People trying to "help"! And my reaction ....

This post, or something very similar has been going around for yonks,

Thinking about it London is the one place I've had people, young men, offer to help with suitcases.

I'm in my 70s and it doesn't seem to happen to me unless I have baby grandson with me when people will hold doors open or offer to help me once and off buses or trains. I think it is kind and always thank them.

Nice young man helped me with my case at a mainline station, got me to the top of the stairs, then leapt over the barrier so he didn't pay his fare!

I am a similar age and recently travelled across London on public transport with a huge suitcase. I was absolutely amazed at the number of offers I had to help me with my case up and down stairs, on and off the tube etc.
Maybe I look older and more decrepit than I feel but by the time I got home I felt so reassured that people are mostly kind and helpful, was I insulted to be asked? Not a bit, just very very grateful and you can always smile and say “no but thank you”.

Gosh OP, you sound very angry. People wouldn’t offer to help you if you didn’t look like you needed help. I’m 67 and not once has anyone asked if I needed assistance.
Just smile and say “no, I’m fine thank you;” there’s no need to be rude. Perhaps you’re unaware of how you might appear to some people?

Thing is I am an intelligent, well educated woman not a person who needs looking after

My Dad is an extremely intelligent, well educated electronics engineer who worked on government military contracts including the Polaris submarine and the Skynet telecommunications satellite, the latter including going to Cape Canaveral for the launches.

He's now 94 and has vascular dementia, so he needs looking after.
None of us knows what the future has in store, including you Hennahead

OP you are not 'intelligent and well educated' if you snap at people who offer help. You are rude and ill mannered and intolerant.

Can you not say to yourself 'thank God people are showing kindness and concern for another human being, a stranger, who they perceive as struggling for some reason. They may not know the reason or your medical history but despite that they come forward. A smile and a Thank you would be courteous and polite. No need to be a bitch.

Yes I know this is an old thread but it has hit a nerve with me because I have been treated so unfairly in similar situations, more than once. It's unpleasant having your head bitten off just because you care and would like to help another's pain. Their snapping and nasty dismissiveness are examples of what was because of a huge ego. And far too much pride. I was brought up to at least show some concern if another person shows they may need help, so I do. If they don't need it that's great. Just to pleasant and we each go on our way. Because nobody caring isn't great is it.

Something I’ve noticed which really gets my dander up is being treated differently because I might look different. Just because I got older and my hair may have some gray in it does not mean that my mind my ambitions my intelligence has been diminished. I don’t want help unless I ask for it I want to manage my own life and I don’t want these things taken away from me or even attempted to be taken away from me. I’m speaking about family actually not people I might meet in the store or on the street but Family why is it because they become adults they have decided that all of a sudden I’m incapable. Keep the peace I say nothing and just go about my business but I admit I do not like my power my opinions diminished by others. It’s hurtful and also makes me quite angry.

I need to speak out, I cannot believe I live in the only nursing
home in the UK where there is much kindness. Staff certainly do not choose to work in these homes for high salaries. I speak
of carers, nurses, laundry, kitchen, maintenance, gardening, activities staff

So glad that's the case Anniebach.
Think extending kindness and help is to be encouraged with grace and thankfulness.

You may be well educated but you have no manners. On my old school wall were the words “Manners maketh the man”. I even thank the driver of a bus as I get off.

I volunteer at a care home where I see care and great kindness every day

True sodapop I can speak only of the nursing home where I
live

That's a sweeping generalisation mae18 As Annibach says there is a lot of kindness to be found in care homes where often staff and volunteers go over and above to help the people they care for.

I live in a nursing home and know there is much kindness, help
and caring

Yes, people are trying to be kind and mean well but it's a bit of a shock to be confronted with the reality of your independence slowly slipping away. That's life, such as it is.

Ironically, I know from experience that Care Homes are the last places where you will find help, care and kindness. A thousand thanks to Providence that I was able to escape.

It costs nothing to have manners and use them, these people are and have been willing to help you, manners maketh man in your case woman also. I was in a wheelchair for a few months and having to learn to balance again and was pleased when people wanted to help. I’m very independent. But I’d never ever be rude

RosiesMaw2

No wonder some younger (and older):people have even given up offering

There’s independence and there’s pig headedness, ingratitude, and bad manners.
I leave you to decide which is applicable in this instance.

This, totally.

When I was 19, I had a terriblecar crash, and my right leg was smashed to smithereens. 4.5 months in traction, 7.5 months in hospital, and 2 years on crutches, then 2 sticks, then 1- and it was very hard. People were kind and helped me all the time- I was young, slim and vgl- people helped because they were kind and cared. I shall forever be grateful for every bit of help and support.

I dread to think what I look like when eg walking to the bus stop because the traffic stops to allow me to cross the road safely.

Charleygirl That happened to me once 😅 I was in a retail park standing on the edge of the pavement looking up and down for MrA and realised the cars had all stopped. I glanced at the first car and the man smiled and waved me across the road. I didn't actually want to cross the road but, as he had been nice enough to stop, I did. 😅

RosiesMaw2

No wonder some younger (and older):people have even given up offering

There’s independence and there’s pig headedness, ingratitude, and bad manners.
I leave you to decide which is applicable in this instance.

I agree this poster sounds very ungracious.. we need all the kindness we can get and give in this very scary world..

No wonder some younger (and older):people have even given up offering

There’s independence and there’s pig headedness, ingratitude, and bad manners.
I leave you to decide which is applicable in this instance.

I have a hidden disability, arthritis in my back, after walking for a while I am in agony but don’t look it. I was so grateful when on a trip to London on the underground two young men jumped to their feet to offer me a seat. I gratefully said yes, my companion said a sharp no I can manage. Her comment to me was similar to the writer of this post. A lady sitting next to me said “if you refuse rudely they won’t offer again to help and someone else might need it”. It seems people who offer to help are dammed if they do and rammed if they don’t.

It's actually nice people care really. Just say thanks but don't need help. Am in US most don't offer anything to anyone.

Silverfox99

HelterSkelter1

Oh dear. Helpers damned if they do and damned if they don't. I offered to help to a young woman with a pushchair getting off a train. I was obviously patronising but it was a high step down. Anyway it didnt stop me from offering similar help again in the future. And I do ask not just grab.

The only ones I would be angry with are people who take your arm and march you across the road without your permission.

Anyone else as Auntiflo says " thanks but I can manage" should do the trick.

That’s a great perspective! It’s awesome that you see it as kindness rather than something patronizing. We could all benefit from a little more understanding and compassion these days, so it’s nice that you approach it with that mindset!

The world will be a better place if we all watch out for each other .