Gransnet forums

Estrangement

Page 5 of 5 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

What did you do to heal and move forward from estrangement?

(105 Posts)
Add comment | Report
DiamondLily Wed 10-Jul-24 17:54:56

Smileless2012

After 4 years we moved because it was just too painful seeing our ES with our only GC, and never knowing when they would come past our house or we would drive past them.

We eventually accepted that the relationship was over, but that was really hard as we also had to accept that as well as never having a relationship again with our son, we'd never know our GC. Once we'd done that we felt able to move away, which was the single most conducive step we took to really begin to heal and move on with our lives.

Having been here for 7.5 years we are in the process of moving again and beginning another new chapter in our lives smile, and being able to let go of some things we'd been holding onto has shown us just how far we've come.

Yeah, I think, sometimes, it’s best to accept the status quo and move forward..

Some situations take longer than others, for obvious reasons.

You’ve done well. 🙂

I decided to estrange my brother, over a year ago. I told him why, and that’s it.

I’m not sure how he feels, but he’s been told the reasons, (important), and I’m done. I don’t really give it much thought.

Add comment | Report
Smileless2012 Wed 10-Jul-24 17:48:09

After 4 years we moved because it was just too painful seeing our ES with our only GC, and never knowing when they would come past our house or we would drive past them.

We eventually accepted that the relationship was over, but that was really hard as we also had to accept that as well as never having a relationship again with our son, we'd never know our GC. Once we'd done that we felt able to move away, which was the single most conducive step we took to really begin to heal and move on with our lives.

Having been here for 7.5 years we are in the process of moving again and beginning another new chapter in our lives smile, and being able to let go of some things we'd been holding onto has shown us just how far we've come.

Add comment | Report
DiamondLily Wed 10-Jul-24 17:31:38

I cut my stepkids (the estrangers) out of the Will, and stopped giving them any headspace.

Sorted.👍

Add comment | Report
Theexwife Wed 10-Jul-24 17:31:36

I accepted that a relative did not want to have a relationship with me, it is their choice. You cannot make somebody want to have contact.

Only the person involved know why they do not want contact and whatever label you want to give them does not change that.

Add comment | Report
VioletSky Wed 10-Jul-24 16:47:50

Looking back, I feel like I did quite a lot.

I initially booked myself into therapy, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and felt like I was going crazy. The therapist said they couldn't help me, I wasn't displaying any harmful behaviours or symptoms. The therapist said that the problem was not me but my family and recommended counselling.

Then I saw an article about gaslighting at random. I'd never heard of it until then but discovered that gaslighting is a common trait with abusive people (happy to help if anyone hasn't heard of it). Then I googled "gaslighting mother" and finally saw my mother outlined in terms of abusive behaviour.

I went to counselling for quite some time, where we discussed my relationships with family members and different impacts from my mother. I read quite a lot of books on the subject. I very carefully looked into the impact my childhood could have had on my own parenting and what behaviours I had "normalised" that actually weren't ok

I looked into what I could do to address some of the ways I had been unsupported as a child which led to me going back to college in my 40s. My training to become an emotional support teaching assistant also taught me so much about what children in general as well as myself deserve in terms of good parenting. This led to my absolute dream job and I finally found my place in life where I fit.

There were wobbles along the way, I ended up severely hyperthyroid which had a massive impact on my brain and body until I was finally diagnosed with Graves Disease. That was a dark period of depression and anxiety where I struggled again to cope with guilt and my own self worth.

I don't think it is ever over is it really? Looking for the best version of yourself? Growing and changing and learning how to always be accountable and responsible for yourself?

What did you actively do to heal yourself?

Page 5 of 5 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |