Son has signed out

Topnani, you don't know what your son is going through, he knows you love him, all you can do is message him telling him that and get on with your life. It's really hard at first, but continue to send him birthday and chridtmas cards, he has distanced not you.

Am afraid some posters project their own life experiences onto an OP whose life they can only get a snapshot of when reading a post on here. They have not walked in their shoes.
This can put off posters looking for advice and support rather than unkind comments and unfair judgements.
I can only hope the OP returns to let us know how things are now.

Flippinheck

Hithere

Your son gave you a gift - his side of the story and what you could do to improve the situation

However, his reasons are not good enough for you (as if you are the judge of that) and "he broke the family" - read with sarcasm

Anyone who can write something so bitter and judgemental clearly has issues. Perhaps you need help yourself Hithere?

Hithere, if you didn’t like the OP post why did you bother to reply with venom rather than scroll on, you make yourself sound like a nasty vicious person

Sorry DS is causing you angst, waiting quietly may be best.

Maelil

What a sad, damaged person you must be to be so full of bile.

What an awful thing to accuse someone of
You obviously have nothing constructive to say.

You sound very sad and full of bile yourself.

Who is right and who is wrong does not really matter when you love your child does it? Can you not just say thank you for sharing how you feel (his feeling are valid whatever the truth may be) and ask if there is a way forward for you to rebuild your relationship.
Leave any judgement to one side.

Smileless2012

That's how we lost our youngest son and only GC Starfire and Hilltop.

I feel for you. Especially the only GC as well on top of your son. There are horrible people out there, and it's the bad end of luck of the draw if your child befriends or loves one of those.

Allsorts

💐 Smileless, Hilltop and Starfire, it happens a lot. These manilulative people want to be the one and only, that's not love it's control. They fell for the men you raised, then want you gone.

Truth right there!!! It's sickens me.

Hilltop

Starfire57, that makes such sense. I have lost my son that way.

I'm sorry.

Hithere

Your son gave you a gift - his side of the story and what you could do to improve the situation

However, his reasons are not good enough for you (as if you are the judge of that) and "he broke the family" - read with sarcasm

Have you actually read the post, or just jumped in as usual? 🙄

💐 Smileless, Hilltop and Starfire, it happens a lot. These manilulative people want to be the one and only, that's not love it's control. They fell for the men you raised, then want you gone.

That's how we lost our youngest son and only GC Starfire and Hilltop.

georgesgran

I wondered if it was me who had misunderstood Hithere’s post!
Obviously not - totally uncalled for

Par for the course for that particular poster. As soon as I see the name I know a nasty comment is on the way. Best ignored.

Starfire57, that makes such sense. I have lost my son that way.

What makes these trolls so bitter? Are they so unhappy with their own lives they want everyone else to feel the same. They are to be pitied.
TopNan, you have two other children you raised and they know what you are like and care. If you can try to keep communication open with a card and a phone call and maybe when he is in a better place he will be back.

Daughter in law too.....? That's very telling. For example, if my husband had a complaint about his mom(and he did have a few), that's his issue, not mine. I would not participate in doing anything to hurt her. I mean, it's not my place.

So for a daughter in law to participate, as you included her in the putting you through something, usually tells me, she was part of the problem to start with,...... especially if your relationship with your son was good before.

It boils my blood. I am not completely estranged, but the actions of people in my daughters life, namely ex husband and his sister, have caused a rift that unfortunately created a huge wall between me and my daughter, which looks permanent.

You can be the best parent, have the best relationship to the point that others tell you how lucky you are (it was that good for me once) and still some self important jerks come along and ruin the entire thing, especially if your kid looks up to those people, are excited by their lives or, as in her ex husband, fall in love with them.

I think it boils down to selfishness of others and their jealousy of good relationships that they themselves may not have had.

So they have to tear down other peoples good relationships, They subtly critique, criticize and finally just convince that they are there for them, not the parents.

They work to posess that person's love and devotion, in the parents place. I think sometimes its the same thing that motivates someone to break up a marriage, to be so important that nobody else matters, not a loving wife, great kids, in laws, etc.

And unfortunately, parents cannot compete with upscale friends or lovers.

We lose, everytime.

we give advice in a calm and collected manner because we are removed from this storm, but when you are in it you cling to anything you think will get through to your child spot on Babs.

When we look back we wonder how on earth we got through it and the reason for the estrangement forum, and in particular the support thread, is to try and help anyone in this living nightmare to get through it too.

TopNan .

It is a tightrope and I don’t envy anyone faced with this dilemma. Of course you love your child so much that you want to make things right so automatically you try to speak to them or reach out. And of course you don’t want to get mad and say things you regret but when we feel hurt and rejected that is a really big ask.
The thing is we give advice in a calm and collected manner because we are removed from this storm, but when you are in it you cling to anything you think will get through to your child.
Is impossible really and I do wish the OP calmer days ahead.
🌹🙏🏾

That's a good point agnurse but as we've seen here, taking that step back can result in comments about unconditional love and giving up too quickly which can leave the EP feeling that they're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Sadly, I think in TopNan's case she made things worse by sending messages to her son after he said he did not want contact. If you're not respecting someone's requests, they are less likely to be open to reconnection.

Smileless2012

Oh well done Whiff, I did wonder .

I'm offering advice and support InRainbows which I would have thought was self evident if you read my responses, and I stand by the advice and support I've given to TopNan.

As do I, no need for further discussion.

Oh well done Whiff, I did wonder .

I'm offering advice and support InRainbows which I would have thought was self evident if you read my responses, and I stand by the advice and support I've given to TopNan.

Whiff

As I suspected the person who tried to bait me . I reported as I recognised her style she was a banned poster and GN have banned her again hence her posts deleted.

Thank you GN for acting quickly.

Yep thanks GN and thanks Whiff for spotting this.
👍

As I suspected the person who tried to bait me . I reported as I recognised her style she was a banned poster and GN have banned her again hence her posts deleted.

Thank you GN for acting quickly.

Smileless2012

Unfortunately Babs there will always be some who will never acknowledge that it's not only EAC who are victims; EP's can be and are victims too.

It's always good to see that those of us who have been estranged possess the emotional maturity not to judge all EAC because of what our own children have done.

Very true.