Son wishes us an isolated, lonely old age

Thankyou Smileless2012.. iI will take a look at the support thread.

I wonder why he waited 4 months to wish you ill !!!!

Children say the nastiest things.
However, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. He will come round and so should you. He is a grown man. Allow him to choose his own partner.
May I add, without sounding racist or prejudiced, Asian women make excellent wives

I wonder why he told you that she was Asian and why you repeated it here.

Hithere

It IS racist!

Stereotyping a behaviour just because of her race - what couldn't be more racist?

Oh the denial.

Yes denial. No one wants to acknowledge racism. You get told you are too sensitive, nothing offensive meant etc. Funny how I don't misinterpret things when I'm alone or with white friends but suddenly I misinterpret things when with my non white husband. Strange isn't it.

Hello Debbie. You must do what you feel is right. We never sent our GC gifts once estranged but for several years sent them cards for their Birthdays and at Christmas but stopped a couple of years ago.

We've been estranged from our youngest son and only GC for almost 13 years, it will be the 13th anniversary on Christmas Eve so I totally understand how terrible the pain is, as will other EP's here.

It is more common than we realise. Like so many of us, you probably thought it was just you but you're not alone and there is some comfort in that.

There's a support thread on this forum which you may like to take a look at .

I am so sad for you, what a horrible thing to say. I am estranged from my daughter and not allowed contact with my granddaughters and my daughter has also said some very cruel things to me. The pain is unbearable. And with Christmas coming, I am really struggling to cope.
I am also really sad to see this happening to so many grandparents - I didn't realise how common it is. Can I ask anyone's advice about whether I should send my granddaughters a Christmas present any way? I really want them to know I am still there for them and love them.

If I tell someone I'm thinking about doing something it's because I want some feedback.

Well I don't think the OP was being racist and no one knows if her son thought she was do they.

Little Annie,

Shocking absolutely.

So saddened.

Enjoy your years and travel, dine out and change your will.

It IS racist!

Stereotyping a behaviour just because of her race - what couldn't be more racist?

Oh the denial.

What is the world coming too when it's wrong for a parent to give advice to their adult child .

I m not even going for the racist idea but the fact that the mother chose to give an adult man advice about dating…
Seriously !!!!
As I’ve said before and no one’s come back about it
Why would he wait four whole months before he sent a nasty text IF it was in connection to the given advice about this possible ‘foreign’ girlfriend

Smileless2012

You can't possibly know that the OP's son viewed what she said as racist theworriedwell. As M0nica posted earlier That would apply regardless of the ethnicity or country of origin of the potential partner and regardless of what he may have thought, his message is horrible.
.

Well the OP has linked the estrangement to what she said so she obviously thinks what she said has offended him. Why would what she said offend him? If she's said the same about white British girlfriends why has she said this? Could it be because she's Asian?

If you don't like racist replace it with prejudice, do you think that applies?

You can't possibly know that the OP's son viewed what she said as racist theworriedwell. As M0nica posted earlier That would apply regardless of the ethnicity or country of origin of the potential partner and regardless of what he may have thought, his message is horrible.
.

Littleannie

On Mother's Day a few years ago my son sent me a text which read " Why don't you die Mother. The sooner you are dead the better as nobody will miss you". So I know how you feel Gooi2026. Change your will and ignore him, it's his loss. Enjoy your life.

Oh heavens, how horrible for you! Sending (((❤️))).

BlueBelle

The reason it ‘sounds’ racist is because you wouldn’t have said ‘do be careful darling, girls can cheat on you and get you into all sorts of bother and are you using protection as she might get pregnant and land you with court action’ if it was a white English girl he’d said he was about to date would you ?

Please note I m not saying it was a racist remake I m saying why it could be taken as one

That's the point isn't it, he's taken it as racist and as someone in a mixed race marriage that's how I'd take it. I wonder if the OP has ever said similar about British white girlfriends? She hadn't even met this young woman so her advice was only based on her view of Asian women unless she's said the same about white British girlfriends, how is that not racist

People who don't think they have racist views may do, doesn't make it less racist.

He's obviously hurt and maybe this has come to a head as he has experienced other racism while with his girlfriend, it can be quite eye opening when you experience it for the first time.

The reason it ‘sounds’ racist is because you wouldn’t have said ‘do be careful darling, girls can cheat on you and get you into all sorts of bother and are you using protection as she might get pregnant and land you with court action’ if it was a white English girl he’d said he was about to date would you ?

Please note I m not saying it was a racist remake I m saying why it could be taken as one

Not remotely racist or offensive. her son was thinking of dating someone from a very different culture NOT HER BUSINESS

Not necessarily racist but why on earth give an adult son who is old enough to be living independently that advice, I wouldn’t dream of saying any kind of warning to an adult child or grandchild, indeed I wouldn t say anything negative at all about a new partner, it doesn’t excuse his stupid retort 4 months later which I can’t believe has any relation to the original warning remark, surely he d have said ‘butt out mother I ll make my own decisions’ AT THE TIME not four months later .
I wouldn’t lose any more sleep over it, words are said in anger to hurt and they ve achieved that.
Forget it and carry on as normal

Grammaretto

That's a vile thing to say to anyone.
He can't be happy.
A happy person would never write like that.
Leave it a while and maybe, just maybe, he will thankyou for your wisdom and apologise.

It really is a vile thing to say to parents, but this young man isn’t normal is he?
I think I would just ignore it and take a step back as you did all you could to warn him about dating a foreigner and date scams.
Let him make contact with you going forward? Or simply try and forget his remark and carry on? I think you know he will always struggle in many ways and as parents you want to help as much as possible but don’t allow him to make the rest of your life a misery? Good luck.

It could seem racist to your child.

You issued and apology. Wait on him.

Completely agree M0nica.

theworriedwell

Smileless2012

He hadn't started seeing her and was only thinking about doing do so. Even if her son did find her comments offensive, that doesn't excuse his message.

Well it was offensive, judging her because she's Asian? Maybe he was totally shocked at what she said, maybe it was one more racist comment in a long line of such comments.

All OP can do is accept she was out of line and apologise. Hopefully he will forgive her.

Not remotely racist or offensive. her son was thinking of dating someone from a very different culture. That would apply regardless of the ethnicity or country of origin Of the potential partner.

It is also disingenuous to pretend not to know about the romance scams that seem to be endemic and almost alwaays involve people from countries outside Europe.

Very hurtful, but I'd leave him to it. You've done plenty to help him. He will need you before you need him. Neurological issues or no, tell him not to speak to you like that. It is in no way acceptable.

Smileless2012

The OP has apologised theworriedwell.

I agree that a step back would be the best approach BlueBelle.
If there's any more to the story and Gooi wants us to know, no doubt she'll tell us.

Yes she's apologised and now she has to wait for him to process that.

I've got three sons and my advice is never ever say anything negative about their choice of partners. Even if they say something negative you don't agree.