are innocent in all this . As my son has changed so have I am no longer the mom he knew . But for all the hurt my son has caused its nothing compared to the grief I feel everyday for my husband. And the anger and rage over my fit healthy husband dieing gets me through everyday.

Jaffacake time to put yourself first and no it's not selfish. And it's horrible having to protect yourself from your daughter hurting you is hard and not seeing your grandchildren harder. But your daughter has made her choice. For your own piece of mind and health you have to let go of hope of having a relationship with her.

Hope all goes well on Tuesday and the operation will beable to help you . Once you have all the facts you can decide how you want your life to be.

You mentioned in am earlier post about going to Ireland with your friend to live hopefully I remembered that correctly. Once your health is sort go for it . You need a new life and be with someone who cares about you . 💐

Hi everyone hope you have all enjoyed a week of sunshine. I have just returned from a caravan holiday with my mate from Ireland. It was supposed to be with my daughter and grandchildren but she decided not to come. She had wanted to just send the children but as I am
ill with Neuro problems my friend decided it would be too much for him. Quite disappointed but realistic that I am still having problems with right sided weakness.
It was a relaxing week with plenty of sunshine by the sea. But had an unpleasantly text saying what an unsupportable mother I am. That even though I am ill I should still support her through her anxiety states. Sent me this message when I was in hospital having had mri of brain and spine with neurologist having discussions with surgeon about urgent surgery.
The week away from the situation helped me to reflect and realise how damaging her emotional abuse is for my health. I am very sad at not seeing the children and worry what she has said to them. I don't want them thinking that I have rejected them but am unable to see them without her cooperation.
Next Wednesday I have an appointment with neurosurgeon at St George's hospital to be assessed for further treatment. I won't try contacting her before then because think the stress would be too much for me.

First time I've never had a driveway, but when I saw it had a parking bay in front of my house, I just thought that would be fine

I have the same problem Whiff with my hand brake, can't pull it up hard enough sometimes, so have to keep my foot on the brake too, also loos that have the push button on the walls, they have this in Basildon Sporting Village & takes all my strength to push it.

Yogin have no idea what to say to help you. I had my brother's caravan on my drive for a year apart from the couple of holidays they took. But all the houses in my road had large drives . One neighbour 2 doors up complained but I told him it wasn't blocking anyone as it was on my drive which I owed. But he was a pain in the bum always complaining about everything . But he had 3 cars on his drive 2 which only moved when his grandchildren where home from uni.

When I moved here I wasn't bothered if I had a drive or not as I don't drive . But glad I do as my gardener parks on it and it adds privacy plus my front door is on the drive side of my bungalow.

Hopefully this will make you smile 😊. Wednesday my toilet wasn't flushing properly so called Homserve who I have my heating and plumbing with . Because I was worried incase something was broken been flushing it using jugs of water. Homserve plumber came earlier turns out they is nothing wrong with my loo just me lacking strength to push it down unless I use to hands and hold the buttons down 🤦🤣.

Smiles hope moving is going to plan and Mr S will soon have the parts for his shed.

We had rain overnight but seems even hotter today. Glad I brought a new tower fan on Tuesday much better than my old bladed fan plus this has remote control.

Hope you stay cool today .

Yoga, Have you ever asked him where he would park if he was you and discussed how his actions make you feel. Its no good a note through the letterbox, that might irritate him more than face to face. .You need to be on good terms somehow. You never know when you might need help. This is one reason why I take so long to move, it can be a minefield with flats without a designated parking space, I wish I had answers, the only one I think of is the point Smileless made.

Smiles & Allsorts He doesn't care! His caravan is parked on his driveway, but that leaves a space in front to park his family car or van. He parks one over my property and the other over his. But going away, he parked his van over mine, leaving the space in front of his caravan free, I can't park there as it's his driveway. If he'd been a good considerate neighbour, he would have left the space in front of my property free for me to park, but as I've said he doesn't care
He has clearly done this on purpose!

I would by hook or by crook take that parking space. He has no right to bully you like this, I would knock his door and be polite but firm, tell him how much it impacts your life as you bought your place as your car would be handy and secure. He's using your space for free storage, how is that fair, you are being bullied. Tell him that. Try everything by being nice, if he just brushed me off, I wouldn't care if i upset him or not, he's not a nice person but I would contact the council, my mp, not let it go, tell them you feel helpless and bullied by him.

Have you checked that he's allowed to store his caravan there Yogin? If the parking bay is for any of the residents to use, I very much doubt he can do so.

No Allsorts as although the parking bay is right in front of my house, it is for anyone, not just me, but I am the last person to get a chance of parking there. I wouldn't mind if I got to park there 50% of the time, but I am completely blocked and nothing I can do about it as neighbour isn't breaking the law, just being antisocial and selfish!

How could the council fine you but not him Yoga for doing the same thing. Cant you get the van towed away.

it might be worth checking that he's allowed to keep a caravan permanently on his driveway Yogin. A lot of residential areas don't allow it.

Thanks Smiles & Spring

I did contact the 'highways' and basically, they said nothing can be done, I may drop them another email though.

I did pop the polite note through their letterbox. I'm thinking of saying to him, when I see him, been away on a caravan holiday . They took their dog, so wouldn't surprise me. I'm saying that because I don't know how they got their caravan onto their driveway, or how they will get it off again, it's the entire width & breadth of their driveway

Sorry Yogin. We have annoying neighbours also. Has really opened my eyes to how thoughtless some people can be. Council were useless but other neighbours did form an action group and things markedly better now. I think your son is right though - try not to escalate things between just the 2 of you.

I was going to report it Whiff but saw that you already had.

Can you contact the relevant council department Yogin? Explain the situation and request that they write to him, it's better to let the local authorities to deal with it if you can.

If they less than helpful, plague them with requests until they get so sick of hearing from you, they do something about it. That's what Mr. S. does and he has a very high success rate.

Lovely needle work from your s.i.l Whiff. My mum was very good at all that.

I'm angry this week too Whiff, with my next-door neighbour. He's gone away, went Friday, first time he has since I've moved here. I heard a noise just before midnight, looked out the window, as was afraid someone was pinching my son's motorbike, but it was my neighbour, dog and all, packing into their family car.

Thing is, he has parked his big van in front of my house, leaving his empty! So not only can I not park outside my own house for a change, but on looking out of my window, I see the big van straight ahead & then his great big caravan to my left, so no view of the outside. His caravan hasn't moved in more than 5yrs I'm guessing, such an eye-sore. Initially I was going to stick a note on his windscreen, but my son advised me not to. I've now decided to put a polite note through his door saying please don't park your van over the front of my property whilst you go away, you have an empty space to park over your own. Thank you

Remembering that he got me a parking ticket when I parked over his property [in desperation, after 2 yrs of being blocked by him to park over my own, cos his cars/van was parked there].

I'd like to know what others think and would do, in the same situation.

If anyone reads the latest post I was angry that we have been subjected to that and the thought that someone wants to use us for their own gain is vile.

Even if as she says she is estranged but I don't believe it. We are not to be used as source material . First time I have felt angry for a long time .

I just hope anyone who is newly estranged doesn't read it and is put off asking for support. This is not what the support thread is for . The longevity of this thread shows how much it is still needed and because of it estrangement is no longer a taboo subject .

Just reported the last post.

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Spring and Yogin thank you for the compliment. But as any crafter knows we are our own worst critic . Every member of the craft group is like that . Never 100% happy with what we achieve.

Yogin that's what I loved about moving to my bungalow getting rid of things I had held on to far to long. I love my par downed home . Takes no time to clean and running costs are cheaper.

My sister in law is very talented needle felter .Her is some of her work.

SmilesThat's the down side of living in a lodge; getting rid of all your loved furniture. Are you keeping Betty Boo? But I know, once you're in your new lodge you & Mr.S will be sooo happy & not miss your old furniture at all.