Putting myself on the chopping block ...

No one can argue in a void

Yet I will always be the only one who ever looked at the situation and apologised and took responsibility for my part.

As well as the only one able to forgive and move on

Just as I think we could find it in our hearts to forgive OP, given the circumstances

I really feel it’s best not to engage with certain posters who have their own agenda, they come on to goad, nothing else. Whole pages are taken up with the nonsense.

Room for everyone's feelings yes, but facts are facts.

There is always room for everyone's feelings

I remember saying that before things became so difficult

Yes I realise that recollections may vary User but my recollection is fact.

Smileless I'm not sure why you not remembering something or experiencing it differently makes it invalid. You act as if your recollection is fact. But other people have their own memories and experiences that exist at the same time. If someone is speaking about their experiences you cannot logically or factually counter it with "I don't remember that" and expect that to be accepted.

I suppose, Smileless2012, because she can... as you said
on an open forum like GN you cannot have threads for only one select group

Thank you

I think that sticking to facts is an excellent suggestion VS.

Smileless, I have answered what is relevant, what is not relevant you cannot expect me to answer... It's not reasonable to ask me questions about things that I don't think or do

Let's stick to facts please

As I posted earlier VS if you don't want to answer, then don't but don't make accusations of my putting you in an impossible position and accuse me of making goading comments about people not answering questions.

Posters ask questions of others all the time on GN and ask if they're going to be answered when they haven't been, you do so yourself but when it happens with you, you always resort to accusations of goading.

You are not the only person to have had very negative experiences here that have been hurtful. We are all as far as I know 'real people with real feelings' and I fail to see what point you are making here.

and so is the OP... The OP who expected abuse here...

Why? Is an entire question that for the sake of any new person joining, needs and answer

Smileless2012

I had my doubts about this thread and the first time the OP posted about her m.i.l. A m.i.l. who takes her GC out of their mother's arms, holds on to them for hours and refuses to give them back. A m.i.l. who on I think four separate occasions feeds her very young GC chocolate despite being told that doing so causes pain and distress.

Yes, I had my doubts but responded and not unkindly as did DL and others.

The OP may or may not be fake, may or may not be grossly exaggerated but the OP's claim that she was posting to give a d's.i.l. perspective and to open up communication between an estranged m.i.l. and estranged parents, GP's and m's.i.l. was fake.

What do you think about her intention to put the estranged on this forum in their place VS? About garnering support for her posts here on GN from another site, in case she received the "tirade of abuse" she was expecting? About one of the responders talking about eating popcorn as they read what they were hoping to see.

How would you feel VS if an EP, EGP and/or m.i.l. had attempted to do to those who have estranged what the OP had attempted to do to the estranged posters on this forum? Would you defend that too?

Only the other day I saw a post exclaiming that no one walks away from a healthy family. The estranged on this forum knows what that means every time they see that or similar. They know that when they say they did nothing wrong, they're not believed, they are being fake and worse. Why isn't that unacceptable? Why isn't that taken into account when it's a new poster.

Those who have been estranged have left GN because of the responses they've received but I've never seen one pull a stunt like this.

The OP's experience isn't the only thing that's been discussed on the other support website is it, and that is the issue here.

Here is my issue

You expect me to answer based on ideas and thoughts I don't have and don't express... You put me in an impossible position by doing that... As I have said many times I don't agree with posting things from gransnet on other forums to drum up support and have never done it myself. I don't believe all EPs are in the wrong and have never said so, I have EP friends myself.

And then because I miss the comment, instead of politely pointing that out you start posting goading comments about people not answering questions...

What am I supposed to do with that? I can't take responsibility for anyone else. How can you possibly expect me too yet not understand the reactions of ESC here or the fact that I have also had very negative experiences here that hurt me. You are not the only person here. I also am a real person with real feelings

I'm sorry VS but that is not how I remember your experience. I gave you my support as did others, and you didn't have to fight for it, it was genuinely and freely given.

What you have posted will make for uncomfortable and hurtful reading for anyone who was there at the time and is still a member of GN.

Genuinely, I came to this forum innocent and in pain. I had to fight to have anything here, any space or any support. It got to the point where all I had was defence and I was just angry on top of hurt...

But I know that, I have long ago apologised for my part in arguments and took responsibility for it. I'm usually the first person to apologise now in any genuine misunderstanding

I am the only one who ever did

If you don't wish to answer VS that's OK but don't accuse me of asking goading and unproductive questions when they are neither of those.

I remember when you first joined GN but I have no recollection of what you claim to have been your experience, but we know recollections may vary don't we.

No invalidating comments, no guilt trips or attempts to defend your mother or you being turned on, quite the opposite in fact.

Threads you have started have not been deliberately ruined. They have I agree tended to deteriorate, one reason possibly being your insistence that they were only for EAC and making it very obvious despite supportive posts from others, that they were not welcome.

As was pointed out on more than one occasion, on an open forum like GN you cannot have threads for only one select group. I know that the support thread has often been accused of being only for those who have been estranged, but that is not the case.

There have been great contributions over the years from EAC and from those with no experience of estrangement. One poster, herself an EAC was a regular contributor to the thread.

If the OP genuinely found her first experience here so awful why come back, not just with this particular thread but on other threads? I know she has because I have engaged with her on them.

Having now read the question erm... In question, they are goading and unproductive

Besides, I haven't defended the behaviour I have only been interested in what led to it

Smileless2012

I asked the questions in my post @ 11.51 and you posted @ 12.47 so I assumed you must have seen them VS.

I was at work, having what generally amounts to a 10 minute lunch break

If you feel I have missed something important then always feel free to politely point that

maxiepants

As has been mentioned, this is a public forum and anybody can access it and share posts from it. I found out about gransnet from reddit, for example. It's hardly surprising that people embroiled in an estrangement situation or difficult relationship, from whichever side of the fence, go looking for information about similar situations. I'd guess that most people find those of like minds and stick with them, but some of us are curious about the other perspective.

Not to defend Mamasperspective's comments on the other forum about goading the gransnet users, but EACs are greeted with suspicion and sometimes aggression on gransnet. You may not think so, but then you're talking from the other side of the fence with the comfort of your fellow EPs and EGPs surrounding you.

Why would an EAC come to a forum so hostile to them? Like I said, curiosity is a factor. I don't doubt Mamasperspective started out with good intentions, genuinely wanting to understand her MIL by getting insight from estranged mothers/GPs/MILs. I also have no doubt that she got more than she bargained for and probably has a pretty dim view of many of the estranged grandmothers she's encountered here. And who knows... maybe goading you is a way to get back at her MIL by proxy. Again - not defending this, but I do understand the impulse.

I think this is probably spot on

I remember when I first joined, it wasn't too bad at first, there were a few invalidating comments and a few guilt trips in defence of the woman who abused me but I kept explaining. Then one day I made a comment and was told it meant something else when it didn't. At that moment I was just turned on. It was awful. Any thread I started was deliberately ruined. Even threads I started just for the EAC here. It descended into a nightmare and I was very determined not to leave the site and prove myself.

Genuinely coming here was an awful experience until I learned to cope with it.

Now I just try engage as myself, not my label "EAC" because it no longer defines me

I'm not surprised OP could not cope with her first experience here and it went down the way it has...

Some behaviours aren't ok but those behaviours usually have a trigger

I asked the questions in my post @ 11.51 and you posted @ 12.47 so I assumed you must have seen them VS.

I've been at work

I cannot answer questions if I am not here...

Was it important? Should I read back?

Maybe Bridie but I'm not holding my breath

One day ...maybe...these threads won't descend into controversy!!

Well we saw the OP do it didn't we.