Do you feel conspicuous eating out on your own?

I’d look like Miranda Hart !

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I went to my GP yesterday, no breakfast!.
On the way home I went into a really nice little Vietnamese Restaurant, I had a lovely lunch and felt very comfortable.
A bit of a change from my 1980's post earlier.
Nice to enjoy the change.

Some of us have admitted to being "people watchers" and therefore not minding dining in public. That doesnt mean that we stare at some poor soul! I was taught that it was rude to stare.

If Im sitting at a pavement cafe in Paris or Venice then the world is drifting by, all of them completely oblivious to the fact that the diners may be watching them. Its a constantly changing vista of people I will never meet or see again. Even the other diners are strangers and I will never "know" them.

As you become older you care less and less about what other people think of you, especially if they are merely ships that pass in the night.

Caleo that I haven't met a problem doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and I am sure it does, it is just it is one I haven't met.

Kim19, Thank you.

Monica, I concede to your experience in the matter, as I have not even tried to eat alone in a posh restaurant. I wrote only from an long ago experience of being given my dinner by a new boyfriend in a big hotel , when I was nineteen. His mother had a room in the hotel , and I caught sight of her in one of the huge dining room mirrors, smiling at me , while she dined alone.

Goodness me, this thread has been an absolute revelation to me. I'm from very humble origins and yet I do remember having an ice cream melba in a cafe or chips in the 'sitting in' area as a child. Not at all often but sufficient to know what to expect and certainly how to behave. I guess this was my foundation for having no qualms whatsoever at breaching the eating out scenario gradually and at all levels. I think eating out (lunch preference) is my very favourite pastime nowadays. Love it. Usually and preferably in company but alone is fine too. Had dinner last night with son 2 and when I asked if a small portion of my choice was available the waitress said 'yes, but that is a well kept secret'. Restaurants don't 'push' small portions but they are often available. I hate leaving food on my plate and I regularly simply have two starters for variety. I was completely unaware of the various reasons people have for not eating out alone. Naively assumed it was a simple case of preferring company. Well, well........ On a completely different note, I suspect Monica is one of the least persons who requires any sort of support from me or anyone but I think a couple of posters here have been seriously unkind to her on this thread and didn't read her contributions properly. Just saying....

I think that today many people use their smart phone almost as a "companion". That includes when your out alone. You can call another person at any time if you feel lonely or uncomfortable. You can also use it to read then news, shop, play games and so on. They are a wonderful distraction if you are feeling lonely, or if you get a boring fellow passenger on the plane or train.

It had never occurred to me that other people in a cafe or restaurant were watching me or judging me for being alone. I always assumed they were busy with their own affairs. If I caught someone actively staring at me I would have the condidence to go up and ask them if there was something wrong or did they need help.

I often enjoy coffee on my own but rarely a meal. I don’t think it would bother me at all, I’d take a good book and enjoy the solitude I suspect!

Caleo I confess I have never met the problem you describe. Now as more and more people, men and women, travel for business or holiday alone, more and more are accustomed to eating alone in good restaurants.

Jaffacake2 I really do sympathise with you, I have family members with allergies, not as bad as yours, but I know how problematic that can be.

I would love to be able to eat out on my own but having developed severe food allergies post menopause I can't take the risk. I have unfortunately had mistakes made in restaurants which have caused me to have anaphylactic shocks resulting in 999 trips to casualty. This is in spite of phoning before hand and explaining allergies to restaurant managers ,chefs and waiting staff. Now I will only eat with family or friends who are willing to cope with me and inject me with adrenaline if it goes wrong. So I rarely ever eat out and take my own food if I travel.
It's a shame but life throws problems that you just have to adapt to as best you can.

I was shy and self conscious when I was very young and didn’t eat out on my own. At work I often ate on my own there was no option. I got used to it and my confidence obviously grew with life experience.
I had to go to Hatton garden for exams for a course I was doing. I sat in restaurants every day surrounded by wealthy business men. It didn’t bother me in the least I was thinking how far I had gone from the shy freckly faced young girl I once was.

I hate eating out on my own and won’t do it unless I have someone for company.

I feel quite conspicuous sitting there with nothing to do. The time seems to drag.
The point of eating out is so much more enjoyable with company.
Even a coffee seems lonely without someone to share it with.

Possibly. The first time I ever ate out was when my first boyfriend took me for a meal. I was so scared of eating in front of others that I felt quite ill. I just had an omelette, the only thing I thought I could manage without disgracing myself. Couldn’t confess to never having been in a restaurant before!

Perhaps it just triggers some deep down doubts that are usually buried?
It's hard to put a finger on it, or explain it.
A bit like fear of spiders.

Eating alone in the sort of restaurants people go to for treats is socially uncomfortable because so many people reckon there is something wrong with you if you if you don't appear to have 'friends'.

For me, I think there is a fear that I might trip over, or slip on the floor, or fall off my chair or something.

If you were with someone you could laugh it off, but on your own it would show you up as being an imposter.

That's too simplistic a way to explain it, but it's something along those lines. I suppose for others it manifests as "what if I was to vomit?" and sets up a fear of it...

I wasn't thinking about eating out in smart restaurants alone. I think few of us do that. Most people seemed to be talking about the trivia of going into an ordinary eating establishment alone.

By the time I reached the stage, when travelling on business, where I did go into a smart restaurant on my own, I had been eating out alone in other much more ordinary establishments for decades.

Your last paragraph, illustrates your own lack of understanding. Empathy and confidence are words people love using to attack others. there are very few people around who are truly confident. But there are people who realise that everyone else is as lacking in confidence as they are, so can put on an air of confdence, whether they have it or not.

The circumstancs of my childhood were such that I had to face a lot of situations alone at a much younger age than others. I quicly learnt that the best tactic was never to make a difficult situation worse by drawing attention to myself. So I would just act like other people around me. It is not a question of being confident, i wasn't. It was a question of appearing to be confident, that was the best way of blending into the back ground. It was looking at a situation that could be intimidating and frightening and then dealing with it in a way that was likey to ensure it wouldn't be so

Which brings me to the question I have asked all the way through this thread and no one has addressed: Why if people are very shy and used to keeping out of the limelight do they think that people are watching and commenting on them all the time? I am not talking about events that push you into the limelight, that I understand, but why would anyone pay them any attention doing an ordinary everyday events like going into a Costa Coffee and buying a coffee when alone? Especially when you can see people eating and drinking alone and doing lots of other perfectly normal activities on their own.

I actually better understand people who are uncomfortable eating in a group, where they could and possible might be under scrutiny.

M0nica

Eating out alone has nothing to do with confidence. That suggests you approach the event with trepidation, but are confident enough not to worry about it.

As a child I ate out with adults in cafes and restaurants - mainly Lyons Corner Houses, when we went up to London to shop, and when we went there I could see lots of people, male and female eating alone, as well as other group types, so when I went up to London on my own and needed to get some lunch I just walked into a suitable establishment where, probably, half the clientele were already sitting on their own and ordered my lunch. It was as ordinary or banal as catching a bus or train on my own.

There is a huge difference between popping into a Lyons Corner shop for lunch or another “suitable establishment” and taking a table for one at a very smart restaurant in the evening.
Obviously we shouldn’t be bothered as most people as previously stated, are mostly interested in themselves. Quite a few of us here have owned up to being people watchers, so it’s only partly true.
You betray your lack of empathy by your remarks, but congratulations on your supreme self confidence and impatience with lesser mortals.

I've always enjoyed eating out alone (as well as with friends) whenever I feel like it - or happen to be out and hungry. I don't care what complete strangers think of me - why on Earth would you?

Still, a (timid) colleague would only eat in shop cafes, so was surprised that I'd had lunch in a good restaurant. Perhaps she has this weird anxiety about being 'judged'.

Never give it a second thought

I enjoy a solo meal thoroughly

I used to feel very self conscious when younger and would go hungry instead. Doesn’t bother me now but wouldn’t go in a proper restaurant at night on my own.

Yes, and I'm 56. My sister is 59 and is totally confident about everything. We ate out one and both left so much food thekitchen apologised. I never eat out alone, unless it's a sandwich in a supermarket carpark. We're meeting between our homes in May, I will drive from Devon and won't eat until the evening of arrival

I worked for an American bank and my job entailed visiting branches all over Europe. At first, I'd eat in my hotel room but I soon tired of that and ventured out. And it was fine! It has never bothered me since.