Well, at least this time, I am not the so called problem.

Indeed, NoNews. Starfire has responded and is clear that suggesting that posters might be senile does not warrant an apology.

Obviously the relationship with your daughter has deteriorated significantly.

Can you state 3 things you did wrong in the relationship? Just curious what you think.

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Chocolatelovinggran

Ah, Starfire, I was expecting an apology for such an unpleasant post about the fact that you suspect people who do not see things your way might be " senile"...
silly me...

Apologize? For a thought, a wonder what? If you have a better explanation , I"m all ears.

NoNews

I'm speechless

Thank God

Chocolatelovinggran

Ah, Starfire, I was expecting an apology for such an unpleasant post about the fact that you suspect people who do not see things your way might be " senile"...
silly me...

Why would she apologize when she's never wrong? Get with the program

Ah, Starfire, I was expecting an apology for such an unpleasant post about the fact that you suspect people who do not see things your way might be " senile"...
silly me...

Indeed Norah

Why does this forum attract such people?

BlessedArt

There is a difference between caring about your daughter and obsessively posting her personal business on the internet. You cannot see the difference, which is a sign that you should seek help from a licensed clinician.

Loving mothers who are of sound mind do not do what you are doing.

Deaf ears I'm afraid

There is a difference between caring about your daughter and obsessively posting her personal business on the internet. You cannot see the difference, which is a sign that you should seek help from a licensed clinician.

Loving mothers who are of sound mind do not do what you are doing.

I'm speechless

NoNews

Do you even hear yourself? Her parents' relationship was so poor that the bar for her was simply not yelling. She learned from your mistakes, but that's not enough because successful relationships are so so much more than simply not yelling.

Fact of the matter is that you failed to show her what real love looks like, she fell for a man who didn't really love her, and now she (rightfully) criticizes you for it.

Set your ego aside and try to understand your daughter's point of view for once, instead of obsessively gossiping about her life. Maybe than you can finally be a not bad grandma in her eyes.

Or just continue taking the path of least resistance, blaming everyone but yourself, and never improve as a person or mother.

Lots of assumption here. She set out to find a guy who wasn't like her dad. So she knew what love looked like. But, her dad is still with me. Hers took off. So maybe mine is real love after all.

Chocolatelovinggran

I haven't entered this forum until now, but I do think that calling posters " senile" is " such an ugly thing, people" Starfire.

Didn't call anyone that. Asked if it was an explanation.

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Do you even hear yourself? Her parents' relationship was so poor that the bar for her was simply not yelling. She learned from your mistakes, but that's not enough because successful relationships are so so much more than simply not yelling.

Fact of the matter is that you failed to show her what real love looks like, she fell for a man who didn't really love her, and now she (rightfully) criticizes you for it.

Set your ego aside and try to understand your daughter's point of view for once, instead of obsessively gossiping about her life. Maybe than you can finally be a not bad grandma in her eyes.

Or just continue taking the path of least resistance, blaming everyone but yourself, and never improve as a person or mother.

I haven't entered this forum until now, but I do think that calling posters " senile" is " such an ugly thing, people" Starfire.

NoNews

"Not an abusive household, just a loud mouth narcissist who put down his wife to feel better about himself."

That constitutes as abuse.

Your household didn't teach your daughter what real love looks like, instead it did the opposite. It taught that abusive behavior is "normal", and she ended up marrying a scumbag herself.

You (and your husband) are largely to blame for her poor marriage decision, and subsequent trauma.

Imagine if she was privileged enough to not grow up in an abusive household, or at the very least, a household that taught her abuse isn't ok (instead of condoning it). Than I'm sure she would have spotted the red flags much sooner and maybe even picked a better man to begin with.

For someone who decided to have children, you seem to have little to no understanding about their development. Since you still insist you're the blameless victim in all of this.

This is so funny. She literally told me once she had picked her husband because he was exactly the opposite of her dad. So you see, she knew what love was, sought out a man whom she saw treated her well.....never yelled at her, did everything she wanted him too. She thought he loved her in a deep and more respectful way. She talked about all the wonderful things he did for her, and how they never really fought. She used to brag to me about it and tell truth, I was extremely happy she made the "right" choice.

Aaaand then he dumped her. He never yelled at her, which is what she saw as "normal", yes??? Her marriage decision was one most would applaud, getting a guy like that. He was a mouse when it came to her. My son, her brother, once commented to me, he thought it was too good to be true, that his personality was the type to be quiet but then one day just bolt.

Interesting, isn't it? Kinda blows your theory right out of the water.

And again, I was the victim of my husband's insecurities. I got married so young, and never had this experience, so I figured it would smooth out with him, that maybe he was under a lot of pressure trying to pave the way for us and our kids which we had right away.

Well, I was guilty of one thing, for sure, I was very naive in my youth. And back then, nobody talked about narcissism in relationships. No internet, no real information on it.

This victim blaming, however is pretty gross. It's like blaming women who get raped for being out late. It's dumb, not sure why it's ok to do that to anyone these days.

Personally, I think victim blaming makes everyone feel cozy and warm, because if you can do that, you think you can avoid becoming the victim yourself, because hey, you would have known or handled things. We all know exactly what to do when it's someone else's situation and that is comforting I suppose.

But, it's still pretty gross and heartless. So NoNews, your name is quite appropriate since you know nothing.

"Not an abusive household, just a loud mouth narcissist who put down his wife to feel better about himself."

That constitutes as abuse.

Your household didn't teach your daughter what real love looks like, instead it did the opposite. It taught that abusive behavior is "normal", and she ended up marrying a scumbag herself.

You (and your husband) are largely to blame for her poor marriage decision, and subsequent trauma.

Imagine if she was privileged enough to not grow up in an abusive household, or at the very least, a household that taught her abuse isn't ok (instead of condoning it). Than I'm sure she would have spotted the red flags much sooner and maybe even picked a better man to begin with.

For someone who decided to have children, you seem to have little to no understanding about their development. Since you still insist you're the blameless victim in all of this.

BlessedArt

Starfire57

You know nothing about it. Really. What's not rational is a daughter who resents her mom for raising her because she wasn't worth her exes love and loyalty.

Her need to lash out, blame , control her kids relationship with me is what is sick. But they are seeing it. Getting old enough now so it will not work.

She had alot of control over her ex. That's failing too.

I do still feel sorry for her. I still resent my SIL. But I am tired of being the one who suffers for it all. I am done with it.

And you know, sometimes writing it all out is therapeutic. Quite a bit actually. Its nice to get some input, too, if its constructive that is. Otherwise these types of boards would go out of business quick, wouldn't they...

But they are her children and it is her failed marriage. Her life. Why do you embed yourself so deeply in what is not your business? An emotionally and mentally healthy person respects when someone wants space from them. Is your husband aware that you obsessively rant online about your daughter’s personal business? Has he tried getting you help? You have to see that fixating on another adult’s life to this extent is absolutely irrational. You and your daughter are separate entities and until you see that, you will keep pushing her away. For your family’s sake and for yours, please get professional help.

Um you make it sound like I shouldn't care. At all. About my own daughter. Wow.

Well, she has fixed that, a little, I still care but not nearly as much as I did or I would have already had a conversation with her about this whole thing, be damned or not, I would have been very concerned about the girlfriend going against what she wants for her son.

Now? I'm annoyed and mad at the idea, it's hypocritical and sacrilegious. Abomination? I don't know. I am not sure. I certainly have no actual objection if my grandson were to become religious, it might help him actually since he was so traumatized by the breakup when he was almost 3 years old that he developed behavioral problems that got him kicked out of one school and two after school programs.

NoNews

"Well she certainly is in denial that she should be blaming the source, her dad now, isn't she?"

Deflection does not grant you absolution.

And her critiquing your husband (your words) is blaming him.

You're both responsible for fostering an abusive household, and she seems wise enough to realize that now.

I don't know her current relationship with "the source" (and I don't want to know), but if he has been more understanding of the effect he had on her childhood (instead of deflecting and dismissing criticism like you have been doing), than I can easily see why her relationship with him is better. I know for sure he isn't obsessively gossiping about her behind her back to internet strangers though.

Truth be, victims do not need absolution. Not an abusive household, just a loud mouth narcissist who put down his wife to feel better about himself. He always said to me, I was out of his league and to god I have no idea why he thought that, but he did and I guess making me smaller to everyone made him feel like he was deserving of me.

Again, I never got an answer as to why he thought that, only that some of his friends mentioned it to him. Idk?? I was thin and pretty , I am guessing that's it, but aren't all young girls? I have no clue.

Anyway, victim blaming is such a ugly thing people.

I mean, if I am actually interfering with their lives, I'd better start saying something to my daughter and son in law , maybe even the girlfriend, so they know I am interfering. They need that info.

I'm allowed to think what I think about it though. It is pretty hypocritical if not sacrilegious what's going on.

I'm pointing out the truth, but only here. I'm done with doing that with my daughter, she's on her own in that sense.

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those interfering in the lives of others seldom have faith in their own

BlueBelle

Oh do we write lonnnng epistles on St David’s day ? I never knew that I ll try to remember on St Patrick’s Day 🤣

🤣🤣🤣