Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Babs took me 2 hours to make it and the frame was already made. My daughter laughs that I don't need labels on presents as everyone can tell my wrapping . Love buying the gifts but hate wrapping . So my efforts look awful . And even with lines on the back of the paper still can't cut in a straight line as my hands tremble. 🤦.

Babs and Yogin how lovely you meet and Joey of course. I have met and stayed with someone from another thread and she has been here. When I went to Berwick upon Tweed May meet another one and her partner and lovely dog . I just thought we would meet for a drink but they kindly took me out a couple of days and even had my boat trip with her . Her partner doesn't like boats . But we had a lovely 2 hours seeing all the wild life and the sea was very calm that day.

I face time with someone on GN every few weeks and keep in touch via text and email. And text and email some others on GN.

It's lovely to have that connection with people just through their words and find they are just like you imagined genuine lovely people you can call as friends .

Will reply to all messages once I have read them. Nutty here had a jig in my kitchen on Saturday and pulled a muscle in my right leg. Even though painful continued as usual including doing my exercises. Wasn't until yesterday I decided to look up about which muscle I have pulled. It's my hamstring and the treatment for that is hot and cold first few days and no exercise and keep leg elevated. 🤦. So I have made it worse. Yesterday found couldn't stand the hot or cold but kept my legs elevated. But didn't look all this up until after doing my exercises and my 300 rotations on my static pedals. Plus when I go to the Brain Charity end up walking 8,000+ steps . 🤦🤦🤦🤦.

I am my own worse enemy . You would think a 66 I would know better. Plus on Wednesday got my first hot glue gun burn. But had to be different. You would think it would be my hand but no. It's half way up the inside of my lower right arm . I am right handed so no idea how I did it. Thankfully only hurt at the time . Took layer of skin off but used my spray on plaster once home and it's healing . Now I will read what everyone has been up to .

Hey Jaffa, was wondering where you were. Nice to hear from you. I agree the vicious threads and posts we have been getting are awful, but is usually peaceful on this thread. Just hope others who might have wanted to come forward haven’t been put off by the horrible trolls.
So glad there is an improvement in your health. And seeing your GCs on Xmas day will be a real treat. Hopefully your daughter can do jolly on Xmas day. Here’s hoping.
A very merry Xmas to you too 🎅🌲

Jaffa, how nice to hear from you and you seem lots better. Glad you are communicating with your daughter and seeing your granddaughter, we shouldn’t take notice of people that seem to delight in having a pop at us but when we are feeling so low it really hurts. Listen to those of us that understand how difficult it is never mind with a health condition in top.
Babs, I can’t begin to think how awful it is for anyone abused by their parents, it’s the worst betrayal. Its lovely how your husband has not become bitter because of it and put everything into his own family, even more hurtful for him with what he endured. I don't think I could forgive but I'm coming from having just ordinary loving parents, with all the ups and downs of life, but loved, as my daughter was.

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I posted because the nasty comments on some of the estrangement threads triggered sadness and anxiety. I felt that I was being attacked and vilified as a mother,even though it wasn't personal. I didn't feel that I wanted to be in the firing zone,although on a rational level I was safe.
My youngest daughter had her surgery and we are waiting for the histology results to confirm it was a benign tumour. Went down to see her with R who came over from Ireland. She is slowly recovering and hope to be able to see her at Christmas time.
My other daughter is still fairly distant. I phone her every few weeks and text her. Sometimes she responds,sometimes not. I have booked to take her and the kids to a Christmas show and the pizza meal afterwards. She has said she will come to me on Christmas day for presents and lunch. Not a lot of warmth in our communication but at least I get to see the kids.
I am improving balance and mobility and can walk now without a stick. Still under hospital reviews. My repeat brain scans showed white lesions and there is still a debate amongst neuro team whether this is ms. or my pre-existing Chiari malformation. As there is no treatment for either I am just trying to do as much as I can. Put the Christmas tree up and have been out to show and party with old friends.
Wish all you ladies a happy Christmas and let's hope for a peaceful 2025 xx

@Bridie, yes, they don’t want to know. Is not about EPs trying to avoid difficult conversations etc., with estranged ACs as those who regularly hijack our threads try to accuse us of. Fact is there are no conversations, that ship sailed 11 years ago for us. 🥺

Babs03... I'm more than willing to accept any shortcomings I may have that may have contributed to the estrangement, however, I cant do that without communication...so be it .

Our estranged ACs are cowards in my opinion, using estrangement to compensate for their lack of backbone. Kicking their parents to the curb rather than face their own shortcomings.
🤔🌺

@Allsorts, my DH continued seeing his mum even though he couldn’t forgive her for letting his dad abuse him as a child. He looked after her at the end, we both did, and she had a great relationship with her GCs.
Fact is she had served her time married to a man who probably terrified her, life is too complicated and messy to just cut off when the going gets tough, we have to work through things as best we can imho.
🌺🙏🏾

SparklyGrandma

Yes it seems sadder here this year too, may get some camomile tea in for Christmas.

It would be lovely if some of us lived nearby…

I don’t know but I’ve been unable to cry for quite a while…I feel it coming…then..nothing. I must be bunged up…

Smileless I think I joined nearly 10 years ago….

Crying doesn’t always happen. Pain can be tearless. I remember my mum at my dad’s funeral never shedding a tear, she just stood there like a statue but I knew she was torn apart inside. If you feel the need to cry that is the pain, if tears don’t come it doesn’t mean your pain is any less.
We all grieve differently.
But the pain is the same.
Chamomile tea always relaxes me.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

‘Yes that would be lovely Smiles after knowing each other for 12yrs. Babs and I did have a nice hug hello & goodbye, it really was a lovely meet up’

❤️🌺🌺

Thank you Babs for your wise and helpful words. I do worry that my best wasn’t good enough….but I also know I wanted to get it right so much. And after so many missing years they are still deeply loved. Sending love to all finding it hard just now. As we know (because we’re experts!) these sad feelings will become manageable again.
Great news about your neighbour Yogin. Really hope this is the end of any ill will and one upmanship now. Well done to the Council for acting so promptly.

In a bereavement, after that shock when you lose them, you gradually come to terms with the dreadful loss, with estrangement every morning you have that feeling fresh again, it took me years to handle it. We are all different, I know for sure my husband would not have out up with the continuous bad way she treated me. He would have said it’s her decision, not ours and there would not be a second chance to break our hearts. If they show you what they are like you believe it. That would be it. His own mother would have tested the patience off Job, but never once was he rude to her, he saw her every month and took her and his father out for the day, he used to say they did their best, you only get one mom and dad. Ours have no love or respect for us its as simple as that

Yes it seems sadder here this year too, may get some camomile tea in for Christmas.

It would be lovely if some of us lived nearby…

I don’t know but I’ve been unable to cry for quite a while…I feel it coming…then..nothing. I must be bunged up…

Smileless I think I joined nearly 10 years ago….

Oh sorry to hear you're sad Spring . I don't let my brain go there.

Smileless2012

Oh yes, wouldn't it; maybe one day we can all meet up. Wouldn't that be wonderful .

Yes, that would be lovely Smiles after knowing each other for 12yrs. Babs and I did have a nice hug hello & goodbye, it really was a lovely meet up .

Morning all

Thanks again for your good wishes re dickhead, all quiet on that front now and I'm enjoying parking right outside my home, such a pleasure

Yes Babs same with my GC, they were just 2.5yrs and 18mnths when I last saw them, now big teenagers. They would not be interested in seeing us now, not remembering the loving bond we had before the estrangement.

Yes, Babs and I had a lovely chat over a coffee yesterday, we didn't stop talking the whole time and we live so near each other, so good .

Lovely gift wrap Whiff, such a big job to wrap up all the presents! I need to write and post my Xmas cards today, I will hand out all that I can.

Spring20

I too had a cry this week - has helped knowing I’m not the only one. Not sure why but for some reason this Christmas seems harder. Thought as the years passed it would get easier but it doesn’t. Spending Christmas Day on our own, folk coming over on Boxing Day. Will be glad when it’s over though as am struggling to be cheerful so don’t spoil the season for others. How fab to meet up Babs and Yogi! Good to have someone nearby who fully gets what it’s like.

Is a living bereavement, I don’t think is possible to get over it, and I think as time goes by we miss what might have been. That is tough. But I think is healthy to have a cry and feel a bit down at this time of year, after all we were loving parents, if we were abusive or neglectful we probably wouldn’t give a monkeys. It hurts because we love them. And if they don’t feel that way about us that reflects badly on them not us.
We did our best. They have to live with what they did.
We will light a candle. Last year we sent presents, did it for over ten years, but this time we have decided there is no point.
We don’t have to be strong all the time Spring20, so do cry and remember the good times, and the love you still have for them, then keep on keeping on taking comfort in the love around you.
🌺🙏🏾

Is so nice to meet up with someone likeminded as you say. No need to explain and no judgements or criticisms.
👍
We need to hire a bus one day and all go on a jolly. 🎉

How wonderful Babs and Yoga, I started on this forum over 10 years ago different user name then as I left for a while because of a poster like VS. I wouldn't like to be the bully with you two outwitting him.

I too had a cry this week - has helped knowing I’m not the only one. Not sure why but for some reason this Christmas seems harder. Thought as the years passed it would get easier but it doesn’t. Spending Christmas Day on our own, folk coming over on Boxing Day. Will be glad when it’s over though as am struggling to be cheerful so don’t spoil the season for others. How fab to meet up Babs and Yogi! Good to have someone nearby who fully gets what it’s like.

That would indeed be wonderful.
Nice work Whiff as always, have a rest, hope you feel less tired tomorrow.
Babs03, that's great to live so close to each other, keep your eye on that nasty neighbour,

Oh yes, wouldn't it; maybe one day we can all meet up. Wouldn't that be wonderful .

Smileless2012

Oh how lovely Babs, I wish I lived near to all of you. Next time you see Yogin give her a big hug from me, my oldest friend here on GN.

Will do.
Wish all of you lived nearby. Would be a real party 🎉

Oh how lovely Babs, I wish I lived near to all of you. Next time you see Yogin give her a big hug from me, my oldest friend here on GN.