Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Morning everyone.

I love Devon too Yogin and have fond memories of camping holidays in Doone Valley with my dad. It's perfectly understandable that the news of your ex has saddened you and as you say, that could explain why he's been going on about your divorce.

It will be lovely to spend some time with Babs and Mr. B. Whiff. They've had such a difficult and upsetting time so it's great that they're now settled into their new home.

With only one another to rely on, we're so pleased that we made the decision to move here when we did. Even now just 20 months later, I think we'd have struggled to make the move if we hadn't done so already.

I always watch Stacy Solomon's 'Sort your life out' and marvel at how we managed to get rid of what must have been 90% of everything we owned and moved in, in just 9 weeks!!!

Is it really 3 years next week that you lost your DH DL? It's not surprising that his death suddenly hits you like a sledge hammer. The thought of losing Mr. S. terrifies me and although I try not to think about it, sometimes I can't help but worry what I'd do and it's the same for him, worrying about him being essentially alone.

As you say Allsorts we have to let the bad stuff go. It has undoubtedly changed us but doesn't have to define us. I was recently reminded of a quote that I once posted on this support thread, that the strength of someone isn't measured by how much they can take before they break, but how much they can achieve when they've been broken. Can't remember who said it though but it can be seen in everyone who posts here.

It's a lovely morning here which is great as Mr. S. and our neighbour L are taking part in a golf tournament here on the site's course. He's really looking forward to it, but a little less enthusiastic about cleaning the outside windows this afternoon .

Enjoy your day dear friends xx

Oh, good news about Babs, thanks for passing on the news Whiff and enjoy your visit in August. Your DH died young at 47yrs so must have hit you hard

Thanks very much for the holiday recommendations Whiff & DL I do fancy going to Wales & Anglesey, Norfolk is a favourite with my DD, also I like Devon, Dorset & Weymouth.

Lovely sunny day today, so off for nice walkies soon, then have DD&GDs for dinner.

Have a nice day everyone xx

Yogin, not sure what part of the country you live in but my husband and I have taken to doing road trips around the UK going to parts we’ve never been before.
Last year, we started in Wales, where my sister lives. We then traveled through Snowdonia, stopping at Portmerion on the way to the Lake District, which was lovely but very busy!. Have you been to Portmerion, or heard of it? It’s so pretty, (Would have liked to go further to Anglesey but maybe next time).
Then we went to visit friends in Newcastle. We stopped off at a couple of places on the way back south - Whitby and then an Elizabethan National Trust house - to break up the return journey..
We loved everywhere we went. I would particularly recommend the North East. The coast is beautiful, your little dogs would love those massive sandy beaches. There are castles, one particularly lovely one is Bamburgh Castle on the beach. We walked from Housesteads (roman fort) to Sycamore Gap and saw the remains of the tree - a very sad sight! There is Lindisfarne too. As for entertainment, Newcastle itself offers a lot. We did a bat hunt in the city and an evening in a lovely concert venue in a park where an excellent Fleetwood Mac tribute band were playing. There is a lot going on there. Our friends live in an area called Jesmond, which is a very nice part to stay in as it has a lovely vibe with many independent restaurants and cafes, plus a lovely park with a zoo.
If you like traveling on public transport, there is a very cheap metro which takes you to the city centre, the coast, the main train station and also the airport, all only a couple of stops from each other..

Good news for Mr/Mrs Babs whiff, i do wonder sometimes how they are coping, takemy good wishes with you and im sure you will enjoy your break.

Hope you will all be as thrilled as me. Mr and Mrs Babs have moved to their bungalow. It will make life easier for them living on one level.

Their daughters and partners have helped. Guess who is going down there in August . Room already booked in Premier inn. Never been to that part of the world so it's going to be an adventure. I don't expect to see them everyday as I am independent. Plus now my voice is back I could talk the hind legs off a donkey.

I asked Babs if I could pass on the good news.

DiamondLily Mr W died 22 years in February he would have been 69. But he is frozen in time at 47. Even after all this time bone crushing grief can hit me out of the blue and am sobbing mess for a while but I never fight the tears and feel better afterwards. Grief doesn't get easier as the years go by you just cope with it . Since moving here I live my life to the full. I no longer just exist. Mr W was a wiseman and knew what I needed to live without and that was a series of promises have kept everyone. But couldn't keep the most important one until I moved here and that's to live the best life I can . Mind you he would have great joy in telling everyone he was married to a mutant, he would miss out the fact I have a mutant gene in my brain receptors. But that was him all over. I used to think our son was so much like him that was before the estrangement. But my son and daughter in law have turned out like my in laws the difference is I don't hate them .

My husband loved his parents no idea why as they where vile he didn't like them but he could never abandon them . That's why I looked after his mom for 11 years after he died and I hated that woman for 40 years.

All the things I do and places I go aren't anything or anywhere I went with my husband those memories are precious. And haven't done anything of the things we planned to do together . That was our dream .

My best friend is doing all the things they had planned to do together but I couldn't do that it wouldn't be the same . Everyone copes in there own way.

Yogin I am making up for lost time re hols . I didn't have one for 19 years. These are places I have been Berwick upon Tweed meet up with a GN friend . Just thought we would meet for a cuppa but they took me to Holy island across the causeway that was thrilling we when to the ruins but the monastery was to far for me to walk and my friend had bad legs especially her knees. When we went on a hour boat trip round the Farne isles dogs where allowed on board. Beautiful area .

York was brilliant especially with hop on hop off bus that stopped at 20 places of interest . But it many be to crowded for Joey.

Llandudno was wonderful.. Because I don't drive with my English disabled pass got £2 off a day ticket . Mind you Llandudno beach isn't pebbles more like boulders.🤣. Lovely countryside to explore and saw my aunt and uncle who live not far away. So they took me places a couple of days and went to their bungalow they have a mountain behind them . They came to the hotel to eat with me .

Harrogate lovely and plenty of places to go near by . I had taxis to places there. Knaresborough is a must on a Wednesday as a fabulous market plus the cathedral not the biggest I have been in but the most beautiful. Went to other places via taxi.

Next month Lancaster ,July to see my brother and sister in law they live 30 mins in a village from Lincoln . That's another beautiful area. I stay in a Travel lodge couple of villages from them but have all my meals with them
August as I said going to Mr and Mrs Babs area .

September Dundee. I always stay in Premier Inn when going to places for hols as they have accessible rooms for walking and wheelchair disabled. Travelodge rooms are just as big as Premier Inn just shower room smaller.

My daughter and family go air b&b abroad and in this country . Lot of hotels and air b&b are dog friendly. And the places I have been lot of pubs and some restaurants dog friendly.

It's just the matter of where you ,your friend and Joey would like to go .

I travel by train with travel assistance which is brilliant as I don't have to worry about my luggage or getting on the wrong train . And if things like missing a connected because my train was late or cancelled . They help me find a different way to go . As my HPX makes life changeling if this go wrong . But can't fault the kindness I have been given. Plus my odd requests when it comes to food and needing it cut up for me .

Thank you all re my ex. Yes, DL I was surprised how sad I felt when I went to bed that night. He is having a consultation today to find out what happens next. My DD & I now think maybe this is why he has been ranting on about our divorce 30yrs ago! It may have gone to his brain. My DD's friend went the same just before the end .

3years DL unbelievable .

Been so busy this morning, just seemed to have lots to do before breakfast, just washing to go on the line before walkies.

You like your holidays Whiff. My friend said why don't we go, but she would like to go abroad, whereas I've had enough of that and would like to holiday here and take Joey with me. Anyone have any ideas for me, to tempt my friend to stay in UK? Need entertainment & somewhere that accomadates little doggies. I've always had a little caravan holiday with my DD&GDs but now my DD is working it's not happening.

Have a nice sunny day all.

We have no alternative but to let the bad stuff go. Everyone has some tragedy in their lives. Do think Estrangement a living grief for a very long time but our children are alive and living life as they want. I never thought I would be happy again after my dh died but I am in a completely different way although I have my moments.

Yoginimeisje

Celieanne Stay here with us for some comfort, advise and friendship xx

Bad news on my ex, he has been diagnosed with ear cannel cancer, later found cancer had spread to his spine! DD has unblocked him.

Sorry to hear about your ex x

However much we may despise/dislike our ex’s, I think there’s always a memory there of the beginning, a life starting out together, and then them being the father to the children we have.

Not sure how I’d feel if it was ex. 🤷‍♀️. Some things never fade.

It’s been 3 years, next week, since DH died. I’ve shoved life on and it’s moved down paths I never expected to be walking down.

But, his death and his going from me, still hits me like a sledgehammer at times. I don’t expect that will ever stop.

But, we have to just bat on, regardless of what’s happened, and enjoy life again.

Best wishes 🌺

Smiles sorry about your friend . My mom had breast cancer the first time when she was 73 had mastectomy and lymph nodes remove was on Termoxifen for 5 years . As it was a grade 1 . When she was 86 got it again this time grade 3 . We didn't think they would operate but the consultant said as she was fit they would . Mom had a 50/50 chance of living 5 years but like mon said at her age she had 50/50 chance of living 5 years anyway. She wouldn't have chemo as she saw what my husband went through but had 15 doses of radiotherapy which she sailed through . I moved in for 3 months to look after her only went home once a week . We both had open wounds I fell out my back down slammed my leg just above the left ankle bone and had an ulcerated left leg for 5 months but I made sure neither of us got an infection.

I decided after my husband died if I ever had breast cancer they would have to take both breasts and lymph nodes as with my HPX I couldn't go through it twice and but not got much boobage anyway . That reminds me it's squashed boobs year at least the machines are smaller than my first one . But the radiographer will have to have a fight to get my nipples in place as I have no pigment so my whole boobs are the same colour and the can never find my nipples first time🤣🤣🤣. Oh the joys of being a woman.

Unfortunately chemo can still be brutal it just depends which one they use and for how long. It's important your friend only uses Simple products and if she had radiotherapy to use Aegious cream not spelt correctly. You can get a big tub from Boots for under £5 . As it's important to keep your skin moisturised once healed and it helps with radiotherapy. Mom only had a pair pink rash like a mild sunburn .

My S sound like he is enjoying his gardening . Need to get my tomatoes and french bean plants .

Went to the Phil last night to see the Scottish Phil play Mendelssohn it was brilliant saw a a friend there and she gave me a lift home .

Take care folks .

Celieanne, I just wanted to say how sorry you have been so ill and how your son reacted when told. Despite his shameful behaviour you still love him, the person he was, I would feel the same and I think that's how my d would be but I have made my son promise never to tell her. Try if you can, to push him right to the back of your mind and enjoy those that do care as you cannot change anything, you need to make the most of each day.
Debbie, sorry your d refused a chance to reunite but at least you did everything, it’s on her. You enjoy your fly and flop break.
Yoga, bad news about your ex. Treatment that good now perhaps he will be cured.
I hear nothing from my ex. Just as I want. It was so long ago I don't really remember life with him before I remarried the love of my life.

Thankyou Whiff. X

Afternoon everyone.

You're such a busy bee Whiff and good on you, it's so important to make the most of what we have and this has become even more important to me having received some very upsetting news yesterday.

A very dear friend of ours who was our vicar before she retired where we used to live, is having a mastectomy in a few weeks following a cancer diagnosis

She's so strong and positive which is a testament to her faith that I have nothing but admiration for how she's approaching this.

Mr. S. has been busy gardening and it's looking lovely. We bought a few more plants yesterday and he's just put them in the boarders around our patio and decking.

He's just loving being able to garden again since we moved here and I'm just loving enjoying all his hard work .

Debbie glad to see you back..It's hard to give up hope of reconciliation..Took me 3 years to give up . But even if we had reconciled I would never forgive or forget what my son and daughter in law wrote . And they wouldn't have liked what I had to say. So we would have been estranged again but on my terms .

To much has happened in the last nearly 6 years . I am not the same mom I was I have no tolerance for bad behaviour. Plus my health issues have changed me for 14 months. Thankfully I am back to my usual self but the loss of strength in my arms will never come back . But have accepted that. Just found new ways to do what I want.

To be honest permanent estranged suits me . My life is full and I am happy doing all the things I want . My daughter always sends a text to see if I am free for them to come over. As she says she loses track of all the things I do and where I am .

I have to laugh at myself at times the things I do and not frightened to try new things . Next week I am going to a community choir to see if I am good enough to join. I love singing and I think that has helped get my speech back . If they don't think I am good I won't be offended . I don't get offended over things . I know myself very well and my limits .

I am going away 4 times this year each for 5 days. Going out for the day on my birthday via train to Arnside no idea what it's like but it's an adventure. And will have a nice lunch somewhere.

I am doing what my husband wanted and living my life to the full. I look to the present and future. Past is gone. I grieve for my husband but not my son . He has chosen his path and I am walking mine . They will never cross.
May sound harsh but our relationship can never be repaired . He gave me no change to defend myself . So I am happy with the silence . But if my grandsons do track me down when they are older then I will tell them exactly what they parents have done before and after the estrangement. Plus I have hard evidence of what my son wrote .

Have a wonderful holiday and a good rest . Both of you come back stronger and happier . 🤸

Thankyou Smiles 🙂

Hello Debbie, I'm so sorry that it looks like your estrangement from your D is going to be permanent .

I've just posted on another thread the need for 'both sides' to be willing to reconcile if there's to be any chance of it happening. Your willingness to try to forgive and move on can never bare fruit if she's not also willing to try.

I think each and everyone of us when we were first estranged thought it would be temporary. Well meaning family and friends told us with such certainty that 'he'll be back' but it wasn't meant to be.

It's been 13.5 years for us and we still get triggered and find that life isn't plain sailing but we weather each storm that comes our way and for me, this wonderful thread is a safe port during the most horrendous storms and it will be a safe port for you too.

So Debbie, get those bags packed and look forward to all that sand, promenade walks, cocktails and good food and tell us all about it because as well as sharing our pain we just love to share our happiness too.

Hello ladies. Although I haven’t posted for a while, I have been reading your posts which have given me ‘somewhere to go’ when I felt down. And hello Celieanne.

This is because there have been attempts by my brother, my ex husband (her dad) and my other daughter to attempt reconciliation, and I wanted to see where it would lead. As you can image that has meant more sleepless nights and down days.

I thought I had closure after I sent my last letter to her but then I sent one each to my two GDs (14 and 17). She intercepted them and they never got to read them, and that hurt me all over again. The pain has not got any less and it only takes a trigger to bring everything back again.

It looks as though my EstD will never get over it. I was prepared to try to forgive and move on but she can’t. (Celieanne, we have been estranged for nearly 3 years).
So posting back on here, it looks like I am like some of you now where the estrangement is permanent.

I think when I first posted, I always had in the back of my mind that it would be temporary, I couldn’t believe that that would happen to me.
Reading all your posts about how you have managed to have a good life after estrangement gives me some hope at least. But life still has a habit of throwing more at us doesn’t it?

I am also sorry to hear Yogin about your ex and cancer. I feel for the children especially.

Thank goodness for the better weather as I can keep myself busy doing garden projects and nice days out and walks.

I am still seeing my youngest daughter and GD and we took her to Disneyland Paris at Easter. An exhausting experience but one where I was consciously making memories with them. My hubby and I willl be heading off to Tenerife soon for what we call our ‘fly and flop’ holiday. I think that’s what I need right now - sun, sand, promenade walks, cocktails and good food.

I echo Yogin and Smiles stay with us Celieanne. I like the idea the threads a comfort blanket.

Well only booked another holiday. That is 4 now plus the 9 concerts. Now I am feeling myself again doing more this year . I still did all the things I wanted last year but it was difficult. Not that life is ever easy . But made me determined to do all the things I can do now. Already decided on May's holiday for 2027.

Going to the new season 26/27 event at the Phil soon so now doubt will be booking more concerts .

My daughter says spend your money on what you want . So doing things I couldn't afford to years ago still getting my bargains . Can't change a habit of a lifetime .

Got a lesson in mosaic at craft group this afternoon. Taking cake as usual. Plus my craft apron as I will get messy. 🤣.

Sorry about your ex Yogin cancer is no fun . As it's in his spine it will travel to all his bones. My husband the 6 tumours but we also knew it was in his bones.
Sorry for your children . 🌹

As Yogin has posted Celieanne, stay here with us for some comfort, advise and friendship.

I'm so sorry to hear about your ex Yogin xx

Celieanne Stay here with us for some comfort, advise and friendship xx

Bad news on my ex, he has been diagnosed with ear cannel cancer, later found cancer had spread to his spine! DD has unblocked him.

Smileless2012

You don't have to try and explain your pain here Celieanne, we know what it's like and just like you, we can't explain it either .

Am I right in thinking that you've posted before as what happened at your DH's funeral to years ago is very familiar.

FWIW I think you're doing the right thing not sending a birthday card. Please look after you.

I’m sorry Smileless but I honestly can’t remember as I’ve been very ill, I was in hospital for 13 weeks and suffered physically and mentally so much my brain just seems to have shut down. Yes my son was told and put the phone down on my daughter, I wasn’t told until weeks later but that’s ok it made me decide I would give up trying, no more cards or presents, so be it.
Thank you and the other posters for the kind words which are much appreciated. I am now disabled through the illness and totally housebound but have the rest of my family, daughter, son, g.children and great g.children who visit me when they can and wonderful carers who look after me so am grateful for the life I have, also Gransnet my comfort blanket 😊

Ah Whiff

My estGC are 16yrs & 15yrs now, so passed the stage of wanting their GP. Maybe when they are older, they may be curious about us, the other side of their family; all cut out. My poor little Laila, everyone that loved and adored her & she us, her birth family, cut out of her life through jealousy of her stepdad, how a mother can do that to their little girl is beyond me. One day she will learn the truth, and I hope pay her mother & stepdad what they deserve.

Although I don't hurt as I did the first 6yrs [after which I draw a line under] and don't think of them all the time now, but I will go to my grave with a severely scared heart.

Honestly Celieanne86 another broken heart. I'm so sorry for your hurt, we all know what you are going through and empathise. No point sending a card, you'll feel better not to.
None of us here 'know why'. You can only leave the ball in his court and hope he comes through the other side of his weird thinking. When you let go, you will feel better, after 3yrs there is still hope.

Smiles I think the same as you, we both adored our AC, so to be stabbed in the heart for 13yrs+ is beyond painful.

Good to hear Mr.Sgot home OK. I'm the same with my son, especially when he goes to work on his motorbike. He needs new tyres on his car, so from tomorrow he'll be on his bike.

Good idea about the hedgehog house, we had a big one once in our garden, haven't seen him/her since.

Celieanne I haven't sent anything to my son or grandadsond since August 2020 . I knew their 3rd son was due in July but waited until it was my son's and 2nd son's birthday which is the same date. In his email in May he said give me some months . I don't like you but love you mom . The day after their birthday the parcel came back the babies present had been crushed unopened and so where the cards. A note was with it from my son as I know his handwriting and lack of punctuation and spelling mistakes . He said I don't want your vindictive or manipulative behaviour any where near me or my family . Zero contact .
Two things I have never been . I don't even know the name or date of birth of their youngest. From 2020 to 2023. I contacted him 3 times via text twice because I had to . The third time I decided if I had abuse or silence I was done. I had abuse so I am done. I will always love my son but the son I knew for 32 years and love my grandsons. My son cut ties will all over side of the family.

I don't want to see my son ever again he is a stranger and I will never forgive or forget what he and my daughter in law put me through. I imagine they have told my grandsons either I don't care or I am dead. I am no longer the mom he knew . He knows nothing about my life and hasn't been told when I have had to stay in hospital.

He will never know when I died as their is no need as I cut him out of my will in 2020 and I took out both powers of attorney my daughter and son in law are my attorneys .

When he was a child if he misbehaved then their where consequences for his actions. No difference now he is an adult . Both him and my daughter in law will be 39 this year .

We all reach a stage when we say enough. And I am happy I made my decision. My life is busy and will not alter things I do . He made the choice that I am no longer his mother . I know it's down to my daughter in law being jealous of the fact my son and grandsons loved me and wanted to spend time with me .

I love my life as it is . I don't grief over the estrangement. But grieve every day for my husband who died in 2004 aged 47.

That other thread where IA got banned has turned into a farce . InRainbows think that's her name is a nasty piece of work . On about parents abusing etc there estranged children and writing things like they are out of a text book .

Thank goodness for the sanity of this thread.

Glad Mr S is back home Smiles . I don't have hanging baskets I would forget to water then or more likely pour water all over me 🤣.

Smiles bet you felt better after your cry. But as you know you and Mr S didn't do anything wrong . Our children make their choices and then make up excuses why they decide parents are disposable.

I have no tolerance for bad behaviour from anyone. I put up like all of us with unacceptable behaviour because we love our children. I am happy with my life as it is . Miss my husband everyday and the grief gets worse . But I cope and an doing what he wanted and that's live the best life I can . And doing that very well without my son in it .

Yes I have my daughter and family but I am not dependant on them. I live a very independent life . And I will never be a burden on them . I had that experience in spades and will never let my daughter go through what I did. It was my choice but I couldn't abandon my parents. Or my mother in law who I hated for 40 years. But I didn't.

This thread has and still is a lifeline for me and thankfully since 21st last month I am myself again after 14 months of not being me . Didn't stop me doing things I wanted but I just wanted me back .

You don't have to try and explain your pain here Celieanne, we know what it's like and just like you, we can't explain it either .

Am I right in thinking that you've posted before as what happened at your DH's funeral to years ago is very familiar.

FWIW I think you're doing the right thing not sending a birthday card. Please look after you.