Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Nana49 really hope re house move all goes through smoothly this time. It sounds as if things have been tough for a very long time. I’m sure a fresh start will be welcome. We can’t live in the shadows of the past. We can decide to move on and build good things in the time we have left however.

We can't live in the shadows of the past. We can decide to move on and build good things in the time we have left however what a great post Spring; thank you x

Yes, good post Spring

Baking under my hairdryer at the mo.

Babs and I had a lovely chat yesterday, with a treat from Babs of homemade cake and coffee in the cafe.

Have a nice day everyone xx

Morning all, yes was a lovely meet up yesterday. A really big slice of cake so I had to go easy on the lunch. 🫣
Good one Spring about living in the shadow of the past. Is exactly that. But that shadow recedes as we start to live in the light again, is a bit like this time of year, we start to see the flowers coming up, the nights getting lighter, the sun coming out. And that is how it feels to accept the past and move on. Of course the shadow will never leave us, with one of my GDs birthdays coming up in April it will descend, but we will emerge again. Just as we all do.
Here’s to the lighter days and the making of new memories.
🌺🙏🏾

Spring that's a lovely way to put things . It's how I feel past is gone I live for the now and future . I don't live with if onlies or what ifs . You could drive yourself mad that way, well I could .

My brother phoned this morning and we both agreed best thing we did was to move to where we live . They are in a lovely village in Lincolnshire but there are no buses. My sister in law was excited the new electric wheelchair she ordered had arrived . It's only 20kg so idea when she goes out with friends to go in their car. She has a push along one for when they go out as a couple . Which she brought as the NHS one she had wasn't comfortable. She saved £700 on the electric one. I know one day I will end up in a wheelchair but hopefully not for 10-15 years . Working hard to keep my mobility and my independence.

Had to order a kettle that tips today it's coming tomorrow. Just to make my life easier . Since my stay in hospital last month had to get rid of a lot of things that I can't cope with anymore . But working hard at strengthening my arms but they will never be as they where . But can still do what I want .

Had text last night got the scan on the arteries in my neck on 8th March. And then they will beable to tell me for definite if it was a TIA or migraine.

Hope all the property sales go through without a hitch . But you are all moving forward to a new and better life .

Be glad when the paperclip appears again as hope to see your painted cupboard Smiles .

Nana hope your dad sees your postcards. Never understand why some people can be so spiteful . But it's their problem not yours .

We have the sun today but very breezy. Take care everyone. 😊

Morning all,
Hope you get to know what caused your health crisis soon, the not knowing is the problem.
So glad that your brother and yourself made such good decisions re - moving. We have no doubt that our move will be beneficial. Was a thread the other day on here about moving and how ill judged it can be to move simply to be near our grown family. I agree, they have their own lives, but even though our move will bring us closer to grown family we will be somewhere we have always wanted to live and downsizing to a lovely bungalow. So even if our family move away from there we will still want to live there. I was brought up with hills in Lancashire, here in the south east is flat as a pancake. But when we move to the South Downs we will get the hills. Have missed that landscape so much.
Anyway take care estrangees and enjoy the better weather 🌺🙏🏾

Sorry, meant to address first part of that to Whiff 🙄

Babs I realised that. My move was to live closer to the children a move of over 100 miles. Both had wanted me closer for years but had people dependant on me so couldn't move until they died.

But I don't regret moving one bit . My son lives 40 mins away in a car from me in the south of the area and I live in the north . My daughter and family lived 15 mins away but they moved house before their eldest started school so live 5 mins away in the car . But even though I see them regularly sometimes every week or every 2 weeks it depends on what they are doing or me . I live an independent life . My daughter taking me to A&E last month was the first time she had to do that since 2021. Between 2019 and 2021 mainly my daughter very occasionally my son I was at A&E a lot so much so my daughter said I needed a reserved sign on a seat. Thankfully those days are over and last month was just a blip.

I always find a positive from a negative even if it's something silly . The negative was I ended up in hospitals for a week but had excellent care a positive. A negative was finding out normal dose of local anesthetic and sedation doesn't work on me but the positive they had a good look of the inside of my heart and only slight in my right artery so on low dose statin to prevent further furring. Plus had no side effects from it . And week tomorrow having the scan on the arteries in my neck . It's a CT scan with dye . Been years since I had CT with dye . Hopefully it's improved from the old one as it made me feel like I was burning only for a few minutes and made an area of my body tingle which was surprise lucky they didn't last long either.

I moved from an area which was all hills to a flat area which was odd at first but makes me getting about easier for me.. And living in a bungalow my heating bills are cheaper plus on a water meter and having a combi boiler means no wasted hot water. Healthcare here is brilliant as well . Looking back I don't know how I managed so long in my old house and because of lack of care from my GPs and neurologist I don't think I would still be alive . That's how much my life has changed for the better since my move.

Morning all, lovely and sunny today . Going to the garden of remembrance, to put some roses on my mum's resting place as it's her birthday today.

Babs Yes, not a good idea to move just to be close to your AC, as they could move themselves after a year or two. Different for you, I know as it's you helping out your DDs not them helping you.

Like you Babs; I moved to where I always wanted, by the sea and a beautiful park. Only about 25mins from my DD, was only about 15mins before, so my DD would just pop in on occasion. She does say why did you move mum, but they could move to a different area themselves as they are always saying they need a bigger house now. My s.i.l has made everything so lovely he doesn't want to move; new kitchen, beautiful garden with man cave and a wendy house for the girls, he built them all himself clever lad.

Bad news is my little GD is in hospital, from yesterday morning, suspected pancreititis or apendix or maybe Nora virus. She told me she felt unwell when I looked after the girls a fornight ago, I gave her a Renee and she said she felt better and looked better too. All was well till yesterday. So fingers crossed it's something that can be dealt with via antibiotics and she can get home today. She wasn't allowed anything to eat incase she needed an op. He poor mum, my DD, is exhausted, as she stayed in hospital with her overnight, but had to pop home for bits & pieces. My GD is having a scan this morning, so we'll know what's happening after that.

Lovely catching up after few days busy. Yoga everything crossed that your gd is getting better, how worrying for you all.
Great you caught up with Babs yesterday and enjoyed yourselves. Babs I envy where you are moving to, a lovely part of the uk., hope your dh is feeling better.
Whiff, everything life throws at you, you find away to cope, to think that nurse referred to you as frail.🥴

So sorry your GD is in hospital Yogi, such a worry for all of you. Am wishing her well and hoping she will be home recovering soon, and am sending strength and positive vibes to your DD to help her get through this. 🌺🙏🏾🙏🏾

@Whiff, you can give your move a lot of the credit for how much better your life is but let’s not forget to give credit to you Whiff. You made it happen. And of course the memory of your much loved husband spurred you on as always.
You are one of life’s survivors so don’t forget it.
Take care🌺🙏🏾

@Allsorts, hope you are recovering well and able to get out and about now. Our bodies don’t bounce back the way they once did as we get older, something I keep telling Mr B.
He is going to have to take a back seat when we move and not try to do too much because of his arm. The physio says it could take a year to recover.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

Yogin how is your little granddaughter today? Hope they have found out what is wrong with her and getting treatment. It's always a worry when your own child is ill but don't know about you but I worry more about my grandsons. My mom always said the love for a grandchild is different to that of your own . Plus you worry more about them . I didn't understand until my first grandson was born. I suppose it's because we are with our own children all the time so we just cope with whatever illness or accident they have better.
Your daughter and son in law must be exhausted..

Allsorts hope you are feeling better today but not over doing it . And hopefully having a treat in the sunshine .

Babs give Mr B the job of organising the logistics that will keep him out of mischief and not over doing things . Hope the decluttering is cooking along well.

We are all lifes survivors here as no matter what we have faced or face in the future we know we have the mental if not physical strength to get through it. But we find ways round things we need to do physically but our way.
Happy St David's day .

Is it just me that finds it sad Gene Hackman and his wife and dog had been dead 10 days and no one in the family called them to see if they where ok.

Whiff

Is it just me that finds it sad Gene Hackman and his wife and dog had been dead 10 days and no one in the family called them to see if they where ok.

I think it is tragic Whiff. Surely there were family members or friends who should have been concerned. Am not saying that they necessarily needed to nip over to check on them but surely not hearing from them all that time should have raised a good few flags, especially seeing as Gene was in his nineties.
It’s as if nobody cared.

Babs I also had the thought surely they must have a housekeeper or cleaner as I can't see them cleaning their own home or doing the garden .

Morning all

Alls well with my little DGD, back home and feeling well. Nothing showed on the scan, she felt better the next day so was sent home, no antibiotics as her temperature was back to normal. They had a good sleep in their own beds and rested the next day, fingers crossed no reoccurrences. Very worrying when it's a young child.

Yes, very strange about Gene Hackman and his wife and dog. Glanced at a clip that popped up, as they do; saying something like; 'disturbing phone call', I didn't read, so ??

Yogin so glad your granddaughter is back home and feeling better. A relief for all who love her. Kids can go down fast but recover quick as well. Not like us . Only been the last week I have really felt back to my normal self .

Gene Hackman and his wife it's all very strange and sad . They had been there all that time and no one cared.

Relieved your gd is home Yogi - they will have done tests so hopefully anything serious has been ruled out. A non EC told us yesterday had been texting with EC and they’d exchanged happy memories from childhood. Left us feeling really conflicted - could this be a gentle thawing in the relationship? We had asked the non EC to stay in touch just so we’d know EC was ok. Strange isn’t it….even when we come to the point of acceptance of what is, we still hold out for a miracle. I don’t believe for one moment that will happen. But maybe there is a vestige of hope…
Very flat here…I too miss the hills of my childhood. You are moving to a beautiful part of the country Babs.

So glad your GD is at home Yogi and getting lots of tlc am sure. 🌺
@Spring20 hope springs eternal but we no longer trust it or welcome it like we once did. But am sure that like us you are also aware of the pitfalls. However, miracles do happen just be careful not to set yourself up for a fall. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
And yes we are going to a beautiful part of the country. Can’t wait. 🤞🤞

Spring I would never forgive or forget what my son and daughter in law have put me through. And I couldn't trust my son ever again . As much as I would like to know they are ok and see my grandsons and would rather have silence than the fear of it being snatched away from me . My son is now a stranger and the man I thought he was he destroyed. My tolerance for bad behaviour has been destroyed and would never hold my tongue if he ever wanted me back in their lives. And if my grandsons ever do track me down when they are older then I have proof of what my son wrote in his email and his letter as I have both. My son thinks his email is going to disappear this year in May as it said it would be cancelled in May 2025. Silly child as I have a hard copy of it here and one is with my will and a copy of his letter also .

Once trust has been destroyed it can never be repaired. Well that's my way of thinking .

My son has no contact with anyone on my side of the family . He's choice . My brother did reach out I told him not to and then my brother was very hurt when he was ignored. This was a couple of years ago as my brother thought he would get a response as time had gone by . My brother may look like a hard man but is a softy inside .

On a lighter note it's book week and my oldest grandson is dressing up as a scientist and his brother a doctor . I remember years ago they only did book week once at primary school and my daughter went dressed as Miss Punchbowl the headmistress out of Mathilda . I can't remember if they did it when my son was there as there is a 4 year age gap .

Anyway a busy week blood test today and getting my train tickets from the station for my holiday in May already brought online but E tickets not available at the moment. Then off to explore a village / small town via train . No sit fit today as our instructors husband having an operation. Tomorrow move it or lose it . Wednesday hair cut , Thursday shopping , Saturday having CT scan on my neck with dye and Sunday having friends for lunch .

The following 2 weeks are busy as well. Moving certainly improved my life.

I moved from somewhere that was very hilly to the flat but like the flat better .

Hope you all have a good day. And Yogin hope your granddaughter feels better as the week goes by .

Morning all

Baking under the dryer again . Beautiful sunny day, lovely walk in the park or on the beach later this morning.

Thanks for all your good wishes for my DGD, she is fine now, I'm pleased to say. She is going to London on Weds.to see the 'Lion King' with her school, so pleased she won't miss it.

Re Gene Hackman; In spain burgulers were gasing the home owners so they could rob whilst they were out cold. Wonder if that's what happened here, with no signes of injury and even the dog gone!

Morning everyone, hope you're all doing OK.

Good news about your GD Yogin. It's always a worry when children are ill, especially if they end up in hospital but there is that reassurance that they're in the best place. So pleased that the scan was alright and she's back home safe and well .

I tend to agree Whiff; when trust has been broken it's extremely hard to get back to how things were and the longer it goes on for, the harder it gets I think to try and repair the damage if you want too.

Your holiday plans seem to be going well, you're very organised which is how I like to be if we're going away. Hope the blood test goes OK, mine are always a nightmare. I have bad veins and they tend to collapse as the needle approaches . Thank goodness it's been many years since I needed one as the last time they had to go into the back of my hand and it really hurt!!! .

DS used to tell us when he and his brother had shared childhood memories Spring and despite two fabulous holidays to Florida, it's the holidays in our caravan that they loved the most.

Goes against so much of what we're told about estrangement from the perspective of the EAC doesn't it. That they only estrange toxic and abusive parents and yet ours have such fond memories of their childhood, they still talk about it with their siblings .

Very sad about Gene Hackman and his wife Babs and strange as you say. They had been reclusive for some time which could explain why they'd been there for so long and no one knew they'd died .

It is risky moving just to be nearer to family Babs but for you, the closer proximity isn't the only reason. You love the area and are future proofing by going for a bungalow so will love it regardless of what the future may hold.

We bumped into our ES's p's.i.l. old neighbours when we were shopping on Friday. She said she hadn't seen us for years so we told her we'd been living elsewhere for nearly 8 years moving back to the area last August.

She said she hadn't seen ES's wife since her father's funeral which would have been about 4 years ago and ES's m.i.l. is "really quite scary now", no doubt referring to the way she dresses and her art which is decidedly dark.

She asked how we are and we said we're good, really thrilled with our latest move and enjoying life. She said she couldn't get her head around what had happened and how cruel it is so we just smiled, and said 'it is what it is'.

Thank goodness that sickening feeling of dread we used to have if ever we saw someone from the past has left us now .

@Whiff & Smiles, yes I agree that once love and trust is shattered irreparably is difficult if not impossible to find a way forwards.
For us too much is at stake if anything changes, mainly our well-being, but for others I can’t speak. Fact is we don’t sit and long for our daughter to reconcile with us, we might dream of an idealistic reconciliation, or the kind of reconciliation that could have happened with the daughter she was long before the first estrangement.
But seeing as she tells people we are dead and hurled such unspeakable abuse at us I cannot even imagine ever seeing her again and not being broken in two once more.
And cannot forgive or forget members of my family who took her side, despite their change of heart more recently, they watched me fall apart and stuck the boot in and said sone pretty awful things to my DH and other three daughters.
But I know that for some there may be hope of a reconciliation 🌺
Anyway sounds like you are back to your busy bee self. Your holiday might sound a long way off in May but I find time is hurtling along already, so will soon be here.
@Yogi, yes beautiful day here, already been for a long walk along the seafront. Meeting up with a friend later whose father just died, was in his nineties and had dementia for years, so is relief there, but she is still feeling bereft. Mother is still alive and in pretty good health for her age, refusing to budge from a house too big for her that is falling apart around her. A difficult situation.
Take care all 🌺🙏🏾