Successful reconciliations & how you got there...

This is the estrangement forum Skydancer so it's to be expected that not every post will be positive.

Do you have any contact at all with your brother? You say he wont ever change so I suppose you have to decide whether having contact with him despite his faults, is better than never seeing him, or having any contact with him again.

You say neither of you like one another's spouse but that shouldn't prevent you from having some kind of relationship. You can talk on the 'phone, text and/or email and meet up without your spouses being there too.

As you're the one whose distanced yourself from him, if you do decide that you want to resume contact, the way forward will probably require you to make the first move.

I wish you well with whatever you decide.

I realise this is meant to be a positive thread. My experience isn’t one of total estrangement. It’s me who has distanced myself from a sibling who is greedy for more and more money, is extremely mean, boastful, self-centred and patronising but who I still love. I tell myself I am not at fault but I can’t bear the way he behaves and he makes me feel uncomfortable. He won’t ever change but I don’t like thinking we will never see one another again. We are so different but both stubborn but I believe he is fond of me as well. Add to that the fact that neither of us likes the other one’s spouse. There seems no way forward.

That Dr Joshua Coleman sounds worth listening to.
Many thanks for the reference.

Can't not got

I think it's wonderful that you started this thread and have returned to it.
I'm no saint, I'm estranged from the woman who gave birth to me and I visited my mother in law on Christmas day, first time since she told my husband last Spring that I haven't never wanted to be part of their family (totally untrue)

As I've got older I've just realised I got change people's view of me.

It’s lovely that you’re back on track with your daughter, Ziggy62, I’m so pleased for you! I had the dearest father-in-law, who would never say a critical word against any of us…one day I bumped into a friend of his who told me that he had indeed been terribly thrown and upset by something in the family (not being used to the modern world & its ways), and had confided that to them, but to us not a word in disapproval, only showing total support for that family member’s choices. I was really struck by that, and remembering how much he was loved and respected by us all, I now try to channel that same behaviour with others and remember that not all my thoughts and opinions need to be voiced.

Nope, times I've ended up in tears with frustration but still i keep my mouth shut lol

Not always easy I can imagine .

No not at all. I'm just overjoyed to have her back
We're very alike. So as I've said I've learnt to keep my mouth firmly closed lol
Not always easy

It's great that you've reconciled with your D Ziggy but have you found it difficult renewing the relationship without knowing why she estranged you?

stillawipp

Oh dear, yes my apologies, I did ‘get the hump’ and delete my account earlier but then i realised that that was a bit childish so i have re-registered (with an extra p!) . I haven’t really got anything to add to the thread -as Smileless2012 pointed out, nobody owns a thread, so it will go where it goes, I guess! If I can add anything helpful, I will .

I'm so very pleased you returned. I tried to send you a pm but guess your original account was deleted

I would love a thread that tries to remain positive

I can see estrangement from both sides (fortunately and unfortunately)

My daughter stopped contacting me some years ago, like other EPs on here, I couldn't understand why. She didn't reply to my messages or letters. Birthday and Christmas cheques were left not paid into her account. One Christmas I wrote a letter and included tree decorations I'd kept since she was a (miracle) baby some 30 years earlier, it broke my heart every time I looked at them. I kept the letter friendly and explained my heart was broken
The following August was my 60th birthday, the day before I received a card, flowers and a letter "reaching out" to me. No explanation as what I had done to annoy/upset her. We spoke on the phone a few days later for at least 2 hours ( no mention of the estrangement)

Anyway, my point being, I have learnt to keep my opinions to myself and keep my mouth firmly close ( not always easy)

On the other hand I went NC with my own mother in 2014, she has mental health issues and after being sectioned in the late 50s was advised never to have children. After my father died in 2012 I did my best but just couldn't cope. Long, long story. To protect my own mental health I had to walk away. It wasn't an easy decision. It still isn't.

I am of the opinion no AC make the decision lightly

It can apply to any estrangement situation Skydancer.

Oh absolutely - any estrangements! I thought it might be useful for some to hear what worked for other people on the way to a reconciliation

Is this only about estranged AC? What about other estrangements such as an adult sibling?

Oh, thank you Sweetyesterdays! That’s good 👍🏻

You’re* back

Glad your back Stillawipp your post gave me a lot of food for thought

Thank you Babs03

Oh dear, it looks as if we've had a couple of posters who shouldn't be here again.

Good news stillawipp, we all get the hump on GN at times, hope you stick around your input has been helpful I'm sure.
xx

Oh dear, yes my apologies, I did ‘get the hump’ and delete my account earlier but then i realised that that was a bit childish so i have re-registered (with an extra p!) . I haven’t really got anything to add to the thread -as Smileless2012 pointed out, nobody owns a thread, so it will go where it goes, I guess! If I can add anything helpful, I will .

^until they are treated and/or taught otherwise* and that treatment and teaching can come from an outsider; an abusive, manipulative and controlling partner for example.

It can come from 'falling in with the wrong crowd' and becoming involved with drugs and/or alcohol resulting in a warped view of not just one's parents but society.

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Perhaps you didn't see eddiecat's post on the first page of this thread ENM. Her estrangement with her son ended with his divorce. She now enjoys a lovely relationship with him and his new wife, her new d.i.l. so the something happening you refer too had nothing to do with her parenting.

Sometimes the something that happens is because of the EAC, not their parents.

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