Why are all the derogatory comments about old grannies never Grandads?

This Doodledog, from someone who, rather than explain why they personally finds a particular word difficult, attacks the person who using the word that has long been used for a group of grannies, i.e., "grannies".

You chose to join a group called Gransnet whether as a granny or as an honorary one. To clarify, it is not illegal to use the word "grannies", nor do you don’t get to tell anyone what they may or may not write.

I'm glad you decided to give it a rest, it does get boring, but if you do this again I will, again, point out we all may use words that have meant the same for a very long time and you only have the "right" to explain how you see them now in the hope to persuade.

Have fun with your moving on!

M0nica

Gingester I did not admonish her. After the talk, when everyone else had finished speaking to her. I spoke to her quietly and privately so that no-one else overhead and told her how offensive I found her dismissive reference to 'grans' was - and, in context, how inaccurate.

How else do we stop this kind of dismissive language if we do not tell the people using it how derogatory it sounds?

Over the years other groups have explained publicly how certain words used to describe them as a group are dismissive or derogatory. I set aside those words that were gross insults..

Lots of words we casually used in the past to describe people with physical and mental disabilities we would not use now because people in those groups spoke out and said how much these words seemed always to be used to dismiss them, as essentially of no account. This is how the word 'grans' is used (almost always in the plural), to dismiss older people, especially older women.

It needs more older women to do what I did and speak quietly to people when they use this term and get them to understand how unpleasant it sounds. Hopefully this lady, will now think, when planning programmes and when scripting and will pull up other people, if this term is suggested for use and suggest an alternative.

Absolutely Monica. The "bigger picture* is the key here, regarding social attitudes to older women etc. Its not just about individual personal offence. I have also quietly commented to others on similar use of "older people" words.

Doodledog a wise decision.
Having said all I have to say, I’m out too.I’ll only report back if anyone young blesses me.😂

Just listen Bluebelle, you hear it all the time, in conversation and in the media, 'only suitable for grans', 'somewhere safe to take your gran' ,'even your gran will be able to get here.' Always in a dismissive or perjorative context

And often accompanied by an equally stereotypical patronising and somewhat dismissive picture of someone stopped over with a walking stick, grey hair and glasses looking a bit helpless!!

No one ever heard of granddad dancing! Of course it is often inferred they are old and past it, not just Grans.

She does have a valid point. Please don’t undermine her by saying her views are trivial

I'm a big fan of several YouTube sewing vloggers with a wide age range. they have huge followings and are extremely influential in the sewing community. One of them told of a sewing pattern she was using that stated it was, 'not for your grandma'! She complained to the designer because she is a grandmother, she was using their pattern and she was offended by that description. They apologised and said they were trying to encourage young sewists but, as the vlogger pointed out, encouraging one group by excluding another is hardly good business practice.

As far as “Grandads” go - there are plenty of bad examples out there. Not to worry - the onus is not on us.

I especially cannot tolerate the controlling misogynistic old dogs (married or not) that like to make women’s live miserable. Fortunately not in my social sphere but they are still there (old or not).

MerylStreep (pg 1) - good for you! I’m like that too. Emotionally secure enough to call out my age, no matter what term you use, because - really, who’s going to quibble over something stupid like that. People know the difference when an older person can make a little fun of themselves.

I flaunt my age sometimes to get perks. It works and I like it that way. 👍🏼

Awww, Saggi. How lovely! 😻

I’ve never heard granny used as a derogatory word. In fact I was in town a few days ago when I saw my 6’1” grandson ‘hanging out’ with some of his 6 th form college friends …..I didn’t call out to him but just waved back as he acknowledged me….then he said something to his mates …came running over to me ….lifted me of my feet and said “ aren’t you gonna ask why I’m not in college Nan?”….I answered “nope, your look-out , not mine”…..then he shouted out to his mates “ this is my Nan, in whom I am well pleased and love to bits”….they all came over to say hello!! I love this generation…to bits!

Gracious.

I find it interesting to read what people, apart from our daughters think on odd one-off topics. I did ask two who just dropped over what they thought of this thread. "Mum, people all have different information sources, sooooooo, it's not at all mysterious when ideas differ - you're correct for you. The end.

I love our daughters' views about GN. Typically they're old souls.

What?

I commented on your own unpleasant remark to Oreo, and you have dragged it out for pages, using passive aggressive (and downright aggressive) comments about people wanting to dominate speech (irony!) and dictate what others can say. What I am saying (I assume I have as much right as you to have an opinion?) is that the use of the word 'granny' as a group descriptor, as opposed to a familial name is dismissive. I don't lose sleep over it, but on a thread about whether the word is shorthand for all things bad about ageing, I don't see my comments as out of line.

Amongst other things you have said that it is petty and childish to feel how I (and others) feel, that people are 'tearing words and their meanings apart' on a thread about words and their meanings, and now I am 'rude' and trying to silence you 😂.

I'm not. I asked why you picked out the phrase 'is all', which I used a post or two above yours, with reference to 'Everyday ageing'. I had no idea why you mentioned it, which is why I asked. I don't know which generation you belong to - there are several on here. For someone who doesn't like 'policing' of others' language, though, it's a strange thing to pick up on. Is it a younger person's phrase? Younger than whom? It's not dismissive, sexist or ageist though, so I'm unsure why it bothered you enough to mention it.

Anyway, I'm bored with this. I don't enjoy arguing over nothing, but this is bringing to mind an ex-poster who jumped on people and wouldn't let it go until she had the last word, and made a battle out of nothing. Suzy something, I think. It was pointless talking to her, too, so I shall learn the lesson of history and won't be coming back to this thread. You have silenced me on this one - chalk it up as a win .

You are leaping to those nasty conclusions again, Doodledog.

The point is I am not offended by the use of a phrase not, as far as I am aware, in general use by my generation. As we can see, people, for various reasons, say things in there own way. What does "offend" me, as you express it, is that you believe that you and others have the right to make a point about what someone says and insist they are wrong to say it.

Even in your last post you "rudely" (to quote another oft misused word on here) are still trying to silence my disagreement with views expressed on this thread about ageism.

It seems some only like one sided discussions.

Gingester I did not admonish her. After the talk, when everyone else had finished speaking to her. I spoke to her quietly and privately so that no-one else overhead and told her how offensive I found her dismissive reference to 'grans' was - and, in context, how inaccurate.

How else do we stop this kind of dismissive language if we do not tell the people using it how derogatory it sounds?

Over the years other groups have explained publicly how certain words used to describe them as a group are dismissive or derogatory. I set aside those words that were gross insults..

Lots of words we casually used in the past to describe people with physical and mental disabilities we would not use now because people in those groups spoke out and said how much these words seemed always to be used to dismiss them, as essentially of no account. This is how the word 'grans' is used (almost always in the plural), to dismiss older people, especially older women.

It needs more older women to do what I did and speak quietly to people when they use this term and get them to understand how unpleasant it sounds. Hopefully this lady, will now think, when planning programmes and when scripting and will pull up other people, if this term is suggested for use and suggest an alternative.

Yet you seem very upset yourself about a comment on the internet.

Here, hear Theexwife
What a silly thing to get upset about.
MOnica - that poor speaker must have been embarrassed and devastated that you admonished her. I hope you did it in a humorous way.

We might get derided and laughed at but, boy, we are jolly useful at times.
But I do think we need to constantly educate the younger generations with a gentle reminder that we've been round the block a few times.

Talk about labouring a point

I said ‘is all’. What have you taken offence to about that?

I certainly won't tell you you are being naive and ignorant, pinkquartz. Just a normal human being who wants to get on with life without making up something new to complain about.

I must admit to wondering if its a generational thing but if it is, where do older grannies go to chat without being jumped on?

I know nobody in real life who tears words and their meanings apart like this. Most of us will still pick up the changes and manage not to offend anyone, but on GN taking offense, particularly if someone disagrees with you on a subject that has two or more points if view, seems to be the norm.

I'm beginning to think that a forum which wouldn't allow a board for Benefits - which become important to many of the older generations both for themseves but also for carers - but does have one for "Everyday Ageism", where people may not use a generalised "grannies" but do say "is all", simply doesn't want older people, grannies or not.

If we live our lives with a good attitude, happy being someone's Granny then the word will have different connatations.

Not every one out in the world uses it to denigrate old women.
Own the word and be proud.

It's wonderful that Gays have taken Queer as a positive descriptor. They own it, and we can own Granny as a word for experience and wisdom. Little people trust u and develop relationships that endure.

I daresay I will be told I am being naive and am ignorant but things change all the time.
People die and others take their place. Previous generations have moaned but not tried to change things my generation down are more likely to complain and try to change systems and attitudes that we don;t like.

You appear to be whinging daisyanne

Is this from someone who was complaining about people dictating what others should say and think?😂

It’s a discussion, is all. This is a discussion board after all. It’s not petty or childish to care about language, or to object to sexism and ageism. Not everyone feels the same - and that’s ok. GN would be silent if we could only post when we agree, and the OP would have wasted her time starting what has been an interesting thread on the whole.

Hetty58

Cambsnan, what's the female equivalent, I wonder, of the 'distinguished' older gentleman? Whatever it is - I'm that.

I rather like "enigmatic"... 😌

hollysteers

The term grandad is often used pejoratively, as in “Alright Grandad!” (calm down etc.) and there is a magazine called “The Oldie” founded by men obviously not afraid of ageism.

The term is also used used as a pleasantry as in "Here you are grandad, have my seat.

Some will find fault in anything given the chance.