People trying to "help"! And my reaction ....

Germanshepherdsmum

petra

What a shame with all that education you weren’t taught manners.

👏👏👏

I agree!

it is your problem if you are rude.
Yes, this too.

A young man asked if I wanted him to carry my hand luggage down a long flight of stairs at Heathrow (the lifts were broken). He seized my case, I was worried in case he made off with it, but no, he walked slowly down with me to make sure I was all right.
I could have managed but was very grateful.

Just say "thank you, that's very kind but I can manage"
Manners cost nothing.

Yes younger people are often especially helpful and kind.
I came back from a garden centre on the train once with a tall metal plant support thingy. A young student thought it was some sort of old lady support and offered me her seat. I was getting off at the next stop so couldnt take up the offer but did thank her. Very kind. I dont feel old but obviously look it!

I love it when people show me consideration and kindness. I would never think it was patronising.. We are all here to help each other.. and it's especially lovely when it is young people..

My DH has mobility problems due to a stroke, he uses a wheelchair outside but sometimes will get out and walk and I push the chair, we are are often asked if we need help but I always reply, with a smile and a thank you and say we are fine and he is just practicing his walking. I would just do that smile, ( even if it is through gritted teeth) and say you are fine because one day the person they ask may need some help and you don't want them to be too afraid of asking.

I think I'd just be grateful that anyone was offering to help, even if that help wasn't needed at the time. Rather that than needing a hand and none being offered.

I have quite reduced mobility and I do find that the younger generation are those who are kinder and more thoughtful and it is the older generation who take delight in pushing their shopping trolleys into my legs, expect me to jump out of their way, expect me - at a mere 5 feet tall - to reach something from a higher shelf in the shops because I am younger that they are!
I could bang on all evening about this but I can assure you, when someone does something to help me I acknowledge them graciously, always say 'thank you' and I always. smile. NEVER would I berate anyone for offering help and assistance - that is just plain rude !

I take any help that is offered whether I need it or not. The only exception is when I was offered a seat that required a big step up and then I politely explained why I could not accept. My AS said he gave up offering his seat to elderly ladies on the train as so many rejected it.

All you folks seem to be well supported A few years ago my wrist was just out of plaster I had let the other passengers off the train in front of me. At the door I met a lady with a case and a stick. No one had offered her assistance. We managed to get her case of together and had a laugh about it
Having had mobility issues too recently I really appreciate the offer of any help
Especially when the bus driver drops me off at my gate

DH was in a wheelchair because of a broken leg for a few weeks, and I was amazed at (and very grateful for) the offers of help we got. Usually we didn't need the help, but I always thanked the offerers for offering.

I always say thank you to anyone who holds a door open for me, and have the right to open doors for anyone, man or woman in return.

Agree with saying thankyou, that’s very kind but I am ok. Or in reality I would say thankyou and accept their kind offer.
If people can’t be gracious in saying no thanks those people who offer will be unlikely to offer another time which woukd be a real shame as a little kindness goes a long way.

If I am at a train station and am struggling with cases, someone always offers to help - thank you.

I wrote a thread on here a couple of months ago. My car broke down, in a dangerous place. A young lady, and then her dad as well, were massively helpful.

I am under 65. And I am very grateful.

I would assume that you look as though you need help, it is only offered out of kindness, a polite no thank you I can manage is all you need to say.

You may need help one day and would then be complaining that nobody offers.

which was unusually high

If someone offers help I feel I don’t need I simply say ‘Thanks that’s really kind but I m ok but I appreciate you asking’ and I do mean that I m appreciative that anyone notices me and offers
Think your reaction sounds churlish

On Sunday, I was too near the kerb, whose was usually high ( or so I guessed) . Anyway, I was struggling to get out of the car. The seat is quite low. (No it’s not a sports car😂 it’s a Kio Rio). Two sweet young girls saw me struggling and offered their arms to hold on to. Such little sweethearts - if they hadn’t helped, I would have just driven away and given Mass a miss.

It's a shame you feel this way Hennahead 😕
Why not just say, "Thank you for asking, I can manage for now, but please don't let that put you off asking another time 🙂

Professor Stephen Hawking was an intelligent, educated man but he would have needed looking after.
Nothing patronising about it.

petra

What a shame with all that education you weren’t taught manners.

👏👏👏

Goodness, that seems a massive overreaction. I’ve had to use a crutch for the past few weeks, and I’ve been surprised and delighted at how kind and helpful people have been. Despite appearances, I don’t need help with much, so I’ve just, as others do, said ‘thank you [very much], but I can manage.’ For the odd thing where I do need help, like carrying anything that needs two hands, I’ve been grateful that people offer.

Nobody has ever assumed I can’t manage technology, but my response would be much the same: polite confirmation that I can.

If help is offered when I don't need I always thank the person for having offered.

it is your problem if you are rude.

I don't feel patroized, I am glad that there are still kind people around. A smile a a quick thanks but I am ok . means that person can go away feeling ok and so do I.

I think the impulse to help in any way comes from kindness, would you not offer to help - a young mum with a buggy struggling through a doorway or some one with a street map looking lost? It's exactly the same, when I receive help it's not because I am in any way 'lesser' and when I offer I certainly never feel 'better than'. It's human nature to be kind, we're all in it together -sometimes giving , sometimes getting help. Thank goodness.

What a shame with all that education you weren’t taught manners.

I’m another who thinks any offer of help is worth a thank you.

The problem with responding badly is that the offer probably wont be made again - not just to you, but to someone who might really need it. Maybe think on…

Don't be hurt and angry, just be polite and try to smile a little. Say 'thank you, I can manage okay' and let it go. It's incredibly easy to fall into the role of grumpy old bag but these people are showing kindness and that is a precious thing these days. So many people are horrid and selfish, the milk of human kindness is often in short supply. Please accept it as it is given, as a random act of kindness.

Note: My diary says Sat 17th February is Random Act of Kindness Day! So you might expect even more people to offer assistance.

Oh dear. Helpers damned if they do and damned if they don't. I offered to help to a young woman with a pushchair getting off a train. I was obviously patronising but it was a high step down. Anyway it didnt stop me from offering similar help again in the future. And I do ask not just grab

Good for you.

Oh dear Hennahead, people are trying to be kind and helpful.
Definitely not patronising. I would be mortified if I tried to help and the person snapped and scowled towards me.
It doesn’t matter that you are well educated and efficient with technology, completely irrelevant. Much easier to say thank you than snap!