Support and friendship For Those Estranged

Please don't apologise to us Jaffa, you've nothing to apologise for. We're just glad that you can share your thoughts and feelings with us, and that doing so helps you process your feelings.

That meeting with your brother and s.i.l. must have been lovely for you all. I'm so pleased that they accepted your invitation and you had that time together.

I'm not surprised you're finding the situation with your D confusing. All I can suggest is that you have no expectations so when you send her a text, having no response or an unpleasant one although of course upsetting, will be a realistic possibility .

The packing and decluttering is going well and the house is rapidly beginning to feel less 'home like' which is OK, and TBH getting rid of 'stuff' is OK too.

That must have been very hard DL which is why I'm so relieved we're doing this now, and doing it together.

Going around the shops today with my dear friend and I'll buy some new bedding for our new home but that's all .

Have a good day everyone.

I am so confused about my daughter.
I sent her a text last night asking how are the kids any news ?
Her reply was They are fine and loving the euros !! Xxx
Kisses on the end of a text but no asking how I am . What's going on ? Is she just playing mind games with me ?
Meantime I had a visit from my brother and his wife yesterday. I invited them over for lunch. We haven't spoken for 10 years since my mum died and we had a big falling out. Yesterday we all talked for over 6 hours with no reference to the last argument just enjoyed catching up. It was nice. I had reached out to him as I feel that I am on borrowed time and I am not going to live through this illness. Apart from brain surgery there is no alternative treatment . I am being realistic and trying to come to terms that life is ebbing from me,I can feel it happening and feel strangely calm.
Sorry that is probably too much first thing in the morning to read but helps me to process writing down feelings.

Smileless - even decluttering here after DH had died had me in a meltdown at times. The “silliest” time was when I decided to get rid of our old large computer desk, and desktop PC. I didn’t use them, knew I never would, and a neighbour helped me to dispose of them. I came indoors sat down and cried for hours. It felt like the last old-tie with DH had gone. We met online, so many memories.😗

But, I had to try and move it on. I still look over to where it was and “see” DH sitting there.

You’ll be fine, in your new home, making new memories.👍

Hope everyone has a nice day. 🤷‍♀️

Smiles decluttering your home declutters your mind but also brings back memories happy and sad. Best to have a good cry and get it out of your system and you can move on . Sorry about your miscarriage. My mom and dad took them 3 years to get pregnant and mom miscarriaged at 22 weeks and took 5 years to get pregnant with me and then my brother was born 16 months after me and they could never get pregnant again. But up until dementia killed my mom while her body lived on she still wondered if it had been a girl or boy but in 1953 they didn't tell you in fact when my mom asked the doctor she was told no point in knowing you can have another child. Thank goodness things have changed now.

Hope you had a good time with your friend and her brother loved all your things.

Saw my GP yesterday about my legs. Even though I had bloods few weeks ago there wasn't one done just for my heart so she has given me a form to have it done . The nurse who does the blood tests is on maternity leave so booked the first available appointment at the clinic nearest to me for it on the 6th. But as time flies for me it will be soon here. But she is happy with my BP and had a good look at my legs and even though my weight is bugging me it's nothing to worry about. So I just plugging away sticking to my cal allowance and doing my exercises.

Hopefully the sun will come back soon . Went to sit fit in a thin cardigan Monday, yesterday in my big raincoat as it poured down . Raining at the moment.

Take care all.

Spring having your husband will cushion anything your estranged child will say . Hope it resolves things for you and not make things worse. But please don't let them hurt you both anymore. Your estranged child being dropped by best friend doesn't bowed well. Fingers crossed for you both all goes well.

Jaffacake in 2022 I finally found out what my disability was as it's rare and only by having my whole genome genetically tested could it be diagnosed. My daughter doesn't remember how I was before my health got worse in 1988 as she was 4 and son was only 6 months old. When I got the letter from my neurologist confirming what I was born with I gave my daughter a copy and sent my brother one . I text my son to tell him I was sending him a copy of the report and to read it. I had also just put a short letter saying I hoped they were all well and how to get tested if he wanted to. I heard nothing back not even at least you know mom or glad you know. The silence was deafening. But at least he didn't send the letter back opened . It proved my son doesn't care if I live or die. When he first sent the email dumping me in May 2020 he knew I was waiting for a bubble echocardiogram as they found a problem with my heart and that and the follow up letter in August that year proved he doesn't care. No matter what happens with my health he will never know as there is no need nor will he know when I die he has made his feeling known he doesn't give a dam about me.

Please think carefully about letting your daughter know as you probably won't get the response you want . And you are already hurting already don't let her hurt you more.

The ironic thing is friends at craft group are on Instagram I am not and never will be . But my daughter in law is and she has become disabled through arthritis and needs a rolling walker to get about and in one of her many selfies she is wearing a tee shirt that says' big up for the disabled' it should have said 'big up for the disabled but not for my disabled mother in law '. I decided after only the third time I text my son since 2020 if I got silence or abuse I am done. I got abuse so I will never contact him ever again . But holding on to hope I was only hurting myself. As he doesn't care. My husband dieing hurts me far more than what my son has done . So I have let go of any hope of hearing from him ever again. And feel better for making that decision. I still love my son but the son I knew for 32 years not who he is now and will always love my 3 grandson's even though I don't know the name of their youngest.

We all have to reach a point where we have to drawn a line under our relationship with our estranged child or children. It's still early days for you but please tread carefully as you may not get the response you are hoping for.

Yogin glad you have your park friends . It is lovely that you can talk to them about anything and have their support and they have yours.

DiamondLily glad you are enjoying the football can't say I like it much prefer rugby. But my husband was a West Bromwich Albion supporter so where the children. When the Europe's where on before he died I sat in our bedroom reading while they watched. My husband was cricket mad. He even had a radio in his office to listen to matches while working.

Enjoy the final Diamond, watching England at a pub (or bar in `greece) is so good. I’ll be watching on the sofa with That Spaniel. She’s a good sleeper so me jumping up when Saaka scores (in my dreams) won’t disturb her.

Good afternoon, everyone. Hope all are having a nice day.😉

I didn’t go away - mobile phones means no escape lol

But, I sat up all night, watching the election, which I haven’t done for years. I was shattered on `Friday though.

Then, all the stress of the the England match - I had son, in America, and my grandsons, in Devon, on some sort of group thing, and I think we were stressing each other out in the end. But, good result.⚽️🎉

Onto tomorrow evening….😳

If (and it’s a big if!!) , we go through, SIL and I are going to the pub for the final, with friends. DD doesn’t like football, so she’s happy.

Anyway, hope all well. 💐

It is unkindness Jaffa so I would think about not having anyone pass on any information about your health.

If she wants to know anything she can ask and you need to concentrate on your own welfare .

Tried to post earlier - clearly some issues with GN! Thanks Yogin. Really hope it does get easier. Funnily enough my EC was dropped by their best friend some time after the E. Had known all of us throughout school days. Of course don’t know the reason, only that they were once v close.

Unkindness Jaffa

Spring I do hear via my DD what my estD is doing, I can handle it now but when first estranged I ask to not be told or to see any pics. I think, we who have been estranged, do feel more venerable and are hurt easily by others.

A post on FB popped up on my emails, [only time I visit FB] I took a look and it was my estD best friend of many years. She had got married overseas [she lives here, not far from me]. Strange that my estD wasn't in any photos & stranger that she was not chief bridesmaid. I wondered; did she not have enough money to go, was she told by her controlling H she couldn't go, or had they fallen out and no longer friends!

Hi hope everyone has had a good weekend. Lots of rain here so haven't felt brave enough to venture out with poor balance and a numb leg. Maybe tomorrow.
I contacted my daughters friend as wanted to relay medical update to my daughter who is not answering calls to me. I feel that she should know what is happening even if she doesn't care. The friend I have known since her childhood and have helped her through the years. She phoned my daughter and gave her an update on my health. Daughter has said she needs space from me to protect herself ?
I don't know . Mental health problems or unkindness ?

I give up GN went down again and page came up reload.

It's like the lesser of two evils isn't it Spring. It's good that you've talked about it and reached that decision together.

Love the idea of you sitting with your park friends each day Yogi! A good stable point in each day with people you trust. Same with your craft group Whiff. Must be a lot of memories surfacing Smiles, but yet we all know we have to say goodbye to things at some point. I admire your decision to do this proactively, and I really hope the move creates space for new happy memories.
Have wobbled a bit this week. A friend responded rudely on a group WhatsApp. Not the first time she’s done it and others observe this trait in her, but it felt unnecessarily unkind, and made me realise how fragile I am under the surface. Coupled with news of our EC - happy news which I’m pleased about - but nevertheless news and this has unsettled me. OH and I discussed whether is easier to hear things or not. Both decided we want to hear and know they are ok, but it comes at a cost to ourselves bringing up a whole boiling pot of emotions, mainly sadness.
Have a lovely time with your friend Smiles. Good to know some of your things will be appreciated by others.

Oh dear Smiles

Just clicked on 'Top threads' and it sent me to Mumsnet

Quiet day for me & Joey today, hope I don't get blown over by these high winds!

Morning everyone. Just waiting for my friend to arrive, her brother's coming this afternoon.

Busy day yesterday for me baking, washing and ironing and for Mr. S. packing all the crockery ready to go to auction.

It's really strange how the mind works. He was packing a beautiful hand painted Japanese dinner set which originally belonged to my gran so must have been at least 70 years old, and I said it was a shame that we didn't have a D because she may have wanted to keep it.

My mind then went back over 35 years when I had a very early miscarriage, and I said I wonder if that baby would have been a girl before shedding a few tears.

Honestly, this whole moving and downsizing thing really does seem to be messing with my head!!!

My mum used to make Parkin Whiff .

Whiff "It's good to talk" I'm really pleased to have my park friends, we have a really good chat every day, sitting on 2 benches that overlook the lake. Talk about everything & anything, have a good laugh too. Nice to hear you had a good visit from your B&s.i.l, they must put a few lbs on when they visit you Well done to your brother for losing all that weight & improving his health.

Smiles Enjoy your friends visit today.

Parkin not parking . It's one of my craft friends great aunts recipe my friend is in her 80's so you see how old the recipe is. But it needs making 5 days before cutting. It gets lovely and sticky😋.

My brother and sister in law arrived at 11am . Had a surprise as I have said my sister in law has MS and she had a brace round here one shoe which strapped to her calf. But it's the only way she can use that foot. I had to hold back the tears. I knew she had gotten worse as she has to use her wheelchair for going out other than a short walk holding on to my brother. But as always positive as she said it means she has full use of both legs.

I had made an apple cake so they had that and a cuppa before we went to my craft group. They loved my friends and can see why they mean the world to me. As said before we are an odd bunch and in another life would never have meet. Pleased to say had lots of messages from my friends who loved them to. Made lemon marmalade cake for my group . Had made Victoria sandwich but not very happy with it so frozen it and will take it another week but with some biscuits I will make.

I only put pastry on the pie filling in the white enamel dish. I had one portion but they had seconds my brother scrapping the dish clean. They had seconds of the golden syrup steamed sponge and custard and it all went. They stayed until 8pm and had a text they arrived home just after 11pm. Love them both so much but like me since they moved their lives are full and better healthcare. Did make me laugh my sister in law's dad lives with them and now has hearing aids which whistle when the battery needs changing but he can't hear the whistle 🤣. Plus he is forever dropping one or both into the sink . But Specsavers has a special machine to dry them out. They are NHS prescribed just needed a GP referral letter and you can get them from there, no longer having to go too hospital for them.

My brother has lost 8st and down to only 4 types of tablets a day all for his heart. He was told 10 years ago he would need open heart surgery to replace an artery eventually. But recently total his heart is in better condition than it was 5 years ago and wouldn't need surgery. He has permanent AF and 2 stents in his heart. But swims 5 times a week for a hour and walks minium of 10,000 steps a day. Sent them home with rest of the apple cake and 5 jars of my preserves . 3 of them mango chutney which my sister in law's dad loves. I have adopted him as a second dad . Love spending time with him . He's 92 this year.

Seeing my GP Tuesday afternoon about my water retention. And since having shingles in April my skin has gotten very sensitive and a strange mark on my leg appeared just like a oval red rash but everything I have tried it's not gone. Plus going to ask for referral for Specsavers to have my heating tested that way if you do need hearing aids I can get them for free. I know they can't do anything about my left ear as I can hear my heart beat in it thanks to having jaundice in 2017 which was the last time I had my heating checked. But think I had lost some hearing in my right ear . Be the first time I have seen a GP for nearly 3 years as it's just been phone consultations as I didn't need to see them because I knew what I needed and have GPs they know what I am talking about. Funny enough only choose that practice because the bus stops opposite. But I couldn't have chosen a better surgery. If it wasn't for them sending me to see my neurologist and cardiologist still wouldn't know the 2 things I was born with and having treatment for them . The pharmacy I use is on the opposite corner and they deliver my tablets .

Like me my brother doesn't like going back to the black country but only does it because he's children are still there. Otherwise he would never go back. Funny how much moving completely changed our lives for the better.

Yogin I know I am a bad influence if you have caught my waffling on or as I call them ramblings but I am loveable with it 😁 so it's not a bad thing.

I love reading about your life's my husband dieing at 47 all the things we had planned I have never been able to do . But wouldn't do them as it wouldn't be the same .

Need to harvest my chard and kale today and sort out my greenhouse as my tom plants have taken over. My daughter moved the chard and kale out of there and spaced my tom plants out for me .

Took 6 plants to one of my craft friends that 11 I have given her. Mainly cuttings but 3 that won't grow in either my back or front garden my daughter says it's because I get to much sun and they need shade. Another craft friend has asked if she can have some cutting but also have a couple of plants that she can have . And my husband said I had a black thumb🤣.

Have a wonderful time with your friends Smiles and keep Mr S well feed and watered with all his dismantling for furniture for your move .

Bridie sending you virtual goodies. On the food forum there is Whiffs recipes it was started as a joke because I posted a gingerbread and parking recipe on a thread someone asked for recipes . Then ask if I had any more. Next think someone said when can we buy your book on Amazon hence me starting the thread but it's for others to post their recipes as well. I have made them idiot proof so I can do them simply 🤣.

Hope everyone else has a good day and weekend .

I'm drooling Whiff 🍰

Oh Whiff golden syrup steamed sponge and custard, my absolute favourite .

Yogin it's because I am a chatterbox . When I was alone in the house I talked and still do to him out loud I thought if I didn't talk then I would lose my ability to speak nuts I know but it's how I felt at the time. Haven't shut up since.

Jaffacake brilliant news about your appointment. Glad your friend will be going with you. Is this the friend you stayed with in Ireland ? He sounds a tower of strength for you. Think of all the things you want to know about the operation etc and have a list of questions. And what will happen to your body if they offer it to you but don't accept. That way you will beable to make a better informed decision.

I would just go on holiday with your friend . Sounds like your daughter wants a holiday by herself while you have the grandchildren.

I would never go on holiday with my daughter if she asked. As much as I love them all and spending time with them .It wouldn't be fair to them and our ideas of holidays are different. They both work and my son in law has to go away every few weeks for work usually no more than a week. So they need quality family time.

Glad that taxi driver is being prosecuted. He should have his licence taken away.

DiamondLily that's a good suggestion from Allsorts and rest to go away for a few days on your own . I know it will be hard but you need some peace and quiet, some me time . And if you travel by train you can get travel assistance which is brilliant. I couldn't travel without. There are some good deals on fares at the moment.

Smiles glad I could help . You must keep singing as it gives you so much joy. When you are in your new home you can walk along singing to the trees.😊. Have a lovely time with your friend and her brother will be love your things you are giving him. It's exciting for him finding and moving to a new home.

I went to vote just after 7 this morning. Getting excited to seeing my brother and sister in law. My craft friends are looking forward to meeting them. Having golden syrup steamed sponge and custard for pud after the enormous pie.

Anyway better finish cleaning . Have a good day all .

Jaffacake Go on holiday without your GC, you need a rest & peace & quiet. Just got back from a holiday with my DD&GC, it was lovely, but no quiet time!

Great you have your appointment with the surgeon and best of luck with sorting it all out. Let us know xx

Smiles well done on your breathing & singing, true it doesn't have to be yoga, it can be anything that takes your mind of your woes & lifts your spirits, so for you, that's your singing, keep it up.

I know what you mean about getting rid of loved furniture. When I moved from Holland, back to UK, we had a very big house, I wanted all my furniture and it cost me £1,600 to bring it over, that was more than 30yrs ago, so a lot of money then. My dad advised me to get rid of it all and buy second hand when I got back to UK, I thought it would be a comfort to my Children, to see familiar furniture all around them. But looking back I think my dad was right [as always].

With all my moves here, I've still got my large Dutch sideboard and dining table and chairs. The dining table was too big to get in the kitchen and would have taken up too much space in my through lounge leading on to the garden.
I've kept my dining chairs in the kitchen, even though I bought a farmhouse table and chairs for there. My beautiful chairs are getting ruined with my GC having their dinners there, should swap them over. I've tried to nail down my son to help me clear & sort our shed out, where my once beautiful dining table is stored along with the farmhouse chairs.

Dearer me Whiff I'm getting as bad as you with my waffling on