I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts and supermarkets..
It's a Sunday dinner for god sake. We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year, apparently not.
1. Turkey... It's a big chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good one. Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked.
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing.... What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking.
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto or Tesco finest.
4. Vegetables. Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable, If you don't like them don't buy and cook the things. If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough.
5. Roast potatoes. Yes I part boil mine then roast them in goose fat or whatever you want to use, but Aunt Bessie also does the same.
6. Trimmings,Christmas pudding, Mince pies and the like, whatever shop you use or do what I do bake them yourself
7. Family. Children (if you have any) Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce fine leave them to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that you can enjoy your dinner in Peace.
Adults. Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up / sort the kids out / clear the table / wash up / dry up etc.
NO ONE, And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET P**SED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE.
Silent treatment - son
Caught in the act - neighbours
How to say it - 'no'