Excellent article on ageism and the effects of peceptions of age in this week's New Scientist (18th May)

I think there’s a lot of ageism on TV. It’s possibly one of the only remaining ‘isms’ that appears to be acceptable Ageist stereotypes abound e.g.
*old people aren’t ‘tech savvy’
*old people voted for Brexit
*old people have grey hair
*old people have bad eyesight & hearing
I could go on …
If the media applied stereotypes to other sectors of society they’d be in big trouble (quite rightly) so they should stop doing it with regard to age.

I was very negative as a young person but was suffering with health problems and a miserable home life. Now I am a far more positive person and am determined to find ways to exercise, do as many nice things as I can and live life to the full.

I shall be 94 in August, God willing.
I consider old age a privilege not granted to everyone. I do as I please; I eat what I please; I sell and buy on line;I get up at coffee time, though I feed the cat any time between 6 a.m and 7 a.m; I take each day as it comes. People who worry, die ; people who don't worry, die. Why worry!

'Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.' Not sure who said it. According to google it could be Chili Davis or Carroll Bryant. I'm getting old but I have no intention of growing up.

So very true Dinahmo, slopping in slippers is another danger!

It's people's patronising attitude that irritates me. The Great British Sewing Bee is back, starting on Tuesday BBC1 at 9pm. There was an Instagram intro to the competitors and people commented. I think Instagram is used more by younger people. One competitor is a man, Don, in his 70s. The comments were of the 'Aw!' and 'He's so sweet!' and 'Bless!' type. There was nothing like that on the other, younger competitors' profiles, just good luck wishes. The FB comments aren't as bad, thank goodness.

Anyone remember Gudrun Ure? She died earlier this month aged 98. I think that she was relatively healthy because no mention of any illness. She had a very distinctive voice which I remember from the radio when I was young.

Another tip - an old man said his tip to staying OK was to get dressed sitting down. He was talking about putting on trousers etc. Sitting down stops you falling over which can cause real damage. An old friend of mine died back in January. She tripped up a step into her house, landed on one side and smashed her knee and shoulder. Complications set in and she sadly died earlier this year.

So - please be careful. One feels young in one's head but remember that one's body is often not quite so youthful.

I have a friend who is 20 years younger than me and recently she said in an email that I look wonderful and that I am incredible but then ruined it by adding for my age!
Of course I told her to p* off in a friendly manner!

welbeck

maybe some of the negative-seeming people have poorer health, or endured greater adverse childhood experiences.
none of us know what other people are dealing with, having to live through.

I've often found the very opposite, out of the the folks I know the ones who have much to put up with- ill health, family or money worries always seem so much more positive & outward looking than the 'charmed life' crew who are always invariably whinging about some trivial inconvenience or disappointment.
I think hardship in any area of life can make you appreciate small pleasures and the ' joy of the moment' all the more.

And what's the difference between a large toilet with all the bells and whistles and a normal one?

I was shocked not too long ago, when a child I had been teaching at Music School refused to use the "disabled" toilet that had been suggested by her mum when other toilets were in use. The child turned up her nose and said "That's for OLD people!" I was "old" then, and I wonder what she thought about me - still teaching, smart and switched on. Where did she get the idea that "disabled" toilets were for old people, and not for people of any age who needed them. I still reel from the memory.

It can sneak up on you can’t it, ageism I mean.
When DH died 6 years ago I was 69 and felt pretty young all things considered. When D1 accompanied me to the solicitor for the first time to discuss the will, it took a conscious effort on my part to get her (the solicitor) to address her remarks to me rather than my 43 year old daughter. Perhaps they were being kind and respectful of my emotional state, but still- for the first time in my life - I felt like “granny in the corner”.
Consideration or patronising? It’s a fine line and encountering it too often can sap away that “20 in my head” feeling.
PS I want to be like Isummer’s cousin - does she run workshops? 🤣

Agreed, welbeck

jan1956

mother 92 and i have never met a more negative person than her. so guess she is the exception that prove sthe rule!

My mother is 92 also and the most negative person I know! I vowed never to be like her and I hope I’ve achieved that. Quite amazing as she has spent her life at the doctors and consultants - all minor complaints. Never thought she would make it to her 90’s especially as she is on 17 medications now - has been for years. It’s become her hobby. Not interested in anything or anybody else.

My cousin was an art student in London in the 1960s and she says it was a fabulous time, she is very arty, dramatic and great fun. She will be 80 in 3 months and she says never let age define you.
She has quite a few health issues but lives with them and rarely complains and tries not to let them limit her life.
She dresses fabulously, her hair always looks wonderful and has a young attitude. She is always up for theatre trips, concerts, restaurants, new bars, holidays, shopping etc.
Last week in The White Stuff she tried on some dungarees, the assistant said she looked amazing in them, out of earshot I told the assistant that she did look amazing aswell as being 80. The assistant wouldn’t believe me.
She says in her head she feels 20 and she has so much on her bucket list left to do. She has really helped my mental health since my husband died and made me realise that I have a life to live and age is just a number.

mother 92 and i have never met a more negative person than her. so guess she is the exception that prove sthe rule!

One of the things that is very annoying to me is that whether in newspapers or on tv or radio, the constant adding of someones age , when it has no bearing at all on the subject It is usually used in a negative way too and often they put people in groups such as baby boomers etc. If there is something very positive that gets one line at best and then the age of someone is seen as amazing and unusual! We are individuals and whilst there may be specific physical things that affect our ability to do things, I think that what we enjoy and like or dislike may alter a bit ,the essence of ourselves is still there., unless dementia takes over. Things that matter to us and our concerns for specific behaviours can last for many years. e.g. I would never bank with Barclays from their attitude to apartheid in south africa etc Still dont banks with them! The other thing is I dont think it is easy to say how old anyone is anyway these days. I could say roughly how old a child looks or a teenager but if I am asked how old an adult is after about 30 I think it is difficult to gauge. Do you know the poem by Jenny Joseph that starts When I am old I shall wear purple etc? well folks have been wearing purple for years now. !! Long may we remain the individuals that we are now

I've not read the research yet, but will do so. I can't help but reflect - recalling the horrific ageism and indeed sexism that was around in the 1950s. Do you remember the song on the radio... 'stay young and beautiful, if you want to be loved?' How sad and divisive was that!! I also had a very negative view of growing old because, in my teens, I worked in an old mental hospital where ward after ward was stuffed with old people suffering from dementia (back when the care was free on the NHS). Also, like many here, I grew up at a time when 'teenagers' and young people were seen as profitable niche targets for marketing companies and were encouraged to view anyone older than, say, 32 as past it! Obviously this was to promote sales of particular types of clothing and items that supported a new type of lifestyle and differentiate them (by which I guess I loosely mean us!) from the 'tired' old generation that had gone before. I often wonder if ours was a generation of young people also looking for a way of rejecting the social and political systems that sent us into a world war. These are only some of the very complex reasons that have shaped out views on ageing, I think. I feel that the current young generation is very kind and tolerant of the old but has yet to go to the ballot boxes and put into practice what they have learnt about climate change and their fast disappearing futures. Already many of them blame us and see us living lives they can't ever achieve. While I enjoy life (having got over the shock of seeing so many people with dementia in my youth) and personally feel positive about ageing and still want to be around in another 30 years, I'm not so sure it would be good for the planet.

I always challenge ageism, it’s as unacceptable as any other ism. Life is never static in my experience be the changes good or not so good, it’s really just make the most of what you have and enjoy what you can, while you can.

Monica , this reminded me of a small incident. Yesterday I was at the hospital waiting to see the eye consultant at the Macular Degeneration clinic. There were about twelve of us patiently and quietly waiting, all elderly, most over 70. The man next to me was reading a newspaper and into the silence he announced ‘ Well, it says here that one in three of us will get dementia’. There was a pause and then a chorus of ‘ Cheers mate’ and silence resumed.

My father’s family was large, they either died too young with cancer or lived on to a healthy age with no dementia and very sharp minds.
I’ve always lived in a small community and you can see family traits, addictions etc…..that generally proves scientific studies.

maybe some of the negative-seeming people have poorer health, or endured greater adverse childhood experiences.
none of us know what other people are dealing with, having to live through.

I have to admit I felt a bit like fancythat about the 30% over 90.

I suppose the people I know (over 90) were/are pretty "with it" and clearly don't have this problem. On the other hand I seem to have known quite a few people^younger than 90 - say mid 70s onwards who obviously had something "going on" - if not diagnosed.

I think I'd assumed that if you got to 90 OK you would be fine. How naive is that.

In my defence I only know two people who were very close to me/my family where some sort of dementia was involved. My mother's cousin and her daughter. The others were not my immediate family circle.

Interestingly, my mother's cousin and her daughter were both class half-empty people - but then the daughter gave up almost all her adult life to care for her mum 😒

Thank you for the info Monica. You always make good common sense.
I think that those who have a positive attitude to life and go with the ups and downs certainly enjoy a greater life span than perhaps those with a more negative attitude. Long may we all live!!

fancythat some may not develop it until late in their 90s oruntil over 100.

My father was the 4th of 11 children and the 10th child is still with us and still living indpendently. However at 96, she is just beginning to show signs of memory loss. Of the other three siblings who made it to over 90, none showed any signs of dementia.

In fact, of all the other siblings 9 of whom lived well into their 80s, only 1 of them had dementia - and that was vascular.

It is much the same in DH's family, where there is a large family on one side, as far as I know none had dementia.

We hear a lot about those who have dementia and it does seem to run in families, and the numbers are rising because so many of us are living to much older ages. Look at death announcements in the papers, and obituaries of people who have made a mark on the world, It seems the majority live to over 90 and few have dementia.