Context: My eldest son is in his late fifties, is married to a very manipulative wife and has teenage children.
Since his marriage, our formerly good relationship changed and became a difficult one to maintain, having been previously easy, loving and mutually supportive. He married in his mid 30s and the children came when he was past 40.
I've reached the conclusion that although he keeps up a semblance of casual contact, he has developed in his head a whole host of grudges and resentments towards me. They are never spoken about to me but he does raise them with his younger brother (with whom his relationship has also become difficult) . It appears his grudges go back many years...some trivial incidents from childhood, some big issues such as me divorcing his father or me emigrating to continental Europe after he was married.
In the background is his sniping, coercive wife who manipulates and rules him and their children, controlling every aspect of their family life to suit her own agenda.
He calls me rarely, usually when she's not around and it's clearly a mere duty call rather than a conversation. During these interactions, he tells blatant lies and tries to convey that his world is perfect.
After years of occasionally trying gently to discuss the change in our relationship, only to be verbally attacked by him and gaslighted to believe that I am the problem , I have given up and I'm now tempted to more or less leave off trying to restore it. Worrying about it is blighting my latter years.
He was a happy child and he and I had a great relationship up until he met his wife to be. She is a great one for spouting psychobabble and using amateur analysis methods when she has no qualification.
What would you do? I've tried everything.
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