May I offer a little hope?

Stillawip, you sound like such a good mum, not perfect but trying to be better and succeeding, so lovely 🌺

Thank you so much everyone - I really hope that some will find comfort from the positive messages in the thread. There are so many sad threads on this forum, where reconciliations haven’t happened yet, and I just wanted to create one that gave some hop and encouragement to others, and let them know that all can be well again in the end. 💕

stillawip

Absolutely - and there are plenty of threads offering wonderful support to those permanently estranged, which I know you two kind ladies are regular posters on. All those threads just didn't feel like they were for me in my situation, still desperately holding on to a hope that it we would reconcile in the end, so I thought that now my outcome has been different to yours I could show that things can end differently! I would have loved to have seen that when I was searching for comfort.

I think it is lovely that you have shared your happiness. I hope things continue to go well for you.

It's OK Celianne to reach the point where you can't take anymore rejection .

It doesn't mean that the door doesn't remain open and that you wont respond favourably if and when your son reaches out to you, but the ball's in his court and as Babs has posted, you need to take care of you and focus on those who love you and want you in their lives.

I hope his brother can do the same and not allow his brother's absence from his wedding spoil such an important day and joyful occasion.

Celieanne, Sorry about your younger son who is behaving like a spoiled brat. You're his mother for goodness sake, don't waste anymore time on him and making yourself ill. He has chosen to go it alone and you can’t alter that,

Celieanne86

Such kind encouraging messages thank you.
Sadly my youngest son obviously has no wish at all to end the estrangement as my older son who is getting married next month has contacted him and asked him to please come to his wedding. It’s not a big affair, just registry office with family and a lunch afterwards, sadly he has not even acknowledged his brothers message. I have also written to him asking to come but he has ignored me and I just don’t feel I can take any more rejection, I’m too old, too tired and just want a peaceful life.

Well both you and his brother did your best, you can do no more. And I get what you are saying about rejection. After more than 10 years with every letter, card, present, sent for our daughter and GCs never acknowledged we are now ready to stop sending anything, our other three daughters whom she is also estranged from have been telling us to do this for years.
Of course it is good to never say never but also good to let go of the pain and the rejection, and if one day your son does make some kind of contact or you contact him and he replies hopefully there could be a reconciliation, but for now take care of yourself and take strength from those who love you 🙏🏾

Smileless2012

I understand that stillawip. When I first joined GN almost 12 years ago, estrangement was still very much a taboo subject; something to keep hidden and be ashamed of.

The first and most important thing for me was to know that we weren't the only ones. Those of us posting at the time were in the initial stages of being estranged, the support for one another was priceless but I know how much of a comfort it would have been for me, and I suspect for others too, to know that others had found some peace and happiness despite not being reconciled and also to learn that not all, because of what they've been through, would want it and that that's OK too.

Yes, but it’s changed now. People are now more educated and aware,
and realise that parental estrangement can have many causes. No one really blames the EPs for it all now.👍

People do what they do.

Sometimes life throws a bucketload at us all, but there’s always a way through it to discover peace and happiness. 🙂

Stillawip, what a lovely thing to happen

I understand that stillawip. When I first joined GN almost 12 years ago, estrangement was still very much a taboo subject; something to keep hidden and be ashamed of.

The first and most important thing for me was to know that we weren't the only ones. Those of us posting at the time were in the initial stages of being estranged, the support for one another was priceless but I know how much of a comfort it would have been for me, and I suspect for others too, to know that others had found some peace and happiness despite not being reconciled and also to learn that not all, because of what they've been through, would want it and that that's OK too.

Smileless2012

No amount of hard work and introspection will make a difference unless all concerned want to repair relationships and reconcile.

It's lovely to hear from those who've been successful but sadly it's not a possibility for everyone.

Of course Smileless, I quite agree! That's why I said "some" estrangement wounds, in acknowledgement of the fact that every situation is unique.

Anyway, I found this post comforting! All the more so for knowing that reconciliation won't be a given for everyone, but is not a completely unfounded hope for some

Absolutely - and there are plenty of threads offering wonderful support to those permanently estranged, which I know you two kind ladies are regular posters on. All those threads just didn't feel like they were for me in my situation, still desperately holding on to a hope that it we would reconcile in the end, so I thought that now my outcome has been different to yours I could show that things can end differently! I would have loved to have seen that when I was searching for comfort.

I agree. Many of the permanently estranged on here are full of positivity. Life is how you choose to make it, whatever the issues, and regardless of what others may be doing.🙂

I'm glad you did stillawip, but I don't agree that threads mostly contributed too by those permanently estranged are necessarily negative, not in my experience anyway.

Reconciliation is one light and rebuilding one's life and moving forward is another. Knowing that there is life to be enjoyed despite being estranged IMO, can provide just as much hope as the hope for reconciliation, and when you know that reconciliation isn't a possibility, that is the only hope you have.

Smileless2012

No amount of hard work and introspection will make a difference unless all concerned want to repair relationships and reconcile.

It's lovely to hear from those who've been successful but sadly it's not a possibility for everyone.

Yes, and I am so sorry that you are one of them - my heart breaks for you. I posted because, when I went back through all the estrangement forums, there were so many sad stories, and so many negative threads dominated by people who were permanently estranged, that I felt it was important to show that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel, and that there is hope. I just wanted one positive thread, one beacon of light for people who are going through it. I desperately searched for that when it was me, when I needed to believe that things would get better, and there was nothing, so I thought I’d put one up!

No amount of hard work and introspection will make a difference unless all concerned want to repair relationships and reconcile.

It's lovely to hear from those who've been successful but sadly it's not a possibility for everyone.

This is such a lovely post, stillawip. Thanks to you and other posters who have shared your reconciliation experiences and well wishes!

It's encouraging to hear that time can heal some estrangement wounds when paired with hard work and introspection, and that hopes for repairing relationships can be realised.

Such kind encouraging messages thank you.
Sadly my youngest son obviously has no wish at all to end the estrangement as my older son who is getting married next month has contacted him and asked him to please come to his wedding. It’s not a big affair, just registry office with family and a lunch afterwards, sadly he has not even acknowledged his brothers message. I have also written to him asking to come but he has ignored me and I just don’t feel I can take any more rejection, I’m too old, too tired and just want a peaceful life.

Lovely to hear there has been reconciliations, its useful to know the reasons you estranged then you can make amends.

.

Thank you Smileless, I had some good advice, from you too I think?

It was so long ago I can’t remember which individual posters helped me (and I was in a bit of a state in my defence).

Mil/dil relationships are tricky, mismatch of personalities, expectations and traditions. Hardly surprising sometimes it goes south. (And less surprising when you have foot in mouth disease like I have )

Great news stillawip!

Another happy ending Elless .

My story also has a happy ending and I didn't even have to eat humble pie - ironically the problem that caused the estrangement with 2 of my sons became the reason we made contact again and both of my ex-estranged sons have said that my husband and I were 'right all along' and they wished they'd listened to us and not taken the other person's side.
Don't give up - anything is possible💐

Far better to talk before estrangement happens if you can Dilly. It's good to know it was averted in your case .

I also had to eat some humble pie stillawhip. It isn’t fun to contemplate how your behaviour impacted others, but in my case it helped heal a falling out before it turned to an estrangement.

Very grateful to the women on here who gave their honest opinions (even though it was a little on the nose ). I don’t have the time to post on here often atm due to health issues, but occasionally look in and nice to read your happy ending.

Well done you. 🍾🍾. A lot of these estrangements could be sorted out with some honesty and compromise.

But, it takes two sides to tango, and that can only happen if both sides are willing to tango.

Best wishes. 💐