Mum and Dad used to take the kids go-karting
Mum is 90 on 6 October. She's not really up for big parties any more, she's in a nursing home, moderately demented and very deaf, and TBH it's all but impossible to get a conversation going with her these days. But she loves looking at old photos, so as my birthday treat for her I've gathered together a collection of old photos, starting with when she and my dad met and got married, then me and my brother and sister when we were growing up, then the three of us meeting our partners, getting married and having children (Mum's grandchildren). My brother and sister will be around and they will probably enjoy the photos too.
But here's the thing. The grandchildren. Five in total, two of whom (ours) have been estranged for the last six years. Mum knows nothing about the estrangement and would find it completely incomprehensible, so if they are not there and she asks about them I'll just say they had other commitments and they are sorry they couldn't make it.
Mum (and Dad when he was alive) were the best grandparents children could want. They went to stay with them most summers and did lots of fun things with them like going to the beach, going to the zoo, riding on steam trains, riding on go-karts, the whole works. As far as I know, since the estrangement neither of the kids has bothered visiting Mum at her nursing home, or sending birthday or Christmas cards or anything like that.
So will they show their faces for the 90th birthday party? They probably know about it because they are in contact with other family members who are going. My guess is they will not show, either because they don't want to associate with their toxic parents (us), or they are too embarrassed about what they have done, or maybe they are just too brain dead to care that it's their Grandma's 90th and they may never see her again.
But in the unlikely event that they do show up, does anyone have any advice? I guess the important thing is it's Mum's special day, we mustn't spoil it for her, and we all have to smile and be civil to each other at least until we get out of the door.
