Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Happy birthday Whiff! Hope it’s been a lovely day with your daughter and grandson.
No we haven’t moved Allsorts…or at least not house. We thought hard about it but in the end decided to stay put and revisit the question in 5 years. A few things changed here though. I joined new groups where folk don’t know our EAC…so no tricky questions being asked. And we decided to seize life and not let the estrangement be a black cloud hanging over us - only possible once we’d accepted was no way back. We also let go of certain ‘friendships’ that we realised were unhelpful (the people who seemed to enjoy raising the subject of our EC every time we saw them)!
Our EC moved 20 miles away which whilst not that far geographically it means they live and shop in a very different community from the one we’re in. We no longer fear meeting them….or hearing from someone who has!
So we’re choosing to be happy…we have made some lovely new friends, we go for long walks, occasional theatre trips, try to embrace a simpler, less complicated life. Our family unit no longer feels like there is a gap, someone missing, because I guess we’ve all adapted to what is, what is normal for us now. The elephant’s no longer in the room. Yes there are the occasional triggers when I think about our EC, but after a number of years the rawness is no longer there. Sorry for long post, but hope it helps someone new to estrangement that life is still there to be lived and the agonising pain of it will ease.

Happy birthday Whiff, I hope you have had a lovely day.
Sending hugs to babs x

Happy belated birthday Whiff. I hope you had a nice day!

Spring20- I love that you are choosing to be happy and have made new friends. I think it was very wise to let go of unhelpful friendships. That gave you the room for the new friends you have now.

Spring, I am so pleased you chose happiness. To defer hard decisions when your mind is preoccupied with other things is a brilliant idea, it takes the pressure sure off but can be revisited when more settled. Your new life sounds good and is a positive message to those new on here . Thank you,
My first husband walked away from his mother for many many years as he did his children., Walzes back in when she was dying, she welcomed him with open arms. He was the favourite. So my daughter has really done the same.

Happy Birthday Whiff

Babs xxx

Morning everyone.

Sorry I wasn't here yesterday to wish you a 'Happy Birthday' Whiff, I'm sure you had a lovely lunch with your DD and it was a beautiful sunny day too .

Thank goodness you fell in the right place onto your bed and you're OK.

I enjoy reaping the benefits of Mr. S's, hard work in the garden Yogin and I know he gets a lot of satisfaction from making it look beautiful. He really missed not having one at our old house. The roof terrace always looked lovely but of course he was rather restricted.

Some of our maple trees are doing much better here, away from those chilly strong breezes we would get living at the coast. We were back there on Tuesday as the dogs were being groomed and even though it was as sunny there as it was here, the difference in temperature was very noticeable.

As much as I loved the house, being on the east coast did mean we often didn't benefit from warmer weather which was the one thing I didn't like.

We never thought we'd move again Allsorts so when the decision was made, we were just as surprised as anyone. Sometimes you find the right place, even when you're not looking!!! It maybe that way for you too or the right place might be where you are now.

You may not have moved physically Spring but you've definitely moved in emotionally .

Our previous move was just 25 miles away from our ES but felt much further as we knew like you do with your EC, that we wouldn't see him and the peace if mind that gave us was priceless.

We're geographically closer now, just 16 miles when we are here and just 4 miles if we're at our flat. When we first took the flat over, I did feel unsettled being much closer but we've never seen him or his wife and if our GC did happen to walk past us in that small market town, we wouldn't know it was them anyway .

Why anyone would raise the subject of an EC with their parents is beyond me, it must have been like having salt rubbed into the wound.

Our DS used to do this but in the end I told him I would no longer discuss it as we were just going around in circles and re opening wounds that only time would help to heal.

My birthday present arrived yesterday, a few days early. Mr. S. had asked what I wanted and I couldn't think of anything until he got our water feature up and running. I love them so said I'd like another one, and as 'my wish is his command' , that's what I've got.

Keeping you and Mr. B. in my thoughts and prayers Babs xx

Thank you all for your birthday wishes . We went to Penelope's on the green restaurant in a village not far from me . Even thought the city is 30-40 mins in a car from me there is so much forest and farmland within 10 mins from where I live by car . Even in the City there are lovely parks. I have a lovely park 10-15 mins walk from me depending on how wobbly I am .

The main part of the Wombles started as a litter picking group but has expanded to cuppa and cake , craft group and book club which meets once a month but they also tend to the rose garden in the park by me. They have been approached by other local postcodes who want to set up their own litter picking groups. The two women who set up the Wombles only 2.5 years ago have really made a big impact on our community.

Funny enough my old life seems an awful dream after my husband died as if it was someone else. But then again I didn't live or do anything for me until after mom died in 2017 jaundice was my wake up call my life had to change . Even though I joined the Age UK community fit club in 2018 I still only existed .

My daughter and I live in the north and my son and family in the south part . So there would be no chance of ever seeing my son or daughter in law . And don't know if I would recognise my grandsons as children alter so much.

Funny enough on Facebook only reason I joined was for the Hyperekplexia society,but found the Wombles there and member of the The Brain Charity group. So I do look at things people post . Like the soldiers on duty on their horses at the palace and standing guard . I do love it when the tourists don't follow the rules and the soldiers shout at them or if a horse bites or hits them with their heads. But there are lovely ones where horses move closer to disabled children or adults for a photo. They are so gentle with them. Animals seem to know when there is something wrong. I know my brother and sister in law's dog knows when her MS is getting worse before she realises it as her behaviour changes and not wanting to play ball but sits or lies by her . But she has done that with me but she will jump on my lap to be stroked and falls asleep . She seem to know if my HPX is kicking in or my heart is about to go crackers for a few minutes. As a non pet owner this is only my view.

What those tourists don't realise or don't even bother to find out is those soldiers see active service and been in war zones . They are not just for show . Some people have commented it's cruel to the horses standing there but it's only for a set time and they better cared for than some people . Plus we preserve our traditions in GB .

The king talking about his cancer hopefully helps others talk openly about how they feel. My husband only wanted to talk to me but I wish he had wanted to join the skin cancer group for a selfish reason as it would have helped me and I wouldn't have felt alone. Even thought we talked about how he felt especially when he was terminal and he liken his cancer to this black thing eating him alive from the inside . I always wondered if other men felt the same way and how their wives or partners coped.

As usual wander off into a ramble about something different.

Spring choosing to be happy and doing and making new friends is hard but like you even though you haven't moved it's what I have done . We have to put ourselves first and those that care and love us. We can't do anything about what our children do . If they don't want us I think they hope to destroy us. But they would be shocked to know it hasn't worked. And that we can have a good and exciting life without them . As our estranged children become strangers to us we also become strangers to them. I know I am no longer the same mom I was 5 years ago apart from my grief for my husband my whole life is full . I look at my calendar and have to laugh at quickly it fills up .

Smiles glad you got your early birthday present from Mr S. My grandsons kept saying about a water feature in my garden because I have my raised pond . But said no . But they still keep saying this is nice nannie it's only because they want to play with it.

Smiles hope I have the date right and your birthday is Monday .

As usual my post is all over the place but it's how my mind works . 🤦🤣😊

Just popped in to say happy birthday Whiff.
Hope you had a good one.
And thanks again for all good wishes.
Am thinking of you all and hoping you enjoy the weather.
Got out of the hospital today and sat in the sun on a bench nearby looking at all the trees in their spring glory. My favourite time of year.
My birthday too on the third Whiff.
Taureans. Bulls with our horns ready for battle.
Take care all
❤️🙏🏾

Bulls with our thorns ready for battle yes that's us Taureans Babs .

So pleased that you were able to soak up some sun yesterday
xx

Smiles how lovely to have a new water feature for your birthday, I love them too. Like you, I would see my estD & GC all the time, as they lived just up the road, now I've moved I haven't seen them at all [apart from the one time, she came to me]. No idea where they are living, think it's still in the same area.

May is the birthday month for my estGC. They will be 15 & 14 , yours must be the same sort of age Smiles. Last time I saw them they were 2.5yrs and 18mnths .

Lovely to hear about your birthday with your DD&GC in the park cafe, sounds perfect. Our park cafe is lovely too, not cheap though! Yes, dogs can detect illness; Parkinson's, cancer or just when their mum/dad is feeling down they give extra love and attention to you.

I have a very painful sole of foot, can't understand the problem as no visible signs like a verruca. I've just put some apple cider vinegar on, won't do any harm. Possibly it's a Verruca plana; which is flat, so not visible. Difficult to balance in my yoga as so painful! Quite a problem for me.

That's good to read Babs you've managed to sit in the sun; does make you feel better. So, it will be my turn to buy the coffee and cake, for your birthday this time. I'll wait till you feel ready and have time, just let me know. xx

Belated Happy birthday to you Whiff and Happy birthday Smileless.

Still warm weather here.

I look forward to seeing you Yogi.
❤️🙏🏾

Didn’t realise is your birthday too Smiles.
Hope you have a fantastic day.
Three Taureans - now that’s an army!
❤️🙏🏾

Happy birthday Babs and Smiles from me too! Indeed a fearsome army!
Sending love, and hope you get to hear some good news soon Babs…

Happy birthday Babs hopefully Mr B shows some improvement today as that you be the best birthday present you could have 🎁🎂🥳🥂.

Yogin hope your foot heals soon . Funny how there are certain parts of the body you can't rest properly. That's a long time not seeing your grandchildren. At least I got to see mine until they where 4&2 but never seen their brother.

I wish prince Harry would stop whining. He estranged his dad and brother and now staying his dad doesn't want to see him . Even saying his dad hasn't got long to live how does he know if he's not taking to his dad or brother . And yet the King is still having on going treatment and still working .

It would help if he brought his wife and children everytime he comes to this country but he only seems to come when he is taking someone to court.

I am thankful to have silence from my son even though I would like to know they are all well. Just wish Harry would keep his mouth shut but it seems typical of estranged children they are the angels and parents are the villains . He was the one who gave up on this family and moved to another country. Didn't want to be a royal but using it every chance he gets to make money. 🤬

On a lighter note started with an UTI but typically when my GP was shut thankfully we have walk in clinics here. Phoned my daughter and got a taxi there and she joined me when her husband got home . Set my HPX into over drive the taxi driver offered to take in via a wheelchair thanked him but I could walk . Which of course gets worse and had problems talking . Had to laugh when triaged the nurse went to give me a sample bottle saw how much my hands shake got my a larger collection bowl.. My daughter arrived and quickly saw the nurse. Completely forgot I had UTI in January when I ended up in hospital for a week. She explained that my mobility was worse but at least I got the antibiotics for 5 days I did say a week's worth by should have said 7 days. But if it's not cleared up when I finish the course can get more from my GP as I go to Llandudno week on Monday.
Have a good day everyone hope the sun shines..

Agree Whiff. And keep thinking of Thomas Markle who would love to see his gchildren!

Hope uti quickly clears up Whiff!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABS

Whiff I feel the same way about Harry! Sorry to read you have an UTI, that's so uncomfortable, hope it clears quickly with the antibiotics.

Hope your infection clears quickly, and belated birthday wishes Babs 💐

Happy birthday Smiles 🥂🥳🎂🎁.

Need to phone my GP tomorrow about UTI. Couldn't understand why I wasn't feeling better. I can only have 2 antibiotics . I have to have a 7 day course . I gave the nurse at the walk in centre what I needed and dose. I knew one was 3 a day and other 2 a day. At least it didn't hurt to wee yesterday still have the pulling and cloudiness and urgency . I was only given 5 days worth of the one but it was twice a day instead of 3 a day it should of been didn't realise until yesterday 🤦. And up and down all night again going to the loo.

Going to ask for the other antibiotic but 7-10 days supply as I am not cancelling my holiday for next week..

Needed to have a whinge . But after 16 courses of antibiotics for UTIs and kidney infections in 2020 I know what works and how bad they can get . Don't want to end up with a kidney infection. But after seeing an Urologist know my kidney and bladder are fine . And the nurse looked at my lasted blood test results and has better kidney function than she had.

Thank you all for your caring 😊🥂

Wishing you a very happy birthday Smileless 🎂🥂💐,
Whiff, keep them right re your medication, hope you get sorted tomorrow, so you are clear for your holiday x

Morning everyone and many thanks for the birthday wishes.

'Happy Birthday' for yesterday Babs
An army of Taurean's, now that's a thought .

Hope you're OK, such a difficult and upsetting time for you all with Mr. B. in hospital. Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers xx

UTI's are horrible Whiff. You need to drink plenty of water to help flush it through but then dread it every time you need to go to the loo. Hopefully it will clear up in time for your holiday so you can relax and enjoy.

Harry just keeps on digging doesn't he as his latest interview has only understandably only attracted criticism. Even the Harry apologists seem to have nothing to say .

How's your foot Yogin? I hope it's improving, I wonder what you've done it's frustrating when you can't see what the cause is .

Had a busy weekend with friends over for a meal on Saturday and then out with friends last night. Missing that fabulous weather we had last week already and looking forward to its return.

Sorry Yogin forgot to ask about your foot hope it feels better.

Hope your friends liked your new water feature. Very sunny today so hope you have it to. I can only have 8-10 drinks a day as I have low sodium levels anymore than that will dilute it to low . Few years ago I upped to 14-16 to try and flush out an UTI my GP informed if I did that for a week it could cause me kidney damage lucky only did it one day before I spoke to her.

Wonder what surprises Mr S has for you today? 🎂🎁🥂