A meal for later

If he can read and follow simple instructions then he can cook.

Surely he can make a sandwich, heat a ready meal or order a take away.

What is going to happen to him if you are not there?

I think you should gently teach him how to cook one or two simple healthy meals, jacket potato in microwave kind of thing. Also show him what a healthy ready meal looks like and always keep a few in freezer handy. No one should be so helpless they cant prepare food for themselves. He might even get to enjoy it and cook for you occasionally.

In the 80s, I lived next door to a lovely couple. He had a bad heart plus all sorts of other problems, but looked healthy if very easily tired. She totally did everything for him. They had a plan for what she'd do when he died. One day she dropped dead. He had no idea how to look after himself, shopping, cooking, washing clothes, paying bills, cleaning, nothing.

But they were my parents' generation...

Leave him a tin of beans and some bread. Beans on toast most people could cope with on the odd occasion and is a nourishing meal!!!

I agree with the others but if it would give you peace of mind stock the fridge with ingredients for sandwiches, Or point him towards the nearest pub or takeaway. He's 74, not 4.

most of the replies are really mean to sandye .. stating the obvious isn't helpful.

Chardy

In the 80s, I lived next door to a lovely couple. He had a bad heart plus all sorts of other problems, but looked healthy if very easily tired. She totally did everything for him. They had a plan for what she'd do when he died. One day she dropped dead. He had no idea how to look after himself, shopping, cooking, washing clothes, paying bills, cleaning, nothing.

But they were my parents' generation...

This happened to a girl I used to work with. Her parents lived a long way away, her mother fell seriously ill and her father didn't even know how to address an envelope. She had asked him to send her some papers so that she could look at them for him, but they ended up coming back to him!

On the other hand, one of my DH's uncles learned to cook and even bake well into his 70s when his wife became wheelchair-bound.

As to the question in the OP which wasn't about whether she should cook for her DH, but what she could leave for him, it depends on what sort of thing you usually eat.

I agree that he should learn to be a bit more independent but when you are preparing a meal, it's hardly any bother to do an extra portion and freeze it or pop it on a plate and put it in the fridge for the following evening.

Risottos,
anything done in one pot: casseroles, chunky, filling soups.
Mashed potatoes and a slice of cold roast.
Or a shepherd's pie, single portion in a cereal bowl.
A pasty.
Pancakes or waffles that just need reheating in the toaster or in a dry frying pan. Served with ham and/or cheese.

Maybe something you don't like but he does. Mine always cooks himself pasta and douses it in pesto. Two things I'm not really keen on. But pasta is the only thing he can cook.

Oven chips are a simple accompaniment to many dishes.

I do not think there was anything round the house that my father did not know how to do, and hadn't done at some time.

He was one of the eldest in a large family(11 in all) and from childhood had been allocated household tasks. He was a widower for 10 years and ran his home as well as when my DM was alive - and ate as well.

Bet you wish you'd never opened this thread now, sandye?!! I'm with Monica et al line of thinkers in that anyone who can read and is physically able, can cook. They may not enjoy the experience but survival is a great motivator. Do you think it would be starvation that killed him if you predeceased him? I very much doubt that. And, finally, is the state of a kitchen really that important in the grand scheme of things? Just go out and enjoy yourself.

My DH does not cook but he can ‘ping’ anything, he often does the shopping and always brings a few micro meals for himself as I am often out for lunch like OP.
We always have cheeses, ham, pickles, scotch eggs, bread etc. and he will happily make himself a “Ploughman’s” platter.
Would your DH like something like that?

travelsafar

Leave him a tin of beans and some bread. Beans on toast most people could cope with on the odd occasion and is a nourishing meal!!!

I was going to say the same.

Or make sure there is enough stuff in the fridge/cupboards for him to make his own sandwich

We should all be able to stand on our own feet a bit, surely.
Even my ex-husband could manage sausage and chips.

Just wondering if any of the GNers with daughters would be happy if one of them posted a similar question? It does seem to be question of age. There are loads of younger men out there happily cooking for themselves and their families. So why are the older ones so incompetent? It has to be behaviour enabled by their wives.
Buy him a basic cookbook and tell him to get on with it. Incidentally it isn't "your" kitchen, it's his as well. If he burns it down you can get a new one.

My sil, early 30s, had never cooked once before he met dd. Now he frequently makes meals for the family. They don't employ difficult recipes but I often go in and he's doing the cooking.

I think older men not being able to cook comes from a time when women stayed at home whilst men went out to work.

The women saw the kitchen as theirs and gave the impression that cooking was something complicated that only they could do. Men did the same with DIY.

Now we know all tasks can be done by any gender and instructions for every task are on youtube the reason for not doing something is choice, unless physically incapable.

DS is, and always has been the family cook, although he is now being elbowed out by DGD.

I find it amusing that so many people put such store on who does the cooking. What's wrong with the OP leaving a meal for her husband when she's out, its a nice kind thing to do.
All she's asking us for are suggestions for interesting meals to leave, not opinions on his willingness to fend for himself.

I can remember when my Mum had to go into hospital that my Dad was inundated by neighbours bringing him meals. I don't think he ever cooked anything in his life. But that was 60years ago, nowdays my DS does most of the cooking for his family.

I also think it would be wise for the OP's husband to learn to be more selfsufficient if he can..

My mum did all the cooking tho both worked. He did finances...she did everything else except wash up!

Fine till he died suddenly when we were 19, 18, and twins 14, mum was in Mental hospital and us older ones at college but when she came out had an awful time with finances.

Supposing she had died who would have taken care of whole household matters/shopping/feeding with the twins?

Mind you, we didn't complain when mum was in maternity hospital briefly much earlier. I can recall lots of tins of syrup or treacle sponge with tinned cream and macaroni cheese.....

Macaroni cheese with broccoli or cauliflower in will keep the pasta more moist and is easy to re-heat in an oven.

Make a tomato based sauce and show him the dried pasta to mix in once cooked.

Slow cooker stews (assuming he can switch it off!?).

Soup and roll or soup and pizza.

Baked potatoes with salad?

Ready-made dishes obviously available - M&S do some ok ones.

I think it would be good to try to get him cooking a bit. Ask him to look up a recipe he fancies and then you can help "set him up" with the ingredients as you would a child. I'm sure he won't find it as hard as you think - and might actually enjoy it...

Good luck.

I’m sure older men who ‘cannot ‘ cook are just used to their wife and previously their Mum doing it for them.
My DH was never expected to do any housework or cooking before we married. He soon learned although he has never enjoyed it. Just simple dishes but that’s fine.
My Dad always shared household chores with Mum as that is the way he was bought up. My brother and my Sons in Law and my 20 year old grandson are all perfectly capable of providing a decent meal. Even the 7 year old DGS can make sandwiches, beans on toast, peel vegetables , make cakes and various other things with little supervision.

We're both very good cooks. I typically have in my head what will happen with the food available in our home. He'd be uncomfortable making more than a sandwich if I were away, in case I had a use in mind for ingredients.

I've never worked outside our home and how things are accomplished inside our walls is up to me. Much as I don't run his business, apart from keeping his money facts for the accountant. I don't go out and stir around in the buildings looking to (say) wire, wood, nails, tools - for my crafts, I ask first.

sandye Sandwich supplies could be your answer.

Sandye DP is a bit the same, can boil an egg and make toast and that's about it.😄
If I’m going out I leave him a ready meal to ping, or make a lasagne the day before, that microwaves really well the next day btw so does cottage pie if he likes it.But really, a ready meal is your friend!

I’m so glad that my husband is an accomplished cook. I couldn’t be doing with a helpless man who expected to be fed. I had one once, many years ago. Not an experience I’d care to repeat.

Don’t think you can generalise on men and their ‘accomplishments’ tho.
DP, for instance can’t cook and has no interest in it, but is marvellous in lots of other areas, such as DIY, gardening and carpentry.I have no real interest in those things so am pleased that he can do it. I enjoy cooking and baking when I have time to do it.
In the past, DH could cook reasonably well but lacked in other areas sadly.