This is a long one I’m afraid. I have posted on here previously about the very poor relationship I have with my youngest daughter for many years.
I have been helping her look after three of my grandchildren (her three boys) and I’ve been heavily involved in their lives, for example, I’ve done most of the school runs, a lot of the cooking for them,taking them out with her and on my own and helped to settle the middle boy who is now eight and suffers from additional needs at night. This has been going on since the youngest was a baby and he is now seven, I also have been responsible for home educating the eldest boy who is turning 16 since his last birthday when he was struggling at school with anxiety and social problems; however it is not been problem free! my daughter for some reason has a rock bottom opinion of me as a human being! she every day makes disparaging and nasty comments. She attacks the career that I’ve had (which I am proud of) my friendships my appearance ,my weight my intelligence my finances just about everything that you can think of she goes for on a pretty much daily basis. she has openly admitted that she can’t stand me and according to her all of her friends think the same. I have three daughters two of whom I get on brilliantly with( her elder sisters ) and there were no issues there both of them stay clear of her as much as they can because they also find her behaviour toxic when I try to get to the bottom of why she hates me so much it seems to be a multi layered resentment of her childhood she accuses me of having been emotionally unavailable, is angry that we were very short of money and apparently I was a failure at every aspect of parenting, and a let down she knows that I was in effect a single parent on a tiny income for her early childhood and did my absolute best to provide what i could, I absolutely gave literally every penny to her and her sisters, I did not buy clothes or get my hair done through out their childhood ( except when my late mother paid as a birthday treat) they had the benefit of horse riding,French lessons etc never came home to a cold house or went hungry. I accept that I was often depressed and probably was (as a consequence) not the happy go lucky parent her friends might have had and I probably did not understand adolescents very much. When she was a teenager I started back to work and built my career, I worked in a charity sector so my pay wasn't great but it was a worthwhile job and I loved it. I was trying to set an example to the girls of independent womanhood and to provide better financially for them I probably didnt keep my house as spotless as other people because i was constantly exhausted juggling my job and looking after the children. I had no family support at all my mother lived 150 miles away and was not able to help and their fathers family refused to help. I am an only child with no siblings cousins or extended family.
Recently, I have found that the constant abuse and insults with disparagement patronising way she speaks to me has become too much for me to bear the day before yesterday I caught out on having referred to me as obese, ugly, stupid vile toxic and I said to her that her behaviour was completely unacceptable. I wasn’t going to tolerate anymore this culminated in her hitting me and throwing me out of the house since then she has refused to apologise for the physical assault and continues to verbally abuse me. My ex-husband does not support me. He thinks I should just go along with it for a quiet life because the children will be affected but my mental health will not tolerate it anymore. What do I do? Different.
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.Early Retirement - have you, would you ?
