Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

So sorry to read about your s.i.l Smiles, condolences to you and Mr.S

Whiff

All the people I know who took their own lives and people's love ones who did never mentioned it before and the worse thing not one left a letter explaining why. So I don't agree Luminance but then again I don't agree with things you say often . If some is going to end their life they do it . They don't torture their parents with the threat of doing it. As taking your own life takes courage and conviction. Something Portrait's daughter lacks .

I am afraid that is not true. Yes the threat of suicide can be used to hurt and control but it is also true that people can see no way out of a problem and disclose suicidal thoughts to others. Even in the case of those using it abusively, attempts can be made and cause life altering damage to their own bodies. You are very welcome to disagree with me of course but I am not suggesting Portrait deal with this or make any changes in her life but to simply report it to the relevant authorities to provide that.

Had a nightmare journey getting to Llandudno and because of train breakdowns before I got to Chester didn't arrive until 1.30 instead of 11.02. My aunt and uncle hadn't got a mobile phone at the moment. So did get in touch with Llandudno station and ask them to put out a message to them my trains where delayed and I would get a taxi to the hotel unfortunately they didn't do that . So my aunt uncle went to my hotel to see if I had booked in but because of the data protection act they wouldn't tell them . Even though they don't live from Llandudno took them 2 hours to get home as a lorry over turned that was carrying cattle .
But seeing them this morning at 10.30. Spoke to them both yesterday.

After a rest had a walk to the beach never seen such big pebbles and the pier was to far to walk. But sent my daughter a picture of it . She said it was a very good photo but did say I had to delete the 6 blurry ones 🤣.

Room and staff are lovely.

Heard from Babs yesterday. Mr B in his own room so she is staying with him and having great support from nurses and other hospital workers,patients and their loved ones. Plan of action in place and hopefully moved to a rehab place near to where they live and will have an op to stop AF in a London hospital no date set yet.

I said I was relieved to her from her as I feared the worse. But Mr B is a fighter and with Babs by his side he will recover but wouldn't be the same as he was . But many here understand that .

I know I have lost strength since my hospital stay in January and things I could do I can't do in the same way but found new ways to do them . But lost something's forever . But I am still here that's the main thing .

So Babs and Mr B still together because of they are eachothers other half they can face what the future holds. 🌹

All the people I know who took their own lives and people's love ones who did never mentioned it before and the worse thing not one left a letter explaining why. So I don't agree Luminance but then again I don't agree with things you say often . If some is going to end their life they do it . They don't torture their parents with the threat of doing it. As taking your own life takes courage and conviction. Something Portrait's daughter lacks .

Smiles very sorry about your sister in law and for Mr S his sister dieing . She must have been a very strong woman to battle the way she did. I can understand her taking part in experimental treatments. If she was anything like my husband she probably thought if it doesn't help me it may help others. Many here have loved ones or know of people who battle cancer even when they know there is no hope of survival. My husband was given 5 years and when he was terminal given 4 months to 2 years but we knew we only had months . My husband said it was something black inside him eating him alive.

While your sister must have been in agony she may have found like my husband it was other people's attitude the hardest thing to bare. Only the 4 of us knew he wouldn't live but didn't want anyone else to know. As in his words he didn't want to be treated like a dead man walking . When he was terminal I had to threaten my parents if they treated him differently he would cut then out of his life . In private they could ask me how he was doing but not him . He did cut people out of his life . Pity was the worst thing and he couldn't tolerate that. Mind you his own mother didn't care and after he died even before his funeral she told people she didn't have a son or 2 grandchildren.

In away looking back even though I hated her for 40 years I looked after her because that's how I was brought up to care about family no matter what. She must have hated it and suppose me still looking after her was my revenge as she couldn't slang me off as people knew what I did for her.

On a health thread sometime ago I was to told and this will sound weird but because of people taking experimental treatments if my husband was alive today even with grade 4 malignant melanoma his life span would have been increased through treatments and how advanced MRI ,genetic testing etc has come.

Your sister in law care about not just her loved ones but others and hopefully her suffering helps others in future.

So glad she got to see and play with her grandchildren. I know even with dementia how much it meant to my mom she got to hold her first great grandson. And he's was the only name she rembered and wants him her last week of life.

My daughters 2 boys know all about their granddad and even my parents and my nan and grandad on my mom's side. Just hope my son tells his 3 boys about his dad.

Smileless, condolences on the death of your SIL. She sounded a very strong woman who made the most of life.
Portrait, I understand your reservations about your daughter, I was a bit like your husband, it’s because I couldn’t give up on the girl she was. Maybe your d will change character but you are right to be cautious. I feel more my old self now I have let go. She never threatened suicide. That would frighten most parents,
Sparkly, its taken us both a long time to get to this point, the betrayal is very hard to process, prior to it happening I would have staked my life on her, it was
Whiff, if you read this, I do hope you are enjoying yourself.

Talk of suicide should always be taken very seriously. Please never dismiss this. You do not have to be the person who deals with it directly, report your concern to the relevant authorities.

Glad you are feeling better Whiff, have a lovely holiday .

Allsorts mine is 18 years already. I agree never again to be hurt like that again.

Afternoon everyone,
Thank you Portrait and Whiff, cosmos are lovely.

Smileless my condolences on the loss of your SiL.

Portrait my sympathy stretches out to you. I had helped my just adult DS through several crises. He got himself together but then went NC with me. Like you and your DH, I wondered if he’d have come back a second time to expect help again?

Have a lovely holiday Whiff and anyone else vacationing..

What a terrible position to find yourselves in Portrait .

I think you're right to be here with us, rather than start another conversation which could draw more attention than you would like.

I'm so sorry but I think Yogin is right, and that was my first thought when I read your post. Of course this is terribly upsetting and worrying and your D will know this. She'll know that you are wondering and worrying about whether or not she would end her life which I suspect is why she's told you.

Your poor DH but you were right, as you both need to be prepared for the distinct possibility that your role at this time is a sticking plaster, and if she's able to sort herself out and you're no longer needed, she'll go again.

In order to do so though, she needs to take responsibility. She needs to see that the actions she has taken have led to the consequences she now faces so she needs to change.

I hope one day she'll realise how fortunate she is to have the parents she has, who in spite of what you've been put through are still there for her despite knowing that there's a significant possibility that if she is able to sort herself out and you're no longer needed, you'll be estranged again.

You'll be on your way to Llandudno as I type this Whiff so have a great holiday. Reading that your aunt and uncle both in their 80's, are meeting you at the station made me . So pleased that your UTI has gone as that would have put a damper on your time away.

We had some very upsetting although not unexpected news at the weekend; Mr. S.'s sister has died after a courageous and hard fought 10 year battle with cancer. She was two years older than me and we shared the same name.

Originally diagnosed 14 years ago with breast cancer and following treatment she was in remission until it was discovered elsewhere. The last 10 years the doctors have been chasing it all around her body until eventually it went to her brain.

As late as February she had a round of new treatment but that just knocked everything out of her. It was I think one treatment too many but she was so brave, she took part in every experimental course going.

We will be for ever thankful that she survived long enough to meet her only GC who was born 18 months ago, and spent many happy hours being the GM she always wanted to be.

Morning all

Have a lovely holiday Whiff.

Portrait As Whiff has said your D is just freighting you with talk of suicide, but of course it is still a big worry to hear her say that. Just keep supporting her, even though she doesn't deserve it from you, with how badly she has treated you and her dad.

Smiles forgot to mention you . UTI gone . But Dr thinks I have low oestrogen as already got an appointment booked for end of the month about my BP will remember to wear a skirt as apparently need an examination. Not ideal what she expects to find 🤣.

Off to Llandudno taxi coming at 7.30 back on Friday. Travel assistance on the trains . My aunt and uncle are meeting to take me to my hotel . Did remind them I am 67 now they are 83&86. Last time I saw them was 2017 at mom's funeral . My aunt has always been a glamour puss so don't expect her to have changed. They live in a village not far from Llandudno.

Have a good week everyone.

Belated greetings to those that had birthdays, been away and missed them. Sorry you have a UTI Whiff, they are awful as have had a few but it is worse for you with your problems. Hope you are on the mend Yoga.
I have been thinking about what term I would use to describe my long standing estrangement and its 'I'm Done, I am ok. I am 'done with blame, trying, wanting, all in the past.. Wish I had felt like this 15 years ago. I would never let anyone else treat me the way I used to be by the person closest.

Portrait you are safe on this thread and you are amongst friends who understand what you are going through. There have been rotten eggs who have tried but failed to derail this wonderful group but it's been going over 12 years. Longevity proves how much it's needed .

Your daughter got herself into this mess and she has to take responsibility for her actions .

Whatever you and your husband do don't give her any money. She is an adult and it's up to her to make her own way in this world .

Any emotional support you give her please be careful as she has estranged once unfortunately she could do it again . Alluding to suicide is a low blow as she did it to frightened you both and in my book that is despicable. People who really do want to end their lives just do it . It's just another way to torture you both.

Unfortunately she will never change her ways for good . Even if she manages to do well again you will find yourself disposable again . For some people money and status means more than a loving caring relationship with their family.

My in laws where better off than my parents and tried to law it over my parents but my dad put them firmly in their place . And didn't speak to my parents for 2 years. But my parents where devils 👿 if they saw my in laws in the village or town my in laws crossed the road but my parents shouted across the road to them and waved. My mom in law didn't work after they got married and at the time I started going out with my husband's dad was a manager of a large company. My parents where shop floor workers in another factory my dad was foreman.

They thought money made them better than anyone else but they were vile people . Money doesn't buy health or happiness. It seems to me it just makes people want more and they don't care who they hurt in the process.

My brother and me weren't brought up with money but our family was rich in love and caring and that is priceless. My husband never knew what a real family was like my dad . Except with my dad he was beaten so much he ended up with a hole behind his ear and deaf in it. But my dad just said his dad and stepmother didn't spare the rod.

Your daughter is very lucky to have you both . But you are right to warn your husband. I think men aren't as strong as women . It's what I call the silver back gorilla attitude. They think they have to be the strong ones who fixes everything but it floors them when they can't .

We where getting better off the last 10 years of my husband's life and if he had lived then we would have been wealthy he was a very good business man . And worked hard . But both our children had what he never had love , attention and caring . Our children where brought up like my brother and me . Told we where loved and our parents where proud of us everyday. I still tell my daughter and grandsons everytime I see them and in text message .

I have had silence from my son for 5 years and am glad if it . The first couple of years couldn't get my head round why. But I have never blamed myself. As I know I have done everything possible to help support them emotionally not with money .

We brought the children up the same but once they become adults they choose their own paths . I know if my son wanted back into my life I would never trust him he destroyed that . But I know it will never happen because he will never admit he did wrong . It's easier to blame the parents . If my husband had lived my son would never have done it as my husband won't have let him get away with what he said or what my daughter has said about me .

Please protect yourselves and sad to say have to harden your hearts. But that's what this thread is for as we all understand what it feels like to have your child or children turn against you .

Whatever you say is not wrong and your can open up your heart and know you are amongst friends . This thread is my life line it saved me from despair. But it taught me it's not my fault my son made this choice but he should have told me to my face but I know if he had he couldn't have done it. So he took the cruel cowardly way out via email and letter.

You are both good parents and done the best you could and brought up your daughter with good values. How she turned into the adult she is her own doing and has to face the consequences of her actions .

Oh deal lord Whiff! I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Have they referred you to an infectious disease doctor? Sometimes that makes all the difference in treatment options. I hope you get well soon.

Well today is not a great day. I would make a thread but am afraid my daughter will see it. Silly, but I feel safer with my problems hidden in a comment section.

It's been less than 2 months since my daughter contacted me after many years of estrangement. She asked me for advice so I told her that her actions had the potential for catastrophic reputational, and career damage. She swims with sharks, corporate raiders but even they have rules of conduct that she was breaking.

It finally came to fruition. She's lost almost everything. She takes no accountability for this at all. What is terrifying is that she alludes to suicide. She makes sure to say 'not now, I don't have a plan' because she's savvy and doesn't want a 911 call. But I still wonder- would she do this?

So hubby and I are being supportive. Trying to help her with loving words, while knowing that if and when she gets back on her feet we will likely be dumped again. I've anguished for years wondering where we went wrong as parents. My friends and family believe when she set herself up to be wealthy and powerful we weren't her kind of people anymore. This makes sense because she dumped all her middle class family and friends.

I want her to come out of this as a better person. To feel empathy for the people she hurt, and realize that you can't treat people as disposable. Or to think that the rules of society don't apply to her. I want her to change back into the loving girl and young woman I remember. If that doesn't happen I want her to at least come out of it whole and for her to rebuild her life into something she enjoys. Even if we aren't part of it in the future.

My husband is distraught. I think I gut punched him when I told him 'no matter what we do she will probably leave again at some point'. He agreed but the look of sadness on his face when I said that. But it's true. I don't want him unprepared or fantasizing that things will go back to the way they were before she abrubtly left.

We are not giving advice unless she asks. Just being there, checking in every day, reminding her she can get through this.

Thank you everyone for being here for me. For letting me express myself. I can't talk about this with anyone but hubby and you.

Morning everyone.

I hope your UTI is clearing up Whiff and you've been prescribed some more antibiotics. You'll need to take extra care when out as this makes your balance worse which I'm sure you will.

Lovely photograph; the table looks very patriotic and no doubt you had a great time.

It's good to hear that your foot is much better Yogin. I'll have to remember about apple cider vinegar as I've had problems in the past and it's surprising just how uncomfortable hard skin can be.

Had another round of golf yesterday and managed to get onto the first green in 3 shots . Mr. S. is very good and L did well too. They're very patient and encouraging which is lovely and I'm already improving which is just as well!!!

Looking forward to the next spell of warm and sunny weather as it's been very chilly here and cloudy but no rain which TBH we could have done with.

Love and (((hugs))) for you Babs and Mr. B. xx

SparklyGrandma I don't know about low calcium diets. But been on low potassium diet for 15 years + and was given a list of high potassium foods to cut out of my diet but list of foods that I could have instead that where low in potassium..But have low sodium levels. Apart from having extra salt that's all I have been total . Seeing GP end of the month as they are not happy with my blood pressure. I had to do a week's reading twice a day and when they averaged them out it was 160/80.

I love cosmos and haven't planted any this year . Been busy planting my veg plants into there final growing positions some outside and some in my greenhouse.

Portrait unfortunately my battle with this UTI continues. Couldn't understand why I wasn't feeling better on Sunday . Didn't hurt to wee but had the pulling and frequency. So checked the dosage . I had given the nurse card with which 2 antibiotics work on me . The one she gave was only for 5 days instead of 7 but worse it's supposed to 3 a day but she only put 2 a day. That was Cefalexin. So yesterday before my chat and cuppa with the Wombles . Took a sample to my GP and asked to have the Nitrofurantoin twice a day for 7 days. Explained I was going on holiday on Monday. So said she you pass my request into duty GP. Had a message when I got home to say my GP had it sent to the hospital to be cultured as the dip test showed no infection PH7. But I had already said the dip test never works on me . So phoned the surgery they may not get the results this week but to phone after 2 on Thursday if I still have symptoms they will issue a prescription for antibiotics. 🤬🤬🤬🤬. Took the last of the anti this morning . Nothing had changed still got the UTI.

My problem is it effects my HPX and can't get my words out or they come out wrong . My balance and walking gets worse. 2020 ended up with 16 courses of antibiotics because of UTIs and kidney infections.

I shouldn't whinge with all Babs is going through with Mr B .

Anyway had a nice time at cuppa and cake . The picture is how the bakery decorated the table for us.

Hi SparklyGrandma. Glad your garden is doing well. Mine is coming along. I love Cosmos, they are so pretty and long lasting in the garden.

For your calcium levels make sure you stay well hydrated. I'm sure your doctor is checking your parathyroid glands and vitamin D levels as well as any medications that might cause it. Hoping your levels go back down soon.

Whiff- what a journey you were on with those antibiotics. I am so glad you are well now.

Evening women, fellow estrangees.
Nice weather we’ve been having. I planted my cosmos a bit early and they are thriving after a good blast of sunshine and warmth.
As are we humans I hope.

I’ve been told I have high calcium blood levels - any ideas.
Trying a low calcium diet and keeping stress down.

LOUISA I will ask about that thank you. Few years ago ended up having 16 courses of antibiotics because of them and some kidney infections
..But urologist had my bladder and kidneys ultrasound full and empty bladder thankfully no problems with either he thought it was just a bad infection that needed long course of antibiotics.

Yogin glad your foot is feeling better..

Whiff

Happy birthday Smiles 🥂🥳🎂🎁.

Need to phone my GP tomorrow about UTI. Couldn't understand why I wasn't feeling better. I can only have 2 antibiotics . I have to have a 7 day course . I gave the nurse at the walk in centre what I needed and dose. I knew one was 3 a day and other 2 a day. At least it didn't hurt to wee yesterday still have the pulling and cloudiness and urgency . I was only given 5 days worth of the one but it was twice a day instead of 3 a day it should of been didn't realise until yesterday 🤦. And up and down all night again going to the loo.

Going to ask for the other antibiotic but 7-10 days supply as I am not cancelling my holiday for next week..

Needed to have a whinge . But after 16 courses of antibiotics for UTIs and kidney infections in 2020 I know what works and how bad they can get . Don't want to end up with a kidney infection. But after seeing an Urologist know my kidney and bladder are fine . And the nurse looked at my lasted blood test results and has better kidney function than she had.

Thank you all for your caring 😊🥂

I take hiprex daily ....its an antiseptic which prevents utis ....gp can prescribe.....I was having uti symptoms every few weeks...not had any for 8 months now

Hope you are better today Whiff and yes, sometimes you need to put the professionals right to get what you know works for you, so well done you.

Rotten day today, such a shame with all the celebrations taking place.

My foot feels tons better today, thank you. Gross; but I shaved off the hard skin on the ball of my foot and sprayed 3 times per day with the apple cider vinegar, I did one class yesterday morning, which is the test, and it felt ok! Don't have another class till Weds evening, so hoping it will still feel good. Must do my home practise before than, but as it's on soft carpet, it's not hard on my foot.

Have a lovely day all xx

"Happy Birthday" Smiles
Wishing you a lovely day xxx

Sorry Yogin forgot to ask about your foot hope it feels better.

Hope your friends liked your new water feature. Very sunny today so hope you have it to. I can only have 8-10 drinks a day as I have low sodium levels anymore than that will dilute it to low . Few years ago I upped to 14-16 to try and flush out an UTI my GP informed if I did that for a week it could cause me kidney damage lucky only did it one day before I spoke to her.

Wonder what surprises Mr S has for you today? 🎂🎁🥂