Torn over Granddaughter

No matter what she's been told about you , it's only good manners to thank you for a gift

She hasn't actually got the money, we have two accounts that we put money into each birthday and Christmas ( she isn't desperate for it - her parents are taking her to New York as one of her gifts, I've never been able to compete with the presents they both receive) I have always sent Easter gifts to their house for them both which, again, she has never thanked us for but her brother has but they have moved house at the beginning of this year and we don't have their address.

If you are giving in order to get 'thank you' messages then maybe stop doing so if it's a 'bother'?

If you just want your granddaughter to benefit from your generosity, then carry on, and if the relationship with your son is ever repaired she will know you were always there for her.

She must be in a difficult position, and we can't possibly know what has happened between the various parties, so it's impossible to advise.

Does she actually have access to the money or is it still basically in your control?

She's 21 fancythat; old enough to think and speak for herself especially as her 15 year old brother seems to be able too.

And what he has told her. About you.
And told her what to do and say, and what to not do and say.

And how often in the past she has already said thank you.[though saying it every time is not out an out of the way thing to do.].

She should have said 'thank you' if she's prepared to accept the gift.

I suppose it depends what your relationship is like with her , given that you are estranged from her father....

Give her time to respond.

At 21 she’s an adult and could quite easily visit you, if you are in the same country.

It’s understandable for you to feel a bit disgruntled about no contact.