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Estrangement

Well, at least this time, I am not the so called problem.

(111 Posts)
Starfire57 Sun 01-Mar-26 06:36:46

Yet, I bet my daughter does absolutely nothing when it comes to others. When it comes to me, I can't blink at my grankids twice without it being me being interfering.

I'm also not allowed an opinion. Nor should my feelings ever be considered, but I must consider hers at all times. To which I never had that problem with; a lot of good that's done me.

Not totally estranged, but distanced a bit these last few years and subject to constant criticism, not to mention her telling the kids I was a bad grandma and bad mom. This all of course, after her husband took off with a young girl. Before that, I was gold.

So, just today, we all found out that the girlfriend is influencing my grandson to read the Bible. He mentioned it and at first, my daughter thought it was a teacher's aid with the same name, but nope, it's the ex husband's mistress.

First off, the hypocrisy/blasphemy of this person who enticed a married man to leave his pregnant wife.

But let's set that aside, and some background first: I was told by both her and her ex that they would NOT be raising their child with any religion! So naturally, I abided by that, and worse still, his mother whom is very, very religious had to abide by that also, which troubled her very much.

So what, now it's ok because it's the girlfriend? i mean, his dad didn't speak up against it but ok, I get it, he's not going to jeopardize what he's got going, so I get it. He's one of those who says things like standing by what you believe in, yet I do not expect him to impose what he believes on the girlfriend. He's such a fake person. But good at it, we all fell for it once.

But it almost looked like my daughter is going to let it slide because she didn't say one word to my grandson against it.

I have even heard her tell him Jesus, the Bible, etc was all fake when he asked about it once. I wouldn't dare say otherwise or suffer more of her wrath. But now it's cool I guess with the girlfriend?

Nothing is more hypocritical than double standards.

Idk. I guess by the time he can actually read and understand it....which will be awhile since he is only 8......the adultery part should be interesting to him I suppose.

Or not, everyone is so in denial these days when people do evil things....seems just to have an opposing opinion or follow the unpopular politics these days seems to draw more ire than actual hypocrisy, sin and evil.

So maybe he'll be in denial too, like his mom who now has tried to save face by saying maybe she did something to cause the split, although when it first happened, she said she was blindsided because she thought her husband was ok with things.

That she was trying to give him more attention that he wanted; even went on a summer trip right before it all just to give him attention without my grandson.

She doesn't want to blame him for anything, even the effect it had on my grandson when he left. He turned from being the best kid in daycare to the worst, and when he entered school he was so bad he had to change schools and also got kicked out of afterschool care.

Now my daughter wants to blame ADHD, which they never actually took him to a doctor to diagnose but the school was willing to put him in a special ed class for it anyway.

It's just crazy to me that it seems the people who actually are toxic, do bad things, etc. end up getting the understanding, get a free get out of jail card, while us devoted parents usually do not.

Ok, just venting. I don't need advice. This isn't exactly a fixable thing, nobody here has an answer, it's just an hypocrisy of life that is what it is.

I guess I could ask, what you all think of the fact my daughter is atheist now (wasn't raised that way) decided no religion for her kids, but now the girlfriend of her husband is allowed to give her son a bible , despite my daughter had insisted no religion? Isn't the girlfriend over stepping her place?

She clearly never asked my daughter if it was ok. Today during a visit here, my daughter just found out. He was building Lego crosses and then told her he was getting a bible.

Isn't that a hoot?

Normally, I'd say something to defend her but when I used to defend or try to help her it always ended up being that I was "interfering".

I had to fight the instinct to try and help her.

This time, I'm letting her swim in it.

And as much as I am angry myself at the girlfriend not bothering to get permission from my daughter, I'm kinda enjoying it.

LOUISA1523 Sun 01-Mar-26 09:03:25

Far too much drama for me...I would just concentrate on your own relationship with your GC and not take any notice of the rest

SORES Sun 01-Mar-26 09:21:53

Starfire57 -

what you really need is a publisher

Grandmabatty Sun 01-Mar-26 09:30:57

Please, don't encourage her

Retroladytyping Sun 01-Mar-26 09:31:12

You sound very bitter and way to involved in it all. For your own sake, I'd ease up and just enjoy your grandchild.

SORES Sun 01-Mar-26 09:54:57

Grandmabatty

Please, don't encourage her

I’m not! my comment was a subtle hint, leave us alone.

Coffeedrinkingthinker Sun 01-Mar-26 09:59:51

This is interesting and coincidentally just happens to arrive on a Sunday.
I get it...your frustration at finding the family rules changed on the sudden whim of the new wife of the ex.

I would imagine that theres more to it tho than a sudden religious burst of enthusiasm!

My guess is that there's a new baby on the way!

And what could be better than aligning acceptance of the unborn child with the little baby Jesus!

I think Jesus could be your new best friend here..... Widely accepted, much loved ( after all he changed the water into wine at a wedding that had run dry) and subjected to ghastly abuse for all the kind things he did!

Plenty of food for thought.

Not to mention how he managed to stretch that loaf of bread and five fishes.

I guess Im trying to say "dont let this overly vex you!"

At least its an area you're comfortable with and your lovely little grandson is not being subject to abject cruelty.

I get the frustration at the hypocrisy of the marriage wrecking new wife but you just have to remember that it takes two to Tango.

And you werent there when these events took place. So fortunately you didnt have to see them in action !

No one really wants the role of being the "sex police"!

Most people consider that if it was consensual between two fully grown adults, then it was a private moment .

You probably think I'm making light of what must have been a devastating and fraught moment for your daughter when she became aware of her partners ultimate betrayal by taking his loyalty outside of his commitment to her.

And this takes time to recover from!

But believe me, your daughter is doing extremely well if she has adjusted to these changes because this means that she is moving on emotionaly and that is exactly what she needs to do at the moment.
I havent backtracked on your history but I am touched by your honesty and your loyalty to your daughter .

BlueBelle Sun 01-Mar-26 10:19:01

Starfire I m really sorry but you lost me half way through
OMG now there’s another oneCoffeedrinkingthinker !!!

Bellanonna Sun 01-Mar-26 11:22:53

BlueBelle 😀

Blossoming Sun 01-Mar-26 11:36:36

I’d lay off the coffee drinking.

Whiff Sun 01-Mar-26 12:18:18

Not going to say anything the situation. Just say this about reading the Bible.

I read the old and new testament when I was 14. And my parents left it up to me if I wanted to believe it not. They where both Christians but didn't believe you had to believe in God to be Christian.

I have been an atheist since I was 14 . My husband was one as well and our children where brought up to decide for themselves. They are also atheist.

Children make up their own minds about things .

I have had many Christians telling me I will burn in the fires of hell. Told them I will burn but in a crem. Don't believe in God so why would they think I believe in a Devil.

When Christians in there 20-30's have challenged me I ask if they have read the old testament the answer is always the same no they follow the teachings of the new testament.

Told them to read it then .

Most of my friends are Cof E or Catholic not one of them has told me I am wrong . They respect my right to choose.

OP you asked for no advice haven't given any .

Smileless2012 Sun 01-Mar-26 12:27:18

I have had many Christians telling me I will burn in the fires of hell good grief Whiff shock I've never heard a Christian say that to anyone or heard it said about anyone who isn't a Christian.

Coffeedrinkingthinker Sun 01-Mar-26 12:39:21

Well Bluebell.... Its St. Davids Day......LOL 🤷🤰👸👯

Whiff Sun 01-Mar-26 13:40:35

Smiles welcome to my world . Last time happened was last year when a waitress in a cafe that is a church on a Sunday,but they did fantastic hot chocolate with real chocolate. Said she would pray for my hands I politely told her not to as I am atheist. Then she told me I will burn in the fires of hell. I pointed I respected her right to have a faith what gave her the right to talk to me like that. The whole cafe looked at her and she went into the back.

The cafe has changed hands this year and I won't be going in. First off it's called Heavenly cafe and a logo on the window of a hill with a large cross on it .
If that doesn't scream Christians only I don't know what does.

BlueBelle Sun 01-Mar-26 13:42:52

Oh do we write lonnnng epistles on St David’s day ? I never knew that I ll try to remember on St Patrick’s Day 🤣

crazyH Sun 01-Mar-26 13:49:27

Happy St David’s Day from an adopted Welshy. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Bea65 Sun 01-Mar-26 13:53:48

SORES

Starfire57 -

what you really need is a publisher

🤣 too funny

petra Sun 01-Mar-26 14:10:47

Smileless2012

^I have had many Christians telling me I will burn in the fires of hell^ good grief Whiff shock I've never heard a Christian say that to anyone or heard it said about anyone who isn't a Christian.

I’m not playing trumps but this is absolutely true from the horses mouth.
My friend ( a Sunday school teacher had a daughter who had a termination when she was 18.
The daughter married. Her and her husband kept trying for a baby but nothing happened.
It sadly transpired that the daughter’s husband was sterile 😥
My christian friends response to this news was that it was god paying her back for having the termination.
She told me this when the couple estranged her.

Coffeedrinkingthinker Sun 01-Mar-26 14:48:42

So Bluebelle you object to what I wrote as long epistle.
Well you didnt get the joke but maybe you can get your shamrock for St.Patricks day! Lol
But why YOU WOULD MIND 🤔 is beyond me when I wasnt writing for YOU.🙅🤷

butterandjam Sun 01-Mar-26 14:49:11

Smileless2012

^I have had many Christians telling me I will burn in the fires of hell^ good grief Whiff shock I've never heard a Christian say that to anyone or heard it said about anyone who isn't a Christian.

My son's teacher told an entire class of seven year olds that people who don't believe in God go to hell. DS put up his hand and said " Will my Mum will go to hell for not believing in God ?"
She told him I would.

A religious neighbour told me she was very worried I am eternally damned because I have been recruited by Satan.
At my yoga class.

User138562 Sun 01-Mar-26 15:05:29

Shortly before I estranged her, my own mother told me I would be going to hell when I finally admitted that I'm atheist. It definitely happens.

Pengu1n Sun 01-Mar-26 18:58:23

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Hithere Sun 01-Mar-26 19:34:15

Sores

You nailed it!

RosiesMawagain Sun 01-Mar-26 21:36:55

Coffeedrinkingthinker

So Bluebelle you object to what I wrote as long epistle.
Well you didnt get the joke but maybe you can get your shamrock for St.Patricks day! Lol
But why YOU WOULD MIND 🤔 is beyond me when I wasnt writing for YOU.🙅🤷

I didn’t get «the joke» either confusedconfused

Norah Sun 01-Mar-26 21:44:52

Coffeedrinkingthinker

This is interesting and coincidentally just happens to arrive on a Sunday.
I get it...your frustration at finding the family rules changed on the sudden whim of the new wife of the ex.

I would imagine that theres more to it tho than a sudden religious burst of enthusiasm!

My guess is that there's a new baby on the way!

And what could be better than aligning acceptance of the unborn child with the little baby Jesus!

I think Jesus could be your new best friend here..... Widely accepted, much loved ( after all he changed the water into wine at a wedding that had run dry) and subjected to ghastly abuse for all the kind things he did!

Plenty of food for thought.

Not to mention how he managed to stretch that loaf of bread and five fishes.

I guess Im trying to say "dont let this overly vex you!"

At least its an area you're comfortable with and your lovely little grandson is not being subject to abject cruelty.

I get the frustration at the hypocrisy of the marriage wrecking new wife but you just have to remember that it takes two to Tango.

And you werent there when these events took place. So fortunately you didnt have to see them in action !

No one really wants the role of being the "sex police"!

Most people consider that if it was consensual between two fully grown adults, then it was a private moment .

You probably think I'm making light of what must have been a devastating and fraught moment for your daughter when she became aware of her partners ultimate betrayal by taking his loyalty outside of his commitment to her.

And this takes time to recover from!

But believe me, your daughter is doing extremely well if she has adjusted to these changes because this means that she is moving on emotionaly and that is exactly what she needs to do at the moment.
I havent backtracked on your history but I am touched by your honesty and your loyalty to your daughter .

Call me confused.