Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Thankyou Smiles 🙂

Hello Debbie, I'm so sorry that it looks like your estrangement from your D is going to be permanent .

I've just posted on another thread the need for 'both sides' to be willing to reconcile if there's to be any chance of it happening. Your willingness to try to forgive and move on can never bare fruit if she's not also willing to try.

I think each and everyone of us when we were first estranged thought it would be temporary. Well meaning family and friends told us with such certainty that 'he'll be back' but it wasn't meant to be.

It's been 13.5 years for us and we still get triggered and find that life isn't plain sailing but we weather each storm that comes our way and for me, this wonderful thread is a safe port during the most horrendous storms and it will be a safe port for you too.

So Debbie, get those bags packed and look forward to all that sand, promenade walks, cocktails and good food and tell us all about it because as well as sharing our pain we just love to share our happiness too.

Hello ladies. Although I haven’t posted for a while, I have been reading your posts which have given me ‘somewhere to go’ when I felt down. And hello Celieanne.

This is because there have been attempts by my brother, my ex husband (her dad) and my other daughter to attempt reconciliation, and I wanted to see where it would lead. As you can image that has meant more sleepless nights and down days.

I thought I had closure after I sent my last letter to her but then I sent one each to my two GDs (14 and 17). She intercepted them and they never got to read them, and that hurt me all over again. The pain has not got any less and it only takes a trigger to bring everything back again.

It looks as though my EstD will never get over it. I was prepared to try to forgive and move on but she can’t. (Celieanne, we have been estranged for nearly 3 years).
So posting back on here, it looks like I am like some of you now where the estrangement is permanent.

I think when I first posted, I always had in the back of my mind that it would be temporary, I couldn’t believe that that would happen to me.
Reading all your posts about how you have managed to have a good life after estrangement gives me some hope at least. But life still has a habit of throwing more at us doesn’t it?

I am also sorry to hear Yogin about your ex and cancer. I feel for the children especially.

Thank goodness for the better weather as I can keep myself busy doing garden projects and nice days out and walks.

I am still seeing my youngest daughter and GD and we took her to Disneyland Paris at Easter. An exhausting experience but one where I was consciously making memories with them. My hubby and I willl be heading off to Tenerife soon for what we call our ‘fly and flop’ holiday. I think that’s what I need right now - sun, sand, promenade walks, cocktails and good food.

I echo Yogin and Smiles stay with us Celieanne. I like the idea the threads a comfort blanket.

Well only booked another holiday. That is 4 now plus the 9 concerts. Now I am feeling myself again doing more this year . I still did all the things I wanted last year but it was difficult. Not that life is ever easy . But made me determined to do all the things I can do now. Already decided on May's holiday for 2027.

Going to the new season 26/27 event at the Phil soon so now doubt will be booking more concerts .

My daughter says spend your money on what you want . So doing things I couldn't afford to years ago still getting my bargains . Can't change a habit of a lifetime .

Got a lesson in mosaic at craft group this afternoon. Taking cake as usual. Plus my craft apron as I will get messy. 🤣.

Sorry about your ex Yogin cancer is no fun . As it's in his spine it will travel to all his bones. My husband the 6 tumours but we also knew it was in his bones.
Sorry for your children . 🌹

As Yogin has posted Celieanne, stay here with us for some comfort, advise and friendship.

I'm so sorry to hear about your ex Yogin xx

Celieanne Stay here with us for some comfort, advise and friendship xx

Bad news on my ex, he has been diagnosed with ear cannel cancer, later found cancer had spread to his spine! DD has unblocked him.

Smileless2012

You don't have to try and explain your pain here Celieanne, we know what it's like and just like you, we can't explain it either .

Am I right in thinking that you've posted before as what happened at your DH's funeral to years ago is very familiar.

FWIW I think you're doing the right thing not sending a birthday card. Please look after you.

I’m sorry Smileless but I honestly can’t remember as I’ve been very ill, I was in hospital for 13 weeks and suffered physically and mentally so much my brain just seems to have shut down. Yes my son was told and put the phone down on my daughter, I wasn’t told until weeks later but that’s ok it made me decide I would give up trying, no more cards or presents, so be it.
Thank you and the other posters for the kind words which are much appreciated. I am now disabled through the illness and totally housebound but have the rest of my family, daughter, son, g.children and great g.children who visit me when they can and wonderful carers who look after me so am grateful for the life I have, also Gransnet my comfort blanket 😊

Ah Whiff

My estGC are 16yrs & 15yrs now, so passed the stage of wanting their GP. Maybe when they are older, they may be curious about us, the other side of their family; all cut out. My poor little Laila, everyone that loved and adored her & she us, her birth family, cut out of her life through jealousy of her stepdad, how a mother can do that to their little girl is beyond me. One day she will learn the truth, and I hope pay her mother & stepdad what they deserve.

Although I don't hurt as I did the first 6yrs [after which I draw a line under] and don't think of them all the time now, but I will go to my grave with a severely scared heart.

Honestly Celieanne86 another broken heart. I'm so sorry for your hurt, we all know what you are going through and empathise. No point sending a card, you'll feel better not to.
None of us here 'know why'. You can only leave the ball in his court and hope he comes through the other side of his weird thinking. When you let go, you will feel better, after 3yrs there is still hope.

Smiles I think the same as you, we both adored our AC, so to be stabbed in the heart for 13yrs+ is beyond painful.

Good to hear Mr.Sgot home OK. I'm the same with my son, especially when he goes to work on his motorbike. He needs new tyres on his car, so from tomorrow he'll be on his bike.

Good idea about the hedgehog house, we had a big one once in our garden, haven't seen him/her since.

Celieanne I haven't sent anything to my son or grandadsond since August 2020 . I knew their 3rd son was due in July but waited until it was my son's and 2nd son's birthday which is the same date. In his email in May he said give me some months . I don't like you but love you mom . The day after their birthday the parcel came back the babies present had been crushed unopened and so where the cards. A note was with it from my son as I know his handwriting and lack of punctuation and spelling mistakes . He said I don't want your vindictive or manipulative behaviour any where near me or my family . Zero contact .
Two things I have never been . I don't even know the name or date of birth of their youngest. From 2020 to 2023. I contacted him 3 times via text twice because I had to . The third time I decided if I had abuse or silence I was done. I had abuse so I am done. I will always love my son but the son I knew for 32 years and love my grandsons. My son cut ties will all over side of the family.

I don't want to see my son ever again he is a stranger and I will never forgive or forget what he and my daughter in law put me through. I imagine they have told my grandsons either I don't care or I am dead. I am no longer the mom he knew . He knows nothing about my life and hasn't been told when I have had to stay in hospital.

He will never know when I died as their is no need as I cut him out of my will in 2020 and I took out both powers of attorney my daughter and son in law are my attorneys .

When he was a child if he misbehaved then their where consequences for his actions. No difference now he is an adult . Both him and my daughter in law will be 39 this year .

We all reach a stage when we say enough. And I am happy I made my decision. My life is busy and will not alter things I do . He made the choice that I am no longer his mother . I know it's down to my daughter in law being jealous of the fact my son and grandsons loved me and wanted to spend time with me .

I love my life as it is . I don't grief over the estrangement. But grieve every day for my husband who died in 2004 aged 47.

That other thread where IA got banned has turned into a farce . InRainbows think that's her name is a nasty piece of work . On about parents abusing etc there estranged children and writing things like they are out of a text book .

Thank goodness for the sanity of this thread.

Glad Mr S is back home Smiles . I don't have hanging baskets I would forget to water then or more likely pour water all over me 🤣.

Smiles bet you felt better after your cry. But as you know you and Mr S didn't do anything wrong . Our children make their choices and then make up excuses why they decide parents are disposable.

I have no tolerance for bad behaviour from anyone. I put up like all of us with unacceptable behaviour because we love our children. I am happy with my life as it is . Miss my husband everyday and the grief gets worse . But I cope and an doing what he wanted and that's live the best life I can . And doing that very well without my son in it .

Yes I have my daughter and family but I am not dependant on them. I live a very independent life . And I will never be a burden on them . I had that experience in spades and will never let my daughter go through what I did. It was my choice but I couldn't abandon my parents. Or my mother in law who I hated for 40 years. But I didn't.

This thread has and still is a lifeline for me and thankfully since 21st last month I am myself again after 14 months of not being me . Didn't stop me doing things I wanted but I just wanted me back .

You don't have to try and explain your pain here Celieanne, we know what it's like and just like you, we can't explain it either .

Am I right in thinking that you've posted before as what happened at your DH's funeral to years ago is very familiar.

FWIW I think you're doing the right thing not sending a birthday card. Please look after you.

My precious son has a birthday this week he will be 55 and I can remember every minute of his birth including stitches. Sadly there will not be cards or presents from me, his brother and sister or any of his extended family as he has nothing to do with any of us, he has cut himself of completely for 4 years now, and I have no idea why but I love him and miss him so much.
He totally ignored me at his Dads funeral two years ago and so did my daughter in law and two of his three children. The youngest acted as a coffin bearer and he spoke to me, asked me how I was, and hugged me with tears streaming both our faces but that was it.
I don’t know how I’ve coped and unfortunately I’ve been very ill, I was in hospital for 13 weeks and when my daughter contacted him to tell him I was not expected to recover his only comment was ‘shame what you telling me for’
I’m not sending a card this year I can’t do it any more because he will return to sender on it and I’m too old and too ill to bother.
I have carers and one bought me some beautiful tulips today to cheer me up, such a kind thought and very much appreciated but I still hurt and it’s a pain I can’t explain to anyone.

Morning everyone.

Congratulations on becoming a Great Aunt Whiff which of course you will be in every sense of the word . Your brother and s.i.l. must be delighted to be GP's for the first time.

I bet you look better than OK DL which is why your ex made that nasty comment. Laughing at him is definitely the right response.

Our little family is once again complete now Mr. S. has returned. I don't mind some 'alone time' Yogin I just worry about anything happening to him. It's a fear we both share about one of us being left alone which essentially we would be with DS in Aus.

I did have a little cry yesterday afternoon, wondering how on earth we came to this and what could we have possibly done to make our ES treat us this way.

It's not because you expect your children to look after you when you're old, it's knowing that you have a son who doesn't care if you live or die when the other one's on the other side of the world.

Enough of that. It's a lovely day here and we're going out for lunch and getting plants so Mr. S. can work his magic with our hanging baskets.

Last night we were entertained by a hedge hog right outside the front of our lodge. So sweet and I'm hoping s/he will make use of our hedge hog house and move in.

Have a good day everyone.

....HEART....

Congratulations on your Grt. niece Whiff , so lovely to get some hurt warming news. Good to hear you enjoyed your concert and got good seats.

Rotton comments from your ex DL, I hope you've come out the other side of your grief and feeling better & stronger, perhaps a little yoga or Pilates, to tighten things up after your big weight loss, would help.

Morning all

Smiles hope you enjoy a little bit of alone time, sometimes it can be enjoyable. Some C can be just like their granddad or uncle, like the genes have skipped a generation.

Must tell you I am a great auntie now . My great nephew was born on Monday 6th. 7lb 14oz has lovely names. My niece sent me pics in the early hours must have been feeding time. I have got his presents and card already to send . My brother and sister in law's first grandchild.

I know he will grow up with lots of love and attention. Unfortunately my ex sister law will try and take over but my niece won't stand for it .

I will probably never meet him in person but I will have plenty of pics .

I have friends who have ex's some remarry some that don't . I know my ex sister in law hates the fact my brother remarried and he is happy . She remarried before my brother .
I never loved his first 2 wives but I love my sister in law very much . What my ex sister in law hates is my brother's children love their wouldn't call her stepmom as they love her more than their own mom and see how much their dad loves her and how happy they are .

My brother had only been going out with her for 2 weeks when he brought her to see me and told me he now knows what I had with Mr W . Told him it was about time he found someone for me to love . Remember on their wedding day mom said finally he has someone who deserves him . It will be their 10 th wedding anniversary this year but been together 12 years. As an added bonus I have adopted her dad as mine . He laughed when I told him I had adopted him . He even has the same name as our dad.

When his wife died we talked a lot because I understood exactly how he felt and he could say all the things he needed to that he couldn't to anyone else . And could cry with me holding him ,as like all parents no matter how old our children get we still want to protect them . He didn't want to upset his daughter more than she was .

DiamondLily so glad you found a man who truly loved you and you him. And I know when he died you lost half of yourself as he was your other half and you his and you made a whole . Others here know that feeling only to well.

Like all the people with ex's I know they are jealous when they find their true love . And try to tear them down . I lose weight when Mr W died but unfortunately put it and more on but I was 45 . Mom lost 3 st and never put it on again but she was 80 same aged as dad when he died.

Love like grief never dies. But those of us lucky enough to find the other half of ourselves and we where there other half. It is something to cherish. I never wanted anyone else but I didn't have an ex so my situation is different.

Took my long enough to train Mr W hadn't got the patience to do that again . 🤣.

Had a brilliant night at the cathedral and we had good seats because I explained what I needed we had reserved on our seats. My friend loved it . Took her to the train station by me as the city was very busy with grand nation and the football had just let out . It was easier for her to catch the train and shorter journey her husband picked her up . She thrust £10 into my hand as she got out . But she will be getting it back as we have to go past the station on my way home . The taxi firm I use the driver's are lovely only 2 that aren't but I don't have them . Driver last night wanted to walk me to my door but told him I was find. I had fitted battery operated sensor lights to my ramp plus the light comes on over my door and light on the garage and had left my hall light on .

Busy week ahead again but love it.

Well, my ex has never really forgiven me for leaving him, and not looking back. He hasn’t forgiven me for remarrying to my DH. 🙄

When DH died, ex used to look for me presenting as grief stricken (which I was). But I used to plaster on a happy smile and never let him see that.

After DH died, I started losing weight - stress vomiting and a complete loss of appetite. I’ve shed virtually half my body weight, and I’m now smaller than I was at 16. 🙄. I still struggle with it, because it’s cost me a fortune in clothes. 😳

But, losing weight has had its benefits. I’m physically fitter, and actually, look fairly ok.

Every time he sees me, he has to say something along the lines of “you're looking a bit scraggy nowadays” - I just laugh at him.😂 😂

He’ll never change. 🙄

Morning all.

We enjoyed our game of golf Whiff. It was a lovely sunny day and we were all rather hot by the time we'd finished. I did well enough keeping my shots straight and on the fareway but find it frustrating that I can't hit the ball very far.

L is good, D is like me and then of course there's Mr. S. who always makes that lovely 'thwack' sound when he strikes the ball which travels so far, it's out of sight!!!

So pleased your lunch went well and you enjoyed your Greek meal; I love Greek food . Singing is a great form of speech therapy and good fun too. Clear diction is so important and it's amazing how many 'professional' singers haven't mastered it so you can't understand what they're singing about.

Enjoy your trip to the Cathedral today.

Looks as if you dodged a bullet by not going to that family 'do' Yogin; thank goodness you didn't. Goodness me, how some people manage to hold on to anger and bitterness for so long is astounding isn't it.

It says a lot about him that your kind and loving DD has blocked him, it must have been upsetting and embarrassing for her to witness his behaviour.

It's not healthy for your ED if she has a vendetta against you and is in league with her dad who from what you've said has never been there for her. Why can't some of these EAC be satisfied with the choice they've made and get on with their lives as we get on with ours?

Same goes for exes yours and DiamondLily's, it has to be jealousy of the lives you've made for yourselves perhaps it's a case of this is how their lives could have been.

It was lovely to see Mr. S.'s brother. It's weird just how much DS is like him. Same 'voice' and mannerisms; honestly they're so alike I could understand why someone maybe suspicious, if you know what I mean.

Strange weekend for me as Mr. S. went away yesterday and wont to back until tomorrow. He's gone to a conference held by the 'Shroud of Turin' organisation he helps to run. Just not used to him not being here with me as it's so rare, the last time was when he was in hospital just before the Covid lockdown.

The dogs don't like it either. They're following me around everywhere and our Cockapoo keeps going into the bedroom that overlooks the drive and looking out of the window .

Whiff so nice to hear you are happy in life after all the upset and trauma of losing your S&GSs. Good luck with your singing lessons, I certainly need some and enjoy your concert tonight, you could practice your singing skills, quietly mind .

DL Well done you, with handling your ex. My ex was nice as pie when I last saw him a year ago. But he is big trouble, so much so my DD has left the family group, telling them why and saying she will not join any family gatherings with him there. Her uncle backed her up and said his brother is a dickhead and he has told him so .

Putting my car in for re-gasing at 9am, have a memorial birthday gathering at 12noon so hope it's back in time. I asked the garage when I had my mot and major service just a few weeks ago that the aircon needed looking at; they didn't, also they didn't inflate my tyres, my son did it and said they all needed doing So seems they are good at ticking boxes but not on the work. I will 'pull' them about it and say I hope you have refilled all the fluids and not just ticked the box because that would be dangerous!

DiamondLily sorry you still have an ex who tries to cause trouble . Good for you laughing in his face .

Because I am open about my estrangement by my son when I am with the Wombles we mix so sit by different people and recently twice been told by friends about their estrangements . They haven't been able to tell people before, one it's been decades . But I am a good listener and keep people's confidence.

My friend is well enough to hobble to the cathedral tonight . Very glad as she has been looking forward to it .

Smiles I took a leaf out of your book and sing and that has helped me get my speech back . And am going on the 22 nd to try out a choir of singers of all abilities. Told the organiser if I sound like a foghorn they must tell me as I value honesty and won't be offended. First session is free.

More people are noticing I am still and my speech is back . But like my daughter say the same thing my face looks different just thought I look the same but apparently the last 14 months I have looked different. Phoned my GP practice Tuesday for some 500 micrograms tablets as they only need to be cut in half instead of cutting 1mg tablet into 4. The pharmacy driver delivered them yesterday even he commented how different I look and pleased I was still.

That's what I love about moving here people care and really mean it . Yes I lost my son and grandsons but I have gained so much more . Doing things and joining groups never thought I would . I am happy . The last 14 months still did things I wanted but it's been harder . But thanks to my neurologist I am me again . And going to do things I haven't been able to do like go to the valley near me . It's within walking distance.

Anyway got the concert tonight and one next week week infact doing something everyday next week.
My daughter laughs when she looks at my calendar as it's getting fuller . But being back to me again have things I want to do this year and already have couple of ideas what I want to do next year.

Thank you all for being here for me .you will never know how much you mean to me . 💕

Yoginimeisje

Have an unpleasant situation here. My ex always manages to cause trouble when he's over on a visit. But now he's living here, whilst he gets his health sorted, it's got bad.

Family Easter 'do' last Monday, which normally I would go to, but have told everyone; best I don't go with ex there. All kicked off at the party with ex [no doubt worst for drink] going off on one that it was me that started the divorce, not true, and that he didn't leave for another women. I never said he did but he told me all the girls were after him at work and he soon had a girlfriend living with him. This is all 30yrs ago!

I knew nothing of all this till yesterday when my DD forwarded on the never-ending messages from her dad. I was getting ready to leave for my Yoga, so didn't read till this morning. My DD has now blocked him. My DD told me he has seen estD a few times now and she thinks it's the two putting their heads together to wage a vedette against me .

My ex (from 25 years ago) still tries to wind me up and cause trouble.

Luckily, my ACs don’t listen, and when he starts with me, I just sit and laugh in his face. That really upsets him.

His days of stressing me out are well gone. 👍