Estrangement advice

Please help me. My daughter walked away from me over 18.months ago......long story, but preferring to choose her husband over me, which i totally understand. He is a nasty piece of work, which is another story altogether!!

Anyway, in walking away from me, she also refused me contact with my 3 gorgeous grandsons, who were at the time, 11, 9 and 3 yrs old. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces. We were so close, especially the youngest one.
I babysat, took them out, did all the things Nanny's and grandchildren do. We all live in the same village, so ofcourse I have bumped into the two eldest a couple of times. They have been told not to speak to me, which they have done, that is so hard for me. I do not blame them,.they are only doing what their parents have told them to do.
I can see the local primary school from my house. I sometimes spot them playing in the playground.
It really is causing me so much upset. I live on my own. I have spoken to friends about this but they really don't know what to advise. I feel so miserable all the time.
Those boys were my absolute world.

There is a long running (11 years!) support thread for people who have been affected by estrangement.

The ladies on there will be able to chat to you more about it, with some insight into how you feel.

Thank you.
Could you possibly point me in the right direction please ?
Thank you

Hello Pips I'm so sorry to read of your sadness. Please look at Forums then select Estrangement
As MissAdventure says, you will find many people there in a similar position to yourself. They will be very kind and thoughtful.
I wish the best for you.

I'll find it and bump it for you, Pips.
Not that you have only to post there, just that it is for support, which is what you need.

I'll do it now.

It should be easier to find now. At the top of the estrangement forum.

Thank you. You are so kind.
My sadness is increasing everyday and I have no idea how to get over this.

You're very welcome.

Pipps has found and posted on the support thread MissA, thank you for helping.

Pipps

Please help me. My daughter walked away from me over 18.months ago......long story, but preferring to choose her husband over me, which i totally understand. He is a nasty piece of work, which is another story altogether!!

Anyway, in walking away from me, she also refused me contact with my 3 gorgeous grandsons, who were at the time, 11, 9 and 3 yrs old. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces. We were so close, especially the youngest one.
I babysat, took them out, did all the things Nanny's and grandchildren do. We all live in the same village, so ofcourse I have bumped into the two eldest a couple of times. They have been told not to speak to me, which they have done, that is so hard for me. I do not blame them,.they are only doing what their parents have told them to do.
I can see the local primary school from my house. I sometimes spot them playing in the playground.
It really is causing me so much upset. I live on my own. I have spoken to friends about this but they really don't know what to advise. I feel so miserable all the time.
Those boys were my absolute world.

I could have written your post. My eldest daughter is married to a nasty piece of work too and none of us have had contact with her or her 3 lovely girls for almost 12 years now. As suggested by others, the Estrangement forum is the way to go. I really feel for you, knowing what it is like to be where you are.

Sarnia

Thank you for commenting.
I have posted elsewhere now.
It really is a heartbreaking situation to be in.
I am so sorry for you too. We cannot replace this time we have missed out on.
The GC are the ones that suffer too. I am a great believer in karma!

I am so sad reading this post.
How absolutely awful some people can be to their families. I do have experience of that, but not to do with Grandchildren.
Sending love and best wishes to anyone in this position.

Thank you.
I would never have treated my mother like this and we had many arguments over the years. We just said what we had to say, left each other to stew for 24 hrs and then carried on like nothing had happened.
This generation are totally different.

I found this an interesting article

www.yourlifechoices.com.au/life/how-to-repair-strained-relationships-with-your-adult-children/

Thank you.

Juliet that's a fantastic article

Thank you for sharing this article again Juliet, I was going to comment on it earlier but you withdrew your OP before I was able too.

It's too one sided for me, with the onus of responsibility for the strained relationship and for solving the problem, placed on the parents shoulders.

For adult relationships to work, they need to be reciprocal and that also applies to the relationship between parents and their adult children.

AC viewing the expectation to maintain frequent contact with parents an additional burden. AC's emphasis on individual happiness and prioritising their happiness smacks of a sense of entitlement and selfishness that doesn't bode well for any relationship and explains why some estrangements happen.

Of course it is one sided, it's there to advise parents so it is talking about what they can do from their side of the estrangement... In order to seek such an article, the person is already experiencing problems

There are articles aimed at adult children too

Please can you explain how being "happy" is entitled and selfish Smileless? I don't understand your thinking there

Prioritising their happiness, I would take to mean, avoiding situations that mean unhappiness and I think that's a good thing in as much as it is possible

I didn't say being happy is entitled and selfish VS.

Prioritising happiness can mean avoiding situations that result in unhappiness and can also mean putting one's happiness before the feelings and happiness of others.

In the context of the article I think the first is true

As a parent I think this article is very helpful advice... It's quite close to how I parent anyway

It's close to how we parented too but didn't prevent us being estranged by one child, because relationships have to be reciprocal to be successful.

In the phrase “prioritise their happiness”, the word their raises some questions. Prioritising happiness is a more inclusive aim.

In fully rounded functioning relationships, the priority is for both sides to be happy. Mutual support.

With estrangement, it always seems that neither side ends up particularly happy.

Other things make people happy, but estrangement always sort of hangs there.

And, of course, sometimes, as a parent, we can and should prioritise our young children, regardless of us being happy, and regardless of any stress they may be causing (and most young children do, at times).

Trying to sort out a problem is generally better than just casting people aside. I realise there are exceptions, of course.