Successful reconciliations & how you got there...

That's really lovely.

Pretty similar really, being honest with yourself and others, looking inwards which can be a hard thing to do, saying sorry and drawing a line in the sand.

We've been reconnected for years now and we've had absolutely no problems. We had another baby a few years ago which I was worried about as that's what kicked off the difficulties all those years ago but I didn't need to worry.

Hope you have a lovely new year Stillawip

I have found over the years that keeping your mouth shut is the secret to happy relationships with grown up children. We have to recognise that they are adults and able to have opinions of their own.

dragonfly46 And there lies the truth! I once read 'only give advice if asked and when you are asked don't give it!!'

I'd add to what dragonfly says ... we want them to be adults, don't we? 😊

So, let them be.

How lovely March & I hope you have a wonderful New Year too, with your family

Sadly our DIL had no interest in reconciliation and the estrangement only ended when the marriage ended and she no longer had any say over who our son and grandchildren see. We now have a lovely relationship with them and with son's new partner

A friend has recently had a new grandchild in the family.
She asked what was the secret to a successful relationship and was surprised when four of us all said,
"Keep it zipped!"
To which we added,
"Don't say anything that isn't positive."

Stillawip, thankyou for your honest and positive post. You have made a very brave move towards rebuilding your relationship with your son. Well done and I wish you and your family a very happy 2025.

Fantastic!

What a lovely idea for a thread stillawip
I am not estranged but have friends who were/are.

I hope some people are very useful on here for others who are struggling.

It's always cheering to hear from those whose estrangements have come to an end but of course it doesn't matter what you do or say if the one whose estranged you doesn't want to reconcile.

Your story shows just how damaging third party influence can be eddie and how damaging.

I agree is heartening to hear of reconciliations, and I would hope that all those estranged EPs, EACs, and other people estranged from family members would do everything possible to end the estrangement. But sadly there are those who
have tried everything and are still estranged and those whose mental and physical well-being has been so adversely affected that an end to an estrangement from an abusive individual is impossible.
But for those who feel they can reach out now and initiate a reconciliation then I urge them to do so because estrangement really is a living bereavement.

Yes, absolutely, which is why this thread is for those who have reconciled & can offer some hope & advice to others, & for others who are new on the journey .

A beautifully written post Babs.

Sometimes a reconciliation can happen after the death of a parent.
Someone in our wider family who was estranged for many years has a good relationship now with her stepmother after the death of her father.

A significant birthday of the stepmother turned out to be a good time to reconnect. The stepmother wrote saying how lovely it would be if she felt able to come to her family birthday meal - but that she would understand if she didn't feel able.
The adult stepdaughter went to the birthday meal and has kept in touch since.

I think it's sometimes one person in a couple who is "just too difficult" to cope with. The dynamics can change after a bereavement.

Not exactly an "upbeat" post but it felt pretty upbeat within the wider family.

Ours was after the death of a pet!
It was such a bizarre way, my MIL had always sent the odd text to DH which he ignored.
Coming home from the vets she sent text and it felt like a sign? I told him to message back. Life's too short for all of this and we agreed to meet.
That was it, talked through everything, apologies both sides and we cracked on.

My in laws started an argument with us within the first days of having our first child and it was nice getting that apology and she was mortified! We were very young and it happened very quickly so back then it feels like she thought we wouldn't last, not the case.

Sorry the essay and I know it doesn't happen to everyone or they may not even want to reconnect. This is just my experience.

Off to open the fizz!

Your'e right NotSpaghetti estrangement can be due to one person in a couple so things can change when there's a bereavement or in eddiecat's case a divorce.

Enjoy your fizz March.

love0c

dragonfly46 And there lies the truth! I once read 'only give advice if asked and when you are asked don't give it!!'

That reminds me of an old Groucho Marx line: "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!"

What a wonderful idea for this forum. For myself, I always feel that being positive is the route out of many situations. For anyone who holds up a constant negative to your positive, there are options. I have always told my own dear children that in life we will find many people who try to bring us down. We would never continue friendships with people who make us feel unloved. Our own families should be the people least inclined to make us feel unloved. So we must protect our hearts from that and avoid all the mental and physical discomfort it comes with.

That's a great line isn't it NonGrannyMoll

I don't have a story to contribute but I appreciate the positive thread. There's huge benefit to be had from reflecting on your actions and improving yourself, even if it doesn't result in ending the estrangement. Many people never reach that point of self-awareness.

I'm so glad it worked out for you, and I bet you are a happier and healthier person overall because of the work you've put into yourself and your relationships!

Estrangement comes in all shapes and sizes.

That's just like reconciliation, unfortunately the death of a parent or a family member, a divorce, a split, an apology, counselling, looking at your self, looking at them, forgiving them, forgiving you, smiling and nodding and so on.

It's not for everyone but it might be helpful to someone.

Estrangement starts for many reasons, and some end for a variety of reasons.

All good if people can reconcile - but some are impossible to resolve.🙂

Yes absolutely, and there are so many threads covering that aspect, so if could we just keep this one to successful reconciliations and any tips to achieve that, that would be great, thanks.