Feeding the grandkids. Man cannot live on toast (and cocopops) alone!

Many thanks to you all for your supportive comments. Much food for thought! It’s good to know lots you have had similar experiences.
I will definitely try to involve him more with the prep and cooking of things, especially as I grow a lot of veg and fruit so that is a good idea.
I will not let it become an issue that affects his time spent with me as he is a happy healthy child with loving parents and that is the most important thing, in a world where many children are not. I just want to help both him and my daughter and encourage him to try and enjoy trying different things.
He starts full time school in Sept and I know he will grow and change .
Until then I will stock up on the haliborange and malt extract I remember so well ( only joking)!

I can't keep up with my grandchildren. They're 6 and 3 and love nothing better than fresh king prawns with linguine in pesto sauce, chicken satay, squid in batter, Thai green curry with poppadoms ? and homemade pepperoni pizza with mozzarella and mushrooms.

Sometimes I wish they ate beans on toast ?

Hi,
I have just found out how to send a personal message. I do profoundly apologise but food is a very emotive issue for children.
I can appreciate your problems and know how they can make a big impact on your life.
I was not being clever when I said we kept out of the children decisions with their own children.
When I first married I had a very dominant MIL and everything that the children did or had wrong was my fault. They both had splints on their hips so no going home until they came off.
Then when the eldest was in late primary I put them to bed with a mild sore throat that turned out to be acute epiglottis and they was given a police escort to get into hospital ICU on Christmas eve, again my fault.
We both decided we would play things like my mother had and keep out of their major family decision.
I do help when asked ,I home school on Skype if needs be.
I'm glad you had a good outcome as I did as well.
I think when you have had major happenings with your children it does make you take a certain stand. Mine being I hope my grand children love me which they appear to just as I suspect you do.
I'll look out for your posts in the future.
Yours Yammy

Yammy

Green lady 2 , Thank you and I apologise if I misunderstood.
We do keep out of our families handling of their children and they appreciate that. I try to be like my mother was with me there if I called for help but not intrusive. My husband practises this in most things because his mother was the complete opposite and I found it very difficult at first coming from the family I did.
I do feel sorry for you and your daughter's problems I can empathise with you one of mine had a life-threatening illness but not to do with food.

Not a problem

Silvertwigs

Maybe a doggy bag for an hour later to eat up the remaining food he couldn’t or would finish at meat time?

is this serious !
sounds hideous. why punish a person like this. enough to lead to an eating disorder.
i've seen this happen, years ago, and the memory makes me shudder.

greenlady102

GraceQuirrel

I think fussy eaters are bred not born. Can you imagine years ago (I’m talking 50’s and 60’s back to when we lived in caves!) a child wanting to eat something different from the parents? Definitely did not happen in my house, I know what my dad would have said!
You give in once and that rod for your back has been made.

yep I can imagine and you are wrong, as I said, one of my older siblings would only eat semolina. Thankfully the GP was sensible and said give her what she will eat and my lovely Dad wasn't your Dad and she grew up strong and healthy.
Enough of this giving in and rod for your back nonsense!

Greenlady, i agree entirely. some sense at last.
incidentally, i now know why they continued to manufacture semolina; always wondered, as i never saw anyone anywhere willingly eat it. glad it gave power to your sister.
and wise parents you had. yea, a goodly heritage.
probably why you are so sensible and humane too.

I also get stressed out deciding what to give my 4 DGCs.But after being made to eat foods as child and being physically sick decided from start that I would never force food on them or blackmail them with no dinner/no desert.To make life easier I do try stick to the limited foods they all eat. 1 GS eats no veg 2Gds eat brocolli and 2Gds baby sweetcorn.I have 2 nibble trays 1 with an assortment cherry tomatoes,cucumber,celery.raw carrot,fresh beetroot,humous,cocktail sausages.At mealtimes they either eat all dinner or choose to add from the healthy nibble plate.The 2 nibble plate has tube yoghurts,mixed seasonal fruits and bun,cake treat each.Couple of GCs prefer to have ice cream/lolly instead of cake.When we have cleared the table I leave the nibble plates on side and before they go home some 3 hrs later, very little left.Not ideal but I know they cannot be hungry.Then the start of 2 GCs lunch boxes 1 ham mini wrap, cucumber,celery, tomato on chicken satay stick.1 GC now dislikes yoghurts,choice breadsticks,fries.popcorn etc,mini snack pack biscuits,fruit.
Then DH wonders why supermarket bill is so high.

Green lady 2 , Thank you and I apologise if I misunderstood.
We do keep out of our families handling of their children and they appreciate that. I try to be like my mother was with me there if I called for help but not intrusive. My husband practises this in most things because his mother was the complete opposite and I found it very difficult at first coming from the family I did.
I do feel sorry for you and your daughter's problems I can empathise with you one of mine had a life-threatening illness but not to do with food.

When I was young I had a friend who would only eat mashed bannanas. Her Mum took her to GP he advised leave her alone she will come round in her own time once pressure is taken away. She did.

sazz1

When I fostered children I only ever cooked one evening meal which we all ate around the table. I made sure it was a nutritionally balanced meal and there was nothing except fresh fruit or yoghurt on offer. With often up to 7 children at a time I didn't have time to prepare special food for each unless there was an allergy. I found the children often didn't eat much for the first day or two but then started to clear their plate and have 'seconds'
Serve small portions and eliminate junk food would be my advice on this. HTH xx

but did you ever have a child with a real, genuine food problem?

When I fostered children I only ever cooked one evening meal which we all ate around the table. I made sure it was a nutritionally balanced meal and there was nothing except fresh fruit or yoghurt on offer. With often up to 7 children at a time I didn't have time to prepare special food for each unless there was an allergy. I found the children often didn't eat much for the first day or two but then started to clear their plate and have 'seconds'
Serve small portions and eliminate junk food would be my advice on this. HTH xx

My son existed on milk, yogurt, bananas and mandarin oranges. I took him to the doctor in despair. She said ‘how many 20 year olds do you know who only eat yogurt, bananas and oranges’? I said ‘none’. She said ‘well give him what he wants’.

My boy was 47 years old yesterday and eats a good variety of food now. ?

Hi...have you thought about planning a cooking session for your grandson and ask him to name all the things he likes. You can then plan to make something he likes and because he's helped make it then he may be more receptive to eating it

Same problem here....so many yukky foods he won't eat, too many things that are BAD for him, lots that make him feel nauseous. He is 33, when do they start to get better?

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

I have the same problem with one set of GC. One lives on peanut butter and choc chip ice cream and will starve all day until someone gives in. not me I might add. The sibling was like this but now tries what they think is," grown-up food," steak, duck, broccoli, etc.
The one from the other family who attended nursery from a very young age just says I'll try and if I don't like please may I leave it.,I feel this is alright and they have quite a varied diet.

I think we see this from the "stressed adult" side of things but what about the "stressed child"?
You say "until someone gives in, not me I might add" as though this is a good thing.....IMO there shouldn't be "giving in" because it shouldn't be any kind of clash.

I don't give in because I never have to. I keep clear of all family issues be it food, bedtime or computers. My family know this and know it is their children and their problems and we do not interfere. I should have explained.
My grandmothers never interfered when I was a child my mother had sole control and I was allowed to often eat with an Italian relation who lived next door. If I had to stay at their house my grans asked what time was bedtime and I realised I went to bed then .
Mixed messages from different grans and parents can only cause confusion and make the child even more upset or manipulative which refusing food can be. My grandchild is fed when their parents feel they should be. They lay down the rules and I comply with them even when there were sleepovers and I would probably have disagreed with their decision.

what a lovely Gran you must be

Sarcasm never becomes anyone.

That was absolutely not intended for sarcasm but as a compliment.

Ealdemodor

Alis52
Surely, when you have guests of any age in your house, you would want them to be happy and relaxed, and enjoy themselves.
Most people have dislikes, it is not about being silly, as you put it.

exactly.
supposing you had to stay with a family in a remote part of east Asia. and they were tutting and shaking their heads because you were being so fussy as to turn your nose up at delicious roasted crickets, a delicacy they prepared specially for you.

My youngest GC are 2 and 6 and have just come into our family by adoption. The 6 year old is very picky, we suspect because of the limited range of fried foods she's been given whilst in foster care. She likes anything crunchy so I make crispy wedges from baked potatoes and root vegetables. I use different colours of peppers, tomatoes, peas, sweetcorn and anything that can be cut small and mixed into rice or pasta which both go down reasonably well.
They don't like chewing meat so I often give them small chunks of fish or cheese mixed in instead. She also likes making herself wraps.
They both like fruit and really love making trifle so we have some lovely variations on fruity/custardy puddings and pancakes.
I agree with others that even a diet that seems very limited doesn't seem to have damaging effects long term, provided they have enough milk/yoghurt and fruit.

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

I have the same problem with one set of GC. One lives on peanut butter and choc chip ice cream and will starve all day until someone gives in. not me I might add. The sibling was like this but now tries what they think is," grown-up food," steak, duck, broccoli, etc.
The one from the other family who attended nursery from a very young age just says I'll try and if I don't like please may I leave it.,I feel this is alright and they have quite a varied diet.

I think we see this from the "stressed adult" side of things but what about the "stressed child"?
You say "until someone gives in, not me I might add" as though this is a good thing.....IMO there shouldn't be "giving in" because it shouldn't be any kind of clash.

I don't give in because I never have to. I keep clear of all family issues be it food, bedtime or computers. My family know this and know it is their children and their problems and we do not interfere. I should have explained.
My grandmothers never interfered when I was a child my mother had sole control and I was allowed to often eat with an Italian relation who lived next door. If I had to stay at their house my grans asked what time was bedtime and I realised I went to bed then .
Mixed messages from different grans and parents can only cause confusion and make the child even more upset or manipulative which refusing food can be. My grandchild is fed when their parents feel they should be. They lay down the rules and I comply with them even when there were sleepovers and I would probably have disagreed with their decision.

what a lovely Gran you must be

Sarcasm never becomes anyone.

Can I ask what help you would give if a grandchild was a fussy eater? You appear to have a lot of experience of it perhaps you would like to share it.
Also, would your children appreciate your point of view if given to them or see you as a bossy interfering lady? Which I strive not to be. Perhaps if they read this they would not like the idea of you sharing their problems with all and sundry.
No, I have never had a child with an eating disorder that is not to say I have not had a child who was life-threateningly ill

My daughter has very specific likes and dislikes, as does her dad. I’ll eat most things but I have dietary requirements for health reasons. But we muddle along without any stress. OH’s family try and make a big deal out of my daughter being ‘fussy’ but then they have a lot of rules surrounding food, with rewards and punishments etc; eating disorders are rife in his side of the family, so we’re fairly relaxed about what she eats (she’s ten). She knows that my mum will always make her a nice (made from scratch) tea that she enjoys whereas with OH’s mum we need to take food with us (usually for both me and daughter).

She used to love being involved in the kitchen when she was younger- but that didn’t make her want to eat food that she didn’t previously like!

Just feed the child what he will eat. We’ve always put veg in bowl on the table so she can be in control of how much she wants. When she was a toddler she would often have some of her meal, eat her pudding and then go back to her meal. Again, not a problem. No bribery, no rewards, no punishment. She’s very good at self regulating with food and knowing when she’s full unlike her cousins who have food rules foisted upon them.

greenlady102

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

I have the same problem with one set of GC. One lives on peanut butter and choc chip ice cream and will starve all day until someone gives in. not me I might add. The sibling was like this but now tries what they think is," grown-up food," steak, duck, broccoli, etc.
The one from the other family who attended nursery from a very young age just says I'll try and if I don't like please may I leave it.,I feel this is alright and they have quite a varied diet.

I think we see this from the "stressed adult" side of things but what about the "stressed child"?
You say "until someone gives in, not me I might add" as though this is a good thing.....IMO there shouldn't be "giving in" because it shouldn't be any kind of clash.

I don't give in because I never have to. I keep clear of all family issues be it food, bedtime or computers. My family know this and know it is their children and their problems and we do not interfere. I should have explained.
My grandmothers never interfered when I was a child my mother had sole control and I was allowed to often eat with an Italian relation who lived next door. If I had to stay at their house my grans asked what time was bedtime and I realised I went to bed then .
Mixed messages from different grans and parents can only cause confusion and make the child even more upset or manipulative which refusing food can be. My grandchild is fed when their parents feel they should be. They lay down the rules and I comply with them even when there were sleepovers and I would probably have disagreed with their decision.

what a lovely Gran you must be

Sarcasm never becomes anyone.

Hi there I look after my granddaughter and meal times in pm had become fraught , so now I ignore her , go ahead with our own dinner , occasionally will eat dinner but it had become a battlefield , let parents deal with it , occasionally will take cereal. And sometimes takes dinner , ignore it I’d my advice

My Grandson now 5 would only eat cheese sandwiches and bananas or cheese and biscuits, that’s what I gave him and didn’t make a fuss. He decided when he was 5 he would try other food and now a balanced diet. As you say not in our day but I didn’t want to upset the applecart!

I have had a thought about the "rod for your own back" "wouldn't have happened in my day"-ites
...well two thoughts actually
The first is that unpleasant views and opinions from people who have no eperience of the problem are spectracularly unhelpful....and the second which is kind of linked, is if you were a young Mum (actually or a grandma) in the 50's say, well you know who the arrogant judgy I-know-best other Mums and grandmas are and are you going to discuss with them the things that worry you that they can judge you on?..so they are not going to ask for advice on late toilet training, not sleeping at night, picky eating because they know they are going to get harsh unhelpful (let them cry/punish when they wet themselves/make them eat or starve) advice.
oh last thing I don't see on here is any "I starved my child till they ate and now they are grown and healthy and love me for it advice"

Ask the parents for a list of food he eats. Buy that food. Make that food available. Let him eat when he's hungry. Stop stressing. Enjoy your grandchildren, they grow so fast.

My eldest grandson was born with a rare condition and as a result was fed solely by PEG feeds for the first year of his life. As a consequence he didn’t experience real food and used to chew and spit his food out as he was fearful of swallowing.
He is on a no/ reduced salt diet now and enjoys a wide variety of food. However he cannot have processed food so everything needs to be home cooked. He is now 4, and been injected daily as he is not producing growth hormones, he also takes medicine 4x daily to keep his kidneys working.
He enjoys cooking and this has helped him widen his diet.
Grammajules enjoy your grandchildren they are so precious, encourage them to get busy in the kitchen it’s amazing how much food pops in their little mouths when they are chopping.
I have three other grandchildren and they all eat anything and everything…