Christmas entertaining, how do we cope with ever increasing family numbers?

Sasta

*Semiruralgirl*: ‘We did ask everyone to contribute ahead which they did except for the large family with the extra friends and relatives. They pleaded poverty and said they couldn’t afford to contribute………….’
Gordon Bennet! What about the money they are saving on not buying everything for a Christmas day at home? Perhaps they wouldn’t invite quite so many if they were doing the work and paying for it all themselves. You and your husband are extremely tolerant.

Just what I think 😬
Anyone must have a big house to seat all those people, and the cost!
A buffet is the best way forward if you really have to do it, with a cooked turkey and another joint, ham or beef to slice up cold, served with all sorts of veg or salads.Buy ready made puddings.
I felt tired just reading your post OP 😲

Oreo

Sasta

Semiruralgirl: ‘We did ask everyone to contribute ahead which they did except for the large family with the extra friends and relatives. They pleaded poverty and said they couldn’t afford to contribute………….’
Gordon Bennet! What about the money they are saving on not buying everything for a Christmas day at home? Perhaps they wouldn’t invite quite so many if they were doing the work and paying for it all themselves. You and your husband are extremely tolerant.

Just what I think 😬
Anyone must have a big house to seat all those people, and the cost!
A buffet is the best way forward if you really have to do it, with a cooked turkey and another joint, ham or beef to slice up cold, served with all sorts of veg or salads.Buy ready made puddings.
I felt tired just reading your post OP 😲

I think it is complete nonsense to say they can't afford to contribute.. they'd have to eat and buy food in their own homes.. such scroungers

When I was in Australia (not at Christmas) at large gatherings, everyone brought a dish, pudding or side dish or even meat to be barbecued, so the onus wasn't on the hosts to provide everything. Given their climate more suitable for large gatherings, seemed very well thought out to me.

For this year, as DH seems up for it, they’ll all be congregating here again
Only if you say so!!

If he's insistent and you are willing, then write a list/spreadsheet of food, decide what you can do (turkey, ham perhaps), contact them all beforehand with what you want them to bring so they don't duplicate, and everyone should be bringing a bottle of wine anyway.

Terribull yes, it works well.
People even take a cake or biscuits if they're invited for coffee!

Shelflife

I am in the same predicament! Last year I said ' no ' my son very generously did Christmas dinner. Family and extended family now total 19! We have the most space and I feel everyone is looking at me !!!! I feel I should do it this year , I have cooked a meal for everyone on Christmas Day many times . As I and DH are getting older it is becoming a chore rather than a pleasure. It a mammoth task and DH is good at setting the tables , pouring drinks etc., but of no use in the kitchen. When I think of all the preparation followed by the cooking I feel very anxious. Not sure what to do !?

Let them take over the kitchen!

You could sit with a glass of wine or whatever while they cook and then wash up.

A bit different I know but I'm secretary to a couple of associations and so am responsible for organising the food for an "auberge espagnol" from time to time. Everybody is asked to bring a dish and, to avoid several plates of sausage rolls, I ask people to let me know what they will be bringing. Often they will as me what I'm short so I just tell them sweet or savoury.

When going to someone for dinner people will often bring a dessert, usually a tarte of some sort. At craft fairs people sell special canvas bags for carrying tartes horizontally.

Dinahmo

A bit different I know but I'm secretary to a couple of associations and so am responsible for organising the food for an "auberge espagnol" from time to time. Everybody is asked to bring a dish and, to avoid several plates of sausage rolls, I ask people to let me know what they will be bringing. Often they will as me what I'm short so I just tell them sweet or savoury.

When going to someone for dinner people will often bring a dessert, usually a tarte of some sort. At craft fairs people sell special canvas bags for carrying tartes horizontally.

Yes, we've organised gatherings (well, a neighbour who is good at organising does!) and a basic list is written out then people volunteer savoury dishes or desserts or someone will bring various breads or salads.

OP. It is a matter of setting your own boundaries. With yourself, and also your DH.
But I suppose what you dont know about, is how the "large family" will react.
My guess is that if you sound them out in plenty of time, things might not then even happen as they say it would?

My friend goes to her PiL every Christmas with her DH and 2 adult daughters. Her 2 SiLs go taking their OHs plus their AC and partners, a total of 16 + 3 young children. Last year she told me her MiL had struggled to cope, she’s 73. She does Christmas dinner then a buffet in the evening and gets a little help from my friend. Discussing this with my friend she clearly doesn’t see her and her family are part of the problem as they take M&S buffet food with them but don’t help to cook it as they are too busy playing games. No one helps with the clearing up or sits the poor woman down with a cup of tea. They expect games and other entertainment. My friend’s husband insists his mum loves it. Not sure how he knows this because he hasn’t asked her poor woman. It makes me so angry on her behalf.

Sorry pressed send too soon.

Tell his children they have to help, you decide how. If they love it so much they will step up. If they don’t, then they clearly don’t care that much.
Appalling behaviour especially by the DiL who brings her relatives.

Nandad you sound like a caring and lovely person.

How about making it a 'Pot Luck Christmas' ie everyone brings a dish and to make sure there aren't 'doubles' make a list and ask people to put their name next to the dish /item they will bring.
For those who can't afford eating out this makes it easier for them.
Cooking the Christmas meal is hard hard work even for fewer people. Look after yourself and let your husband cook/ coordinate as he wants.

nandad poor woman!

Perhaps the problem is thst MIL has always happily done this and they are just not thinking that she's older and can't do what she used to do.
She needs to be more assertive and they need to be more considerate!

Even just the preparation for a big family get together and meal is harder now we're older but ours do help or even take over when they arrive, and always help to clear up afterwards.

Definitely everyone brings a dish (they tell you in advance what they'll bring so you don't end up with 13 Christmas puddings)

We are 18 now and have moved this family chaos to Christmas Eve. We now have a lovely lazy Christmas day with just, usually, four or five of us.
Those with small children don't have to get over here for a particular time and can now lounge about in pyjamas as long as they like.

For 2 years recently my oldest daughter has "taken on" Christmas Eve as she has had a kitchen/diner extension. That was really lovely!

So, normally now, on Christmas Eve we have a take-away. A massive order of Thai, Chinese or Indian foods for example.
Everyone chips in whatever they can/want to and all bring things to drink and/or a pudding or cheese.
We all have a jolly time but with way less effort.
We can fit round our table if the toddlers are on laps instead of high-chairs. At my daughter's we need 2 tables. This year there may only be 15 of us.

We will be suggesting a "pot luck supper" this year (as we did on New Year's Eve with friends when we lived in America). Everyone would bring something but I won't organise what. It usually balances out. We do these with our family once in the Spring and usually once in the Summer too and everyone is perfectly happy.

I hope you are able to sort something out.

Quite simply tell everyone that you can no longer manage to organise the event and ask if someone else would like to take on the responsibility of organising it.

if no one volunteers then, sadly, that is the end of it.

Firstly I would suggest that everyone makes a contribution. I would then check out the pre prepared ranges. I have bought ready prepped sprouts, broccoli etc. M and s or Waitrose entertaining for a pre order.But for 17? That's really pushing it. I would cut down the lunch number and ask the others for tea or Boxing Day. Tell the truth, it's all getting a bit much and plans are scaled down.

Our family too has grown. What we do is hire out a hall about two weeks before Christmas and everyone brings food. The focus is on food, games, children. All good fun and everyone can join in with putting out food and clearing away afterwards.

Go out in the countryside and everyone can take a picnic. Take cameras and phones and everyone records their day out and wishes everyone Seasons Greetings on a video that can be passed round the family. If it pours with rain it makes it more fun

i don't do it anymore had enough of it all. our daughter is popping over christmas morning for a light breakfast and to exchange presents and then we plan to have a quite time at home with what ever we choose to eat and it won't be turkey lol
we will see our sons over the holidays all of them busy so they will have some peace as well. i think you have left to late for this year but make it plain to your husband in jan 2024 that its over no more. And make it clear to HIS family that the free lunch is well and truly over.

We hosted for years and years until the family outgrew our house - we now instead do something prior to Christmas and leave each family to do their own thing on Christmas / Boxing day themselves - this seems to work for all. There are now 22 of us and far too much work for me these days in a cottage design for 2 or 3! We have booked a table at a local pub for a set lunch and have paid for all (including our 10 grandchildren) to go to Longleat in the afternoon & evening - very expensive but they'll all have a day to remember as the Festival of Light is on. I started planning in July!

For those of you finding Christmas achore don't keep on keeping on and resent it STOP

Just say you will be having a 'bring and share' party this year...and maybe forever! It's easy enough to make a list of suggestions: starters, mains, desserts. Your guests just let you know what dish they are bringing. Explain it's buffet style.
You could supply the drinks and make the tables look really festive. Put out the starters and nibbles, followed by the main course items, and then desserts/cheese.

It's also an easier approach when there are children present, as they won't have to sit down for so long.

I wonder why many of us put ourselves under extreme stress at Christmas time. I'm all for keeping the event simple and not trying to live up to other people's expectations.

Simple answer, go to their houses, let someone else cook for a change

Don't tell us!! Tell your husband!!