Son has signed out

So sorry you are going through this. The good news is that even though your son is blanking you this has only been since Jan, and I know it feels like an eternity right now but it really isn’t, there is still time for your son to come round. You mention your other ACs, his brother and sister, have they any idea why he is doing this?
My advice would be to simply send an email or letter saying you understand that he needs space right now but you are there if he needs you and that you love him very much. And leave it at that for now, get on with your life and try to fill your time with things that you enjoy which will distract you from this situation, as well as holding those who are still close to you even closer.
You can’t force this or change it your son is a grown man who has made his own decision about this for now.
Wishing you well
🌹🙏🏾

Your son gave you a gift - his side of the story and what you could do to improve the situation

However, his reasons are not good enough for you (as if you are the judge of that) and "he broke the family" - read with sarcasm

Hithere

Your son gave you a gift - his side of the story and what you could do to improve the situation

However, his reasons are not good enough for you (as if you are the judge of that) and "he broke the family" - read with sarcasm

Nasty, sarcasic, post. He gave his reasons, why should OP admit to something she considers untrue?The other siblings also feel alot of it is unjustified.
I notice with alot of your posts hithere you always side with the adult offspring and get very brusque with the OP. Maybe look to yourself.
I am not a estranged parent by the way.

What a sad, damaged person you must be to be so full of bile.

I wondered if it was me who had misunderstood Hithere’s post!
Obviously not - totally uncalled for.

I feel sad for OP. It sounds awful.

Easier said than done but perhaps a cooling off period?

Could you ask him (via a sibling if necessary) if there is anything you could do to repair things? It would then be up to you whether you did it, but at last you would know what he's thinking.

Hithere

Your son gave you a gift - his side of the story and what you could do to improve the situation

However, his reasons are not good enough for you (as if you are the judge of that) and "he broke the family" - read with sarcasm

This is a vile post...what sort of person writes this ?

If you call that a ‘gift’ it’s not one that anyone wants Hithere.

Hithere

Your son gave you a gift - his side of the story and what you could do to improve the situation

However, his reasons are not good enough for you (as if you are the judge of that) and "he broke the family" - read with sarcasm

Horrid response.
The OP has admitted to being her harshest critic, most parents are. And if the son’s siblings are sticking with her and showing their support I can safely say she got it right with two them. The third is lashing out as can often happen with young adults. Am hoping that in time they will reunite 🙏🏾🙏🏾

It sounds to me as though your son has a problem in his own life and is lashing out at you instead of seeking help to resolve this.
It's painful for you but hopefully when he is in a happier place the relationship with you can be restored.
I don't think there is much you can do except be patient.

Hello TopNan. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it really is heartbreaking .

Babs advice IMO is spot on. Contact him via letter or email as she suggests, telling him you understand his need for space so will wait until he's ready to contact you. Reassure him of your love and that you are here for him.

An unnecessarily cruel response Hithere which I hope TopNan will ignore.

"I can only own one of his accusations but my attitude at that time was defensive because I was going through a lot of stress and grief."

Maybe that single accusation (that you both can at least agree happened) is very important, and your abysmal attitude regarding it probably leaves a lot to be desired from a parental figure who is supposed to be mature and definitely wiser.

"I feel like it's the oceans and puddles thing now - why should I jump over an ocean for him when he's not prepared to jump over a puddle for me."

If you have such a dysfunctional view on the relationship with your child, it leaves to wonder what else you get wrong. Probably a whole myriad of things. Very important things.

Feel sorry for you Topnani. Your son gave you reasons why he is unhappy with you. Although not true, it's awful being wrongly accused, but it's how he feels. I would send him an email, telling him you love him and sorry he feels let down by you. You were unaware he felt as he does and you both need to talk about it, but you will leave him to fonts at his own pace.
Then try to push it to the back of your mind and keep busy and mix with people whom you can talk and laugh with.

I am very sad for you -please don't take it to heart.
Criticising your parents and estranging them seems to be the norm these days.

I agree that you have completely discounted his reasons for what he has done. I also agree that it would have been very hard for him to say those things to your face. I know I would not be able to tell my mother how she failed me - she just wouldn’t understand or accept it and I would be left feeling even worse. Like your son. If you’re brave enough, you can ask to see him and promise to listen. Really listen, with an open mind and trying to see things from his point of view.

Hithere this might sound harsh (although I think you’ve got a very strong hide) most of your posts show a lot about you and come across as bitter and hard faced, always against the parent, and not at all helpful to someone upset and puzzled

Back to Topnan keep the pathway open even if it’s only a monthly call and don’t expect more…. very, very hard I know but if you don’t have too high expectations you won’t be so disappointed It’s so hard, none of us get it right really as parents, I often look back on things I said or did with horror now and know I would do it differently if was now. We muddled through, but circumstances change, times change what is acceptable and what isn’t changes NONE of us got it all right a lot of us mostly muddled along under difficult circumstances
There is so much I would change if I had my time for parenting or even for being an adult child again but we can’t, so all we can do is accept we made mistakes and try not to repeat them
Good luck Topnan

Topnan I liked your metaphor about puddles and oceans. It's so hurtful to do your best, possibly under difficult circumstances and somebody to pull away from a relationship.

I suggest looking after you, doing things you enjoy and waiting it out. Not easy.

StripeyGran

Topnan I liked your metaphor about puddles and oceans. It's so hurtful to do your best, possibly under difficult circumstances and somebody to pull away from a relationship.

I suggest looking after you, doing things you enjoy and waiting it out. Not easy.

"somebody to pull away from a relationship."

A parent-child relationship can hardly be called a relationship in a normal sense.

Literally every other relationship begins with both parties consenting to it, and both are usually on equal footing.

A parent-child relationship has none of that, where the child is brought into the "relationship" without their consent, and where the child is wholly reliant and shaped by the parent.

" he hit me with a broadside of complaints and reasons why he'd stopped talking to me. Most were totally unjustified"

The axe forgets what the tree remembers.

What could have been just another Tuesday for you could have been a very formative and memorable moment for him.

Hithere

Your son gave you a gift - his side of the story and what you could do to improve the situation

However, his reasons are not good enough for you (as if you are the judge of that) and "he broke the family" - read with sarcasm

Anyone who can write something so bitter and judgemental clearly has issues. Perhaps you need help yourself Hithere?

Just pointing out that Hithere is now posting as ByeHere.
Either way they have history of attacking estranged parents.

I thought as much eddiecat.
Is very sad that this posters sees fit to attack people she/he knows nothing about at what is obviously a vulnerable moment in their lives, hence they are reaching out for help.
But this is not unfortunately uncommon.

Hope OP is alright. There are decent people about. Take no notice of unkind ones.