Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Debbie You tried. I'm sorry that it didn't open doors. 💐

Debbie so sorry the reply from your estD wasn't a pleasant one, we have all had the same, so know how painful and sad it is for you. As you have said, pour your love and attention into your 6yr GD and try to move on.

Debbie, at least now you have tried everything as I did with same response but mine condensed down to a text saying her friends were her family.
Glad now you will move in with those that do genuinely care.

Thankyou for your kind words Smileless x

Sorry to hear that Debbie, pour your love into those that value you, take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry Debbie . Even though her response may not have been a surprise, it will have still been very upsetting to receive.

I'm not sure exactly how far into our estrangement I did this, maybe 2 years, but I did send our ES a 'goodbye' email I suspect along the lines of what you're thinking of putting in your next and final letter.

I did find it helpful and hope that you will do too. I told him I would never contact him again and apart from responding to the email he sent when my mum died, I never have.

It's always good to see posts on here about happier things but I hope you know that we will always be here for you, good times and bad x.

Hello ladies. Well yes I got my letter and yes, it was more of the same horrible accusations, although she seems to think she can say awful things and then tell me she still loves me!? I don’t know if I do really love her any more though after what she has said and done. I had written her a lovely letter, very forgiving, apologetic and loving (apparently she showed her sister my letter and she told me she thought what a lovely letter it was). I gave my EstD the opportunity to put the past behind us and try to move on in some way - I asked her to think about it and didn’t expect a reply. I was going to contact her again in a couple of months once she had had a chance to think about it. But she couldn’t resist and typed 5 pages of what I felt was abuse again. You did all warn me so it wasn’t a complete surprise.
So I do know where I stand at least now - which was actually the point of writing the letter. I had to know, as all the while there felt like some hope, I was hanging on to it. It as making me physically and mentally ill and my moods were affecting my marriage. I am sure you all know exactly all about that!

I have never really had a chance to tell her how I feel so I am planning one final letter as I need to tell her my side and it will give me closure. I will not enter into any more communication with her, if she sends me any more messages they will be binned, and I will tell the rest of my family that I do not want to hear any more about her.

Thankyou for all your helpful advice and support. And yes Whiff, it is such a shame that my grandchildren lose the relationship with their grandma, which is unique in how you describe it.
So now I need to move on and maybe now I can post on here about happier things. Tomorrow I pick up my other daughter’s little one from school - she is 6. I take her to gymnastics after school and we usually have a lovely time together. I will cherish my relationship with her even more now.

Morning all, lovely sunny day, so I'm looking forward to walkies soon.

Good to hear you got your tenant Smiles and your last post resonates with us all.

Hope you're doing better today Whiff, lovely spread for Mother's Day.

Debbie as Whiff has said; be aware the return letter/email may be a nasty one, so be prepared.

I'm having a lovely meal with my DD this evening in a lovely Italian restaurant and then on to see 'Madam Butterfly' at the Cliffs theatre, really looking forward to it.

Keep well everyone xx

DOH it was the hot buttered and jam tarts not in the picture . 🤦🤦🤦😂

Smiles glad you have a found a tenant . Hopefully they stay for a long time.

Smiles brilliant post it will echo with everyone here. I had already decided in 2023 to give up on my son . This last year since my hospital stay and how I have been since . I don't care if I ever see or hear from my son again . I still love him but the son I had for 32 years he will be 39 this year he is a stranger . But I am not the same mom he knew when he decided to estrange me and all our side of the family in May 2020. I have not tolerance for bad behaviour nor the patience.

My life is full and would not make changes to accommodate him . I don't think about him often . I know my grandsons are loved and have plenty of attention as they were their world. I used to think if they wanted to find me when they are older they will. But now I don't think I would want them to . As I wouldn't hold back about their parents and things that I know happen to them when I last saw them and things that happened before the estranged. Things that because of their ages 4&2 they would have forgotten. Plus my son foolishly thought his email to me has gone and I have his letter from August 2020.

I was brought up to put family first it's how we brought our children up . When our children have their own families then they come first as it should be. But grandparents can give grandchildren something that parents can't . That's memories of their parents as children and family history going back generations .

Debbie if you do get a reply to your letter I hope it is kind and not like the letter I had from my son . If it isn't kind then you know where you stand . But if it is please have your guard up as she could do everything she already has again .

Sunday my daughter and grandsons where here and I was going to the park to deliver some pots and a rake I don't need to the Womble guerilla gardeners so my daughter gave me a lift it's not a long walk only a few roads but she insisted . It was fun getting the rake into her Golf. In the end my grandsons and I had to hold it so she didn't get hit by the prongs.

The rose garden the have taken over and other beds looked lovely . And there where lots of bright yellow dwarf daffs forgot what they are called . Which seemed apt for St David's day. I can't garden but told them if they want to plant things for winter colour let me know and I will buy some hebes and hellebores. The Hebes in my garden change colour in the seasons plus have flowers and all year round colour .

It was Womble cuppa and chat yesterday and themed for mother's day. The picture is missing the hot buttered toast and you can't see the feta and spinach rolls . Good job I had sit fit class afterwards.

Well that's my lot Madgran I do think the better weather is on the way . Heard on the radio at 5 parts of the country will be 18° . We changed the clocks this month so that will make a difference.

Take care all.

Morning everyone.

Oh Debbie I feel for you and can understand the hopeful one minute but then terrified the next situation you're going through. I hope that whoever told you your D's planning to reply to you is a reliable source .

I came across an article on another site from Joshua Coleman's article specifically for EP's about managing anxiety. The final paragraph really resonated with me not only because I think it's absolutely right, but also because I think that this is what this thread has inadvertently succeeded in doing.

"The goal isn't to erase the pain. The goal is to stay steady enough that the pain doesn't drive the car".

I know when I first joined GN because of our estrangement, our gut wrenching pain was driving everything I did, or more truthfully didn't do, and every thought I had. I say what I didn't do because I was barely able to function on the most basic level to get through the day.

It's important that we continue to acknowledge our own pain and one another's when that pain needs to be expressed. Not because this is an echo chamber and not because we're unable to move on with our lives because this thread, and all the ones that came before it show that we're not and that we have.

It's important because that pain never goes away. That's not to say that we experience that pain 24/7 because as time passes we don't but what does happen, is that pain being triggered. Sometimes by the obvious like birthdays and Christmas and sometimes totally out of the blue.

The support that is found here enables us to not allow our lives to be driven by our estrangements and the pain they have caused, and to help others to do so too.

We're going to Tenerife. We usually go to a different canary island each year. I do find having a sunshine holiday to look forward to in the winter really helps get through the winter months.
I am also a big fan of daffodils as they are so bright and cheery and give hope that better weather is on the way! I can't wait to be pottering in my garden - something that gives me peace and calm when my mind is racing or am feeling low.
I have had a flicker of hope re my estrangement. After I wrote my last (and final) letter, I understand that my daughter is planning to reply to me. So I'm hopeful one minute but then terrified the next. More sleepless nights 😮

I love daffodils Madgran and have two small vases of them, just wish they'd last longer.

Having a holiday in May to look forward is lovely Debbie, where are you going?

Ah its good that the reason for no posts is that people are busy and just getting on with their lives.

Sorry fo hear about your arms Whiff though.

Great news re finding a tenant Smileless.

I am really enjoying the daffodils in my garden this year, they are really showing off!! 😂

Yes completely agree. I've struggled to get through these grey rainy days. I think I get SAD syndrome! We usually go on a winter sun holiday but we're not going til May this year. Will definitely do one in Feb/March instead next year.

You're right about the weather Bridie, when it's wet and miserable day after day it does rather get you down doesn't it.

Hi everybody, i think the grey wet dark days have just got us down, ive become lazy and bored, but now enjoying the lighter days and wat hing the daffs bloom, boosts the soul that spring is coming.
Take care all x

Morning everyone; goodness where does the time go!!!

Well we have some good news, a tenant has been found for our small retail unit and is signing the lease on Monday so it's been a busy week, getting things sorted and ploughing through reams of paperwork.

It's a weight off our minds due to the loss of rent and being responsible for the business rates, which as ridiculous as it sounds have cost us more than they'll be for whoever takes over the tenancy .

Hoping that your appointment with the neurologist goes well Whiff. We've been out and about this week and Mr. S. has started sorting out our garden area but it's heavy going as the ground is sodden and with it being clay, is claggy and difficult to work with.

Actually managed to dry some washing on the line this week; roll on spring.

I keep meaning to post but get tied up trying to help on other threads .Plus my HPX group had lots of new members so again answering their questions where I can . On BHF forum for heart conditions. My weeks are so mad another full week ahead of me . Plus my arm movements keep spraining my wrists . Have to wear my wrist supports every day . Which makes typing take longer .

I know they are all excuses but it's how my life has become. I thought as I get older I would have less things to do but find more things that interest me and have more friends to do things with plus on my own .

My daughter laughs the boys and me have better social life than she does.

I haven't forgotten everyone . Seeing my neurologist on 18th so hopefully he will increase my tablets and my arms will be under my control again . Still waiting for speech therapy appointment. But at least this year stopped being awake until midnight and back to my normal bed time. Plus the fatigue is back which I am glad of sounds strange but since January last year not been my usual self and hate it and so annoyed at being dismissed by the stroke neurologist as a migraine. My cardiologist was brilliant as I was in AFib fit 4 days but heart attack ruled out . I know I had a TIA last year luckily most of the treatment was the same for heat attack and TIA.

Sounds like just excuses but it's been my life for a year. Now have a cleaner who is brilliant because I can't do somethings . No matter how much I exercise still haven't got the strength back in my arms .

I do think about you all but need to stop now . Fingers giving out .

Yes I noticed that Allsorts which is so unusual. I was wondering if there was a problem with the thread link but it is clearly ok as you posted so maybe everyone is just very busy?

It has been twelve days since anyone posted on here, apart from me.

Glad you like your dishwasher Yogin, I come on to the forum and catch up with messages but must remember to look at the dates posted.

Morning all

Thanks for sharing Smiles

Sorry you didn't get a reply Debbie but as you say, you are at peace having tried the olive branch once last time.

Whiff well done with your fitness classes and sorry to hear you fell but keep on doing. I lived in Holland for 7yrs and bought my C up there, youngest was born there and my son was only 12mths when we first went over. My C went to Dutch school and were all bilingual, me too, had to as all their friends, being very young, only spoke Dutch.

Had my dishwasher a week now, just getting used to it, thanks for asking Allsorts

Smileless, read through the reasons/excuses of estrangement. I look back now and all the signs were there I chose to ignore as she would shout and flounce if I dared to try to talk about what was wrong. I can condense it down to this, I wasn't of any use anymore her intermittent distancing and then criticisms of my looks, dress sense etc didn't work, so she broke contact. What a fool I was.
Whiff, glad you are alright after keep fit. That's the last place you expect damage. I now how much you have been looking forward to Fishermen's Friends, so enjoy. If I had ever had a wedding vow renewal, which I doubt, it would have been been private. I love old churches and graveyards. It doesn't matter if you are religious or not, to appreciate.
Hope your dishwaher arrives soon Yogin,

Thanks for the info Smileless, i will certainly have a google, to me no.7 was very applicable.
Debbie, hopefully your daughter will mull over your letter, fingers crossed it brings you some peace.
Whiff, pleased your bloods were ok and good to hear you are still enjoying life, take care of yourselg.