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Everyday Ageism

My doctor called me 'An elderly Lady.'

(274 Posts)
Venus Fri 05-Mar-21 11:44:50

I saw my doctor in surgery the other day and she referred to me as an 'elderly lady'. To be honest, I was somewhat taken aback by this description as I've never thought of myself as such. I admit to being middle seventies, but I've always considered myself to be modern and have always coloured my hair, so no grey. I would add she looked like she had just come out of school!

When does someone become elderly?

M0nica Fri 05-Mar-21 17:40:04

I just take life expectancy, now about 90 and divide it by 3.
0 - 30 young, 31-60 middle aged, over 60 old.

It is the weight of the expectations - or, really, non-expectations dumped on one once one is old that I find irritating.

I caught an advert for frozen meals today. The voice over was done by an older woman, given a 'talking to idiots to reassure them' voice, unctuous, soft and each sentence worked its way down the scale, The sort of voice they used to use to sell funerals. I didn't wait to work out whose advert it was.

The meals looked really dull, meat and 2 veg and spag bol. steamed puddings.Why is it assumed we only want 'safe' familiar food. I have tried out three new recipes this week using variously, aubergines, chorizo, kale and butternut squash.

Billybob4491 Fri 05-Mar-21 17:40:58

I knew I was in the elderly bracket when travelling on buses I always get offered a seat!

PamelaJ1 Fri 05-Mar-21 17:45:56

I’m 67 and perfectly happy to be called elderly.
That’s because I’m gorgeous ?
As my 92yr old mum says “if you’ve got it you’ve always got it” ???

Shandy57 Fri 05-Mar-21 17:49:34

I must admit to being upset when the bus driver said 'where is your pass'. How very dare he, I've still got two years to wait for my pension at 66!

Calendargirl Fri 05-Mar-21 17:55:27

Why are people so touchy about being regarded as elderly?

Because it means you are old, and in the ‘winter of your life’.

Auntieflo Fri 05-Mar-21 19:20:02

I think the day I realised that I was considered 'old', was one time in hospital, I was fitted with a wrist band that proclaimed to all and sundry At risk of falls !

PippaZ Fri 05-Mar-21 19:32:26

I didn't think of my mother as 'elderly' until she was in her 90s. Older, yes and now I am older but elderly at 7... now what was it, oh yes 71, absolutely not. The forgetting of my age is not a new thing either. I just don't dwell on it. I spent two years being 36 grin

PippaZ Fri 05-Mar-21 19:37:05

Ah ha MOnica. Several points for the word "unctuous". I love it. I can almost see the wringing hands of Uriah Heep flowers

janeainsworth Fri 05-Mar-21 19:52:05

the word "elderly" makes me think of that hunched up old couple on the road signs
Like this one Pernilla? grin
Pamela I agree with your mother!

foxie48 Fri 05-Mar-21 19:53:26

Gosh I'm happy for people to know my age (in my 70's) and usually describe myself as totally decrepit. I then climb aboard my beautiful dressage horse and let her do the talking/dancing. I am old, elderly, not as fit as I used to be, a bit creaky etc but I am still here doing what I love. Sadly so many of my friends are not. My MIL died just over a year ago aged 101, she was very old but still made a huge contribution to our lives.

TrendyNannie6 Fri 05-Mar-21 20:42:33

Good post urmstongran totally agree with you

Marydoll Fri 05-Mar-21 20:49:15

When I was in hospital recently, I noticed an extra pill with my medication. I asked the nurse what it was, as I'm pretty savvy about my meds.
Oh we give that to all our elderly patients, said he. I'm 65 but 15 in my head. One look at my face and he beat a hasty retreat.

I thing it's the connotation of elderly, which annoyed me. For me: vulnerable and frail.

avitorl Fri 05-Mar-21 20:51:06

I think we are elderly when we describe our Doctors as looking as if they are just out of schoolgrin

Urmstongran Fri 05-Mar-21 21:01:03

Thank you TrendyNannie6. ?

Grandma11 Fri 05-Mar-21 21:10:14

The Triminsters of Human life that we were taught in Nursing School in the early 1970s were from

Ist Triminster, from Birth to 30years old, Young
2nd Triminster, from 30years old to 60 years old, Middle aged,
3rd Triminster, From 60 years to 90 years old, Elderly!

The first Triminster had further subdivisions into Infant, Child, Adolescent, and Young adult!

Often your status of age somewhat determined which ward you were admitted to should the need arise!

Hetty58 Fri 05-Mar-21 21:16:09

Venus, do get over yourself! Of course you're elderly!

recklessgran Fri 05-Mar-21 21:16:41

We received a copy GP letter for DH from his consultant which began "Thank you for referring this charming elderly gentleman to me who was mobile without a stick....." We laughed our heads off as DH was only 65 at the time and extremely slender and fit. We still joke about it now 10 years later and say "Oh well, at least we're still mobile without a stick" when confronting the inevitable aches etc associated with aging.

Ealdemodor Fri 05-Mar-21 21:19:44

Yo Esspee!
Are we allowed to say Yo at our age?grin

EkwaNimitee Fri 05-Mar-21 21:26:46

Technically, I am elderly. I don’t think of myself as that. I think we all move the goalposts as we get older. I’m sure my feisty-minded Dad never applied that word to himself even to the day he died aged 89 and nor will I.

NanKate Fri 05-Mar-21 21:29:10

At the beginning of the first Lockdown a local resident who I have never met before came to offer help with shopping to anyone living in our Close. She then said to me ‘Are there any other elderly people living in this Close’. I could have walloped her one. I think the look on my face said it all. She never returned. She should see me playing football with my grandsons. ⚽️⚽️

ShelaghALLEN Fri 05-Mar-21 21:35:44

My OH is 70 and he does not seem himself as elderly. In his mind the term elderly is my mother who is in her 90's and has a loss of hearing.gringrin

M0nica Sat 06-Mar-21 08:29:43

Being elderly is not about what we feel. It is about who we are.

If you are over 60 you old and over 70 must expect to be described as elderly. It doesn't matter that you can cartwheel down the street, run marathons and cut trees down with an axe. If you are over 60 you are old, just as 10 year old is young or a 40 year old middle aged.

janeainsworth Sat 06-Mar-21 08:39:47

M0nica Sorry I now have a vision of you cartwheeling down your road, and cutting down trees with an axe grin

Witzend Sat 06-Mar-21 08:55:53

I was down in my notes as an ‘elderly primigravida’ at 28!

IMO the objection to ‘elderly’ is the connotations of frail and vulnerable (when you emphatically aren’t there yet) though. I always think of those road signs showing two bent old dears, one with a stick.

And not just physically vulnerable, either. An elderly neighbour of ours (89) isn’t just very physically frail, she’s exactly the sort of person likely to be scammed, and has been in the past - a huge amount of money went down the drain. She was a gift to the evil bastards.

Having said that, I’ve known older people who are or were much more clued up, so not saying it’s a thing that necessarily goes with age at all.

silverlining48 Sat 06-Mar-21 09:52:36

I was 27 witzend and on my file in large capital letters was elderly primagravida. Anyone over 25 was deemed the same. Seems crazy now.