Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Thank you Yogin, I am. I felt exactly the same way about my mum, that she was in a black hole. Contacting SS was all I could do, just as it's all you can do for your ED. I know it doesn't feel as if it's enough and maybe it isn't but you've done all that you can dear friend xx

Thank you Smiles, so you had a bad situation with SS as well. They let you spill your guts but give nothing back. So sorry to read about your DM & your B acting in a bad way. I remember about all that, when your mum passed. Hope you are over the bad situation now xx

Thank you Whiff I'll be interested to learn what transpired today at their meet up, but they may be conservative in what they say to my DD and in turn my DD may be careful what she says to me this time, normally she would tell me all. But that's it, no more I can say or do, as I said before, with what I learnt about the black hole my estD was in, I just couldn't sit and do nothing.

Morning all

Allsorts no my estD doesn't smoke pot. I slept well last night, no doubt due to sending my b.i.l a message saying he should be helping and protecting his niece not backing her abusive H and where is her dad in all this, why is he not helping his D. So got it off my chest and out of my mind a bit. No idea if he'll read it though. No doubt at their meet today I will be the main subject to berate!

Morning everyone.

Hope you managed to get some sleep last night Yogin, this is a horrible situation to be in but you have done all that you can .

I knew when I contacted SS about my mum that I'd never hear from my brother again, and I was right. Because of his controlling behaviour and my mum's mental health problems, I never saw her again; she died two years later.

He didn't even tell me himself, got one of my cousins to 'phone me with the news of her death and that there was no money so if we didn't take care of her funeral, he'd contact SS!!! .

It's beyond belief that your D's father and uncle are behaving in this way but there's nothing you can do about it. You have your GD's birthday party tomorrow to look forward too; I hope you'll be able to enjoy it.

Sending love and (((hugs))) Babs. Hope Mr. B. will be back home again soon .

Much better weather for travelling Whiff; have a great time.

Babs, sorry DH back in hospital, it does sound as if its under control if he can hopefully be home in two days, it’s such a worry how things change so quickly.
Safe journey home Whiff, glad its cooler for you to travel. You are getting quite the seasoned traveller.
Yoga, thoughts are with you.

Sorry Mr Babs is back in hospital. Hopefully they can help him quickly and get him home .

Glad the lady from SS confirmed what I said Yogin as they will not be able to tell you anything..

Yogin you know deep down why your ex and bil aren't doing anything because they don't care. The only thing they care about is hurting you because they know they can. Please take the power back and don't let them . You are a very strong woman who has faced worse and with the help of your son,daughter and granddaughter they will give you the love,caring to find that resilient Yogin again .

I know this is easy for me to say as I had had silence from my son. Which I am glad of.

Look forward to your darling granddaughters 10th birthday party. I hope she had a lovely birthday 🎂 today and glad you enjoyed her Shakespeare show yesterday..

You have done all you can . Contacting your bil will only hurt you more be strong and don't do it. As it will only give them ammunition to use against you .

Your son and daughter must be worried sick about you as they don't want to go back to the early days of estrangement. Seeing you hurt all over again with make them feel helpless to help you but also very angry about their sister and husband causing you pain again . And how their dad and uncle are treating will only make it worse.

I hope you can sleep tonight..

Yoga If your sil as well as your ex and his brother use cannabis, its likely your d does too, your gd will think that's normal. I don't know anyone that has used it but I do know is a physio active drug with all the associated risks and life changing problems. You can’t get them away from their chosen lifestyle. It is extremely unlikely you or SS can change anything. I wish you could distance.

Well, I finally got through to the lady at SS that I spoke to originally. Had to go round the house to get to speak to her though. She was surprised my b.i.l & ex were angry and asked Why? I said that they are all 'buddies' [due to smoking pot together] and s.i.l is able to hook them in.

She said I should have asked to be anonymous from the start and as I hadn't then the info would be free to give! She couldn't give me any info as all confidential, but said that she hadn't dealt with it, it had been passed on. So, I'll never know, but even so I'm sure the only thing that would have happened would be a phone call to my estD asking how she is as her mother was concerned.

Couldn't get off to sleep again last night, as it was just going round and round in my head; why does her dad & uncle not help her, not see her on her own so she can talk freely to them about her situation. As I've been blocked by them, I can't relay this to them, but I am going to try to send a message to b.i.l tomorrow morning as they are meeting my estD & her H then.

Finishing on a nice note; My GD's 10th birthday today, she is having a party on Saturday, which I will go to, just to keep my DD company. Yesterday, same GD had a play about Shakespear, which I went to and it was really very good.

Morning all

Very sorry to read your bad news Babs, hope all goes well at the hospital and that your DH gets home soon. He's not having much luck at the moment is he, let's hope this is the last thing

Sorry to hear that Babs, hope he is home soon, so stressful for you all, take care x

Hoping you are looking after yourself yogi, will PM you.
Might be absent again, for a short time hopefully, Mr B back in hospital with another bleed on the brain. We have a routine now, get the ‘grab bag’ from under the stairs with everything ready in it, then off we go again.
Is a small bleed this time though and they think it will stop soon so he could be back home in the next 2 days.
Take care all
🙏🏾❤️

Yoga, just hope you stay out of the lives of those people who only mean you harm.

It's hard isn't it Spring As I try to help my estD, I also think of all the dramas we don't have to cope with now. Enjoy your holiday xx

Thanks for kind comments and support. Our EC has used our words against us in the past in ways we never intended, which is one reason why I’m now so careful. Sadly as others have said, not being in contact is just awful, but the lack of drama does mean we can live relatively peacefully. And for that we’re thankful. I’m also conscious that in getting older our resilience is not as strong as it perhaps once was, both emotionally and physically. We’re determined to make the most of whatever time is left to us though, like all the folk on here. Hope we can all continue to inspire each other to live freely in spite of the loss we carry.
Glad the weather has broken. Just in time for our uk holiday!!! Rain is forecast 😂

Thank you Allsorts xx

Yoga, hope you are starting to feel little better. Did the WhatsApp group you have been banned from include your ex and his brother. If so that's not a good idea. I would keep your cards close to your chest from now on as ex and BIL have shown they not to be trusted. Plus your ex sees your est daughter and her husband and condones their behaviour. What sort of father is he, sitting there doing nothing yet reporting back to you as he knew you would, because you are better than him. You just be your lovely self don't let them grind you down.

Smiles my estD gave his number to SS as point of contact. I don't know how my ex [her dad] and her uncle can't see what I see. If they were all having lunch and my estD didn't get to say a word cos her H was monopolising the conversation, wouldn't you think they would arrange to see her on her own, she's not going to say anything in front of her controlling H is she.

Lovely to see you posting again Babs and hope to meet for coffee soon xx

Morning all, lot cooler today, thank goodness.

Whiff I value your opinions, as I do all the other regular posters here, so thanks everyone.

Did feel sad yesterday, knowing everyone in the family were out celebrating my GD birthday. Spoke to her for quite a while in the morning, when I wished her a happy birthday, she told me about all the lovely gifts her m&d had bought her. Her main present was a lovely little bike, but with her broken arm in a plastic she won't be able to ride it yet.

My son didn't go yesterday, which I was really, secretly pleased about, I didn't say so to him though. In the morning he said he was going as he wanted to give his motoebike a run, he was also invited to his friend who lives in a lovely log cabin in the woods, to stay the weekend. He said he'd go to both, but ended up not going to either. I didn't say anything as the day progressed, he then disappeared into his 'place' and didn't emerge till dinner time. I did send a message asking if he was ok, which he reply 'yes'. He said later that he just couldn't be bothered with it all and prefered to just relax at home. He has such a busy work life, up every day at 4.30am, so by the weekend he just needs to relax.

My DD&GDs are coming over at 1pm, for present openning and birthday cake. So I'll find out how it all went yesterday and hope my DD explained why I felt the need to contact SS. But unfortunately my estD's H seems to easily win them over.

Morning everyone.

I think your ex is lying Yogin. Why would SS 'phone him? (I don't think they would) and where did they get his number from? What a pathetic excuse for a father he is; doing nothing to try and protect his own D and trying to prevent you from doing so .

There's nothing wrong with being careful Spring. You know you can pm if there's something troubling you, that you don't want to put on the thread. Mr. S. used to worry about what I post because being so open makes me more likely to be identified, but I don't and have never cared.

Just like all of you, everything I've ever said is true. I stay here because doing so benefits me and I like to try to help others so if anyone were to have a problem with that, so be it.

We're still having a giggle over 'shower gate' Spring. No one's ever made me laugh as much as Mr. S., intentionally or not .

We have become pretty good at 'troll spotting' over the years haven't we Allsorts and previously banned posters too.

I remember you telling us that lovely story before Whiff, the GF who learned to walk and talk again with his GD was learning for the first time .

It's so good to see you posting Babs and even better when those posts are bringing the good news of his gradual recovery . Keeping you both in my prayers.

It's going to be a bit cooler here today too Bridie but still lovely and warm enough for the BBQ at our friends this evening.

Have a good day everyone.

Bit cooler here Allsorts, mid 20s which is lovely to get out and about in, good post Whiff, your rambles express how most of us cope and feel during estrangement.
So pleased Babs your husband is improving, you have all been through the emotional wringer, take care of each other.
Yogi, I cant imagine how you are coping with such a cruel situation again, please look after you, life is a bitch sometimes but we are all still standing, if only just at times
Take care all, enjoy summer 😎😎

Just don't ever respond to one. I can now spot one.
It's just do unbearably hot, I couldn't cool down yesterday even with fans on, I dread this weekend as its in the thirties.
Just so glad I am not on holiday. That's my moan over.
Going out now to do my shopping so I get back before 10, then I will loll. Have a good weekend everyone and stay cool.

Spring glad to see you back. I got trolled by my daughter in law back in 2020 on a different forum. Because of not being well and having my wits about me . She wrote as a nan saying her grandson read on Reddit and put a link as she thought it was my daughter in law. Like an idiot I pressed it . She has been writing vile things about me for over a year before I moved here to live closer to my children. Her post on GN was after I had the email from my son .

I no longer care if she reads what I write on GN that's if she still does . I think most people know roughly where I live and some GN friends know exactly.

What I write is the truth and I do ramble on . I have had silence from my son for 5 years and glad of it . I wonder everyday how he is and my 3 grandson's. But I would rather have silence than what some have been through. And what Yogin is going through breaks my heart and the cruelty of the whole thing dragging her back to those bad old days . When she was happy and living her life to the full. It all seems planned . But that's just how I see it.

Estrangement is horrible and will never understand why it happened . And it does change you and how you look at things . What hurt me most is realising my son is a cruel coward.

But I am no longer the same mom he knew as he is no longer the son I know. So much has happened in my life in the last 5 years and I have no tolerance for bad behaviour.

Having this thread it's our safe place and that's down people caring about eachother. And no matter how hard over the years trolls have tried to destroy it they can't . There is a strong bond between those who post here and those that just read .

Thanks to the longevity of this thread estrangement is no longer a taboo subject. Because I am open in real life it's amazed me how many people have admitted it's happened to them . It happened just a couple of weeks someone told me she thought she was alone with this . We will talk more next time I see her as it was at the end of an event I was at.

Babs we all care about you and Mr B and glad he is making progress. It is hard when your whole world changes but you adapt and this new way of life becomes the norm . I was lucky to have a husband who just said when my health got worse we changed our life to suit what you can do and be a normal family. Our children never suffered because our life changed my daughter does remember how I was before and my son grew up with me as I am. In fact I think they grew up with an understanding that disability does mean incapable . You have your lovely daughters and your grandchildren with help grandad and you . And your grandchildren will grow with that understanding that people are different as they will help grandad and push him to do more than he thought he can. It doesn't matter how young children are they do understand more than we think . They will give Mr B a reason to fight and get stronger and as they grow will help him more . They are there for you and if they see if nannie needs a hug they will give you one. Children grow so quickly.

Final word this post at the Brain Charity I meet a man who had a stroke and his family lay bets on who would walk first him or his granddaughter who was just learning to walk . She learnt to walk unaided first but gave him a reason to do the same and he did. And they learnt to talk together .

Take care everyone it's going to be a scorcher 🥵🥵🥵🥵

Nice to hear from you Spring. You don’t have to do anything you are not comfortable with you are still one of the gang. And right now after everything we have been through since March I don’t think I am ready yet to battle the trolls who have no moral compass or sense of decency.
When my DH was critically ill in hospital it was the random acts of kindness that made all the difference. Trolls only know how to mete out cruelty and there is too much of that in the world already.

Hello again Spring, nice to see you back. You know you always have support here that’s the main thing . When I first came on here many years ago estrangement was hardly spoken of but it out there re now thank goodness.