Daughter won't communicate with me at all

Absolutely.

RubyLegends

@Violetsky

As I said:

Sometimes people just want reassured, they are not ready to move on and perhaps in time are ready to hear other perspectives, ideas and opinions.

I don't judge your advice and opinions and dont have sight of all your advice to other OPs on this forum. I do, however, implore you to consider the timing - the OP's original post was clear. She knows her own mind.

So no specific problem with anything I have said... So again

What is the issue here?

Why must I continuously defend myself against other people's views of either me or my comment

When regular posters full well know I will leave any thread where the OP expresses any discomfort

Why are people talking for OPs? I would have no friends here if I hadn't given welcome advice and support

@Violetsky

As I said:

Sometimes people just want reassured, they are not ready to move on and perhaps in time are ready to hear other perspectives, ideas and opinions.

I don't judge your advice and opinions and dont have sight of all your advice to other OPs on this forum. I do, however, implore you to consider the timing - the OP's original post was clear. She knows her own mind.

Smileless2012

This isn't the support thread VS and if you have any issues with what's posted on what must be the longest running thread on GN almost 12 years, you should contact GNHQ.

Well, I don't see any reason to start even more rumours that I report everybody... Now you know I don't and I have also asked my EP friends not too so that there is less backlash on me

RubyLegends

@VioletSky

I would say that there are times where an echo chamber is the best place to be. Its a safe space and one where people can vent, anomously about their worries. Their trauma is so deep, they are seeking a place where they can stand still for a moment. Where the trauma stops swirling in their head.

Sometimes people just want reassured, they are not ready to move on and perhaps in time are ready to hear other perspectives, ideas and opinions.

Understanding those differences is key to posting on some of these threads. Its about compassion, its 'reading the room', not seeing everything as an opportunity to offer your version of healing.

What is wrong with my advice to any OP on this forum?

Conversations with other posters may not be included

This isn't the support thread VS and if you have any issues with what's posted on what must be the longest running thread on GN almost 12 years, you should contact GNHQ.

@VioletSky

I would say that there are times where an echo chamber is the best place to be. Its a safe space and one where people can vent, anomously about their worries. Their trauma is so deep, they are seeking a place where they can stand still for a moment. Where the trauma stops swirling in their head.

Sometimes people just want reassured, they are not ready to move on and perhaps in time are ready to hear other perspectives, ideas and opinions.

Understanding those differences is key to posting on some of these threads. Its about compassion, its 'reading the room', not seeing everything as an opportunity to offer your version of healing.

Forums do well with lots of different ides and perspectives, living in an echo chamber is not healthy

Granted I started out defending other posters not myself but what I said about the support thread and unfair things said about myself and other EAC was true...

I just wouldn't do that and I cannot understand it

VS, I read your comments with as much attention to what you have to say as I do everyone else’s, then I reflect on what has been said. As long as people don’t go down a blind alley of their own, this forum works pretty well in providing balanced support for people who need it. But I think we do OPs a disservice if we suggest their own experience is in some way unreliable or invalid, and I think that tends to happen.

No, I am responding to comments directly Smileless

And I have no filter with autism which means 2 things, I might respond to someone's comment with my first thought before I can stop myself... And I don't have any underlying depths, what you see is what you get

I don't make sweeping generalisations... I don't see a problem asking others not too either

No one's assuming EAC are here to cause trouble VS and no one's suggested that they are. It seems that it is you who is reading the comments of others through the wrong lens.

And it's a concern you can address

And it is a concern you can reflect on

And it's a concern that if taken seriously by enough people could change this forum into a welcoming place for anyone who needs it

But I've been saying this for years... pointlessly I know

Delila

That was just your second post Violet and, yes, changed the direction of the conversation.

Why would you blame me rather than the comment I was responding too?

You are reading my comments through the wrong lens

To me, when it comes to family relationships, there are no sides

If you have ever truly read my comments, you understand why I am here and why I want to help...

And if you don't believe it then we are back again to "Why assume EAC are here to cause trouble?" And the comments on the support thread about EAC and myself again show that I am right to have this concern

You did ask.

That was just your second post Violet and, yes, changed the direction of the conversation.

Bridie22

Being around my mother always made me feel embarrassed, ashamed and not good enough, your post, this changed the direction of the thread for me.
Not helpful to the original poster , cant 5hink that moment would help her present situation.

I wasn't responding to the OP...

I was engaging in the conversation that was happening around me, the same as everyone else

If I am wrong for doing that then so are 90% of the comments here, most of which are not mine

So laying the blame on me for how you perceived a thread is hardly fair

Being around my mother always made me feel embarrassed, ashamed and not good enough, your post, this changed the direction of the thread for me.
Not helpful to the original poster , cant 5hink that moment would help her present situation.

Is there a problem with the advice I gave the OP before you guys changed the direction of the discussion?

None of the posts you've re posted are demonising EAC VS you are putting an interpretation on them all that doesn't exist.

Nothing wrong with my earlier post VS, as usual you are deflecting from the original poster, as pointed out to you repeatedly this post is about an estranged mother... that is something you are not... so the emotions are different.

Allsorts

VS the poster came on here for support. Its not about you.

Also this

I haven't done this, I have simply responded to less than wholesome comments about "some people".

Delila

I think most people would have concerns about their parenting, and most would freely admit they were far from perfect. Such parents, most, I would guess, spend a great deal of their lives self-reflecting, and determining to do better. When such a parent finds themselves estranged and says they have no idea why, I think they should be believed. People are imperfect - EPs, AC alike.

To find themselves disbelieved, advised (in the nicest possible way) to self-reflect, or to apologise, adds to a deep sense of injustice.

Often when I read estrangement threads I’m struck by this undercurrent of suspicion expressed towards EPs who say they don’t know why they’ve been estranged by their AC. In most cases it’s probably true.

This one

Smileless2012

To try and shut down the EP's who haven't been estranged because they were abusive Allsorts. For some there appears to be only one narrative that's acceptable when it comes to estrangement discussions, and that narrative is abuse.

EP's accept that some EAC estranged because of abuse and it's a shame that that acceptance can't be reciprocated; that not all EP's are abusive. It's been this way for as long I've posted here for 11.5 years, and it doesn't look like it's going to change anytime soon.

This

Bridie22

This estrangement thread is /can be an invaluable place for estranged parents, however due to constantly being judged by some posters can make it uncomfortable to come back to for support

Comments like this?

No one is demonising EAC VS, I would ask you for examples but I've already asked for examples for the claims you made earlier about this thread, and you have not responded.

I would think that Allsorts' comment was to help get this thread back to helping and supporting the OP, and not made to benefit herself.

Hopefully there have been sufficient supportive and helpful posts to assist EleanorRose.