Christmas without Son, his wife and 2 Grand Daughters

Rad14 unfortunately yours is a familiar story.

The first thing you need to do before worrying about estrangement. Is get help and stop drinking. As you have said it's accelerated over the years can you admit to yourself you are an alcoholic. That is the first step . Then get in touch with a support group that will help you stop drinking .

My uncle was an alcoholic but it was drinking beer. It cost him his marriage and relationship with his children . But he stopped drinking but he always said he was an alcoholic he just didnt't drink .

Your problem with alcohol seems to stem from the estrangement. But you have a wife and son that needs you ..
Your wife will help you in anyway she can . But even though your son has autism and learning difficulties he can see he's dad is different.

But you have to want to stop drinking . There is no magic cure but I know my uncle regretted to his dieing day he missed out on his children growing up. When an adult he's daughter did reconnect but his son was 8 years older and never forgave his dad.

I know you want help with your estrangement but you mentioned your drinking . You can change and stop drinking unfortunately your estrangement is something you have to live with and it's hard .

But beware trolls may invade your post if they do ignore them . The support thread is here it may be a better place to talk about your estrangement and I don't know if there is a thread on the health forum to do with drink .

To be fair, if your wife has had CFS for that long , it’s unlikely she’d be able to that journey anyway.

You, seriously, need to get help with your drink problem.

And then, you and your wife would best just doing the zoom calls and enjoy your life. 🌺

You can’t change what others do. 🤷‍♀️

The zoom calls are "worth something" though. They show the children that you do care about them.

There are alcoholics who are ex-drinkers here on Gransnet- maybe they will pop over soon but drink is not your friend!

Now is a good time to make contact with a local group and work on this.


Thinking of you.

I am the youngest of a family of nine. Four of my brothers were high functioning alcoholics. How they functioned I do not know. Sadly, all of them died in their 60s,

Please seek help with your drink problem.

I am sorry to read about your estrangement from your son and the difficulty in seeing your grandchildren. However, the answer is not in the bottom of a bottle - do get help in stopping the drinking as you are no good to your wife or younger son if and when your health becomes problematic through the alcohol, and it will.
No child wants to be part of a zoom chat with an inebriated grandparent who slurs their words and cannot focus on the conversation!
Why do you only see your youngest son on Christmas Day and Boxing Day if he only lives 5 minutes away from you? I sense there is more going on.

You see your grandchildren for 45 minutes every fortnight on Zoom, you should be counting your blessings! Many estranged grandparents would give their right arm to be in that situation. they have not seen or heard from their grandchildren for years.

So stop drinking, stop feeling sorry for yourself, be grateful for what you have and build on it.

I know and understand that in an ideal world you and your son and family would be reunited and happy together. But few of us live in ideal worlds and estrangement is what some have to deal with.

There is a prayer that goes:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It is one you would benefit from making.

You have many problems to contend with Rad14 and as your wife doesn't want to discuss this issue with you it might help you to talk to someone else. Have you thought of joining AA?

I think it would give you a lot of help, friendship and support.. you clearly can't continue drinking without it affecting your Mental and physical Health.. goodluck

Perhaps we might start with what happened at the wedding? That might allow us a little more understanding. The drinking I am afraid is something you must address within yourself, your mind will look for excuses to drink more and they are excuses because drinking is your own choice. Alcoholics Anonymous would be a great way to help yourself beat this.

You are right to correct me, I had not taken into account the amount of time. It all sounded so raw. Treasure the calls, that contact with the grandchildren is precious indeed.

Violetsky? How strange.

I would advise you to see the calls eith your grandchildren as the gift they are in a relationship you admit to be fractured for sometime.

Perhaps even more importantly I’d advise you to see about getting help with your drinking problem. There are many local groups and organizations that can help.

Drinking could be a form of self medication. If your wife has CF, one son is estranged from you and the other has autism, I imagine you feel pretty low sometimes and this could be a trigger for drinking. See your GP who will assess whether you are depressed, and will, as others on this thread have done, suggest seeking professional help for your drinking problem. You can’t do this alone. And putting your own mental and physical well-being first is essential before you can deal effectively with any other troubles in your life.
Wishing you all the very best with this.
🌺🙏🏾

Grunty

Violetsky? How strange.

Hmmm 🤔

Grunty, some tine ago a very deranged poster called violet caused mayhem. Many of us recognised her fragile mind set and ignored, others were drawn into long frenetic rants from her until she was removed, so I gather that was the reference and she's back under a different name(s) the long stupid ones. I believe in ignoring the trolls as health in the community doesn't work and so they come on here. Just ignore, I don't read them myself as they need help but obviosly can't get it.

GuinnessAday trolls just love estrangement threads and they don't need a reason to appear . They just love disrupting a thread . Many threads have been deleted because of them . And they turn out to be banned posters who have used different names and email addresses to get back on .

Interesting you say VioletSky she was banned a while ago . Strange you say 'I don't see the point VioletSky? ' 🤔

She caused nothing but trouble and many users of estrangement threads think some or all the trolls are her getting back on .

Rad14 I hope you come back on and let us know you will get help with your drinking . Your wife and son need you and with their help even though your son has autism and learning difficulties they love you and you them .

Enjoy your facetime with your grandchildren at least you do get to see them growing up.

So is Luminance actually VioletSky?

Who knows Grunty!

Well GNHQ would know if they have a previously banned poster creeping back in?

Not if they come back with different email and username, Grunty.

Cover blown by an own goal!

Grunty

So is Luminance actually VioletSky?

I don’t think so.
If you read other posts from Luminance they are perfectly coherent. Unlike the ramblings of VioletSky.

Then why have Luminance's posts been deleted petra? And AGuinessADay's? I reported it to GNHQ and asked them if they could check and they wouldn't have deleted without good reason?

Several trolls have called Luminance ‘Violet Sky’, could just be mischief, but is a strange thing to do.