Support and friendship For Those Estranged

Last post here, see you all on the new thread.

You're probably right Babs.

Yet another great thread about to max out at 1000 posts but don't panic, new one is ready and waiting x

@sparkly grandma, pets are so beneficial to a person’s wellbeing. We had an amazing rescue dog ‘scout’ who helped us through the very worst early days of the estrangement. We were thinking we are too old to get another dog, and that it could never be like Scout, but when we move are now decided that we are getting a more mature rescue dog that definitely won’t be like Scout but will be it’s own gorgeous self.
Already looking online.
Xx

Smileless2012

Well just let me have one Babs then I wont have to buy a packet and be tempted

I don’t think anyone will be able to stop at one 😂

Yoginimeisje

Lovely Smiles bike rides and watching all the wild life around you. How lovely to see a woodpecker, I saw 2 greater speckled woodpeckers in my garden before I moved here, thought I was seeing things till I saw the second one.

I rarely see woodpeckers and never near us am hoping moving to the countryside around Brighton will improve our chances of seeing wildlife. Such a gorgeous bird. X

Well just let me have one Babs then I wont have to buy a packet and be tempted

@Jaffa, what lovely GCs, take the joy you have with them and bank it, you’ll be rich in no time 🥹

Whoops sorry Smiles that comment was meant for Bridie about the chocolate covered custard creams, obvs the thought of them has scrambled my brains 😜

Smileless2012

Oooh Allsorts what a temptation, just don't open them and you'll be fine .

That is just plain wicked….note to self - drop into M&S when next in town 😂

Your GC sound lovely Jaffa, you must be very proud of them growing up to be so kind and considerate .

Painting is a lovely hobby to get into and how fortunate that R has artistic talent and will be on hand to give you some pointers.

Yogi not sure what she wants ! But I'm still trying to keep a relationship going with the grandchildren. They were very kind when I took them out, looking out for lifts rather than stairs to the leisure centre as I am still struggling walking with a stick. I took videos of them climbing up the activity walls strapped to harnesses. Looked terrifying but they loved it !
Going to try painting today with R. He is quite the artist and has bought me paints,brushes and canvases. So will see how we get on.

Lovely Smiles bike rides and watching all the wild life around you. How lovely to see a woodpecker, I saw 2 greater speckled woodpeckers in my garden before I moved here, thought I was seeing things till I saw the second one.

Sparklygran your list is a good one to follow, nice to have 2 cute cats to keep you amused, to care for & love & you get all that love back 3-fold.

Jaffa nice to hear you had a good day with your GC. Shame your eldest D is still playing up, why can't she just move forward and let it go. You were sitting there, in her home having a cuppa after taking her C out for the day, want more does she want from you!

Enjoy your spa day with your youngest DD.

Morning everyone.

It's good to share with others the things that have helped us cope with our estrangements Sparkly, the most important IMO and by far the hardest is accepting it.

It's just starting to rain here so our dogs will be pleased they got their morning walk out of the way before it started. Really enjoyed our bike ride yesterday, something I want to get into but as a fair weather biker. I don't mind how cold it is but rain is a big no no.

Mr. S. goes for his Covid and flu injections today so fingers crossed there aren't any side effects. I go in a couple of weeks, we're usually OK with just an aching arm for a day or two from the Covid vaccination.

We had a beautiful woodpecker on our nuts yesterday, the wildlife here really is an unexpected and lovely bonus .

Hello Smileless2012 Whiff Yoga*Babs03*.

Sorry you had those users in your craft group Whiff.

Things that have helped;

Accepting the estrangement.
Stopping sending presents at birthdays, Christmas. (2014)
Getting a pet. I got 2 kittens several years ago. They give me something to care for.
Building deeper relationships with friends.
Having an engrossing hobby or hobbies.
Treating yourself now and again. I’m doing a short online course this winter through lifelong learning.

I am not preaching just saying what comes to mind that helps and distracts me.

Raining like hell here. My cats have been out for their morning constitutional, one is very cute sleeping at my feet.

Morning!

Oooh Allsorts what a temptation, just don't open them and you'll be fine .

Allsorts, have you tried M/S chocolate covered custard creams? They are beyond moreish, only get 8 in a packet I managed 6 at one go !!!😄

@Allsorts, Oh dear chocolate and biscuits. Nicest combo of all are M&S really chocolatey biccies. It was on my wish list to get some last Xmas, and the perfect sized present did bode well, but it turned out to be a box of crackers. 😞
If I had a box of those upstairs in the cupboard am afraid they would not last long. Will have to buy any boxes of those as presents right near Xmas so am not tempted. 😜

Been so busy this last week I’ve only just read everyones posts properly. Whiff, its a shame about your craft group but other things will draw you in, look how you took to gel painting. I am pleased you booked your holiday, Llandudno seems ideal.
Babs, can you show me a perfect mother, a perfect human being? How boring would they be! We all do our best. Are our children perfect parents? No they are not. There seems to be a generation of entitled adults who do not have respect for their parents. Once they are in that mind set, there's nothing to be done, perhaps when their children judge them they might wake up. You can love them but let them go to keep your sanity. That walking on eggshells is uncomfortable and demoralising.
Jaffa I hope you are taking care of yourself, you have your health issues that need priority.
Love to all of you, Smileless, Yoga, Pantglass and Bridie and DL and sorry if I missed anyone.
Bought a load of biscuits and chocolate as gifts but I have tried to give sugar for a few weeks as my clothes don’t fit, knowing they are upstairs in my present cupboard is not proving easy.🥴

Oh how lovely Whiff and Pantglas, one of you is going to N Wales and the other lives there. Used to be my old stamping ground in our younger days. Llandudno, Colwyn Bay, Conwy, Porthmadog, Cricieth and of course drop dead gorgeous Snowdonia and Llanberis. So easy to get there from Lancashire. Not so easy from down south where we are now.
Might have to plan a few days away there anyway, using the train because my DH isn’t a confident driver over long distances anymore.

Thank you Smileless and how lovely Whiff, Llandudno in May will be stunning, I’m just across the water outside Conwy!

Contact was by them Bridie after so many years of refusing point blank to entertain the notion.

I’d always made it clear that I was ready to move on without any rehashing of whatever caused the breakdown of our relationship - I wanted to enjoy their company more than I needed to have the last word!

In our case, I’d say that things are better now because we’re more honest, relaxed and open with each other and I have a lovely relationship with my now adult grandchildren.

It was very much tiny steps at first with me taking things at their pace rather than rushing to make up for lost time. It can’t be done, you never get the missed years back and need to look forward with willing hearts.

I wish for you whatever you wish for yourself x

@whiff you were right to stop with the presents, we carried on too long, don’t know why, I suppose we felt that at least our daughter or GCs couldn’t throw it back in our faces that we stopped doing this. But why doesn’t our daughter have a similar fear of us throwing it back in her face at some future point that she did diddly squat for us, no birthdays, mothers or fathers days, or Xmases. We forget that this is not a one way street. And whatever abuse she might have hurled at us for being rubbish parents can be thrown right back at her for being a rubbish daughter and sister. Sadly some of our ACs don’t apply a moral compass to their own actions whilst we spend so long agonising over what we did wrong.
Well, am glad I made that decision yesterday, felt a bit wound up last night but feel much better about it today.
Take care 👍

All brilliant posts as usual.

Jaffacake just enjoy relaxing at the spa with your daughter she needs it as much as you do . Has she been given a date for her operation yet ?

When you see your grandchildren again just drop them off don't go into their house your daughter is enjoying torturing you and please don't text her . Again she is them allowed to torture you with abuse or silence. I have had both of my son . But decide last to give up hope of ever seeing my son and 3 grandson's ever again . And am happier for it. I don't even feel sad about my eldest grandsons birthday today . I wished him happy birthday to the air like I always do .

Our estranged children have the upper hand but we decide when enough is enough. Last year was my enough time . He will always be my son but he is a stranger to me now . But I am not the mom he knew .

I no longer have any tolerance for bad behaviour or being taken for granted . That's why I left my craft group .

Anyway on a lighter note I booked my room for my May holiday in Llandudno all paid for at the premier inn including my meal deal . Made sure this time it wasn't bank holiday or kids May holiday.

Having flu jab on Thursday , Saturday will help taking down our exhibition. Booked covid jab for week tomorrow. And next Wednesday will be going to the Brain Charity knit and natter said I would be welcome with my cross stitch. Then on the Friday agreed to be interviewed for a 90 second video . Asked for what they will ask me so I just answer what they want otherwise you know me I ramble on.

Already got some Christmas presents for friends and family and advent calendars for my grandsons not chocolate ones plus few cards . My new door bell has Christmas chime so will put it on that setting 1st December.

Oops better get ready for sit fit that's me rambling didn't notice the time . No time to preview sorry about any typos

Smileless2012

I've come to expect the pointed comments TBH Babs especially when I see whose posting and/or recognise the posting style, even if the name's different.

It's always lovely to see your posts Pantglas and know that everything continues to go well x

Yes, sometimes it’s not rocket science to see a few things.😉