Christmas entertaining, how do we cope with ever increasing family numbers?

Some of us are doers and some of are takers .
I'm in the doer category :

Whether the occasion is at my house or at relatives - there I am preparing the venue , shopping , cooking, serving and clearing up afterwards .
I have felt increasingly exhausted and frankly rather disgusted at the way able bodied people sit around as if they are used to having servants .

Eating out seems to attract freeloaders .

As your husband is keen to entertain - by all means throw a party , but ask each person invited to bring something and certainly a bottle of wine .

And hold them to it .

Can you make one of your delicious cheesecakes ?

If they don't live too far then they can do the potatoes and vegetables !

And afterwards, delegate chores -you clear , you load the dishwasher...

If you go out to eat - don't pay for them . They shouldn't accept an invitation if they can't pay .

If they don't like it - then stop doing it and give yourself a break .

Callistemon21

Norah

We make squash bread pudding as a Christmas side, does your husband love that as well? Easy, serves well, and always asked after.

No, I've never heard of that!

Bread pudding is sweet with dried fruit, baked in a tin then cut into squares.

Mum's sort baked in a tin. No dried fruit. Just winter squash cubes, heavy bread leftover scraps, eggs, cream, cheddar, bacon, garlic, onions, herbs. Scoop it out, dollop of gravy if desired.

Make when people are round, we don't eat eggs, cream, cheese, or bacon.

Norah

We make squash bread pudding as a Christmas side, does your husband love that as well? Easy, serves well, and always asked after.

No, I've never heard of that!

Bread pudding is sweet with dried fruit, baked in a tin then cut into squares.

Norah

We make squash bread pudding as a Christmas side, does your husband love that as well? Easy, serves well, and always asked after.

In answer to Callistemon21

We make squash bread pudding as a Christmas side, does your husband love that as well? Easy, serves well, and always asked after.

I would have a look around and quietly book a simple trip for you and your husband away. I have done YHA, which was about the cheapest trip. So I have gone away, thus not having to do loads of organising, shopping, stress etc. Then you can say quite simply that you are no longer able to host a big meeting and that you have organised something that will suit you and your husband. Then suggest that you might have a family get together in the summer, when it would be easier to get together in better weather, and be cheaper too. That does not mean that you organise it or arrange anything for the others. I have family members all over the country. We now tend to go to the Swaledale Festival. It is brilliant. The festival is last week in May and first week in June. So we arrange for everyone to be there for a core 3 or 4 days, then we are able to book for whatever we want to go to, a guided walk, a concert etc . We have a family picnic and a meet up in a pub or something etc. Then each family member can stay in whatever suits them. So when my parents were alive, they stayed b@b, my sister and family camped, etc etc. Then having got that core time together , the following couple of days my brother will go to the coast etc. This way, we see each other over the 3/4 days, mix and match, cousins get a chance to meet up etc, but you are not all forced to have such a close time together. A few years ago my sister decided that she did not want to go to either of two groups she had become involved in, etc and she told each of the groups that she was spending the time with the other group that year. In actual fact she had a great time doing her own thing. Got plenty of food that she enjoyed in, did no christmas stuff at all and enjoyed sprawling around, watching what she wanted to on the box, eating when she wanted to and not having to clock watch. She had a great time, relaxing, peaceful, and the result was she returned refreshed to work, not having put any weight on, not owing large debts etc. The important thing you need to do is to talk to your husband and decide wat will suit you both. If he insists on doing all the cooking etc again, I would say ok, that is your choice, but my choice is to go to the lakes or the dales or whatever and dont be persuaded or blackmailed into following his wishes.i would say , hope you have a good time and enjoy it and I will see you when I get back etc. Keep calm and dont let it become an argument, but remain firm about the fact that you will not be part of the large gathering etc. If he causes a problem about it you could say that you could take turn and turn about but this year you two will go somewhere quiet and not have the hassle. If he is not prepared to meet you half way then I would go back to plan A and go ahead with booking somewhere for yourself and wish him luck with his choice.

We have a large extended family too. Last year, for the first time ever, my eldest hosted it all and it was wonderful for us. She has agreed to do it this year,too and we will have an ‘open house’ on Boxing Day with just BBQs and salads ( it’s warm here at Christmas ). Not so many come to that so it is comfortable. If they all turned up there would be 25 of us but it doesn’t often happen.

Callistemon21

^bread pudding^
Is that bread pudding or bread, pudding?
If bread pudding then DH is in his way over 😁

Or maybe Bread Sauce?

You could tell them you have an infestation of bed bugs and watch them run screaming for the hills?

I was exhausted just reading about this Christmas invasion!!

The fact that you suggested MAYBE we could ask people to bring a dish to pass…? sounds/means in the past you did everything and you/DH paid for it all.

Nothing like (your own) family and others taking advantage of you, year after year. And those people pleading poverty? No one, including the rich people will ever pass up a free meal. Ever. Even the poor can bring something. Yes, they can.

Husband will have to listen to you and do more than just make lists. Have him help you clean, shop, food prep, cook, decorations out, set table, etc. And finally, family will have to help with clean up. “You clear the table.” “You wash, you dry.” “You take out the garbage.”
THEN you sit back and have dessert, coffee/tea and aperitif.

You’ve earned it from years of slaving in the kitchen. People will appreciate being a part of the action and not just as takers.

If people object… “see you next year!”
This is a the plan.
USA Gundy

We usually host family gatherings on the grounds that everyone else works full time.
However this year DD is going to host. I asked if I could bring anything, she laughed and said 'It's fine, I'm buying everything pre-prepped so just a case of heating up'. Very pragmatic, my daughter!

bread pudding
Is that bread pudding or bread, pudding?
If bread pudding then DH is in his way over 😁

We're those who always host everyone here, but it works well, for us. Everyone brings drinks, puddings, biscuits, cakes, savoury treats, breads, salads. We only do meat, gravy, mains, veg, potatoes, bread pudding - and serve on tables in the kitchen, dining room, hall, and playroom. Maybe split it up?

If this isn't making you happy, tell your husband and let him sort.

One of my most favourite things is to share a meal with friends and so we have people around once or twice a month, usually cooking for 6. But that also entails making sure the house is clean and tidy and changing the cushions and throws on the sofa where one of my dogs like to sleep. It all takes time. Usually we do lunch because most of us don't like going out at night - an age thing - if we have to drive for 1/2 hour. It also means we can clear up and then crash in front of the tv in the evening. Plus not going to bed on a full stomach!

Tell them it's too much for you now and ask if somebody else can host.
I have nine and now at 70 years old feel I can't cope anymore. Good luck and have a peaceful time for a change xx

Anyone who pleads poverty, need not join in... nobody forces them to. If they had to be alone, they would find the money to buy something, I think...

Don't tell us!! Tell your husband!!

Simple answer, go to their houses, let someone else cook for a change

Just say you will be having a 'bring and share' party this year...and maybe forever! It's easy enough to make a list of suggestions: starters, mains, desserts. Your guests just let you know what dish they are bringing. Explain it's buffet style.
You could supply the drinks and make the tables look really festive. Put out the starters and nibbles, followed by the main course items, and then desserts/cheese.

It's also an easier approach when there are children present, as they won't have to sit down for so long.

I wonder why many of us put ourselves under extreme stress at Christmas time. I'm all for keeping the event simple and not trying to live up to other people's expectations.

For those of you finding Christmas achore don't keep on keeping on and resent it STOP

We hosted for years and years until the family outgrew our house - we now instead do something prior to Christmas and leave each family to do their own thing on Christmas / Boxing day themselves - this seems to work for all. There are now 22 of us and far too much work for me these days in a cottage design for 2 or 3! We have booked a table at a local pub for a set lunch and have paid for all (including our 10 grandchildren) to go to Longleat in the afternoon & evening - very expensive but they'll all have a day to remember as the Festival of Light is on. I started planning in July!

i don't do it anymore had enough of it all. our daughter is popping over christmas morning for a light breakfast and to exchange presents and then we plan to have a quite time at home with what ever we choose to eat and it won't be turkey lol
we will see our sons over the holidays all of them busy so they will have some peace as well. i think you have left to late for this year but make it plain to your husband in jan 2024 that its over no more. And make it clear to HIS family that the free lunch is well and truly over.

Go out in the countryside and everyone can take a picnic. Take cameras and phones and everyone records their day out and wishes everyone Seasons Greetings on a video that can be passed round the family. If it pours with rain it makes it more fun

Our family too has grown. What we do is hire out a hall about two weeks before Christmas and everyone brings food. The focus is on food, games, children. All good fun and everyone can join in with putting out food and clearing away afterwards.

Firstly I would suggest that everyone makes a contribution. I would then check out the pre prepared ranges. I have bought ready prepped sprouts, broccoli etc. M and s or Waitrose entertaining for a pre order.But for 17? That's really pushing it. I would cut down the lunch number and ask the others for tea or Boxing Day. Tell the truth, it's all getting a bit much and plans are scaled down.