Putting myself on the chopping block ...

Indeed MissA deleting that thread shows that the OP hadn't intended her true purpose to be known.

There are those on this forum who have estranged and have been estranged struggling to come to terms with their loss, and for anyone to regard this as a source of amusement, to be enjoyed while they munch on popcorn is distasteful to say the least.

An opportunity for what exactly?

As far as I can remember, the OP's experience here was no different to what many have experienced.

Posting else where "I love Gransnet it brings me joy
I love putting them in their place"
"I went in hard and she refused to engage" and "hold onto your boots ladies, I'm going in" aren't for me examples of laughing at negative comments, they're derogatory comments about estranged m's.i.l., EP's and EGP's.

If this had been intended to open up a dialogue between those who estrange and those who have been estranged it has failed, and may well make it harder for new posters whose true agenda might be questioned in the future.

I feel more concerned that people are immediately going back to the other forum, laughing and talking about getting popcorn, and how much they enjoy watching the arguments.
Particularly when they delete the thread once discovered.

I think this could be viewed as an opportunity

Someone has had a bad experience here clearly and commented on it elsewhere, even laughed at negative comments they have received, potentially to avoid being hurt by them

I feel far more concerned about how people feel after visiting this forum and how that can be avoided in future than how that person dealt with how they were treated

Open communication requires honesty and transparency Mamasperspective and you have failed to demonstrate either.

You started this thread with an agenda, to see if you would get the responses you expected because you prejudged the EP's and EGP's here based on your experience with your own m.i.l.

The content of your posts was not I agree antagonising, but your reason for starting this thread was.

Thanks @NotSpaghetti, I don't think I've been disrespectful in any way on here and anyone reading the thread on the other site will see that I commented (before IHH joined the conversation) were kind and respectful and I also commented on that page that I felt it important for MILs and DILs to have more open communication. That was before the link to that thread was posted so my original post IS a genuine post. Had I been looking for conflict, I would have answered with a completely different tone but I haven't. I have remained calm, respectful and not at all antagonising with other posters from the beginning.

@IHateHypocrites maybe you should read the full thread on Gransnet for yourself. The woman I made reference to portrayed herself as extremely toxic and wanted her son to prioritise her over her DIL who had literally just given birth, her perspective was AWFUL and she was a prime example of those who would think the same way as my own MIL. And no, I haven't deleted anything.

No I haven't Smileless2012 you are right. I am lucky in that regard - so I didn't read it as goading.

If you've not been estranged NotSpaghetti I don't suppose you would be concerned about the OP's activity on another forum for estranged d's.i.l.

This has been an unpleasant experience for me because we are estranged, and never having had a desire to try and goad estranged d's.i.l. to confrontation, I have no idea why an estranged d.i.l. would want to to that to EP's and EGP's.

I'm not really concerned about her activities on another forum to be honest.

I think those who remember the OP's other thread did too, despite the odd title and expectations of being given a hard time.

If not for IHateHypocrites we'd have been none the wiser.

I suppose I saw this as an update as much as anything 🤷‍♂️

Is a few people not being helpful a reason to come onto a forum where EP's and EGP's share their painful experiences, to goad them NotSpaghetti?

Have you seen IHateHypocrites post @ 00.32 where the OP aka Girlmom has posted on the group for d's.i.l. "I love putting them in their place"; "I went in hard and she refused to engage" and "hold onto your boots ladies, I'm going in".

I'm happy to know that the OP's hidden agenda has been revealed and am grateful to IHateHypocrites for doing so.

I miss my ES and only GC every day but this type of behaviour from an estranged d.i.l. reminds me to be thankful that despite what we have lost, we are at least spared from having to deal with our ES's wife.

This daughter-in-law has been here before looking for help (quote a long time ago)
At that point it was all still going on.
Some people were helpful and a few were not.

I'm happy to have her back again.

IMO this thread has done a disservice to the d's.i.l. who have extremely difficult m's.i.l. and are genuine when they say they want to talk about their experiences here on GN, to offer an alternative perspective.

It does seem like a waste of time, for the OP and those who took the time to respond DL.

Well, it seems like a waste of time, but perhaps some people like wasting time.

Not very pleasant, though, as you say.😗

Thank you for your post @ 00.32 IHateHypocrites. It looks as if you enjoy trying to bait EP's and EGP's mamasperspectiv. Not a very pleasant past time and could explain why your relationship with your own m.i.l. fell apart.

I wondered about this thread too DL because of the title, but like everyone apart it seems from the OP, responded in good faith.

Well, for what it’s worth, I did estrange my ex-MIL, nearly 50 years ago, for valid reasons - so I’m def not anti DIL/SIL…🙄

I’ve got a DIL and SIL, who are great people, and I love them both. Never a cross word with either.

My issues were with the adult step-children from hell, and what they did to my late husband. But, none of that was about any tug-of-baby, or chocolate bars..🙄

So, as I said at the beginning: estrangements are all different, and happen for different reasons.😗

You're not here to provide insight, you're here to feed your ego and create conflict.

Absolutely true.

IHateHypocrites

This you?

community.whattoexpect.com/forums/overbearing-mils/topic/gransnet-may-need-back-up-161733806.html

Sad really. And I don’t really see the point.

But, if all this floats their boat, then whatever.🙄

IHateHypocrites thank you for directing us mother-in-laws to the "overbearing mother-in-laws" forum.

You really only need to read a few posts (and no, not all about mother-in-laws - some are about the whole family not giving parents the chance to parent without a struggle) to see that not a lot changes in personal relationships.

Basically, in the same way that everyone seems to want to touch a pregnant woman's belly, many people (but especially mothers and mothers-in-law) want to play pass-the-parcel with a new baby.

It seems that we may have come on a bit since the 60s 70s 80s 90s in terms or speaking out about what we don't like, and I feel it's good that there is a space for mums (and presumably dads) to vent and gain strength. In our day, we had no idea how many others were out there feeling like us.

And how nice to see some mums on there praising dad's for stepping in. Even 40+ years on I'm grateful for my own supportive husband who told an entitled friend "she said no!" in a tone that was not going to be ignored... I still feel pretty blessed to have him. 🙏

IHateHypocrites

So much for transparency... you deleted the post. lol. Are you still trying to maintain that your intentions are good?

Ah, thanks for that.

I did wonder about all this, from the off. It seemed too OTT.

Ah well. 🙄

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202405/medium-221708-img-7151.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202405/medium-766224-img-7152.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202405/medium-605190-img-7153.jpg

So much for transparency... you deleted the post. lol. Are you still trying to maintain that your intentions are good?

and, might I add to the above, the other forum is called 'overbearing MILs' because that's what I was up against and what other women on that forum are up against. It's nothing against MILs in general as I understand there are likely more nice and respectful MILs than there are bad ones. I was just unlucky to not have that experience and if I could trade mine in for a different model I would.

@IHateHypocrites post what you like. I've had an awful experience with my MIL to the point where I needed months of therapy (all whilst heavily pregnant) and now my second baby is here safe, no thanks to her. I can look back on the situation and reflect without letting it deeply upset me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand the woman but my partner completely understands what his mother is like and so we have moved on. I still don't understand her mentality (and probably never will) but was prepared to put myself out there on this forum to face people like yourself in order to gain perspective from others experiences. Have I insulted my MIL on the other site? Absolutely! But many others in her family have had the same experience with her which gave me comfort that she was the only common denominator. I'm not tech shy myself, I understand others can see posts and I'm STILL willing to put myself out there. I don't think I have been disrespectful on this thread in any way shape or form.