Putting myself on the chopping block ...

Have you ever considered therapy? I ask genuinely because you seem to be all over the internet, here, mumsnet etc ruminating over and over about your MIL It’s giving off attention-seeking vibes. I have a strong feeling you are probably causing a lot of drama for the sake of having something to fuss over. Your behaviour doesn’t seem healthy.

I would say that every GM is different.

Every parent is different.

Every family relationship is different. C'est la vie…🍾

As a gran of 5, I certainly didn’t want to relive my parenting years (Aargh!).🙄

I had my own life..🙂🙂

Not sure why this thread has been resurrected,🤔

Hello Mamasperspective
I'm so saddened to read your story.

It sounds as if your MIL's behaviour is all about Control, and I wonder if her Grandchildren give her own life some validity?
I know some Grandmothers who seem to thrive on showing everyone photos of their grandchildren, relating every burp and dribble...it's behaviour which isloates estranged parents/deprived grandparents like me even more!
I avoid them. There's something up there, but hey, I'm no psychiatrist.
It always seems to me as if they're re-living motherhood through their Grandchildren. There's a lot of "I know best...I know how to deal with a baby...".
Deliberately ignoring your wishes is very disrepectful, and in your case, downright dangerous.

Suggest leave MIL to it. If anything, be nicer than ever to her. Invite her over, or meet up with her somewhere for coffee, where she can see the children and they can get to know her on neutral ground. Don't ever bad-mouth her to your family - after all, she's their father's Mum and he loves her, even if he doesn't like her behaviour.
Hope this helps

Thank you VioletSky and Smileless2012.

NotSpaghetti

I think that we can all agree that
People are coming to this forum and having a bad experience

I also think that is "on us" to be thoughtful and kind in our responses so this happensless often.

I was not privy to any original hostilities which led us here but I am aware that both grandparents and parents get things "wrong". Some find it harder to apologise (and some find it hard to accept the apology).

I think the mum on this thread has come back after earlier hostilities and had we been (as users or the forum) more careful and thoughtful in our responses we may not have got to this point.

I suppose this is a plea to all of us (and I include me in this) to be more mindful of the real people behind the username.

If this is what comes out of this thread then it has served a purpose.

Just my thoughts, for what they're worth.

You put this beautifully

The support and understanding I've received on GN has been instrumental in helping me with our estrangement.

It's not always been the case but as with life, we have to take the rough with the smooth.

Hope your knuckles survive NotSpaghetti

Can I just say that I've had kind words on here too.

But, as I'm human, some comments (especially when repeated) do become very annoying and I need to remind myself sometimes that these ard people too - I'm currently thinking of another thread where I've been quietly chewing my knuckles off!

DiamondLily

AnnieGransnet

Hi everyone. We're dropping in to say that we welcome a wide range of views on Gransnet - as indeed do most Gransnetters.

The Estrangement board is intended as a space for support and understanding between people denied access to their families. This also includes adult children as well as grandparents - however, we do ask for understanding and compassion on both 'sides' as well as common courtesy even when you strongly disagree.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I’ve only ever received support, courtesy and understanding on GN, and it was sad to see this thread causing so many arguments.

Once it was clear what was going on, people became increasingly cross.

It had become more and more bizarre and unpleasant, the OP appears to have gone, so it’s probably best that the thread just dies off now.🙂

Indeed. The phrase which keeps coming to my mind is that some people seem to like arguing for the sake of arguing. Not just on GN, but generally in life.

AnnieGransnet

Hi everyone. We're dropping in to say that we welcome a wide range of views on Gransnet - as indeed do most Gransnetters.

The Estrangement board is intended as a space for support and understanding between people denied access to their families. This also includes adult children as well as grandparents - however, we do ask for understanding and compassion on both 'sides' as well as common courtesy even when you strongly disagree.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I’ve only ever received support, courtesy and understanding on GN, and it was sad to see this thread causing so many arguments.

Once it was clear what was going on, people became increasingly cross.

It had become more and more bizarre and unpleasant, the OP appears to have gone, so it’s probably best that the thread just dies off now.🙂

I think that we can all agree that
People are coming to this forum and having a bad experience

I also think that is "on us" to be thoughtful and kind in our responses so this happensless often.

I was not privy to any original hostilities which led us here but I am aware that both grandparents and parents get things "wrong". Some find it harder to apologise (and some find it hard to accept the apology).

I think the mum on this thread has come back after earlier hostilities and had we been (as users or the forum) more careful and thoughtful in our responses we may not have got to this point.

I suppose this is a plea to all of us (and I include me in this) to be more mindful of the real people behind the username.

If this is what comes out of this thread then it has served a purpose.

Just my thoughts, for what they're worth.

I'm guessing I got reported a lot again but haven't actually said anything wrong...

There should never be "sides" just individual situations

Thank you AnnieGransnet.

Calipso

I imagine the OP is highly amused by what she has achieved by poking a stick in this hornets nest. I haven't commented previously because I have my doubts about the veracity of the original scenario.
However, may I respectfully suggest that its time to draw a line under this and move on to something more interesting?

Yes, I agree with you. This thread has got increasingly bizarre, and did what it was set up to do.🙄

I don’t see the point, but it happens on forums.

Hopefully, the popcorn munchers have taken their “entertainment” elsewhere.🙂

I understand that

I don't want to be seeing threads from gransnet highlighted elsewhere as examples of awfulness

I want a space that works for all of us

VioletSky

That's exactly what I said Smileless that is what "towards each other" means isn't it.

Another fundamental problem with having the mindset that one person can justify the mistrust of another who comes here seeking help. People react rather than really listen as you just showed yourself.

The sheer determination to misunderstand here. The refusal to listen to any explanation that does not move in line with the readers own thinking or need in the situation.

This is a place of broken things, broken relationships, broken hearts. And if anyone takes the time to listen and understand that other people's needs, boundaries and relationships have nothing to do with anyone else's, they might find a way to fundamentally understand why their own relationship failed... Because that is what matters, not who is at fault or whose side they were on... Why they behaved as they did at any given moment is the answer

VioletSky
Nobody likes to be taken for a mug.
I really feel for estranged parents and grandparents as I have a lovely friend who this happened to through no fault at all of her own.I am lucky in that it hasn’t happened to me, and sometimes look at the estrangement thread in case I can offer my friend an insight or idea.
I think we give the benefit of the doubt to posters where it seems feasible but should never ignore our internal warning bells.

I imagine the OP is highly amused by what she has achieved by poking a stick in this hornets nest. I haven't commented previously because I have my doubts about the veracity of the original scenario.
However, may I respectfully suggest that its time to draw a line under this and move on to something more interesting?

Enough VS.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

I wasn't referring to you when I said we have to mindful of the report button VS. Why do you assume that everything is about you?

I am not responsible for your bad experience VS and am I'm fed up with your allegations. I did not use a second account to ridicule you. I have already explained my reasons for so doing so on this thread, reasons that were investigated and understood by GNHQ, which was why my ban was lifted and my account reinstated.

That's something that can be forgiven most things can be in time when people truly mean an apology and try to change my thoughts exactly.

You always think it is me reporting when it isn't but why would I report it? Then it is gone from the discussion and people can't see the truth

And it was partially you who gave me my bad experience and you have never once acknowledged that. Any time I ever tried to explain a misunderstanding to you, you never once accepted it. You have never apologised for using a second account ridicule me...

OP has at least apologised

That's something that can be forgiven , most things can be in time when people truly mean an apology and try to change

That is untrue VS, I have never blamed you for the actions of others and I'm not denying that EAC can get a hard time here but when it happens, it's not because they have estranged, it's because of what they post.

Those who have been estranged also get a hard time here and I gave an example of that in my previous post.

Well to me you come across as if you are defending her or at the very least making excuses. You're not criticising the OP as far as I can see.

We can only treat others as we like to be treated VS and if we see others being treated unfairly be prepared to speak out. However in doing so, we must be mindful of the report button.

That said, I question why someone who claims to have had a bad experience here on GN would come back, with the intention of baiting others to repeat that experience.

None of that was ever my fault Smileless you have often blamed me for the actions of others unfairly

Also, I haven't defended the actions of the OP, would you please stop arguing as if I have?

I have simply stated that what she said is true about the hard time EAC get here and that she has clearly reacted to that. If none of those things were happening then I doubt her posts about gransnet elsewhere would exist at all

And you can of course say that estranged parents have a hard time here at times... But I am not responsible for that either

So again... People are coming to this forum and having a bad experience so seeing as you and I are long term posters what can we do to ensure that doesn't happen?

You posted earlier on this thread VS that no one can argue in a void; true. So if I'm arguing with you, it's because you reciprocate and argue with me.

Let's take a look at the last wording of the link provided by IHateHypocrites which is no longer accessible because it's been deleted or moved.

"overbearing-mils/topic gransnet-may-need-back-up-". If that isn't a 'call to arms' then what is it? If that isn't an invitation to posters on another site to come to GN and back up the OP, can someone explain to me what it is?

The screen shots provided by IHateHypocrites are still available on here, we can all read them and come to our own conclusions. Mine is that this thread was a deliberate attempt to elicit controversy and bad feeling from the EP's, EGP's and in particular m's.i.l. on GN.

I apologise if I am wrong VS but you appear to be suggesting that any problems on threads offering support for those who have estranged, was down to those who are not. That is simply not the case.

I contributed to those threads, giving support and expressing my sympathy to some who contributed. I would have on occasion given the perspective of an EP if I thought it was appropriate to do so, but I was never rude or dismissive of their experiences.

I would never have said for example "we don't owe your precious feelings anything" which has been posted here, to those of us who have been estranged.

Some who had not estranged family members were not made welcome by some who had but where that was not the case, there were some meaningful and touching exchanges.

I haven't seen anyone say that they don't believe you've been hurt VS: I certainly haven't said so because it stands to reason that anyone with personal experience of estrangement has been hurt, but that's no excuse or reason to attempt to do what the OP has done, and bait others.

Enjoy your Friday evening