When is it time to cut loose from toxic family members?

Have done.

Thank you. He is fine just now

All sorts
Thank you for your kind thoughts. He is doing well at the moment.

I would simply drop the rope. No more invitations, no more effort. If you’re in the same place, basic civility. View them as an unpleasant coworker.

It doesn't sound mean Truffle because it isn't. I hope your son will be OK

Truffle, I know what you mean. I do hope your son is improving. It is awful your family not being there for you, their loss. I wish I could send a hug but will send 💐

I have always been the one to look out for my younger siblings and have helped them in so many ways over the years. I have had a tough two years myself with my health and finding that my son is very ill. I needed a little support maybe just a phone call, but got nothing I was left to get on with it. I am not angry just done. I just cannot be bothered anymore with people who just take. I have not contacted them and I do not intend to. I know this sounds mean but a quick text to say how you doing would of made me feel that one of them cared. No major fallout I just stopped being the one keeping in touch.

Yes, when someone dear to you is dying, the one thing you don’t need is tantrum throwing relatives.🙄

Ignore them - just concentrate on your Mum.💐

I would do it now. They will drag you down, look after your mom, you haven't the energy for their nonsense, no need to fall out, later you can estrange but tell them why.

VioletSky

I don't think you really need to cut loose here, I think what you need is to just stop trying

These people make you unhappy... Invite people who do care for you to your special occasions instead

Let the relationships go, stop sharing any personal information with them, let the distance grow...

Estrangement is best saved for when abusive people won't let you go or stop trying to hurt you... If the relationship would just naturally fizzle out, let it

I agree with Violet. They arent engaging so let it fizzle out.

The POA issue is different and I would chat to your mum about this in terms of her wishes and ensure that she feels supported 💐

I've never understood sending cards/presents to family we don't like/socialise with.
I stopped this with my husband's family earlier this year after a particularly nasty falling out between my husband and his sister.
Just continue to spend time with your mum and don't allow behaviour of others to spoil it.
We can't change how others behave, only the way we react to that behaviour
Thinking of you xx

I virtually cut my brother loose after our Dad died, and I didn’t mention it to Dad.

After DH died, I cut him loose completely.

No loss to me. 👍

findingmyway for you and your mum.

I totally agree with what you say about not getting mum involved. Prior to her cancer diagnosis, she knows that the relationship with the older sister is particularly bad. The sad truth of the matter is that my mum is the only family member that I am in contact in out of the family made up of a widowed mum and two sisters. I compensate by having kind and supportive in-laws. It's my sister's birthday next week but quite frankly I think why should I bother sending a card when she can't respond to a text or email? I agree that distance/no more public response is best as it also plays into people's very spiteful game playing. Thank you all for your advice and kind words.

I am so sorry about your mum being so very ill but I don't think it is right to ask your mum to speak to your siblings when she is ill.

I would wait until after your poor mum passes away and then cut ties with everyone.

pascal30

Sound advice from Violetsky

Thank you for saying that

Sometimes it is just easier to distance relationships without leaving opportunity for arguments etc

These people aren't supportive and would likely hurt OP in a breakup situation whereas, quiet distancing and responding politely when necessary might avoid conflict

Especially with mum's needs

Sound advice from Violetsky

I'm so sorry that you are going through this findingmyway. Please try to put this unpleasantness and those responsible for it to one side, so that you can make the most of the time you have left with your mum, that is the most important thing for you both.

You can decide what to do about your sisters later .

Tuaim

Please make sure first and foremost that your sisters do not spoil your precious time with your precious mum. Do you need to send cards and gifts to people, if you do not receive any form of acknowledgement. Some people just don't get it and are extremely ungracious. Could you focus on just being at peace with yourself and ignore or grey rock (look it up on line) so that the quality of your life is untarnished.

Great advice

How utterly horrible for you.

People, particularly relatives, can be so heartless and toxic and selfish.

In the words of the song, Let it Go!

Thank you very much. I also realise that this is a manipulative game they are playing by ignoring me completely. My husband is the voice of reason and is hugely supportive. He's witnessed their behaviour and said that he's never met such a disloyal family.

I don't think you really need to cut loose here, I think what you need is to just stop trying

These people make you unhappy... Invite people who do care for you to your special occasions instead

Let the relationships go, stop sharing any personal information with them, let the distance grow...

Estrangement is best saved for when abusive people won't let you go or stop trying to hurt you... If the relationship would just naturally fizzle out, let it

Not much you can do about your mum’s choice of who has power of attorney, nor any influence your sisters might have over her. Would try to distance yourself from this whilst trying to give your mum as much love and care as you can in her final days, certainly she knows what is going on but for her sake as well as yours try to just make her last days as stress free as possible. Is a very tricky situation to navigate and I do feel for you having to face all of this, but try to prioritise your mum and your own well being right now over everything else.

Findingmyway
You ask when is it time to cut loose etc.
The time is now.

On a serious note (and this seriously is not about 'inheritance), two older siblings are also my mum's power of attorney. As I have non-existent relationship it concerns me how much influence they may have over mum. Sister does text through to my husband's phone whilst telling my mum she hasn't got my mobile number (I've had the same mobile number for 15 years...) Middle sister has moved out of her partner's home after two decades to an unknown address (mum doesn't even know the address she's gone to). In contrast my in-laws from Scotland have shown more care and support over the last three decades.