Patronised!

I don’t see anything wrong with people over 75 being asked that pinkprincess. I’m almost 71 btw with asthma and arthritis and wouldn’t be upset to be asked. Would you rather they didn’t ask and someone in need of help slip through the net?

I feel sorry for the sales assistant. My husband held the door open for a woman. She replied telling him she was more than able to open her own door. With some foul language thrown in. He now wonders what to do for the best, hold doors open or let them slam in womens' faces. I am sure this sales assistant is wondering whether or not to be so helpful in the future.

My view is people read too much into being addressed as dear or love, or in this case assuming they don’t have internet access.

I’m sure that in the majority of cases, the person making the comment has no intention of being patronising, so isn’t it best to assume that they are just trying to be helpful or friendly?

When we sold our house in 2011 the Estate Agent found it easier to deal with me than DH, I was a lot younger but DH would check everything with me.

In 2012 we changed our car, lovely, young salesman soon switched from addressing DH as he could see DH wasn't interested (it was jointly financed)

Last year I was in Hospital for 11 days. I was on a Geriatric Ward, I was only 65. The NHS regards any-one over 65 as Geriatric, most of the of the other patients were in their 70s/80s/90s

I have mobility problems & if I'm in pain I may be impatient/tetchy although normally I'm a very pleasant person. I do feel sorry for any-one who catches me on a bad day. Also to add I've been using Word Processors/Computers since 1988 & although I'm not as proficient as my DD I can find my way round the Internet. My DM wouldn't have a mobile phone even in her 80s, she used to ring me if she wanted anything done on the Internet, sometimes it's the cost of Broadband which puts the older generation off using the Internet

Thank you Elegran

On a visit to A and E during a bad flare up of my COPD I was asked by a nurse if I had any kind of help from social services at home e.g. home help or carer.
I have neither and at the moment do not need any.I was told everyone over 75 has to be asked this.

Callistemon21

MayBeMaw

Callistemon21

Help, this elderly numpty needs help!

I used ^^ around my quote, without spaces, but it didn't work ?

^but it didn't work^

Perhaps you might know somebody who can explain it to you dear

? ? ? behind ? ???

Anyone? Anyone?
Please ?

Maybe you had something outside the ^ symbols that was touching one of them. It needs to be space/symbol/message/symbol/space, with spaces touching the outside of the ^ symbols, but no spaces actually touching them on the inside .

@Scribbles,

I think your answer provided an excellent training opportunity for her and will hopefully make her less quick to jump to lazy stereotypes about older people and their understanding of technology, in future.

My 12yr old son thinks his generation invented IT so I sometimes have to remind him that I was building computers from scratch as a hobby and coding long before he was born.

I agree with previous posters - the girl was being kind and helpful. Ok, she had a misconception of your abilities, Scribbles but she was the young one - you were the more socially experienced one. Surely it wouldn't have hurt you to accept her intentions were pure, and simply have said, "that's alright dear, I'm very familiar with the internet." or something else that wasn't as unappreciative of her being so well-meaning as your rather rude and unkind comment.

Oh dear, I think the young girl who seemed to be trying to help, would have been better asking of you had access to Internet, as many people have not.

Scribbles, sometimes lovely people say thoughtless things, we are probably all generally ‘nice’ people, but I’m sure we don’t all behave ‘nice’ 100% of the time.
You’re not alone.

Lyng17 said, "who knows what others are going through?". I am well aware that events currently happening in my own life almost certainly affected my frame of mind that day. However, that is my problem not the sales assistant's and is no excuse for my tetchiness.

Had it been a local shop, I would indeed go in the next time I'm passing, buy some insoles or some other small thing and apologise for my terseness on my last visit. But I have now left the area I was visiting so that will not be possible.

Witzend, twenty years ago I did some volunteering with an organisation which ran training sessions in libraries for people wanting to acquire basic IT skills. In my early 50s at the time, I was well impressed with the number of people in their 70s, 80s and 90s who turned up, eager to get to grips with 21st century life. In the main, they were quick and avid learners and some went on to more advanced courses in word processing, use of spreadsheets, databases and so on. Many were learning so they could communicate more easily with distant friends and relations; others because they saw the potential use of IT skills as an aid in their own volunteer activities, others because they were simply interested. Yes, there was the occasional creator of a forgettable password but they fell into all age groups!

I was quite shocked at the number of much younger people who arrived at these sessions - late teens and early 20s - who had no real interest in learning but felt they had to be able to tick the 'IT Skills' box for job applications. It did make me wonder what had been going on in schools in the 1990s that they hadn't learned these basic skills and had their young imaginations fired by all that potential opening up in front of them - but that's another subject.

Katek, you are probably correct that my comment was just as ageist as the other woman's! I daresay nobody here will believe it now but I think I'm generally a fairly nice person and not much given to public displays of bad temper. Unfortunately, it was not a good day and I let myself get riled by an unintended slight.

Many thanks to those who have supported me. I DO think it's important that everyone takes a deep breath and pauses for thought before generalising.
All over 65s are not technophobes; all politicians are not lying sleazeballs; all teenagers are not drug-addled muggers; all those using a wheelchair are not deaf, blind and mute ("does he take sugar?") etc and so on.

Good grief!

Poor Scribbles

We all react differently - there is no right or wrong way to respond to something like that. Frankly, it's a bit arrogant to assume that everyone would react as you (generic) do and tell someone else what they should have done, particularly as none of us was there to see what happened, hear the tone of voice, the facial expression etc.

Advice that needs a time machine to follow is never useful and rarely welcome, and anyway, advice wasn't asked for, but a bit of support might have gone a long way.

Scribbles has already been on with a polite thanks for the 'helpful' remarks and said that she would have a think. What more does anyone want her to do?

Not reading the thread, then advising someone else on manners is hypocritical, surely?

I’m sorry scribbles. but your reply to what you took to be an ageist and patronising remark could be taken as ageist and condescending itself. What was wrong with saying “thanks, it’s fine, I’ll get it on my phone later.”?

I have neighbours in their 80s who have never used the internet and have never used a computer.
Just saying.

Admittedly it’s some years ago now, before I retired, but in the library where I worked it wasn’t at all uncommon for people a lot younger than I was to come in and need a lot of help with e.g. an online job application, or because they needed an email account for something, and had never even touched a computer before.

Unsurprisingly, it could take ages! One woman insisted on an extremely complicated password for an email account, and refused to write it down, since her husband had warned her not to.

I’d explained that she’d have to enter it exactly or it wouldn’t work, and lo, when it was time to activate and use her email, she couldn’t remember it.
So frustrating, and all that time wasted when I had other stuff to do. I just didn’t have time to go through the whole rigmarole again.

It does come over as patronising, but I don't for one minute think she meant it to.

After a big national fuss about dementia awareness, TK Maxx had store assistants at the door, ready to help anybody needing it. I strode in one day at lunch time, and stood momentarily debating with myself: handbags or shoes!

Up comes the assistant, 'are you confused dear?' says she.

She was only doing her job, I know, but told her never to try that on anybody again.

Yes. Your assistant was trying her best, but the form of words is so important.

I think because you let her check for you she assumed you weren't capable. You should have just said you would check online yourself.

My mother in law was a bit of a dinosaur. She did everything with cash because she didn't want "Them" knowing about her money. When I started doing her shopping for her she would give me the cash and all her bills were paid with cash in the post office as she refused to use direct debits and obviously she didn't use a debit card. My mother was 10 years older than her and had been using debit and credit cards ever since they were first introduced (She had to explain debit cards to me!) Heaven Knows what MiL would have made of my constant use of the internet.

Would it have been acceptable were her words 'Do you have internet access ? Cant' win em all

At my U3A meeting, this afternoon, the photography group's leader announced that they were going to arrange one-to-one coaching on how to organise/send/ file/store photographs. He explained that many members admitted to having problems in these areas.
One of the ladies sitting by me said that her family had bought her a Smart phone, to replace her basic one. She stated that she had no interest in using it, and struggled with even the basics. She is 15 years younger than me, and was surprised when I told her that I was pretty proficient, though not expert.
There are obviously many not-so-old people who do have problems with technology.
Young people can be tactless, but should be put right in a nice way. My 22 year old GD, in her first office job after graduating, was ticked off by her boss in the first week. Answering the phone at an adjoining desk she told the caller, "She's gone to the toilet, and will be back in a minute." Too much information!

Granartisan

I'm almost eighty two, and an acquaintance of mine said 'you're doing well, being on the internet at your age'!

? tell her/him we invented the printing press and computers, Granartisan!

Millie22

Scribbles doesn't need all this as she said ages ago that she may have overreacted.

And who are all these posters piling on, making her feel worse?

Certainly not regular posters.

Boz. If someone asked me if my memory was ok, I would smile, and reply, "I don't know. I can't remember!"

Scribbles doesn't need all this as she said ages ago that she may have overreacted.