Estrangement/Grandpa rent Alienation

Correction I wish I had died instead of my husband not my son.

You posted about this last August and were given lots of advice, I assume you didn’t act on any of it?

I was told to sell my house which is what I am doing but he is making it very difficult for me. I am simply expressing my frustration here.

Good for you to have taken this step.
I hope you have seen a good solicitor and get good factual advice.

I think you will feel a bit more "yourself" when you are not having to tiptoe in your own home.

I would get your solicitor to evict him from your home.. This is real elder abuse..

Phone the elder abuse helpline, anonymously, if you're in the UK.
Do you want some pleasant, relaxing time in your life, or are you resigned to being bullied for ever more.

That's what your son is: a nasty little bully - not sensitive, not difficult - a bully.

Please try not to view your grandson as a "pawn" or object, he is a package deal with his parents and if they learn you view him that way it will go against you.

I think you need to get to the bottom of why your son feels this way regarding the money. Is this due to him feeling he has missed out on some sort of inheritance with the loss of his father? Was there any talk between them of inheritance that you have missed? How would the will have been divided in different circumstances?

You are always within your rights to evict anyone from your home that should not be there. This includes your grandson of course.

If I were you I would consider some.sorybof mediation or counselling, both as a family and separately for yourself

A solicitor can’t evict anyone. They can only send them a letter requiring them to leave by x date. The OP is going to have to either take her family to court to obtain an order for them to leave, which can be enforced by bailiffs, or pay them off - though presumably she won’t have the money to do that until the sale completes. She needs to ask her solicitor for assistance with this. NB, solicitor, not a conveyancing firm.

Please, before you do anything, see your GP and then a good solicitor.

Don’t give your son any money. He is treating you very badly, as is his wife and you need to stand strong and stick to your guns. Good luck.

MissAdventure

Phone the elder abuse helpline, anonymously, if you're in the UK.
Do you want some pleasant, relaxing time in your life, or are you resigned to being bullied for ever more.

That's what your son is: a nasty little bully - not sensitive, not difficult - a bully.

I completely agree, how dare he treat you this way and in your own house!

Hi Violet Sky My husband left everything to me but my son feels entitled as he claims that this was his father's home. He is a very greedy person and my husband knew that about him. He is just trying to see how much he can get out of me when I sell the house. It is positive to hear back from all of you as that makes my day feel better. If not I keep overthinking and it is affecting my health a lot. I am not going to back down from selling the house but I also know that is is going to be a nightmare before I get that done.

Is this the son who bought the condominium and rented it out?
Presumably, if so, he could end the tenancy (with notice) and move in there with his family?

Is your other son still not speaking to you?

I have no idea how much your property is worth (and I'm not asking) but, apart from the fact that this is your home, "paying off" the resident son is perhaps a way of giving him some inheritance early. If you do this you might consider a will that leaves a similar sum to your other child ahead of anything else?

He’s controlling you, go to a doctor then a solicitor, get advice. You should not be keeping him and his family. It is elderly abuse. Please, please don’t give him a penny more. Nothing will be enough, what you have must last you maybe a long time, he is not entitled to anything unless you leave him something in your will, hopefully that wont be for a long time. It's good job he doesn’t live with me, his things would be on the drive and locks changed if he didn’t get out with 3 months. Give him notice now, after talking to solicitor. He’s a big boy now and a selfish one,

Germanshepherdsmum

A solicitor can’t evict anyone. They can only send them a letter requiring them to leave by x date. The OP is going to have to either take her family to court to obtain an order for them to leave, which can be enforced by bailiffs, or pay them off - though presumably she won’t have the money to do that until the sale completes. She needs to ask her solicitor for assistance with this. NB, solicitor, not a conveyancing firm.

Thanks GSM.. I'm thinking that as she has mentioned a condominium that she is possibly in the USA and I wonder how different the legal system is there.. maybe very similar but perhaps the OP could tell us..

Contact a solicitor and see what needs to be down to have him evicted if he won’t go on his own. This won’t sadly repair your relationship nor grant you access to your grandchild. That ship has sailed for the time being I’m afraid. But it will give you peace and freedom in your own home and make the sale more easily done.

He obviously feels part of his father's estate should go to him which is a tricky thing with grief added on top. Estates destroy families at times.

I really think you need professional support with this.

It's so cruel when parents use their children in this way. Gurms. It's not you who views your GS as a pawn or object, his parents are by using him in an attempt to get what they want.

MissA is right, your son is a nasty little bully - not sensitive, not difficult - a bully.

It takes courage to go ahead with your plans and it's great to see how determined you are to carry on, despite the horrible treatment you're receiving.

I hope you are getting the expert advice you need and that this awful situation will soon be resolved .

Referring to a child as an object is a mistake that will damage the relationship further if said to the parents. This is a fundamental truth.

When dealing with relationships that are estranged or will potentially end up that way, it is best to avoid many methods of speaking that are accusatory or labelling others as objects or things.

As another example, if a situation is painful, referring to the estranging party as "cruel" or "nasty" would push them away and shut down dialogue whereas, using adult language like "it hurt me when you said this" is a better way to express yourself and gives an opening for understanding and apology.

It's a mistake I see time and time again that actually pushes the estranging party to anger and reaction. It is always best to be the bigger person and think carefully so that if a relationship ends, you know you have done all the right things, otherwise it becomes difficult to heal and move on

What's best is not to bully your widowed mother, I'd say.

He’s a bully. He’s giving you no thought at all. Blow the pair of them out.

We have to be a positive example ourselves, especially with minor children exposed to all this...

Gurms' son is behaving appallingly by withdrawing access to his child because his mum wont do what he wants, and in so doing is being cruel and nasty.

I am responding to the OP VS not to her son, and both myself and the OP are referring to how her GS is being used by his parents. Neither myself nor her view this child as a pawn or an object but that is how he is being used.

This little boy is being exposed to cruel and nasty behaviour by his parents, not by the OP or those responding to her.

What's best is not to bully your widowed mother, I'd say I say that too MissA.

You argued against my advice Smileless so I responded

We are not in competition, I am simply trying to help OP move forward in a healthy way for her own sake, nothing to do with her son's behaviour who is not here for us to advise on how he conducts himself

You really must realise that we are here to support the OP, not be reactionary

The best thing the OP could do is be firm in how they allow themselves to be treated, No one has mentioned the children.🤷‍♀️