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Estrangement

Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

(956 Posts)
Smileless2012 Thu 26-Jun-25 10:42:51

So here we are again, another thread for friends we've already made and for those we are yet to meet.

The last few days have been difficult because for as long as some of us have been contributing to the support threads, offensive posts from these 'new' members still not only disrupt, but can hurt too.

'The truth shall set you free' popped into my head over the weekend because these 'new' members/trolls/previously banned posters are not being truthful to us here on this forum or possibly to themselves either.

In order for the truth to free us we have to be honest because honesty and truthfulness can liberate us from all kinds of emotional baggage like guilt and fear and also the impact of deception on our lives.

Guilt often prevents 'admitting' to estrangement in the first place and many live with the fear of permanent estrangement, that estrangement is inevitable or the fear of what a reconciliation my bring.

The impact that the deception from those who lie about us to others is sometimes unquantifiable as is the impact of lying to themselves.

What we share may not always be pretty, it may not always be easy to share or to read but it does help ourselves, one another and who knows how many who read but never post and that I believe is what really matters.

DiamondLily Thu 26-Jun-25 11:18:06

I agree, Smileless - if they’re happy and healed after estranging, they should be leading happy lives, as most of us do, on here, whether as estranger or ones that have been estranged. 🙄

Bit sad really, but luckily, they’re pretty easy to spot.

The “stories” get sillier and more extreme. 🤷‍♀️

Hope everyone is well. x💐

Mati Thu 26-Jun-25 14:35:08

Thank you for such a supportive and refreshingly honest post and forum. Estrangement and the hurt and shame it entails is not an easy thing to live with. We are still reeling from the smear campaign and as far as we know, we did the best we could. But now have to walk away for our sanity and health. We can not fix someone who blames others for being unhappy.

Bridie22 Thu 26-Jun-25 14:38:48

Thank you for the new thread Smileless, and thanks to the lovely regulars who are always there with their support, long may it continue x

Smileless2012 Thu 26-Jun-25 14:43:06

We cannot fix someone who blames others for being unhappy you're right Mati whether they're people we know and love, or strangers on line.

I hope you will find peace and happiness as your health and sanity gradually recovers flowers.

As we know DL it takes time but once the healing begins, happiness is just on the horizon smile.

Mati Thu 26-Jun-25 15:14:12

Thank you Smileless2012 and DL. 💐
I have read and appreciated your sensible suggestions to others for a while and I could find comfort that I was not the only one going through this. Please do not let these malicious trolls stop your life line of support. I love that you have this forum. Truth will hopefully come out (eventually)!

Madgran77 Thu 26-Jun-25 15:30:49

A new thread - and hopefully a new beginning with no more trolls/previously banned posters and lots of support, understanding and constructive advice for posters old and new 🙂

Whiff Thu 26-Jun-25 16:05:36

Mati glad this thread helped you. I know how much it became a lifeline for me . But it's not a doom and gloom group. Estrangement brought us together but it's friendship that's keeps us together . I hope you stay and it's not just estrangement but about what we are doing. For me I let go of my son 2 years ago I decided the only one hurting was me . After he estranged me in May 2020. And been happier.

Unfortunately the trolls will be back Mati but they can't get rid of this thread. It's to strong . An old poster called us Warrior Queens some didn't like the description but I loved it .

I saw Smiles in a chariot fur cape flying behind her leading the rest of us. Yes I know I am odd🤣

Smileless2012 Thu 26-Jun-25 16:32:33

Awww Mr. S. loved the mental image your post created Whiff grin.

Hilltop Thu 26-Jun-25 16:33:09

Lovely to see this thread going strong. I'm six years estranged now but still have wobbly moments. I regularly read on here and am sad/annoyed when the stupid trolls try to cause disruption. But they seem to be dealt with pretty effectively!
Please keep on with the good work. With best wishes to all living with Estrangement.

Mati Thu 26-Jun-25 18:17:20

Thank you Whiff, Smileless, and all the Warriors who are helping to bring self worth and self respect back to us who are now estranged.

I am returning from a very dark place and apparently, am still trolled on sm and asked about things I have no knowledge about in public! I am not on sm, apart from GN today.

Mentally, I am almost back to myself but my physical health took a big hit. The emotional shock of being so hated was like - what did I we do to deserve such nastiness? Such ridicule. I can only think of by joining a new family, they have to disown the original?

However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. People are kind and I am beginning to realize I love my new hobbies and I have found some nice people to hang out with. I am also grateful to an old friend who gave support, as well as, my other adult child and husband. I am convinced once you realize you are OK and are not this awful person (with no evidence)! You are still stung by even the accusations and mockery, by someone you love and once cared for so much.
Sometimes you need to realize you need extra support, and whether it is from therapy or from a support group like this, you must not lose your authentic self and the truth. 💐

Whiff Thu 26-Jun-25 20:53:51

Mati sorry you have had a bad time . Thankfully you have your husband and adult child. My son estranged me and sent me the email knowing they had found a problem with my heart. I have a hole in the side I was born with .

I have never felt guilty about the estrangement because I didn't do anything wrong . And when people ask me if I have children always say 2 and 5 grandson's. If they ask if I see them then I tell them the truth and have been amazed at how many people are estranged from their children or other family members.

Thanks to this thread estrangement is no longer taboo. Just look at what the King is going through .

Glad you have found new hobbies and have nice people to hang out with. I go to a sit fit class,move it or lose class,craft group and chat and cuppa . I am a cross stitcher. I found it relieved my stress when looking after my mom . Plus it's the only time my hands don't shake no idea why. 🌹

Mati Thu 26-Jun-25 22:03:08

Hi Whiff
Take care of yourself. Love and best wishes.❤️

Razzor Fri 27-Jun-25 02:03:21

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Bridie22 Fri 27-Jun-25 06:03:12

Reported

Madgran77 Fri 27-Jun-25 06:21:26

Bridie22

Reported

Also by me. Hopefully will be removed soon.

Whiff Fri 27-Jun-25 07:33:18

Oh dear we have a trouble maker again . That didn't take long . Must hate the fact this thread is still going and strong as ever.

Bridie22 Fri 27-Jun-25 08:07:23

They are a pain Whiff, but we will just keep reporting.

Madgran77 Fri 27-Jun-25 08:38:54

At least it was deleted v quickly.

Smileless2012 Fri 27-Jun-25 09:01:35

Morning everyone, great to see that the new thread's got off to a flying start smile.

It's so good to know that you're coming back from a very dark place Mati but I'm so sorry that you've been there sad. I, as I'm sure we all do, remember what that dark place looks and feels like and the real fear that it brings.

The emotional shock of being so hated was like and you couldn't say what it was like. I don't think any of us can put that into words which makes what you've said all the more poignant flowers.

Thank you GN for the speedy deletion. I think you're right Whiff that they must hate the fact this thread is still going and strong as ever and maybe that we are still going despite being estranged.

I noticed that the same poster was deleted on a thread started by an EAC so it makes you wonder what exactly it is that they want hmm.

Mr. S. finished 'making good' yesterday where the pocket door was removed so there's just the wall to paint this morning before it gets too hot. He'll have to paint the whole wall or there'll be a noticeable difference even though it's white on white.

Had a lovely meal out at the Italian last night we've been going too for years; ever since it opened. It's great to be here for a few days and feels as if we've gone full circle as this small market town is where we were married and had our first home.

Have a good day everyone, keep cool and stay hydrated.

Whiff Fri 27-Jun-25 09:24:09

I see the old thread has reach 1,000. Smiles do you know how many times the support thread been renewed over the 12+ years? Love to know how many thousands of posts there have been.

Mr S is a dab hand at DIY. Manufacturers change the formula of paints but still call it the same colour. I found when I used the same colour to patch up couple of marks on my living room wall. I used Frosted steel which the room is painted in but it was a lighter colour even after 3 coats so put a picture over it as it stands out like a sore thumb.

Glad you had a nice meal but I bet you can't wait to get back home.

Yoginimeisje Fri 27-Jun-25 09:34:12

Well done on opening another estrangement support page Smiles.

Just read all the post on the last one.

Hope your toe is better today Whiff our feet are so important aren't they! We all grieve in a different way, our own way which is right for ourselves, no way is wrong. Same thing with this estrangement, we all cope in a different manager.

Bought my tickets for next years Royal Acot grin. there is a dress code for the 'Queen Anne's enclosure' if it's high heels for ladies, I will be breaking the rules as I need comfort more than style now.

Need to get Joey out for walkies before it get's too hot. Will stay under the shade of the big trees in the park, so will be cool.

Yoginimeisje Fri 27-Jun-25 09:35:29

Will read the new post on here tomorrow...

SparklyGrandma Fri 27-Jun-25 09:54:35

Hello Smileless and everyone..whew…

Here we go with pages and pages of lovely supportive chat.

Whiff Fri 27-Jun-25 11:42:47

Hilltop my apologies I did say hello to you . I hope you stay and contribute to the thread.

Toe is much better thank you Yogin the antibiotics are working. At least now I know you can get cellulitis get on your toes . Hope Joey has a cool walk .