People trying to "help"! And my reaction ....

Spuddy

Hennahead - I'm physically disabled because of rheumatoid and osteo arthritis which I was diagnosed with at 29 and a permanently damaged bad back from when I was 34, I'm in excruciating pain 24/7/365 and rely on a 4-wheeled seated Rollator to help me balance and stay upright. I also wear a hidden disabilities sunflower wrist band.

When someone offers to help me I always thank them and let them do it, even if I don't feel like I need help at the time.

Helping me on/off pavements with my Rollator, opening doors, whatever is always very much appreciated.

I'm 59, intelligent but not ''well educated'', I have 4 Basic Level 2 Certificates and that's it. I work 6 days a week f/t self-employed. I don't have a huge ego and am not offended when someone tries to help.

The day will come when NOBODY will offer to help you when you actually need it so don't be a bore and at least politely say thank you even if you don't need help at the time.

That’s a beautiful way to look at it. Offering help without assumptions is such a thoughtful gesture, and it really can make someone’s day. It’s reassuring to know there are still people out there showing kindness and consideration—it’s the little things that can make a big difference!

HelterSkelter1

Oh dear. Helpers damned if they do and damned if they don't. I offered to help to a young woman with a pushchair getting off a train. I was obviously patronising but it was a high step down. Anyway it didnt stop me from offering similar help again in the future. And I do ask not just grab.

The only ones I would be angry with are people who take your arm and march you across the road without your permission.

Anyone else as Auntiflo says " thanks but I can manage" should do the trick.

That’s a great perspective! It’s awesome that you see it as kindness rather than something patronizing. We could all benefit from a little more understanding and compassion these days, so it’s nice that you approach it with that mindset!

I am 81 but apparently I do not look my age. I dread to think what I look like when eg walking to the bus stop because the traffic stops to allow me to cross the road safely.

I am so embarrassed when that happens but I wave to their cars, being partially sighted I do not always see these helpful folk.

I have given up my seat on the bus to someone I thought needed it more than me.

I appreciate doors being opened and I always thank people. I have done the same but have been treated as the in-house door person!

In a jokey mood, I may say I would appreciate your help but only if you are coming home to care for me.

I rarely experience random arm grabbers.

There was a Duke who used to wander along St James's in an old and rather shabby raincoat on the way to his aristocratic Club. Passers-by sometimes mistook him for a down and out and offered him a few pence which he always accepted with thanks. Noblesse oblige.

Hennahead - I'm physically disabled because of rheumatoid and osteo arthritis which I was diagnosed with at 29 and a permanently damaged bad back from when I was 34, I'm in excruciating pain 24/7/365 and rely on a 4-wheeled seated Rollator to help me balance and stay upright. I also wear a hidden disabilities sunflower wrist band.

When someone offers to help me I always thank them and let them do it, even if I don't feel like I need help at the time.

Helping me on/off pavements with my Rollator, opening doors, whatever is always very much appreciated.

I'm 59, intelligent but not ''well educated'', I have 4 Basic Level 2 Certificates and that's it. I work 6 days a week f/t self-employed. I don't have a huge ego and am not offended when someone tries to help.

The day will come when NOBODY will offer to help you when you actually need it so don't be a bore and at least politely say thank you even if you don't need help at the time.

I offer help to anyone who looks like they're struggling or could do with a minute of assistance regardless of age, gender, mobility etc, because I know how much a kind gesture can mean to me when I'm struggling. Thankfully, although I'm not always taken up on the offer, I've always been met with grateful politeness.
I love it when someone shows me a bit of concern and consideration, makes me realise that not the whole world has gone downhill.

I agree Baggs. A young man gave me a money off voucher in M&S (which I didn’t need) but it made him so happy. He said he was aiming to do a good deed a day. How nice, and as a bonus it boosts the endorphins of the helper 😀
It’s always better to be nice than nasty.

It's not about disability. I was often offered help as a young, fit, healthy woman. And I accepted it gladly.

Similarly now if, for example, I'm offered a seat on a bus by a young person I accept it whether I need it or not so that they can feel good about themselves. Now yous can all accuse me of being patronising 🙄.

If people respond with grumpiness when others are trying to be kind, they'll give up trying. And who could blame them?

if I snap back I come across as a total bitch well yes, you certainly would because there's no need to be rude or snappy with anyone who's just trying to be kind and helpful. So I'm afraid that your fears on this appear to be well founded.

My brother volunteers for the National Trust. I was surprised when he told me in their training they are told not to offer assistance to visitors who appear to be disabled unless the person asks for it themselves as they might find it patronising.
Thought it sounded like political correctness gone mad but it seems they’ve got a point.

Happy birthday TurtleDove🎂💐

I am 81 today and I am the one offering my seat to another elderly person who is not as fit as I am because as sure as eggs are eggs, the younger people I have come across don't offer because they are on their mobile phones.

I can't work out whether such attitudes are down to low self-esteem or grandiose self-esteem. Yeesh!

Haven't people got anything serious to worry about?

*even a bit

It can be a bit annoying to be asked if you can manage

It astonishes me that people get annoyed, even bit, about such trivia. Someone who doesn't know one or one's background makes a judgment (guess, if you prefer) from what they see of a situation in a second or two and offers help in, most likely, a Good Samaritan way. What's not to like?

Annoyed, grumpy people, get over yourselves, for goodness' sake!

I’m over 65 (just!) and have had mobility issues since I was in my 50’s. Twice a year I would take the train to see my sister. If it wasn’t for the many kind people who offered to help me, I would have struggled to make it across London on the tube. I’ve always been grateful and never felt patronised. I feel that if you don’t require help, a polite no thank you and maybe a smile would be the way to go. Snapping someone’s head off for being kind is both unkind and rude.

They have the right idea in Istanbul. When I had to stand on the crowded Metro my white hair was soon spotted and I was always offered a seat. One elderly local lady, dressed head to toe in black, climbed aboard, biffed a young lad on the shoulder and demanded his seat. He obliged, albeit sheepishly.

Fancythat It all depends on whether you take any notice what other people say.

I went up to London and someone offered me a seat on the train, otherwise I would need to stand. I accepted with a smile.

I offer my seat to people who need it more - a mother, holding a baby, for instance, or someone disabled.

Common sense ought to be your guide and compassion for others.

Lots of really personal abuse on this thread. Is it really OK to call another gran -hennahead- a bitch? No.

I always offer to help someone who is struggling. My precious granddaughter has a genetic illness with mobility issues and is presently using crutches, and a wheelchair if she is really suffering. I would hate to think that someone wouldn't offer help if she needed it.

people are just trying to be kind and don’t mean any harm. I’m in my 70s and have been disabled since I was a toddler. I am university educated, independent and look younger than my age. It can be a bit annoying to be asked if you can manage but , I’m sure , that it’s from a good place.Better than when I was a child when I was made fun of and made to feel shy or ashamed of my condition.

live love

fancythat

I am getting sick of things the other way around, personally.

People [men especially] can no longer
Open a car door for someone
Walk on the outside of a pavement

Women can no longer say
"are you alright chuck" or some such similar words

No one
can offer to help with IT
Offer an arm
Say hello over the garden fence
Say hello in a village street

Others can then become hurt, angry, humiliated, disempowered, insulted.

The world is becoming upside down.

Why should men walk on the outside of a pavement? It started as a protection for the other person from his sword. How many prople do you know wear them these days?

As for people not saying hello, I suggest you move. One of the things I live about our small market town is the pleasant smile or greeting you get as you move around it but I know other places that are not like that.

Adding to this, a few years ago I was in a record shop and saw a man holding a cd, which was almost touching his eyes as he was struggling to read it. He was obviously blind or partially sighted. I thinkasked him if he would mind if I read out the information for him. There was no hesitation with his yes, please. I think your reaction is very unfortunate and unusual, Hennahead, not to mention ungrateful. Most people only want to help. In our minds we still feel and would like to think we look as if we are still 21. The reality is that we are not and it really does not matter. We have to accept the fact that others' perception of us is very different and far more realistic from our own. I would never advocate going back to my grandparents' generation's idea of being elderly at fifty and old by sixty, dressing and behaving in a way that befitted this view but l think that they had some things right by accepting help graciously when it was offered. My grandparents were born between 1905 and 1916. Many, many things have changed for the better between their generation and ours but in our quest for eternal youth we have lost some things along the way.

When someone offers help and is kind, I don't see it as patronising. We need more kindness not less. If you do not require assistance, just smile and say, thank you so much but I can manage. I will carry on as I always have, never had anyone rude I must admit when I've offered help and equally never been upset by someone offering it.