Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Sparkly hopefully your doctor will operate soon . It is lovely to see all the spring flowers opening . Have more daffs than I thought as the squirrels usually eat the bulbs . My front garden has had an explosion of grape hyacinth which I love as they last long time . My gardener will start soon but it's not looking to bad weed wise. Need some plants moving the wet winter they have doubled in size . Soon be time to plant my tomatoes in my greenhouse and start my french bean seeds off . I grow those outdoors. Only growing the 2 things this year as disappointed with my courgettes last year .

Before I forget if any of you have grandchildren at uni and in touch with them try and see if they will have the meningitis jab . Uni's will be breaking up soon and so far it's mainly in Kent but with students going home for Easter it will spread all over the country. As it's bacterial antibiotics will work on it if caught quicky . I remember my kids having the mene C jab which is viral ,but this one thinks it's called Mene B is rarer but more deadly and spreads quicker

Hopefully there will be no storage of the vaccine and everyone can get it . I see it's £220 if you have it done privately but what cost do you put on a life . I know it's available on NHS in Kent but don't know if they will let it be available to all uni students . I know if my kids where at uni I would pay .

Even though estranged from my son he like my daughter paid for the boys to have the chicken pox vaccine . I assume my son and daughter in law had their youngest jabbed as well .

Smiles I will have to get my window cleaner to give my bench a coat of varnish before it goes out . The fence ready needs a cost of paint but doing more things this year so that money spent on other things but it has been painted yearly last 3 years . So think the green that is only on couple of the panels will brush off. Lovely to see the rabbits playing . On the way to the hospital on Wednesday the bus goes through wooded areas and farm land . Saw rabbits in the fields playing .. Yesterday had lot of blue and great tits in my garden .

Saw my neurologist on Wednesday he is upping my Clonazepam but until my GP gets the letter can't increase it. I take 3 x 1mg tablet a day. But he is increasing it by 0.25 mg 3 times a day . And no way can you spilt even with my pill box cutter a 1mg tablet into 4. But the 500 microgram tablets have groove so can be cut into 2 . He mentioned 2 other tablets we could try and I checked they wouldn't effect my liver . But want to try the Clonazepam first. He wasn't happy a year on still haven't had speech therapy but I told him about going to the 8 singing and exercise class plus my vocal warm ups and singing I do when using my static pedals daily . I was with him 45 mins he never rushes me . He confirmed my suspicion I had TIA last year if the stupid idiot who did my CT had done the whole of my head they would have seen it . But evidence of a TIA disappears quickly especially when like me on blood thinners. Told him the stroke neurologist was an idiot and told me it was a migraine. He doesn't have anything to do with the stroke team but did grin when I said it . He knows my history of being called names by doctors in the long ago past. Plus the 1.5cm lesion under my scalp is benign and nothing to worry about but I wasn't worried. Because it's between my scalp and skull I may have had it for long time . The only worry would have been if it was on my brain which it isn't. Be it's nice to be told in person by an expert.

Found out something interesting because the wonderful Professor Marsden did all the tests in 1992 that's why he went straight for having my whole genome genetically tested. As no point in repeating them as Professor Marsden was the top neurologist in the country at the time.

Had lovely lunch yesterday with a friend I made on GN who lives town over from me . Our other friend couldn't go as she was ill. Glad I had sorted out my lighter coats as my winter ones would have been to hot .

Hopefully everyone has the nice weather today and things planned to do . Going to the Phil on Thursday for Elgar concert.

Take care everyone.

Nice to hear from you Sparkly.,Well done for getting in good shape for operation. To get out in the sunshine in nature is the best tonic you can have.
I gave up biscuits and cakes for Lent, then had a day when I forgot and ate both, so next day started again, I know that's not allowed, but I have.
Debbie, I hope you get a response better than I did from your daughter.. I did read that most estrangements last four years, I have passed that time by many years now and the longer it is the less likely to reconnect.

Hello Sparkly, lovely to see your post. Sounds like you've got a good gardener so let's hope we get a good summer so you'll be able to enjoy it.

Mr. S. has been making the most of the good weather and has already got ours looking lovely while I supervise .

It's been fabulous here today, just like summer!!! So nice that we unpacked our garden furniture and sat out on our decking this afternoon entertained by rabbits chasing one another around .

Hello ladies, fellow estrangees,
I don’t like U.K. Mothers Day, I usually blank it and just have a normal Sunday.
Luckily my church doesn’t ‘do’ Mothering Sunday, it’s an Anglican thing.

Then a young friend and neighbour sent me a Happy Mothers Day message and I remembered that women around me are mothers and deserve my wishing them well.

My crocuses are flowering, daffs next, it’s been well worth finding a nice wildlife focussed gardener - a woman gardener no less.

I can’t do much but she put 4-5 pots that needed planting or weeding, around me as I was sitting in my deckchair, and I had fun playing with the grounding Earth.

Fasting for Lent and to make good sugar control hopefully so my parathyroid doctor will operate.

Lovely to see you all on here xxx

Debbie glad you feel better sending the final letter. We all have to do what makes us feel better. I didn't do that I just sent a text in 2023 it was friendly just asking how they where. I had already decided if I got silence or abuse I was done . I have never apologised as I have never done the things my son accused me of . Keeping things about his dad's cancer was my husband's choice he didn't want the children to know . And yet he threw that in my face. But my husband always came before the children . They where growing up and having they're own lives . As much as I loved both the children and my grandsons I still love my husband more . He was the other half of me, my world ,my everything . We choose eachother and had a life together before and after having the children.

Children have to fly and make their own lives and mistakes. And boy have my son and daughter in law made some whoppers before and after having their eldest 2. But I kept my mouth shut .

There no such thing as a perfect family . We are all unquie. My parents did the best they good bring my brother and me up . But we always knew we where loved and given attention. My husband like my dad didn't know what a family was until they meet us. Then they both had the family they wanted and needed .

Thinking about mother's day reminded me about first father's day after my husband died. My son was at college in general studies the teacher asked what each person was getting their dads . He asked my son he said nothing the teacher said that's not nice my son shouted he's 🦆🦆🦆🦆ING dead and walked out and came home upset . I had told the college when my husband was terminal and when he died . That teacher didn't get the message . I told them he wouldn't be attending general studies again and just to give him the work he needed to do for the exam .

I offered to let the uni know about her dad but my daughter said she was an adult and could handle it herself . They where very understanding and when her dad was terminal only had to attend a couple of lectures a week and she just did the rest of the work herself . She still got a 2.1 BA Hons in politics. Didn't want to go to her graduation ceremony as her dad was looking forward to it . I had left it up to her what she wanted to do .

We raised our children the same and instilled good values into them and lots of love . Once they fly it's often who they love which either makes it breaks the family . With my son it broke ties with all our side so it wasn't me . He choose . But he and his family have my husbands surname and our DNA is in him and our grandsons . So as much as he doesn't want me he has no choice as I and his dad are forever part of him .

I like Mothers Day, I am happy to get a card. You don't really need recognition if you have a good relationship though. Happy my dil is having a good time with my grandchildren.
The last letter I wrote to my daughter was over 18 months ago.
I did not guilt trip her, just said how much she had always meant to me and put both her brother first always, she knows the truth, she didn't want her life interrupted by being on call for me as I am on my own, but I would never have done that. Her reply was, her chosen friends were her family and she preferred it that way. Very cold, she just doesn't care it’s as simple as that. Now I don't seek or want reconciliation she has shown her true feelings.

I'm glad that you've managed to let go a bit Debbie having sent your last letter to your ED. That was how I felt when I sent a 'goodbye' email to our ES which like you, I made sure wasn't nasty but did say what I needed to say.

Enjoy your time with your youngest D and GD.

I won’t say the obvious greeting to you all, but I am thinking of you all today. I haven’t looked at other threads on here as I feel you ladies all understand and help me through it all and that is all I need.
It is a day of mixed emotions for me. Mother’s Day always used to be about my Mum. She wasn’t easy, but all five of us siblings always did what was expected and dutifully put her first rather than spend Mothers Day enjoying being mothers ourselves.
Now that she has gone, I wanted it to be different with my own daughters, or at least my youngest D now. At least she appreciates me and will be coming over later, with my GD after her show rehearsal, and we will have a takeaway so that neither of us have to entertain. I want to recognise that its her Mothers Day too. I want to start a new habit since my Mum died, that its not all about me, but both of us as we are both mothers.

After I received the reply from my letter reaching out to my estD, which was more accusations and lies, I wrote back again as I needed closure. I felt I had never had the opportunity of telling her my side of things. I felt better for it. I wrote that letter about 5 times but eventually thought, if this is the last communication I ever have with her, then I can’t have it on my conscience that it was a nasty letter. So I made it quite emotional and defeatist. (Is that a word?!) I must have apologised so many times, even though some of it I didn’t feel I needed to. I told her I loved her and reminded her of all the times I did get it right and how I had always been there for her, through all her difficult times (and my goodness she had loads of those!). I have now also written to my teenage GDs telling them how proud of them I am and how much I miss them and love them. Saying that if they ever want to contact me, I am still here for them.

It felt that I had let go a bit, and have slept better since. There is absolutely nothing I can do now and my conscience is better for it.

My ex-husband (her Dad) apparently had her on the phone for an hour where she was in tears about it. I don’t know how I feel about that

So going back to all of you, I hope you can have a nice day and remember to look after yourself today and maybe even spoil yourself with something you love to do - eat or drink !!!.

Yogin have fun with your granddaughters. I don't like the idea of mother's day services . Not just because of estrangement. But because of people like my best friend who after countless miscarriages was told she would never be able to carry a child to term . Plus all the mother's who have had child die either through illness ,accident or by their own hand. It just rubs salt into the wound .

Yesterday at the church round the corner from me there was a fund raiser in the name of one of the girls that got killed in a town I go to on the train it made headlines on the news. But it wasn't sad I brought couple of bee themed things as the little girls name was similar. Won on the tombola it was all cuddly toys one thing I won was a large teddy bear so asked someone at a stall to put it with the toys for the children to play with. No sit fit tomorrow our instructor is ill but will take the other 4 toys I won with me on Tuesday to move it or lose it and put with the toys. Also won couple of things on another stall my grandsons will have those. The vicar of the church and her husband who is a vicar of another church where both having their hair shaved off along with 2 others to raise money . Saw lots of people I know ,lot of Wombles and they had a stall. Sat and had a cuppa with who we call Mr and Mrs Womble they had a litter pick going to the church and finished off when they went home . My youngest friend who was in Cinderella was dressed as a bee. She always looks beautiful. At nearly 68 who would though I would have a friend who is nearly 16. She has gotten a place at a really good college up here. Best thing I ever did was move here.

Glad you enjoyed the Dubliners Yogin I am seeing The Shamrocks in October . I ended up booking another concert but it's on a Saturday afternoon Harmony Orchestra it's all young people and it's free . Am in a box which is accessible for disabled as the other boxes and stalls are for parents and other family members.

I can't go into the main auditorium not because I can't get there but I can't be with so many people round me.

I had a very bad attack of my HPX on Friday I was making marmalade and with the fan on didn't hear the door bell and my window cleaner knocked my window. Haven't had such a bad attack for 6 years lasted longer than I used to have and it took my speech. Good job I was sitting down otherwise I would have been on the floor and my floors are concrete .When it stopped and I could move and fight to get the words out . My window cleaner gave me a hug . He knows about my startle reflex but never seen how bad it can be . In future he is going to text me before he comes. He kept apologising but said not to.

Just glad I am seeing my neurologist on Wednesday. Have lot of questions and if I get the answers I expect I will be complaining via PALs about the stroke neurologist.

🌹🌹

I used to love mothers day when my mum was alive and of course before we were estranged but now it's just one of those difficult times of the year to get through.

This will be the first mothers day that K's mum doesn't hear from her DD; I wonder if that will be the wake up call she needs but somehow I doubt it.

I don't believe it ha s anything to do with K meeting someone so soon after S's death Yogin, she's definitely a narcissist and I've thought so almost from the first time I met her.

So we've cleaned the carpet and it was an 'OMG' moment when we saw how dirty the water was so we're decided to do them every 6 months.

I've cleaned one settee and will do the other one tomorrow as we need somewhere to sit, but I think it'll be dry by tea time as I did it by hand to avoid making it too wet. Scatter cushions washed and will take while to dry as I didn't want to risk spin drying just in case.

Had to laugh when Mr. S. was struggling to get the top off the new bottle of cleaner when he said "this is ridiculous; how do old people manage". We both had a good laugh when I pointed out that he is an old person .

Smiles I saw that about those threads . Why is it when someone starts a new thread you have to be suspicious if it's real or not . When it is real names appear you have never seen before and the usual nasty posters have a dig.

Thankfully this thread is still going strong and we get rid of the nasties and trolls as quickly as we can. Life isn't black and white but shades of grey . As these new threads appear which I do read I wonder why they start them in the first place there was one about being a first time nan this year but her son and daughter in law moving to Dubai before the baby is born . Can't see that happening with the bombings .

I never expected to be a nan but I am . I am lucky that I see my daughters boys but she always checks it's ok to come as she knows what my social life is like . She asked what I wanted for mother's day but just couple of cards if I want anything I buy it . But I did say I know what I want for my birthday next month I want to go too the beach. Her response was of course you silly cow🤣🤣. That's my girl . There is no bus stop near the beach and I can't walk that far spent time at the beach and walk to the bus stop. I know I can have a taxi but rather spend money on when I need one .

My brother and sister in law see hares often sometimes boxing . Once saw 12 in a field . Lincolnshire is flat like here. But never seen a hare . I find it thrilling when I see wild animals and birds I haven't seen before I am easy to please 😁.

That's awful of K's mother . I know how much you and Mr S loved the girls and where devastated when the S died but happy when K got a new partner. And they where both happy .
I still remember all the times you posted about your lovely girls . And about K and her new partner. And how much you would miss them but it's wonderful you keep in touch .
Our children love who they do . Even though estranged and know it's down to my daughter in law's jealousy of how close I was with my son and how much their 2 eldest loved being with me . I am glad they love eachother.

I know having my son effected my health if I had known about by how much we wouldn't have had him . But I don't regret having him as he was kind and loving fir 32 years. But I have let go and as I have said before I have no room for him in my life now. We are strangers . And I am happy with silence as I have no tolerance for his or my daughter in law's nonsense.

Mr W parents where vile from we first courting . If they kicked off we walked out . Once married when every Sunday if they started we walked out but went back the next Sunday . Mr W never liked his parents but loved them . That's why I looked after his mom for 11 years after he died. It wasn't because I liked her as I hated her for 40 years . But she was still family and the kids always kept in contact with her . Even though she told people she had no grandchildren nor did she have a son.

I never told either of the children she denied having their dad or they where her grandchildren. My daughter still doesn't know . I have kept secret because they would have both been hurt by her. She hurt them by refusing to go too their weddings.

I have never seen the point of mother's day or father's day .

Morning all.

Lovely sunny day today, no wind! New folk over the road to us, [week before Xmas] put all their black sack rubbish in their paper & recycling bins, so of course bin men didn't take. One sack blow over the road and eventually onto our driveway and lots of the contents spilled out, such a mess! Upstairs, including their parents have walked past it many times and even though the bin bag has landed up against their black bin, they haven't touched it, so down to me again to clean up . Would be nice if they helped from time to time too. They have a little pile of rubbish by the side of their bins, been there 6mths, being added to with bits & pieces now & again, 0ne foot from their bins I've bitten my tongue off to not say anything, but it's so unsightly!

Have my DD&GDs coming at 4.30pm DD&H on a date night, whilst I mind the C. So will get my Mother's Day gifts and cards today. Got an email beginning of week from Toby Carvery urging to book for Mother's Day, I forwarded it to my son, saying; we can do this or you're cooking, cos I'm not and eventual answer was yes, we could do that Nothing booked, so doubt we could at this late stage, but anyway I would prefer my son to cook whilst I put my feet up and watch 'Women of substance' .

Went to the theatre again last night to see the 'Dubliners', they were brilliant!

Smiles think you are doing the best thing re, no church on Mothering Sunday. My sister went one year, and they asked all the mothers to stand, nice words said no doubt, but then the asked all the women who were not mothers to stand, so my sister, she must have felt bad/sad at having to do that. Think the vicar must have realised his blunder when he asked the mums to stand and then made it worse with asking those non-mums . Hope you get your nice bouquet of flowers & card from your DS in Oz Smiles

Not good news from your 'girls' then Smiles, still rumbling on with K's mother clearly not liking new partner, maybe cos it was very quick after S passed away.

Happy Mother's Day to all for tomorrow, have a lovely day what-ever you do

Morning all.

It's a lovely sunny but cold morning here, preferable to the awful wind and rain we had on Thursday. Mr. S. had to move plants on the decking so they wouldn't blow over and take the pots off their little 'feet' for stability.

We saw two magnificent hares yesterday, one running across the golf course and one just outside the front of our lodge.

Some strange goings on on the estrangement form. A new poster started a thread which was quickly deleted and I assumed she'd asked for it to be removed because she'd changed her mind.

She then started another one with a slight alteration to her name asking what had happened and she, and that thread was also deleted. I believed it to be genuine and responded on both threads but maybe GN knew something we didn't.

No church for us tomorrow as I avoid the Mothers Day services so we're going to clean the carpets and then the suite on Monday, which we'll do by hand as the cushions have feather interiors and I don't want to make them too wet.

Had a rather upsetting 'phone call from K, our lovely girl who was our neighbour before we moved. Her mother's a very unpleasant individual, never hiding her jealousy of the relationship we had with her and her partner, our lovely S who died.

K did meet someone very quickly after S died and they're still together but her mum's jealousy was TBH off the scale. She thought K would move to be much nearer to her parents which she did temporarily, getting a job she hated (which I knew she would) but came back after a few months back to the house she'd sensibly kept on, and back to her job here.

K and her partner went down to see K's parents but because she made them both feel very uncomfortable, they cut the visit short.

She has emailed K telling her that she'll have nothing more to do with her while she's with her new partner, so she'd been estranged by her own mother!!!

I asked about her dad but she said ultimately he'll do what he's always done which is whatever it takes for a quiet life; how familiar is that.

She's responded, telling her mum that her door will always be open should she change her mind but if that ever happens, the relationship would never be the same.

She's OK. It's been coming for sometime, ever since S died and had she not been such a lovely and easy going person it may have happened a lot sooner because J just has to be the centre of everyone's universe.

She may relent of course but has inevitable permanently damaged her relationship with her daughter; a prime example of jealousy ultimately destroying the very thing it covets .

Have a good weekend xx

Morning all. lovely and sunny! hope to put some washing on the line this morning. Having an MOT at the docs at 10.15 this morning, you get the invite once you turn 70yrs, my first one.

Whiff lovely silk flowers, some do look very real.

I couldn't put up a pic of my estGC here, when I lived in my big house, they were already up, but I moved one into the dining room, behind a biggish palm plant, so you had to look for it to see it and did have another collage of them in the hallway, quite high up, so not in your face. The one on the coffee table of them, in a lovely silver frame, I put away. I have a small pic of my AC when they were about 1, 3 &6yrs in my bedroom, my GDs have asked who they are and are told but never seem to what to know more about their aunty that they have never met.

TBH Yogin we are reluctant to repeat. It was never really an issue when we always went with them to the Italian on the next door site, but that's closed down.

It's a bit of a dilemma because we always go out as a foursome when they're here and have done so since we moved in .

Went to the lovely Minster in the town just 5 miles from here to see an exhibition of tapestries depicting the Creation through to the Resurrection.

Those on show were one third of the total Jacqie Parkinson has done and they're stunning. The entire collection took 10 years to complete with a total of 25 million stitches!!!

Morning all

Just read Smiles post and no time to read more, will do tomorrow. Sorry to read about your embarrassing meal, I would feel the same, think you may be reluctant to repeat.

Whiff glad you had such a good time at the panto, my youngest GD has one at the end of this month that I'm going to, it's Robin hood, she was hoping for the part of Maid Marion, but think she is a frog .

I only have pics of my GDs in my life, not purposely done, just when I moved, I didn't unpack all my pics, so still in the packing box. Strangely, on my FB page they are there on the left side as family, lovely picture of when I last saw them. Saw a post this morning of a friend's GD who was born on the same week as my Laila, I just looked in wonder at how my estGD must be the same.

Must dash.......

Smiles you are like me have no patience for bad behaviour. It's annoying but also embarrassing not necessarily for you but for the waiting staff. As you said they where very busy. I never mind waiting for my food especially if I know it's freshly cooked. Luckily my 2 GN friends are like me and we chatter while waiting .

Spring you are so right about estrangement. I have a favourite photo of my son and mom dancing at my daughter's wedding. They are both laughing but it's in a cupboard this will sound strange but if I had it out I would feel my son is mocking me .

My sister in law's son's may contact her on birthday,mother's day and Christmas but not always . She hasn't got any photos of them up. Even though my brother has an excellent relationship with his children he hasn't got any photos of them up either . But I am sure there will be lots of their grandchild when I go in July . And I will have photos of my great niece or nephew up here.

I have videos on my phone of my 2 grandsons I know but I can't watch them as I can hear my son and in one see and hear when my daughter in law was pregnant with their 3rd son.But I can't erase them just can't do it.

I didn't see the estrangement coming but I put up with a lot of things I wouldn't have if I lived where I do know . Because I only saw them occasionally where I used to live I was just happy to see them. Plus looking after my parents and mother in law took all my time and energy.

But I am happy my son isn't in my life sounds awful but I have no tolerance for bad behaviour. It's why I left the craft group I had been a member of for 5 years . And let them know exactly why I left I didn't mince my words.

I don't have any photos of my son up as a child simple reason my grandson's would ask questions and they don't know their mom has a brother. My daughter and I haven't spoken about him since the unopened crushed presents ,cards and that letter arrived in August 2020.

That's the great thing about all of you we can say how we really feel and know everyone understands.. 💞

I too have a photo of EC on the wall aged about 7 - and like you Hilltop it reminds me of happier times. I feel ok about it. I think Smiles is spot on when she says we have to do just the things we feel ok about, and lay down the things that are upsetting. Is so much with estrangement we have no control over (triggers coming out of the blue). Seems only to make good sense then to take action where we can to help ourselves stay in a good/stable place. I don’t think I ever before fully appreciated all a peaceful life means. I know I don’t socialise as much as before the estrangement because I’m so tired of those awkward conversations when folk ask about children/gc. And that’s ok. The peace is by far more preferable. I know is different for others but it works for me.

Whiff, lovely flowers, l was once confused by silk flowers. Looked very realistic.
Smileless, what an embarrassing meal out. I would hate that sort of upset.
About photos. Am l unusual in that l still have a photo on my wall of my ES. I got rid of any that show him as an adult, but this one shows him on holiday About seven years old. It just makes me think of the happy times we once had.

just be as certain as you can be that by offering an explanation and requesting a smaller photograph, you wont be offending them Spring.

Estrangement is a bloody nightmare isn't it and we end up questioning and second guessing situations we'd never have thought of it hadn't happened.

Well I'm hoping they wont be coming this weekend Debbie so we can have a relaxed and peaceful evening out, just the two of us.

Sorry to hear about your awkward night out Smiles. I don't think I would want to go out with them again. Making you feeling uncomfortable like that is not ok. It's one thing to complain if the service isn't good but it should be done gracefully, but to make everyone in your party feel uncomfortable about it is inconsiderate and rude. I avoid those situations!

Lovely flowers Whiff - what a nice gesture!

Sorry about your night out Smiles! I’d definitely offer to cook next time 😊
The issue with the photos is we’ve been offered a large framed photo of the non estranged grandchildren professionally taken. It seems (perhaps unreasonably) in my head to diminish the estranged gc, even though we don’t see them. I think putting it up will feel upsetting. Maybe I just explain this and see if it can be changed for a smaller one. An awkward but not impossible conversation. Estrangement really is the ‘gift’ that keeps on giving isn’t it ☹️

No not a drink problem Whiff more of a lack of patience problem and TBH it has put me off going out with them and I think Mr. S. found it rather stressful wondering if I'd be able 'to keep my powder dry' .

It may come as a surprise to you all that I'm not usually backward at coming forward .

Beautiful flowers .

Flowers I got my friend